*A.N. Okay so this is a quick update but I'm going to try and get this story completed as quick as I can for you guys. Thank you all so much those who have taken the time to review ESPECIALLY those who waited so long for an update for me I truly am sorry to have kept you waiting but it's nice to hear from you all again. I really would love it if everyone who read this chapter would review as it honestly only encourages me to write. I love to hear your thoughts on it and I really like to hear what you think is going to happen/want to happen. Hope you enjoy the chapter and I hope to hear from you all soon!*

Charlie was making dinner tonight. That meant he was really trying hard. He couldn't stand seeing me mope about and of course he assumed I was moping over Edward's accident.

No one could ever understand what I was going through and it was eating me up inside. My heart was breaking for this new guy that I had fell head over heels for despite my best intentions not to yet the guilt I felt at betraying myself and not sticking to my guns and hating him was eating me up inside. To top it off I had made a lot of new friends that I was also lying to. No one knew me really and no one could truly understand motives. A profound and deep loneliness was hitting me, bringing me into a dark reverie every day.

It was a situation that I felt I was highly unlikely to get myself out of. I felt like an actor, an imposter. It was all a facade I wasn't Bella really, was I? I'm Isabella Dwyer - chubby little Izzy who no one wants to sit beside and no one wanted to befriend. I was a liar.

I ate my dinner and spoke the perfunctory amount to Charlie, he tried asking about my day and how Edward was doing but all I could manage was short clipped answers. It was hard for me to talk to anyone now, I could feel myself slipping into the depression I was in 7 or so years ago. I tried exercising but I didn't have the energy anymore. I would make the show of eating dinner in front of Charlie but otherwise I was struggling to want to eat. I had to remind myself to eat as my grumbling stomach was ignored regularly as I felt sick pretty often. I was spending a lot of time in my bedroom now, contemplating things and reading my books.

I left the table as soon as possible and went up to my room cuddling into my duvet and closing my eyes to think. I was slipping into a light sleep when the doorbell rang and I slipped my zipper on to answer the door. Jasper was at the door alone looking tired out and stressed; the usual.

I asked him in and I watched his fists clench and unclench as he asked me to sit myself down. Charlie had just left for night shift so we sat in the outdated living room.

He looked worried and I waited for him to speak, hoping that I wasn't going to be told the bad news I had been waiting to hear since the accident had happened. Surely he would be crying or something? It couldn't be about Edward. My chest felt tight and as I struggled to draw in deep breaths I looked him in the eyes.

"Right, so I was sent here to tell you - we think Edward may be waking up." Relief washed through me and a happiness I felt guilty instantly for feeling burst through me - I reached forward to hug him but he shook his head and I slumped back in my chair. "Bella, there may be... complications."

"What?"

"Well - the fact that he is coming round so slowly, one finger twitch at a time so to speak, indicates that there may be brain damage - severe or otherwise." One single tear dripped from his cheek to the floor and he wiped at his face almost angrily. "I said I wouldn't do this." he said under his breath and I crossed to the couch he was on then and sat down beside him.

The emotions spinning around my head were making it hard for me to breath and I had to make a concerted effort to make a regular and slow intake of breath. My teeth ground together as I tried to hold back the tears. I was angry at myself for yet again getting so emotional. I don't know what the expected reaction is when one learns that their child tormentor but someone they're also pretty sure they're now in love with may have brain damage. I think I'm a pretty unique case to be honest.

He put his arm around my shoulders and the tears spilled over. I wanted revenge but I didn't want anything like this to happen. I felt guilty for the unstoppable thought that karma was really biting Edward in the backside; I hadn't wanted this, not really. Did I?

"Jasper... what are the chances he will be normal, that he'll just wake up fine."

I heard him suck his breath in through his teeth, "not likely." His arm tightened around me; "but we're all hoping that it's not permanent and that he just needs some time to recover." He put his hand on my knee and squeezed it. "Basically, we don't know at the moment and it's just a case of waiting and seeing. Overall, we need to take it as good news because at least it's a step forward."

He cuddled me like that for a little while until I pulled away and looked at him. He had dark bags under his honey coloured eyes and his hair looked as if it could have done with a wash this morning. I thought of the pain Edward had brought into my life and the happiness he had brought into Alice and Jasper's and I struggled to reconcile the two, just as I struggled to associate the Edward I wanted to love and have a normal relationship and the one who caused me so much suffering.

