Hide and Seek

ughhh... where am i?

"Sans, I am disappointed in you," a soft, silky voice said.

The skeleton opened his eyes, scanning his surroundings. He seemed to be kneeling before a golden throne in a place full of clouds. Clouds were literally soaking up his sight. The clear blue skies were above him, which was a fantasy because that only exists on the surface. Sans looked up at the throne he was kneeling to and found Frisk sitting there.

"You haven't said any puns for the past... I don't know... week?" Frisk stated disapprovingly. "I like those puns."

"well, i change my style of comedy," Sans got on his two feet, shrugging. "all good things come to an end. if i say puns too much, it'll get boring and predictable. no one would laugh. sometimes i need a fresh breath of air every now and then."

Frisk narrowed Frisk's eyes. "That didn't happen with the other Sanses."

"other... sanses?" Sans asked intriguingly.

"Yeah, the other Sanses kept spouting puns. Except for some unique ones. Like blueberry Sans." Frisk said.

"well, theyre stupid," Sans remarked, "if ya stick to one type of comedy, youre gonna be seen as a sad, predictable junket who needs help."

"You just described yourself," Frisk said.

"touché," Sans replied. "so what are we doing? are you going to flip my words on me and help the sad, predictable junket?"

"No," Frisk shrugged. "I was lonely."

Sans stared dead ahead. "thats it?"

Frisk laughed. Frisk's laugh were not the kind of chuckles or graceful hahas Sans had expected. Instead, Frisk's godly laugh sounded like a squealing pig. Sans was concerned at first, worrying that Frisk may have fused with a pig in the middle of their conversation. Then, he steeled his complexion.

"No, no," Frisk said, "I just need you to stop the civil war that's going on right now."

"civil war?" Sans repeated. "what civil war?"

"Oh," Frisk waved Frisk's hand and showed Sans what was happening in the underground. Team Hiders and Team Seekers were tearing each other apart.

Sans grimaced. "i've been gone five minutes and it already went to dung poop. wow." He shuffled on his feet. "so you want me to help undyne defeat chara or something?"

"Nah," Frisk said.

"then... what?"

"Huh. I forgot."

There was a moment of silence between them. It broke when Frisk snapped Frisk's fingers.

"Oh! I was supposed to do something with you," Frisk exclaimed, "You're like the hero and I'm like the deus ex machina—"

"wait wait wait wait..." Sans pinched the bridge of his nose. "you told me a moment ago that i needed to stop the civil war. and then you said that wasnt your idea and i'm going to predict... youre gonna tell me to stop the war."

"Woah... Are you, like, magic?" Frisk asked in wonder.

"yes," Sans answered solemnly. He turned his back on Frisk to convey annoyance, before going back and kneeling. "i cant take it anymore! just tell me what to do. ive been doing some weird and sometimes boring stuff this past week for no rhyme or reason. give me a reason to do something. please, frisk, youre a god. cant you task me with some stuff?"

"Huh. I expected you to be like, hey, Frisk, if you're a god, why don't you stop the war yourself?" Frisk responded. "But, uh, this is refreshing. Not new, but refreshing." Frisk clapped Frisk's hands, "However! Serious time! Sans, what do you think of Chara?"

"that megalomaniac bitch?" Sans wasn't finished insulting, but Frisk nodded and started taking Frisk's turn to talk again.

"Yes. Good judgement. However, this reason derives from the fact that this Chara comes from a perfectionist ideal kinda mindset. Ya know, those people who moan about having OCD? It's one of the whys on which Chara resets a lot and probably infuriates you."

"you have no idea."

"Frisk has all ideas, Sans." Frisk retorted, "Anyway, Chara is also the sorta person who resets because they don't want to face life in the face. They want the thrill of the ride, they never want a normal life. To defeat her, is probably to..." Frisk zoned out.

Sans got scared that Frisk was cut off by some third party person. "um, frisk?"

"Huh, what? We were talking about Error Sans, right?" Frisk demanded frantically, almost about to get off Frisk's throne. "I was gonna send you to Error Sans right?"

