*A.N. Just a little short chapter, gives you a little insight into what they are both thinking after the night of the revelation of Edward's strong strong feelings for Bella. I thought maybe If I only give you about a thousand words at a time I'll be more likely to do more chapters then because then I won't be sitting in front of the computer for God knows how many hours! Lol, enjoy dears xxx*
Bella
That night I lay in bed with a torn heart. I was trying to pull it away from this new Edward but he was playing me at tug of war. I literally felt like tearing my hair out with indecisive frustration. I had pretended this whole time that Edward's looks weren't the only thing that my mind grudgingly adored. I just didn't understand how this could be; he bullied me, he ruined my life when I was younger, truly he made a mess of me. The reason I was so bitter right now, so twisted, and so unable to just love him without hate was him. Edward is to blame.
Edward
That night I lay in bed with a guilty heart. I knew that she didn't know who I had been before, when she learned the extent to which I tortured individuals for fun when I was younger then I would disgust her. I knew I would. I deserved it all without a shadow of a doubt if I could go back in time and change things I would but until then I would be haunted by the face of the unfortunate soul I once forced out of town with my actions. Ever since Bella arrived in Forks, I began to face up to my past but it was scary and embarrassing and made me ashamed. I felt like a phony to Bella, and it was all my own fault.
Bella
As I lay in bed I pictured his face while I fell asleep and soon it turned into a dream. Edward and I were together on the park bench and he spoke Shakespeare to me as he did before and I answered just the same, sitting on his lap, but as soon as I opened my eyes during a kiss with him I realised his face was more youthful than before. I looked down to see my large body perched on him and he made a scornful face and tried to move me off of him. He succeeded and I stumbled, backwards and backwards and backwards away from his leering face and then into the water. I hadn't expected it to be so deep or so cold and I screamed and I screamed but I couldn't swim back out of the water. Little Edward was just staring at the moon again chanting the sonnet to the moon while a beautiful Tanya sat on his lap, only giggling in response and snuggling into his warm arms. I screamed but he ignored me, I didn't exist again.
Edward
As I lay in bed I pictured her face and it kept me awake. I remembered the final time I saw Isabella. I remember seeing her pass me in a car with her hair chopped away and her face red raw from crying. I saw all of that as she and her mom drove out of town, they just passed me for a moment and that was when I realised that we had stepped over the mark yet I still never truly outwardly rebuked my actions until years later. Alice was the catalyst for my reform; that and the mess Tanya made. Now I would never think I loved someone like Tanya, being with Bella only proved to me how little I had known about love, Bella was much more important to me that Tanya – I wanted to be good around Bella I didn't want to be bad and impress her in a childish way. I wanted to be the me I had been hiding from the world for a long, long time. What I felt for Bella was so pure, so undiluted. I could hardly understand it myself; I had been selfish for so long and felt no need to really be a different person until she had turned up with her judgements and her elusiveness. She was unlike anyone I had ever know, so strong yet the weakness inside her showed every time her past was mentioned, maybe she'd been like me when she was younger maybe her family had put her through pain. It didn't matter to me what and who Bella was before I met her, if course I longed to know but if remembering and telling me put her through pain then it was second nature to me to stay out of her previous life away from Forks. I couldn't stand hurting her the way i couldn't stand hurting a member of my family, maybe more. She was so perfect. I pictured Bella's face and I smiled without intention to but my moment was interrupted by muffled screaming – we had thick walls – but I could just hear it, it was piercing...
Bella
I could just see the young Edward's face, leering at me; that was all I could see. I opened my eyes, I breathed normally and I seemed to be out of the water but his deep green eyes stared into me, I was panting from the experience but used to these nightmares. I blinked believing that the face was just an after flash of the dream but still that was all I could see. Then as, my eyes began to adjust to the darkness due to the streak of light coming from the bedroom door, I realised the face was not child like at all, neither were the eyes leering. They were full of compassion and worry and he was speaking to me, calmly saying my name and telling me it was okay, it was just a bad dream. I knew my face would once more be streaked with tears. I was showing Edward my vulnerability and he wasn't laughing at me. He seated himself down on the bed beside me as I nodded my head to show I was now awake and awfully embarrassed. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked but I shook my head. He couldn't be with me over night - he was the damn cause of my nightmares! He nodded with understand and kissed the palm of his hand and placed it on my forehead. "Goodnight Beautiful Bella," he whispered. I sighed. He smiled. I returned it. He left. I cried.
Everything was so seriously mixed up, part of me had to give at some point but right now, after that dream. I realised I probably couldn't ever trust Edward.
What sort of real relationship would that make for, eh?
*A.N. This is like my quickest update in forever, everything is coming to a boiling point, we can all tell how close Edward is to figuring it out, and the reviewers get a preview :) REVIEW! :D*