*A.N. – I know it's taken me forever to do this chapter but life, as always got in the way, with the help of the new breaking dawn film and the Christina Perri song a thousand years I wrote this chapter in bits and pieces. The end of it is my favourite piece of writing I have even penned (or typed ha!) let us see if you agree with me :) ;)*
But despite my worries about the situation I embraced his warm sweet lips again and I snuggled up onto his perfect chest. I stroked the side of his face, feeling the small bronze stubble and watching him smile at my touch. I already had him hooked.
"Bella..." he shivered and momentarily broke off when i began butterfly kisses along his sweet smelling jaw line, "Since I've met you I knew you were different, you make me... good. I can't be angry around you, I can't act stupid around you now... to be honest all I want to do is kiss you every time I look at you. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever known and," I guffawed at the remark and blushed despite myself but he continued. "No Bella," he tilted my face up so my eyes caught with his and then he spoke again, "The last time I kissed you, you pushed me away and I told myself I wouldn't do it again, I wouldn't put you in that position again, but I finally finished my melody and I needed you to hear it and then seeing you behind me so... naturally beautiful. Bella, I needed to kiss you. I need a chance with you, I'll treat you like a queen, I'll respect you and I won't lie to you. The texting thing you saw at the party, please believe me – it was somebody's idea of a joke and I took the fall for it. That night I only had eyes for one girl." He paused and looked at me partly tortured, "you wouldn't even tell me your name - I knew you the second I looked at you. Of course I knew you, but I needed you to acknowledge you and me dancing together, I knew it was you. I'll tell you what you did the second you entered the dance floor. You whispered in the ear of a boy in my English class and then you danced with him and left him looking desolate on the dance floor after one song. I guess I might be bordering on sounding like a stalker here but the point is that lately you're all I think about. You're perfect.
Please, can we give us a try, I mean like could we see each other, like not boyfriend girlfriend but... you know, see if we work together?"
In response to his question I asked myself one question? If this was a new guy I'd just met when I came into Forks, what would I do?
"Yes Edward, I like the idea very much."
His whole body relaxed and it was only then I realised how tensed up he had been waiting for a reply. My body seemed to sink into his and he stepped a little closer so I laid my head on his chest.
"You do know that I'm not making it up... You've been the only girl I've been able to even look at since you came to Forks... you're changing everything for me," he sounded sincere and I hoped he was. It would make punishing him alot easier.
I looked up at him and he was looking gleeful and expectantly at me; he was waiting for me to tell him the same sort of thing but it was pointless, it had been James for me since I got to forks so I did something that was becoming very typical of me now – I lied, "I just thought you were a bit of a jerk, but something about you when I got closer to you told me you weren't. James couldn't even compare to you, I haven't stopped thinking about you lately."
He smiled and held me in his arms for a few moments in silence then he slowly let me go. "I'm guessing you need to go change Bella. I'll meet you downstairs." I nodded and slipped out of his door as he leaned forward to kiss me; I smiled at him and burst into tears the second I got back into my room. My life was becoming an emotional rollercoaster and I was struggling not to lose it all. I just wanted everything to be simple I wanted young Edward and old Edward to be separate people.
I changed back into something casual, consoled myself and walked downstairs. I stared at the perfect walls in this house and I just couldn't understand how someone with so many riches and so much going for them in life could choose to be evil. It wasn't about excusing the others it was about knowing why they did the things they did, and I couldn't understand why Edward did what he did. Maybe it was time to probe about in his past... maybe it was time to find out why?
I entered the living room to be greeted by the delicious smell of some sort of curry, I looked into the kitchen that sort of sprawled into the living area and I could see Alice and Jasper in Mr and Mrs aprons dancing to a low volume radio. They never even noticed me they were so focused on each other.
On the couch lay Rosalie and Emmett, Rosalie looking pretty green and Emmett with his arms completely around her and kissing her neck while her facial expression turned to a look of irritation as she was in the middle of watching the discovery channel.
The only person in room who paid me the slightest notice was Edward who the second I walked in the door flicked his eyes up to me, he never smiled but his eyes lit up and he patted the loveseat for me to sit next to him. I walked over and took a seat slightly awkwardly next to him. I didn't really know how I was supposed to act around him now. He tugged a lock of my hair sort of affectionately, smiling as I nudged him in the ribs back. "Do you want to play pool?" he asked.
