A/N: If you are sensitive about religion, then... you're gonna have a bad time reading this.
Hide and Seek
oh god dammit frisk.
Sans floated in a dark void of blackness. He felt his body moving forward somewhere. He was scared that he'd fall off if he moved, but he did an accidental somersault and he was still moving in the general direction, so he sighed. He was fine. He was slowly falling to this giant mass that was so dense that it had its own gravitational pull. But this gravity was in the middle of nowhere, so Sans figured that it might not be that impressive. But the trick would be that he wasn't able to see what this giant mass was, so he thought it had to be impressive if he was going at lightspeed towards the thing.
It took a couple weeks of interdimensional travel, with Sans dying of boredom. But he finally got there.
The entity was nearing Sans' body, and the small skeleton marveled at the giant being. Frisk-witness Sans felt like he was the size of this guy's zipper. The entity moved, like it sensed the intrusion of a newcomer.
"What?" the entity bellowed mightily. "Who goes there?"
"uh, hi," Frisk-witness Sans waved. "i'm looking for error sans?"
"You're looking at him," Error Sans said.
"you're a big dude." Sans noted, before his eyes transcended earth limits and saw Error Sans for what he was. "oh. well, you look like a sad sack. those look like tear stains on your cheek. you okay, dude? what were you crying about?"
"What?" Error Sans waved a hand, pulling blue strings around Sans. Error didn't continue the conversation and went back to sulking in the dark, thinking he just eradicated Frisk-witness Sans. Then he noticed Sans was still there, unharmed. He tried pulling the strings, but it didn't work against Frisk-witness. "Why can't I kill... Oh, you're protected by some ancient charm. No matter, I'll just hack into... Wait. That's not some ancient... Oh, come on! Don't tell me you're one of those Jehovah's witnesses! I can't believe one of us is a Jehovah's witness!"
"no! im not a jehovahs witness!" Sans informed.
"Then what the hell is up with that god and religion thing your mind is pulling!?" Error Sans demanded. "I'm not going to worship God or Jesus, you dumb nitwit! Get the fuck outta my territory, you dumb christian!"
"no! wait! im not a jehovah's witness! i swear!" Sans exclaimed frantically. "im instead a frisk-witness! not a jehovah's witness! i dont believe in god either, except for..." Sans sighed begrudgingly. "...frisk."
"Well, stupid Sans. Are you regretting the choice to worship god? You homophobic prick." Error spat. "What are you trying to do? Get me to open up to Friskanity? Not gonna happen. I know your kind. You go to comic-con only to hold up signs of protest against comic books and support worshipping gods. All you people do is stand behind a megaphone and protest, protest, protest..."
"oh my go—for the last time! im not a christian! im not catholic, not in any religion! im an atheist, just like you!"
Error snorted. "I'm not an atheist. I'm a nihilist. There's a difference. Nothing matters in the universe. All you do is live and die. That's it. It's all meaningless."
"jesus, this is harder than i thou—"
"AHA!" Error screeched, almost making Sans' ears bleed, if he had any. "You said Jesus! Proof that you worship Jesus!" Error pointed. He struck a bolt of lightning at Sans (because Error could do anything), and it just bounced off the invisible barrier Frisk put on Sans. "Well! Well! Look at that, you actually do support a god! If not, you wouldn't have a godly shield around you. And you were telling me you weren't a Jehovah's witness. Hah! What blasphemy."
Sans groaned. This was going nowhere. Error was incessant about religion for some reason. Frisk-witness had traveled sixteen days in silence and finally ended up talking to someone, only for it to be a complete lunatic obsessed with striking down anyone who believes in God. Frisk is a god, just... not the correct one.
"i. dont. believe. in. god!" Sans shouted. "frisk is not the capital g god! frisk, you know frisk. frisk the guy who can reset the universe. frisk sent me! frisk may have also wanted to convince you to open up to his religion, but that doesnt matter! what matters is not destroying my universe!"
"Why should I not destroy your universe, Frisk-witness Sans?" Error demanded. "It doesn't matter in the end, anyways. Your universe, I've seen, will die of heat death in the next 9.73 billion years. If I destroy it now, makes no difference in the end. It will be destroyed either way."
"uh, yeah, the difference is, there probably wont be an earth with life on it during those bleak times. earth has like, what? a few billion years from now to live? cmon, man, there are lives on the line with your decision—"
"Yeah, Earth for you dies in 36 hours from now." Error stated nonchalantly. "So, it wouldn't really matter if I destroy it now because literally no progress on a universal scale will happen."
That bugged Sans immensely.
His Earth was going to die in 36 hours?
How? And why?!
"what? my earth'll... no, you gotta be kidding me. thats not even possible." Sans replied. "how will my earth die?"
"Turns out, I would have accidentally destroyed it in 36 hours." Error shrugged sarcastically. "So, whoopsidaises. My bad. Still looks like it wouldn't matter."