I was curious why the family had included me so fully when it came to Edward. Why did they all trust me so quickly and approve of me so much; "Why have you all been so good and inclusive of me - I thought maybe, maybe you wouldn't want me with him now because I had known him long before it."

"Bella, it was clear for all of us to see the second you both met that there was an instant spark – you both chose to fight it but you couldn't keep your eyes off of each other - but you can't fight love; you can either embrace it or walk away from it, you can't fight it."

I placed a hand to my forehead and tried not to become anymore emotional – I was really struggling to hold everything in. Right there and then I very nearly told him everything – I was so close to telling him what I'd done and how his family had hurt me.

But I never.

I took the hand away from my forehead and I asked him if we could go to the hospital and see Edward. We drove to the hospital mostly in silence and I text Charlie on the way to let him know where I was going. It was a dull, drizzly day in Forks and it matched my mood perfectly.

When we reached his cosy hospital bedroom only Esme was there and for the first time in weeks I really looked at her. Her roots had grown in an iron grey and her makeup was missing. Her clothes looked oversized but I was sure that was due to recent weight loss. She was normally slim but curvy but now her face looked pretty hollow. She smiled at me with a deep sadness in her eyes and patted the seat next to her.

Jasper was there one minute and the next minute he wasn't. Alice had been calling him in the car so he had probably just left quietly to call her back.

Esme was stroking Edward's hand softly with hers. Her eyes were staring at her son's face, "You know, he was the most beautiful baby. I remember when Carlisle and I first held at him we stared at his perfect face for about ten minutes before we even thought to check whether he was a boy or a girl." She gave a little teary laugh at this and wiped tears from her eyes. "He was so utterly perfect and even then he had those ridiculously large hands." She drew her fingers down each of his fingers and continued, "I told Carlisle the second he turned three we were getting him piano lessons – it's my favourite instrument to listen to and with big hands like his and how quick he was as a child I just knew he would be musically talented… He was good at everything my boy."

I didn't know what to do or to say to her so I just sat there, I know I should have comforted her but I just sat stuck to the spot.

"I don't know what Edward told you or didn't tell you before the accident. But I want you to know that Edward is in love with you, I'm his mother and I can't even explain the difference when you came into his life." I should speak but I couldn't. My heart soared despite myself. "Edward is a troubled boy; he did some bad things when he was younger and he blames himself for everything he did as a child." I felt a quick rush of anger at the dismissiveness of what he did to me. How can you just call it childish behaviour? She didn't know and she couldn't understand.

"Edward asked for therapy when Alice came to live with us and he understood just what he had done and I know he is a good person and I just feel like this has happened to him just as everything was falling into place with him and he was finally becoming confident in himself. I just want my son back, I'm sorry Bella. Carlisle… I just can't keep breaking down every hour to him. I just want him back and to tell him that he's a good boy and that we are so proud of everything he's achieved. But I might not be able to now." I couldn't understand why she was telling me this, I felt that I had been out of sorts since the accident but Esme seemed to be completely broken.

The rage inside me was fighting against the pity I felt for his mother. She didn't understand what he had done to me. I had to lock away my feelings of resentment for now and focus on the good parts I felt about Edward now. How much we had in common and how conversation with him so easy – or it would be if I could stop myself from thinking that he might suddenly bash me over the head. I thought of the heat between us and how protective he seemed of me and he didn't even know me. I pushed away my anger at him and thought of how I felt constantly drawn to him. Maybe I was a masochist but parallel to the pain and the hurt of being around him I found pleasure and it was worth it.

I drew in a deep breath and put my arm around Esme. Her sobs were subsiding now and I couldn't help myself. I asked her a question; "I can't imagine him being like that Esme, what would ever make him be like that?" A question I had wondered so many times.