I shook my head laughing slightly, "I would want to, but the trouble is, I can't."
"Why not?"A little line appeared in between his eyebrows.
"I've only ever played pool a few times."
"I'll teach you."
"You'll still beat me."
"I'll let you win."
I laughed at that, "What's the point then?"
"I get to talk to you... that's enough of a reason for me." I didn't really know what to say so I stayed silent, then he spoke again. "Sorry I'm not always so cheesy, I promise," he had gotten a little red in the face from his last works and I pressed the back of my hand against his cheek feeling the heat of it.
"Don't be embarrassed." I said simply. I was proud of myself, he was already falling for me and I was strangely enjoying myself in the process.
He took my hand and we walked the back way out of the rooms so the others wouldn't see us and upstairs to the game room. "So you really haven't played much before?"
"Nope, a few times on holidays but otherwise no." My fingers tingled at his touch and a warm feeling spread through my stomach. I didn't even think about young Edward, why ruin my moments of fun?
"Okay, so that means that you at least no how to hit a ball and the rules of the game. I'll break and make it a little easier for you. We'll just play red and yellow pool rather than confusing you with numbers and different colours," he smirked, amused at his own joke.
I made a face, "I'm not a child."
"Yeah but still, you need a little advantage." I swung my hip into his and he bounced away from me to get the cues.
Keep focused Bella. You can do this.
He handed me one and some chalk and went to set the balls up. I watched him bend over to get the balls and took in his perfect ass. Perfect legs. Perfect hair. I inhaled deeply and took in his perfect smell.
Edward; what are you doing to me?
He broke and never potted and I found myself with a perfectly easy shot. I walked around the table to the white and aimed, the cue on the knuckles of my fingers, pull back three two one..."NO!" I nearly jumped out of my skin at Edward's outburst, he put his cue against the wall and walked over to me, his arms encircling me, he fixed the position of my hand, "look you aim to hit the ball at a certain angle, it's all about predicting how much of an angle you'll need on the ball to get it in the pocket, in this case you need to hit ball slightly of centre or it won't go in," he readjusted my aim and put his other hand over mine on the cue, we hit it together and it fell gently into the pocket with a plop.
His arms stayed around me for a little longer necessary and soon the heat that was building up in both of us overflowed and he turned me around, kissing my neck and I nuzzled into him. "My God Edward."
"Sorry," he murmured, "I can't seem to help myself, you're just, so..." he trailed of and I turned my face back into his chest and relaxed into his presence.
Edward's POV
Fuck. I really was coming on too strong and I couldn't stop myself. Every time I thought I'd back off a little I knew it would be impossible to stay away from her even in the slightest. She was different from Tanya. So different and so much better; she showed me what love really was and I could never say this to her because then I'd scare her away. Thinking that I had been wholeheartedly in love with Tanya for so long felt like a distant memory now, she dimmed my memories of Tanya so that Tanya seemed plain and boring. Bella was exciting, mysterious, confident and shy at the same time. Both endearing and feisty all mixed in one. Plus her beauty was something on a completely different scale to Tanya's. Even Rosalie's paled in comparison. Well that was my opinion anyway. Something about the way she looked at me sometimes just made me want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. She seemed vulnerable and hurt and I would never let harm come to her when I was with her. This strange sense of possessiveness filled me when I watched her sometimes, saw the sadness in her eyes. I wanted to fix her.
I ran my fingers through my hair and inhaled her scent, it was funny, but when I got up close to her the smell of her made her seem familiar to me. I couldn't understand it but it only made me more attached to her.
Could I really be so lucky to have Bella feel the same way about me, because I was falling for her far too fast?
Our eyes closed as our lips touched and her full lips moulded around mine. You don't deserve her.
Things I had done when I was just a child haunted me and would so forever but what exactly was I to do, I couldn't look the girl up and apologise. Concentrate on Bella.
I can't concentrate on her because all I can think about is that other girl, the one so different from the girl in front of me, the one I bullied because she wasn't like Bella or Tanya or Rosalie, because she was different.
Maybe I could actually. I could call her up, it could put an end to some of the guilt I felt and I'm sure it would give her some satisfaction that I was unbelievably sorry for my actions.
She had moved to Phoenix. I can track her down the second we get home and then I'll call her up and I'll give her an apology and, hopefully, start to move on with my life.
