*A.N. – I wasn't too sure about this chapter to be honest, it seems slightly cliché at the end I think but the consequences of the end of this chapter won't be the same as other stories, trust me on that one. Anyways, get ready to actually feel sorry for Edward for once m'dears, enjoy!

Oh and put on some sad love song while you read it, it sort of puts you in the mood :/*

I threw the laptop to the bottom of the bed and lay back. Breathing heavier and heavier as it sunk in. My phone rang, no doubt Phil calling me back. But if I answered I might pass out. As it was I think I was hyperventilating, having a panic attack as it all sunk it. My breathing hitched in my throat and I had to concentrate very hard just to continue breathing at a decent pace. My hands were in my hair, it felt like they were yanking it out, but I couldn't stop then. I wanted to scream out loud. I don't know how I could be so stupid.

So fucking stupid.

Such a fucking idiot.

A self absorbed prick.

What was left of my life had just slipped from my fingers, with this new information I quite truly believed I was finished. I was done with me; I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted out. I wanted to not be Edward Cullen.

I hadn't bullied and tortured a strange little girl I had did this to someone I loved so deeply I couldn't even fathom it. This wasn't Tanya all over again, this was like the Tanya situation a million times worse. I hadn't felt pain like this before, I didn't even realise that in the space of about thirty seconds my insides could feel like they'd never be the same again, my head immediately wanted to shut down, to pretend I hadn't heard those words .

I hadn't believed in Karma but you could be sure I was now a fucking fervent believer.

My hands balled into fists and I stood up. I punched the wall, I punched it again and again and again and again; gaping holes appeared but I actually couldn't care less, everything around me already felt destroyed. My hands bled, my knuckles burst wide, but it was a satisfying pain. It felt good, I wanted to keep going but I sat down instead, eyeing my bloodied hands with no drop of sympathy for myself.

All I could think of was her eyes, how could I not have realised those beautiful eyes were the same as the girl's that I had stared into and still beaten and broken and verbally abused. I had PLANNED to hurt her, actually pre-thought out plans to make this girl feel like she was in the deepest most dark hole in the world.

My body went limp and I slipped off the bed and onto the floor, my legs stayed at my chest and the tears never stopped. They wouldn't stop. In fact, they couldn't stop. 'Cause with my childish actions I had hurt someone I had never thought it possible to hurt. I hated myself with a wrath that filled every cell of my body, it gave me such a fury that I really wasn't sure I could control myself, that I could stop myself from doing something I might regret.

I wanted to apologise and for everything to go away but now I knew who she was I knew that it was a ridiculous and meagre attempt at receiving forgiveness that could never be achieved. I hadn't been prepared for this to happen. Obviously I hadn't been prepared to handle this.

My body shook all over as I just sat on the floor, thinking, hating, hurting. I didn't blame her for whatever her reasons were for tricking me into thinking she was something she wasn't. To be honest, I hope she had gotten some of her own back.

To find that the person you want to protect the most is the one you've hurt the most, in all of your life, the one you've been the most cruel to, and the one you've literally tortured for no particular reason but your own disgusting sadistic ego is the worst feeling in the world.

I couldn't sit still any longer and I jumped from the floor with a pounding heart. The adrenaline in my veins running so high that I could hardly even feel the burst knuckles in my hand. I needed to get out of here, out of Forks. I left my phone on the bed as it rang again and walked out the door.

I just couldn't understand how someone who could very possibly be my soul mate could have been over looked and treated so cruelly by me just years before now. She was so beautiful now, breathtaking, I had seen her in a bikini and it was in stark contrast to the way she used to look. She had no stutter, no spots, no glasses, no braises. What the hell had happened to her? I had assumed she was probably doing pretty well in school, she was always smart, and just looked the same as she always had. The only thing about Bella that was the same as the Isabella I knew was her eyes; truly, that was the only part of her I could link together and even then they were different because there was a confidence in Bella's eyes that Isabella never had.