"wha—what do you mean? what are you talking about?"

"Oh, we weren't talking about that? Then, uh... future of the civil war?"

"we never discussed that," Sans said. "though, that may look cool. i kinda wanna see how that'll look like."

Frisk looked at the ground in contempt. Sans was about to tell Frisk what they were talking about, when Frisk suddenly exclaimed. "Chara! We were talking about Chara! Chara's the type of person who would escape reality. If you convince Chara to have a normal life, you have a huge advantage of redeeming them!"

"why would i want to redeem chara of all people?" Sans said, raising a cheek.

"Well, Chara is not normal. Convince Chara, and you get a new ally." Frisk said.

Sans contemplated at the idea for a bit.

"it would be easier to just kill her. resets don't work anymore."

"Uh, yes. About that. Frisk kinda has Frisk's finger over the reset button right now." Frisk informed. "And, uh, my original plan was to destroy Chara too. That was, until I found out... Frisk is Chara's parent."

Sans narrowed his eyes. "alright, what?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I found out I'm Chara's parent! Hooray." Frisk cheered. "Except, I'm doing my godly duties, so I can't take care of them. And... yeah."

"youve got to be kidding me," Sans replied. "you cant be his mother for a number of reasons. first off—"

"Yeah, yeah," Frisk rolled Frisk's eyes. "But haven't you noticed it yet, dude? I'm a God. It's totally plausible for me to be Chara's dad!"

"okay. im conufsed." Sans derped.

"You said confused wrong," Frisk noted.

"what are your genders?" Sans asked.

"I'm a Frisk. And Chara's a demon." Frisk answered.

"alright. still doesnt..." he waved it off. "...whatever."

"So, by my orders, I want you to redeem Charrrr..." Frisk zoned out yet again.

Sans sighed.

"frisk?"

"Huh? Oh, right! Error Sans! We need to kill Error Sans or else he'll destroy this universe!" Frisk shouted. "Everyone living here. All erased from existence. We were never born or killed. We'll just be wiped out, no sign or trace! Even my mint factory is working its hardest to make Error Sans kryptonite—"

"wait a sec, so... error sans... is error sans like me, but... has the power to destroy universes?" Sans asked. He shrugged. "pretty cool dude to be hoenst."

"No. Not a cool dude. He supports anarchy and violence and terrorism. Kinda started a multiversal apocalypse. I'm not up about that." Frisk said highly. "He's also kind of an extreme supporter in nihilism; doesn't believe in any gods or religion. So that strikes me as a bit disrespectful to my social status, but I'll handle because there are a lot of atheists in the world."

"wait. im an atheist." Sans informed.

Frisk snorted. "No, you're not. You believe in me, don't you?"

"sure," he simply replied.

"Error Sans is not for the faint of... Why am I talking to you about Error Sans?" Frisk asked, narrowing Frisk's eyes. Frisk extended Frisk's hand towards Sans, touched his forehead, and disintegrated him. Sans, from behind the eradicated Sans, looked bewildered and stared at Frisk in shock of the trippy visual, since Frisk had just killed him while he stood unharmed.

"what the hell was that?" Sans demanded, shivering. "did you just kill me? right in front of me? and when were there two of me?"

"Sans, Sans... a lot about Frisk you don't know about. I'm a god, remember?"

"yeah, but..."

"True, I eradicated you. Not the point though. Thought you were Error Sans for a microsecond. My bad." Frisk apologized, dusting off Frisk's sweater. "Anyway, where were we?"

Sans tensed. "i dont know anymore. i dont care. just tell me what to do and i'll do it."

Frisk looked at Sans skeptically. "Do you know about Jehovah's witness?" Frisk asked, narrowing Frisk's eyes.

"uh..."

"Well, you're a Frisk witness. You worship me now. You're no longer an atheist, and plus you called on my power which is a sign that you believed in me. No refute." Frisk stated. "Go convince Error Sans to take up Friskanity or whatever kids call it next week."

"but, isnt error sans a universe destroyer. he could destroy me before i do anything, couldnt he?" Sans asked.