The second I get home I'll track her down.
I promised myself that.
BPOV
We kissed but it never got too heated, Edward suddenly seemed preoccupied. His thumb drew circles around my knuckles and I wondered if he'd notice some of the small scars that threaded my hands. Grazes, cuts; caused by him. But alas he never, he just took me in his arms and sat down in the massive bean bag in the games room. We were both oddly silent until he picked up a remote and switched on some music; the beatles.
"Bella, who are you really." And with that one sentence I froze. Panic flickered across my face and he saw it and looked at me confused, he had hit the nail on the head without realising it so I carried on as normal.
"What do you mean?"
"Well," he twirled one of my curls in his fingers, "what sort of person are you, what do you like doing, what's your family like? Those sorts of things."
"Well, Charlie's my dad, my mom lives in" shit where do I tell them all my mom lives, "in New York." He nodded.
"Do you miss her?"
"Yeah actually, I do, a lot, but I'm trying to make a fresh start, I didn't like my life that much before." I looked at him wondering if I'd gone too far but he just looked understanding.
"I can tell."
What?
"What?" I asked, incredulous.
"Well," he looked slightly embarrassed, "you don't really notice it at first but when you really get to know you, you notice things, you just, don't look completely happy. Preoccupied with the past maybe?"
"I.. uhm..." I struggled to think of an excuse but he was already consoling me.
"It doesn't matter, I have stuff I need to sort out in my past too; I get it." His eyes connected with mine and I wondered if my eyes would ever remind him of Isabella's. I used almost all of my courage in one sentence.
"Stuff? Like what stuff?"
"Bella," he couldn't even keep eye contact and looked to the floor, "I did some stuff years ago I'm not proud about, but I was kid and I thought it was fun... I was a kid..."
He was a fucking kid! So was I. I felt the sudden urge to puke in my mouth with such raging anger. Clearly he had no idea how much of an affect his childish actions had had on me and he never would unless I showed him the full impact of my rage. He needed to know how wrong everything he did to me was.
"Oh. Okay." We never spoke anymore but we knew the moment for kissing was gone and without words made our way back to the kitchen to eat dinner in some sort of awkwardness with the rest of them. I hated my life at this particular moment, I just wanted away from familiar faces that had haunted my nightmare for years. I was too far in the just pull out but it's not even that I wanted to pull out; I just hated the hassle of it all. Everything was fucked in my head, I felt like was repeating the same things about Edward and then making the same mistakes with him on a regular basis. He made me unpredictable and somehow unable to stick to my plan; I hadn't banked on him reacting the way he did to me and I had tried to turn it to my advantage but somehow I felt like it had just made the whole operation a hell of a lot more complicated and harder. The hate barrier I had put up between myself and Edward had to be broken in parts and the rest of it sent to the back of my mind because I needed to act like some sort of girlfriend and the memories of him in my childhood weren't exactly a turn on in his favour.
The curry was particular good and turned out to only be a mild korma which made it alot more enjoyable rather than spending the rest of the night feeling liked I'd burnt hell out of my tongue which was my usual experience of curries stronger than a tikka. I chugged down a glass of milk with the curry just to be on the safe side and wondered if this family was always so uncomfortably awkward. The talk at the dinner table consisted mostly of exterior questions and a little polite conversation about the food and weather. I felt like we were at some kind of royal stuck up event rather than a relaxed meal with my friends.
They clearly all knew about me and Edward and all had different opinions on the matter so for now it meant that they were keeping to silence. The only one who occasionally somewhat accidentally, I believe, broke the non official silence rule was Emmett who chatted loudly to Jasper about football, purposefully excluding Edward from the conversation. If Edward hadn't said what he'd said earlier I may have actually felt sorry for him. He sat at the bottom of the table on my right hand side and was spoken to by only Alice and I the whole time of dinner. Something had to be done about this. I could see by the look on Edward's face he was about to snap and although I was all for Cullen family bust ups I didn't want one to happen as early as now.
Here goes nothing, "Hey guys, Edward was thinking we could have a wee piano sesh upstairs if you are all up for it, just some random tunes and stuff." The amazed look Edward gave me was not seen by any of them and I was particularly glad for that small mercy as they would all have been able to see that Edward had planned no such thing.