I would do anything for Bella, absolutely anything, ironically the only thing that I couldn't do would be the thing she wanted from me so we could be with each other – be a different person altogether, change my past. I knew my love for her was doomed now and it wasn't beautiful and sacrificial in the first place, I was not Romeo and she was no Juliet. She was a lot more complicated and amazing and I was a lot more corrupted.

I knew now with certainty that I couldn't be part of her life. She had to move on from me altogether, she had to get away from the evil I had within me. For whatever reason Bella was now with me, supposed to be seeing me, it was probably just a trick to hurt me but I couldn't even hold a slight grudge towards her. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms one more time, just to remember her touch, remember her smell, the sweetness of her eyes. Remember everything about her because I knew it would be the last time. I wanted to explain to her that I was different but I couldn't do it. There was no way that she deserved to see me up close again. I was going to do the one selfless act I had ever done and tell her that I understood she couldn't ever even consider being with me, and I'd let her go... I'd not be detrimental to her for one moment longer, I'd take myself out of the equation and I'd hope and pray that she found happiness in the rest of her life.

I had never really known the strength of my love with Bella until it was put to the test and I had passed. I was thinking of her rather than myself and I was going to try my best to set the things I could right. Bella was my true love, the first person I wanted to sacrifice my life and soul for. It felt like I was doing just that, it felt like my life wouldn't continue without her.

"Smelly, Belly, you're like that cause you eat too much Jelly." I watched the fat, ugly little girl hide her face beneath her hair and I thrived in her pain.

"Head, shoulders, knees and... wait a minute Bella; I don't think you can reach your toes." My laugh mocked her.

She made me popular this girl; I made everyone so frightened of me that they were friends with me. I was a smart little boy. At seven years old, of course I understood what I was doing and that most of the friends I'd acquired weren't real friends but it didn't stop the pull of popularity for me.

Even as a seven year old I was feeling the loneliness, Emmett followed little Rosalie all over the place twenty four seven and I only had Tanya, with whom I couldn't have proper conversations with because she was dumber than me to put it simply.

I envied little Isabella Dwyer, I envied the perfection of her friendship with Angela and that was just about the only thing I envied. Isabella was nothing like me exterior wise. I was a handsome boy, everyone was always saying so whereas Isabella was the opposite, she was far too heavy for someone her age and her lisp, to me, was a source for constant amusement.

I shook as I remembered the words I had called her and the look in her eyes when she had done so. They matched exactly the look her eyes had when she woke from her nightmare; I knew what I had done to her.

As I drove towards the lake house, towards Bella, I felt the adrenaline drain from me and all that were left were my pathetic, unmanly tears, dripping on a constant. My hands felt stiff and sore, the blood was crusted and it looked like I'd dipped a lot of my hand in red dye. My fingers spasmed slightly as I drove. I could see in my peripheral vision my hands swelling.

Just twenty five minutes away from the lake house a deer stood out in front of my car and it all happened in slow motion from then on. I tried to swerve quickly but that seemed in possible with the stiffness of my hands; I couldn't stay on the road.

As it was happening I had the thought in the back of my mind that this really all was Karma. Any other day, my hands at perfect working order, I would have been able to drive around the deer with ease, it just so happened to be today that the deer jumped in front of my car. How coincidental; fate.

I pushed the brakes but just a little too late and felt like I was watching from outside my body as my beloved Volvo slammed into a tree. An airbag blew into my face but I'd already cracked my head off of the side window.

I blinked twice. The warmth of the liquid from the side of my head made me smile. I felt cold. I couldn't quite remember how I'd managed to get into such a state. I looked to my hands and saw the blood crusted over them. I sighed.

I let my head fall back against the seat and smiled as I thought of Bella, she was so beautiful.

I closed my eyes then, they suddenly felt weighted down so I didn't resist the peace, my mind felt over worked and my head hurt.

I embraced the blackness.

*A.N. – Well, what do you think about THATTTTT :/ I know you're think CLICHE ALERT but bare with me ;) trust me, I have a whole original plot worked out :) made me sad tbh :/ killing Edward off... just kidding, obviously he's not dead :L But anyways, if you want a preview of the next chapter I'm going to have to black mail you into reviewing ;) Thanks alot lovelies, REVIEW x*