"You'll be fine," Frisk raised Frisk's hand. "I promise and swear on the grounds of heaven."

"wait, this is heaven?"

"I also swear on the River Styx to curse me with a cancer of bad luck that'll eat me up, if I fail to protect you on Error Sans' grounds." Frisk added.

"thats a mighty promise youre gonna take there, bucko." Sans remarked.

"Tell me about it," Frisk replied, sighing in Frisk's throne. "Once, I had to swear and promise to this guy that I'd give him unlimited missiles if he were to burn an offering to me. You know, burnt offerings are the best and highest offerings you could give a god."

"i'll keep that in mind." Sans said. "would you give me anything in life if i gave you a burnt offering?"

"Dude, literally."

"literally?"

"Literally."

"okay. now i know who to count on if i need an extra ice cube in my lemonade."

"So, it's a done deal then!" Frisk clapped Frisk's hands. "You're gonna do a thing for me! You're gonna walk up to Error Sans, look him in the eye, and say in a slow and menacing manner: you will not blow up this universe. And then you're gonna be a good Frisk witness and promote my religion to Error Sans. If everything goes North, then I'll have a universal destroyer to worship me."

Frisk waved Frisk's hand and started to transport Sans to Error Sans.

"wait, no—"

A/N: And then Sans died. The end.

For convenience sake's, if you wanna call this Sans (Hide and Seek) separate from the other Sans (canon Undertale), call him...

"Frisk-Witness Sans" or FriskWitness!Sans, or FW!Sans, or... HaS!Sans. Has. HaS. Wow, I didn't know my story's letterology was HaS.

Wait, let me do a trial with this new name.

/

"Hey, Frisk-Witness Sans!" Blueberry Sans greeted, waving a hand. Frisk-Witness just stayed still in his chair at the table, gripping the bottle of ketchup in his hands. Blueberry took a seat next to him.

Frisk-witness groaned. "What, Blueberry Sans?"

"Error wanted to tell Geno to tell Aftertale to tell Fresh to tell Underfell to tell me to tell you that your name sounds ridiculous!" Blueberry said, "But still, your name sounds kinda funny to me. What's your backstory anyway? Why're you called that?"

"It's not—It's not even related!" Frisk-witness burst. "It's just a joke for a chapter where I meet Frisk the mint god, and the other name anyone else would call me would be Hide-and-Seek Sans! Which is even more ridiculous! And, the hide and seek aspect to that name isn't even a major thing around my life story! It's another joke in the background made by a god who does nothing but humiliate me, and I'm not talking about Frisk. I'm talking to those entities that have higher power than Error Sans! And what a cool name Error is! So are Geno and Blueberry! God, even Fresh! And all I end up is Frisk-Witness?! It's not fair!"

"Well, at least you're not called Hide-And-Seek Sans, amirite?" Blueberry elbowed the guy.

Frisk-witness slammed his head onto the table. "Why?" he croaked.

/

It's terrible. Perfect!

Writing Frisk was fun and all, but Frisk is a god, so... there's little to do with Frisk unless I want to end the story in an anticlimactic way... like reseting everything so it never happened. Wait, that's a good idea. *jots down the finale of this story, which will probably never happen*

Also, a deleted scene.

"Tell me about it," Frisk replied, sighing in Frisk's throne. "Once, I had to swear and promise to this guy that I'd give him unlimited missiles if he were to burn an offering to me. You know, burned offerings are the best and highest offerings you could give a god. I would like, get into a bukkaki, just to get me some of those burned offerings."

"what?! ew, why? my eyessss! why give me me the picture!?" Sans cried out, covering his eyes as he dropped to the ground. "they burn!"

"Oh, come on! There are like a hundred visual representations of me in those positions—"

"aaaggghhhhhh! what the hell frisk?! too much information!"

"Alright. Sorry for weirding you out. That goes for you guys too." Frisk said, looking at us. "I might've scarred you. And sorry, but... Hey, we needed to drive this in your head somehow and make sure you don't forget this."

"who are you talking to?" Sans asked while writhing in pain on the ground.