*A.N. – Just 2000 words to this chapter but by the end of it the whole story has spun on its head, hope that excites you :)*

EDWARD

When I woke up the next morning it was early, very early, but again I couldn't sleep and this time I would do something about it. There was a restlessness about me, a need to get things done which really should wait. All I could think of was my past, I was stuck in it.

I needed to get back to Forks. I needed to fix this. My conscience would never be clear, especially when I was around her if I didn't. Bella's sadness was intoxicating now. When I witnessed her wake from her nightmare I knew how right I had been all along about the horrors of her past. She was pushing me into punishing myself and yet I couldn't blame her. However, I could try to change things, could attempt to make it better. Make me sleep lighter at night; make me feel worthy to empathise with Bella's pain. Be able to tell her everything about myself and she would understand... If I could show proof that I wasn't him anymore.

When I first met Bella it was as though she knew my past and was just waiting for me to to something to her, and me being the stupid idiotic man that I am I never gave her any reason to think that I wasn't like that, in fact, I kept up my man whore facade for a considerable amount of time before I focused on her. Her innocence was so pure that I felt I was corrupting her by just kissing her. Not for her really, but for me, I needed to see proof that I wasn't the bullying coward I once was.

And with that thought I decided to leave a note of apologies and a false explanation and then travel back to Forks to work out how to set things right.

BELLA

After leaving Rosalie it took me all my courage to knock on Edward's door. It was time I tried to sort things out, I wouldn't tell him who I was but I was ready to ask him about his past and see his reflection on it. If I didn't like it then I wouldn't make any links but if I did like the attitude he had then at least it would give me food for thought, give me time to think over if it was worth it to live my life in a panic of worry, frustration, deep trust issues and underlying bitterness just for something that may be stronger altogether, I could maybe cope with the other just for love – only for love.

I knocked but there was no answer, I knocked again and there was still no answer. I put my ear to the door listening for the sound of him but there was just silence. Slowly, I opened the creaking door and poked my head around it. There was a neatly made bed – I would have retreated back out the door to check around the house for him but there was also the absence of a suitcase which had been against the wall just last night. I quietly entered and shut the door behind me; inhaling the fresh scent of Edward. I crept around his room, running my fingers, so softly they did not make a sound, over the piano keys and onto the cotton material of his bedcovers. Then I saw a folded slip of paper, and another. One had Bella written on it and another said Cullens. I opened mine with confusion. Again I touched his belongs, his personal items like his books, his guitar and piano music and his CD cases, I unfolded the note, already feeling uneasy and now slightly queasy. His hand writing was practically ornate it was so beautiful.

Dear Bella,

I hate to leave you after last night as I know that it will look as if I intended to lure you – this was not the case in the slightest and you have it in writing that it is not. I just... had stuff that became a priority in Forks – if you need me call me... if you want to then text me. I should be back soonish, maybe, maybe not, depending on how this goes. Have fun with them all, and Rosalie isn't as crabby as she usually seems to you, we know her well, get to know her if you can,

Yours always,
Edward

My mind spun in confusion, I didn't know what to do now. I would be stuck in a place where couples ruled the roost. I didn't want to be a spare part around here but if I left and went back to Forks too, not only would I be ignoring Edward letter but I would be showing them that I cared for him. I sat down on the bed; lay down, his scent was everywhere. Everything smelt of the perfect smells of Edward Cullen. What could he possibly be doing back in Forks that is so important that he needed to leave his own family?

At least it would give me time to decide what to do. Time to focus on other aspects of my life and not just the present all encompassing one – Edward. I could think of Rosalie now, I could think of Emmett and I could explore within my mind whether it was wrong to feel a certain smugness that this has happened to her of all people, little miss perfect who beat shit out of me for fun. Could someone really change so much through adolescence? I had tried to take the moral high ground and blame adoption and Jasper's illness for their actions but I don't think I could hold in the anger that was bursting at my seams whenever I took my eyes off it. Edward was an altogether different case because of the intensity of everything with him and the fact he had no excuse from his actions – I suppose the fact that I could just be angry at Edward and not have to hold back because of excuses for his unkindness in my mind I was working through the pain better. It was pure evil Edward had been and his change in life, his 180 that he claimed to have taken, if it was true was the most amazing and a very admirable aspect of him. He didn't hold anything in front of him to block blame, because he had no reason to do so.