"Nahhh Bella, I don't think Rose is really up for-"
Alice for one could see what I was trying to do and always trying to be the peacekeeper gave a sigh before she backed me up. She was angry at Edward too; "Oh come off it Em, just get your ass upstairs after dinner, we can listen to your delightfully musical voice."
They all laughed at her and I wondered whether it was because Emmett was fantastically good or horrifically bad.
He shrugged his shoulders and tried to act as if he wasn't already persuaded just by Alice's asking, "Well only if Rose feels up to it," he turned to look at her. To be honest I would definitely say that she still looked a bit off but she only shrugged as he had before.
"Suppose."
"Right, so that's sorted, piano upstairs in Edward's room and Jazz could you play a bit of guitar as well, I quite like both instruments at the same time." Jasper shook his head while smiling, everyone knew once Alice had made her mind up it was 99% positive that you would be doing whatever she had planned. "Oh and I have a little bottle of absinthe here-"
"For fuck sake Alice!" Edward groaned and Emmett didn't look too pleased either, "for the benefit of those who don't know what absinthe is it is 80% proof alcohol."
Groans echoed around the group and Rosalie and I shook our heads.
"No fucking way." Rosalie looked at Emmett and he instantly backed her up.
"Rosalie's been ill all week and I'm not having her spew over me tonight. Done." She growled at him for the details he gave but it meant she wasn't having any.
"Well I'm not drinking it just simply because I don't want to get paralytic drunk."
"Tough." Alice smiled.
"I'm not drinking it."
"Just do it!"
"Peer pressure, peer pressure!" I laughed.
"Tough, it'll be fun, honestly, just go on, I even have shot glasses." She ran into the kitchen and ran back with a large box of ten shot glasses. "There's just about enough for two each." She poured it all out as we sat in the awkward silence that was now becoming regular with the Cullen and Hales.
Two shots of absinthe, two shots of strawberry vodka and a shot of tequila later and the Cullen and Hales tongues had started to loosen up. Rosalie had left to go to bed but everyone else had made it up to Edward's room upstairs. Edward was battering the piano keys and belting out the old favourites such as sweet home Alabama and Michael Jackson.
I had gotten to that stage where i was drunk enough to feel like I was watching the scene around me slightly out of my own body, the noise around me all went silent as I watched Edward's teeth flash a grin at me. He was everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend. Being drunk left me with everything to play for, I didn't have to pretend when I felt like this I just wanted him so bad, I wanted to touch him, I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and I wanted to cut off his rowdy singing by throwing my mouth at his.
I clapped along to his rendition of cherry pie; Alice shook her hips against Jasper. It was funny to watch him trying to get her to keep her swinging bum away from his crotch. Emmett was practically shouting along with Edward, he was okay I suppose, just a little deeper than you expected any human being to sing.
I felt my confidence boost just looking at the happiness in Edward. Alcohol took away his reserved manner around me and I slipped my arm over his shoulder as Alice watched on. "My turn," I whispered into his ear and he nodded.
"And what song would you like to sing madam?" I giggled at his old person talk and replied.
"Apologize, one republic, my favourite song."
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait
Tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say
Hey, it's too late to apologize
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah.
Memory
I watched Edward Cullen walk from the top of the hall to the bottom, towards me.
I looked at his bronze hair and green eyes and I knew I would never be worthy of a boy even near his beauty.
I watched him take Tanya's hand and I watched him run his other hand through his hair. I knew every other girl in the room except Rosalie would be watching in envy; Edward Cullen was the epitome of men. He is what every girl gravitated towards. He was pure and utter beauty and he knew it.
Only one girl in the whole entire room saw him as what he really was and that was a fake. His perfect looks made him seem like a perfect person but he wasn't. He was scratched and tarred and as ugly as I am outside. His inside was just what I am – repellent. Really he was me, just the opposite way round if it makes sense.
As I stood at Michael Jenkins eleventh birthday party, knowing that my invite had only been because his mother had told him everyone in his class had to be invited I had an epiphany. Edward would never be as good as me, he had pulled that short straw at birth.
I'd much rather have my personality than his looks. Any day.
End Memory
"Wow Bella." Edward's hand stroked my cheek as he spoke and his unfocused pupils tried to connect with mine. "How come you never told me you sing like an angel."
"Darlinggg, you never asked!" I smirked at him and sat bold as brass on his lap.