She looked at me now, eyes full of tears, "Oh Bella, he was a child. He was stupid and I think it all started with the neighbors children bullying him for his classical music. They were a few years older and they hit him quite a few times but of course this never came out until later. Thankfully it only went on for a few months when he was quite young but when we went to therapy his memories of it were quite stark. I think it all spiralled from there and he never wanted that to happen to him again so he made sure he was the one doing the bullying. I don't know where he got the logic from and it breaks my heart that he hurt other people's children but it happens doesn't it?" She looked at me as if waiting for me to agree and I slowly nodded, my head spinning with indignation that she thought a couple of months of bullying could be given as a reason for plaguing years of my life with pain both emotional and physical. "Bella he knows that he should never have done it and he doesn't excuse himself from what he done either but kids grow up and he's not who he was anymore. I just wanted you to know why Edward is the way he is. Anyone who knows Edward would tell you he's guarded and that he doesn't trust people with his emotions, but he is a good boy." She spoke so softly now I had to strain to hear her "I want him back."

She looked down again crying and I rubbed my eyes with my hands. No one would ever understand what I went through would they? It would always be you were a child they were a child etc etc. I got what Esme was saying but she didn't understand me. You can tell me Edward had every reason in the world to act they way he had but it doesn't undo what he did to me. But maybe this was the point I had been missing all along. Nothing was ever going to change, I can't change the past and I could feel a growing love for this boy I don't deny that but he was always going to be someone who caused me to contemplate suicide at the age of 11. He did that.

I needed to think about whether I should really be by this hospital bed or not. My love for Edward and my hate for Edward were fighting out a battle inside my head, I was almost so focused on my own mind that I missed the croaking sound. Then it happened again and I turned to look at the window before my ears located the direction it was coming from.

It happened a third time and this time both Esme and myself jumped up. Edward was making a low soft sound and both of his eyes were open by about a centimetre. Esme jumped into action but I just stood stock still. I was vaguely aware of her pushing the button for the nurses to come then repeating his name over and over again. His eyes weren't moving. They just stared straight at the ceiling and ignored her calling him.

His fingers stretched out and they brushed against my leg. My hand moved towards them as if automatically. His hand was warmed than usual and I squeezed it but he didn't squeeze back. Esme was getting near hysterical by the time the nurses rushed in and I was pushed back. She was using a small pager to get Carlisle from what I presumed was probably somewhere else in the hospital. Frantically pushing the button over and over again but Edward was not moving his fingers any longer. His eyes were shut but they flickered open again and his bright green eyes locked with mines for just a couple of seconds before they shut once more. My whole body tingled when he looked at me and I had the feeling he had known exactly who he was looking at.

His eyes stayed closed as the nurses bustled around him. Esme was crying loudly while pushing the pager and I was rapidly feeling more and more claustrophobic. My breathing was getting faster and I squeezed in between two nurses to grasp Edward's cool hand once more. I wanted to stay away from him but the worry I felt for him forced me to face the fact that I was in it for the long haul with Edward. I at least needed to see how he was for now. I felt the tiniest bit of pressure from Edwards hand round mine and the same unintelligible croaking coming from him. I put my lips to his hand and kissed them.

"Wake up Edward."

The nurses and Esme started to speak to Edward as well, all beseeching him to give them signs, to communicate more for them but he wasn't responsive anymore. His hand lay limply in mine again and I knew that was him done speaking to us for at least today. This really would be a long haul.

I took my zipper off to try and stop the claustrophobic heat I was feeling and I cupped his cheek with the palm of my hand. It was soft but I could feel stubble growing and my brain suddenly wanted to know who was sitting shaving him every few days. Who was touching my Edward?

I leaned over him and told him softly and quietly, "Edward we need to talk, I need you to come back to us all because I need to talk to you. I… I care about you and I can't bear to see this happen but we have a lot to discuss when you wake up. Things are… complicated Edward… You need to wake up." I kissed him on the forehead and backed out just as Carlisle was rushing in. Esme was repeating everything he had done tears streaming down her face and Carlisle was nodding looking a ghostly pale colour. I couldn't stay, the heat was overwhelming.

I managed to reach the toilets before I broke down into confused sobs. What in God's name had my life turned into? I didn't even know if the Edward I once knew would ever speak to me again and I felt so guilty because I couldn't forgive him. I couldn't forgive someone who was pretty possibly brain damaged – what does this make me, a monster?

The only thing I was sure about is that I wanted Edward to wake up, to be him again. I definitely wanted that and then I would have to work out what I wanted to do from there. I just prayed we would get there first.

*A.N. Well, as I always say, what did you make of THAT? I would love to hear what you readers feel Edward deserves do you think he should end up fit and healthy or? REVIEW!*