Jace POV

Michael Wayland? I haven't heard that name since I was 10. I thought he was dead. He was my father. Not a good one either. I didn't think I would ever have to hear that name again. He was awful to me and every time I think about him I remember all the awful things along with him. The things he would do to me.

"Get up! You're a worthless piece of shit!" Daddy snarled in my ear."Your mother was just as weak as you. I need to teach you a lesson."

"Daddy! Daddy no please!" He picked the metal bar and beat me in my stomach, then my shoulder and my head. "STOP!"

He picked me up and threw me to the other side of the workout room. Everyday in here he forces me to benchpress. I'm only 8 and it really hurts.

"I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was dead! Leave me alone!" He glared at me and then he walked over really slow. Then everything went black.

"...okay? What's...on? Jace! Can...hear...Hey!" I hear voices but I can't make them out. I feel a sharp sting against my face and then freezing cold water lands on me.

"What the fuck?!" I sit up frightened. "What happened? What's going on?"

"Thats what I wanna know. You just passed out and then you started screaming." Clary stands over me looking worried. "Are you okay?"

"I just had a flashback. It's nothing."

"You're lying. I know that expression." She does know it. She has it all the time whenever she thinks someone is going to find out about her father.

"I can't. It's too much Clary. Please. Please just..." I feel lightheaded. I'm seeing spots.

"Jace no. Stay with me just breathe. Mom get him some water. Jace look at me."

A glass of water makes it's way into my hand. I drink it all in one gulp. "Take a deep breath." I do as she says and calm. I stand up. look at her, and walk to my room.

A panic attack. I haven't had one of those since I was adopted by the Lightwoods. The memory of my dad still haunts me. I have nightmares often and its pretty embarrassing whenever Isabelle or Alec has to come comfort me. I don't like to look weak. I can't be weak. Look where it got my mother. I lay on my bed and sigh heavily. Clary probably thinks I'm some kind of freak who can't control his emotions.

"Fuck!" I punch my pillow. Wow Jace. Very manly. Just beat up your pillow. That's super intimidating. Ugh.

"What did that pillow ever do to you?" I look up and see Clary standing in my doorway. She smiles and enters my room closing the door behind her. She's still wearing my shirt from last night. Her legs look magnificent in them. She's so tiny and fragile. I just wanna hold her and never let her go. By the angel when did I turn into such a girly mess?

I hear a laugh. Clary is cracking up for some reason. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No it's just that you were staring at me. I had no idea I was no intriguing. Or as you put it-magnificent."

"Be quiet. That was a compliment you shouldn't be laughing." She quiets down and mockingly pouts.

"Aw I'm sorry baby. Did I hurt your wittle feelings?"

"Actually you did," I say crossing my arms childishly. She walks over to me and sits in my lap. Then starts laughing again.

"This is honestly not even that funny."

"Okay okay I'm sorry now lets get serious."

"On second thought go back to laughing at me would ya?" I get up and set her on the bed. I walk over to my dresser for no particular reason looking for something to distract me from the conversation that's about to take place.

"Jace you need to tell me what that was about." She's dead serious right now. "I know something happened and you have to tell me."

"I don't have to do anything."

"Actually smart ass you do because I told you about my problems now you tell me about yours."

"Don't tell me what to do Clary. If I don't want to talk about it then you can't make me! I don't know why you think just because we fucked you can suddenly control me." I slam the dresser top and walk to the door. But as soon as I get there Clary shoots up and blocks my way.

"And I don't know why YOU think that just because you banged me you can suddenly disrespect me. I may be small but I can and will kick your ass Jace Wayland!" Her eyes were blazing and she was breathing heavily.

"Clary just leave me alone I can't tell you ."

"Jace! I can't believe you! My father beat me every single day! He used cigarette butts to burn me over and over again. He violated me! He let his disgusting friends violate me! If you went through something I am the one person in your life that truly knows what you're going through. The trauma. The nightmares. But you know what? You had it worse. I'm just a little overdramatic girl right? Nothing really happened to me." Her eyes filled with tears. She sniffed and turned her head.

"I'm gonna um... take a shower. And uh get dressed."

"I'm gonna go for a walk," I said. Maybe that'll cool me down. She nods and walks to my bathroom. A second later I hear the shower turn on.

Fuck! What have I done? Asshat. I walk away from the door and enter the bathroom. Clary jumps.

"Clary listen to me. I'm sorry. I just can't tell you yet."

"I've been holding my secrets in for years. I sat in pain and silence. Jace you found people who you can trust and open up to. If I were you I would take advantage of that. You know what I've learned? It feels a hell of a lot better when you let it out. I finally feel free. Is this just you not letting go of your pride? Just because you're a boy doesn't mean you can't open up. You're not going to be emasculated you idiot! Get out! I am so sick of everything getting ruined because of your egotistical ass. If something happened just tell me because I guarantee whatever happened to me is a lot worse."

I am speechless. I back away slowly and leave the bathroom. The door slams behind me. She's right. It's just hard for me to open up to people. And I've never been sexually abused or anything. He just beat me very excessively. Clary knows what that's like. She lived through it for 7 years and a lot worse. But I can't talk to her now. I just have to wait until both of us cooled down.

Heeey so you guys probably hate me. But I love all of you if that makes it better. I've been getting a lot of favorites and they really make my day. I love your reviews and I just really appreciate you guys. It's summer vacation now so I should have a lot of time on my hands and I'll see if I can update more frequently.

~crazygirlxx