As I was about to open the Cullen's letter I was stopped by footsteps walking down the corridor. "Edward? I need to speak to you, can I come in?" It was Emmett's voice.

"Uh – Emmett it's me in here – Edward's gone." His footsteps quickened and within seconds he was standing beside me, looking pained and confused.

"He left you a letter." I was dying to see what he had said to everyone else that was different from me but that was all I could do. Emmett took the letter I had picked up in my hand and opened it carefully with his large hand. He looked at me once while he did it and I saw the sadness in his eyes, already he blamed himself for Edward leaving, I could see that.

I watched his face as he read the letter which was certainly lengthier than mine.

His eyes widened with shock and his mouth dropped open a little. His eyes then closed, his hands ran through his hair and there was silence. Not the comfortable kind between family and friends but the awkward kind where the silence gets more impenetrable by the second. So I broke it.

"What is it, what's he going back to Forks to do?" I pleaded.

He sighed, "He's doing something I'm too much of a coward to do."

EDWARD

It took a while to get home because of the morning traffic but when I eventually reached Forks I found I was glad that I wouldn't be stuck in a car where the only thing I was able to so was to drive and wallow in my own self hatred.

I knew both of my parents would be out of the house so I had the place to myself for a good few hours. At least it wasn't a tiny enclosed space like my car. It was odd my happiness to get out of my car because normally it was my most prized possession. Guess I just don't feel normal right now.

I had never really been remorseful because of how I acted towards the girl. I had been remorseful because of what happened to Tanya and because of Alice but not because of her. But lately her face haunted me so constantly that I found myself working my way through evil memories of myself torturing this girl because she was different. Yes, so she would never be the prettiest girl in the world but at least she was a good person, she could never feel this self hatred agony that coursed through me. She hadn't done anything wrong; I was the bad person.

I flipped the laptop open and lay with it on my bed typing in Isabella Dwyer to Google; that was the most practical way I could think of doing it. It took me hours to search through Myspace accounts, Facebook records, Linkedin pages, twitter also had several Isabella Dwyers but none of them presented me with the girl I was looking for. I was determined, I would find her eventually and I would know her, her face wasn't something I was likely to forget.

Frustratingly, nothing would work; it was if she'd fell off the face of the earth. The main problem was that I didn't have a clue where she had travelled to once she had left Forks therefore I wasn't able to narrow my search. I only knew she was most likely to be in America because she had left because of her Mom's boyfriend being a travelling baseball player, at least that's what the teacher had told us.

Something in my head clicked then, it was like a light bulb switching on and making me understand.

That was it! He was a baseball player! I knew her moms name was Renee, if I could do a search with Isabella, Renee and baseball something was likely to come up. I did it and crossed my fingers even though I was shaking; I was so scared of owning up to what I had done.

A baseball website for Philip Dwyer Renardo came up. I may have been right, he was a baseball player.

I clicked.

I clicked on the 'about Phil' tab. It told me where he was born, how he got into baseball then spoke of his personal life.

'Phil currently lives with his wife Renee and his step daughter Isabella-"

That was all I needed, I knew I had found the girl I was looking for. I pulled my face away from the screen and flashes of me hitting her, verbally abusing her, battered my closed eyes. For the first time in a long time a tear fell from my eye and I swiped it away. I felt like a criminal who had ruined his life by being an idiot before it had even began. If I contacted her and she didn't forgive me once I explained would it not make the whole thing ten times worse? I knew it would be a hell of a lot to ask anyone, she probably hated my guts.

Never the less, at the end of the day, I had to do this, the girl deserved to know how sorry I was for making her life a misery. So I clicked the 'contact Phil' tab and found his number, I typed it into my mobile and braced myself for a few seconds before hitting the call button.

It was ringing, and I was petrified now, I didn't even know exactly what I'd say I'd just have to speak from the heart and hope she understood the depth of my sincerity...

"Phil speaking."

"Uh, hello sir, I'm calling to speak to Isabella."

"Uhm, why?"

I had thought this part through at least, "I'm a friend from school and I didn't have a contact number for her-"

"Wait a second, are you from Bella's old school here in Phoenix or her new one in Forks."

That's when I hung up and when my fragile world crashed down around me.

*A.N. WOW. Cliff hanger, I know, how evil of me but if it helps I'm giving a preview to all reviewers... this is a preview you don't want to miss... just saying... REVIEW ;) Oh and btw, the next chapter will have you scared for Edward's sanity 'muhahaha!' ;)*