Emmett was mumbling something about sex with Rosalie and Alice and Jasper looked like they were proceeding to do it on Edward's bed. The room swirled around me and I laughed out loud at the absurdity of the situation.
"OUT!" Edward suddenly yelled. "Get out! That's my bed you freaks!"
I watched him feeling a little more sober due to the loudness of his voice and the fright he had given me. Please don't try anything with me tonight was the repetitive line in my mind aimed solely at Edward.
I never even really focused as everyone except Edward left the room. I took in his exquisite form and I whimpered to myself. Perpetual unkindness was now a common concept in my life; life was what was unkind. I felt the burning strength of a million emotions in my body but I had to reject five hundred thousand of them just to carry on. He gave me a sweet, heart wrenching smile and I sighed to myself, I allowed my legs to slowly give way under my weight and I slumped to the floor. I saw the worry in his eyes as I fell to the ground and he was instantly at my side but I only patted the space next to me and he obliged. I put my head on his chest and he, somewhat awkwardly and unsurely, put his arm around me.
I sighed out loud this time. "Edward."
"Bella."
Silence followed then he spoke again in soft tones.
"Do you trust me?" I thought about it then I answered with the sureness of a drunken person.
"Yes."
"I'm going to show you something, I'll lift you."
I shook my head but he only smiled slightly at me, assuring. I felt compelled to change my mind so I nodded with some resignation. His arms now fully encircled me and he carried me as a groom would carry his bride over the threshold.
"Bella Swan... such a beautiful name." He whispered, "I remember you talking to Alice about your English homework." That struck me as odd and I perked up a little and I opened my eyes wide into his face where I had before averted my eyes, too shy to initiate eye contact. "Well I remembered you telling her you knew Romeo and Juliet inside out and although I'm not the plays biggest fan it made me think about things. So I compromised in my mind and instead of learning a piece of the play which I don't find as interesting as I may have gave you the misconception I liked the play I thought I'd have a look at some Shakespearean sonnets. I believe you'll still appreciate them" His eyes left mines as he steadily and carefully carried me downstairs towards the front doors of the house; he spoke as if he was speaking to some greater being or even making a speech to an audience in front of him, such was his passion. "I found one that I considered to be perfection when describing such a beautiful being. I can describe the change in me and the realisation that I will not be fickle when it comes to you; I know I am so overbearing and I know you might not feel the same but don't you feel the connection? Don't you feel the warm buzzing in your skins when we touch, no doubt you will know the sonnet I have memorised to say to you, I just want you to know before you think I am being unbelievably clingy that you are the only girl I've ever been this way with, it's all or nothing with you, truly."
Edward had reached the front door and I wouldn't even have realised this I was in such a mesmerised mess but he picked up a large shall which had been hung up behind the front door, presumably Alice's, and wrapped it over my body, he opened the front door to my eyes which protested but not my mouth, I didn't yet have word to say to him. The cold air hit me and freshened me, I felt it filling my body with its sweet naturalness and I clung subconsciously tighter to Edward. We walked and walked till we were in front of the lake and I could hear Edward practically panting under the strain of my weight but he carried me nonetheless, just as I began to feel slightly stupid for being carried he sat down on a wooden bench, directly in front of the moon. Again he spoke not into my eyes but to the moon, straight ahead, as if he would tell the whole world Shakespearean sonnets for a bed time story. My body warmed as he spoke and tears escaped my eyes despite myself, the beauty of the scenery, of him, and of the words were magnificent. Perfect.
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments, love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come,
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
In a trance I sat up, positioned myself comfortable on his lap, wrapped the massive, thick cashmere shall over his pale, bare arms and looked to his face. He still stared out at, almost into, the moon.
"O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise varia."
I don't what possessed me to answer him so, but I had never seen such a wonderful smile emerge on anyone's face, he turned to me and placed his lips onto mine. Pressed against them and moved his hand to the small of my back. My insides felt on fire, but a beautiful warm fire. My heart pumped in my chest and my stomach churned at the nerves I felt. Yet I was so happy; so, so happy.
It was indefinite.
I was in love with the new Edward while in hatred with the old one.
Both equally as strong as each other.
*A.N. Go on, REVIEW, you know you want to! The soppiness of this chapter must have moved you! Review and tell me all about your feelings, what you think will/should happen next etc. :)*