"what is your problem?" Sans demanded. "why destroy the multiverse!? why are you so obsessed over destroying universes with no reason? what, did god do something so humiliating to you that you became a nihilist to spite him and then you became a god of your own and started destroying universes because you hate god on a multiversal scale?"
Error chuckled, rolling his eyes to the side. "Not even close."
"then what?"
"Look, kiddo, your universe is a glitch in the matrix. It's not supposed to exist." Error stated. "There is only one true universe, and your universe has derailed so far away from the true universe that it can't be considered a copy of the true universe. And probably the fact that you technically worship a god strikes a nerve with me because there are those hardcore god-worshippers who kinda light fires and want to burn any fictional creation because they think that the only thing that everyone should obsess over is the bible. Which is a blind fuckton of stupid stories clammed together and doesn't make sense."
"alright, so filtering out the unimportant parts. you think my universe is a glitch?" Sans asked, a bit irritated by Error's extreme nihilistic stand and how spiteful he was about christianity. Sans didn't even want to talk about it or bring it up, but Error kept doing so. Sans was really annoyed by it now.
"Yes, it is a glitch." Error stated. "There's a civil war going on down there. There are no civil wars in the true universe—"
"wait a second!" Sans thought of an idea. "you truly are a blind hypocrite!"
"What?"
"youre just like one of those religious people because you obsess over the one true universe, your bible, and you want to burn everything else because they're a glitch! like we're your gay people or magic harry potter books!" Sans stated. "youre one hardcore religious mofo. and plus, some religious people are okay. theyre not as insane as you make them to be... well, only some of them are. but we're all insane deep down, right?" he said, trying to make a connection.
Error clenched his hand. "It's different! I'm not like one of those guys!"
"dude, the definition of religion is a system of faith and worship! youre literally doing that for the true universe!" Sans said, "youre a hypocrite, error! a hypocriiiite!"
"ENOUGH!" Error shouted, grabbing Frisk-witness Sans. "You're just trying to save your universe from total annihilation! Nothing you say will change my decision to destroy your universe, Frisk-witness! Your universe will die, and that's FINAL!"
Then Error threw Sans so hard he broke the interdimensional barrier and ended up back in heaven in a couple of seconds, breaking Frisk's sixteen day record.
Sans plunged into the clouds at Frisk's feet, whose eye twitched in frustration upon seeing him. Frisk picked Sans up, even though he was bigger than Frisk, and Frisk threw him into the sky. Sans broke the interdimensional barrier again and ended up slamming into Error's chest in no time.
Error stumbled back, surprised, before growling.
Sans looked around and saw Error playing with dolls, which had happened fifteen seconds after Frisk-witness had been sent to Frisk and back. There was either something wrong with time, or Error was obsessed with his Sanses dolls. Error clenched his hands at the humiliation, his dolls being telekinetically stuffed back in a magic shelf with all his dolls, which turned invisible.
Sans snickered at a multiversal destroyer playing with dolls. But also found it quite sad. Maybe that was why he looked like he had tear stains down his eyes.
"WHY? Leave me alone!" Error pulled on some strings, warping that reality's code to throw Sans back into his universe without even touching him.
"no pls dont throw me agaaaAAAAIIIII—"
And then Sans broke the interdimensional barrier for the third time.
And then Sans broke it a fourth time.
Then a fifth.
A sixth.
Error shouted, "STOP!"
"im sorry, man. i didnt want to do this. but just dont destroy my universe. easy as that."
"I'm not a fucking twat! I'm not one of them! I'm the end-all destroyer!" Error exclaimed, not able to talk about anything else. Sans groaned inwardly at his stupid ideas. Why did he have to break Error? "There is nothing similar between me and christians!"
"dude, stop using that word. we dont have to fight over if there really is a god. because let's face it, according to multiverse theory, there's gonna be at least one universe with god in it." Sans said, "nobody's right or wrong. let's just not destroy universes for a moment, alright?"
Error narrowed his eyes menacingly.
He was full of rage at Frisk-witness. He looked away, disgusted by the Sans, before glaring back with the full blast of his hatred.
"Your universe dies in twenty seconds."
"thats not fair!"
"Eighteen."
"no!" Sans held out his hand. "error, dont do this!"
"Or what?"
"or ill... i'll never return back home. and you wont be able to kill me."
Error grit his teeth. "Ten."
"error!"
"Nine!"
"alright! im sorry i compared you to christians, just leave my universe alone!"
"Six!"
Sans tried to think of something quick, but Error's countdown got to him. Sans was paralyzed with fear.
"Five... Four... Three..."
"error, wait! butterscotch or cinnamon?" Sans tried.
Error hesitated. The countdown was up and he was about to snap his fingers, a universe's goodbye. "Butterscotch or cinnamon? Dude, totally cinnamon."
Sans' spirits were lifted. "really? i like cinnamon too, but... gaster and undyne picked butterscotch over cinnamon, so...—"
"WHAT?!" Error exclaimed, "How dare they? Cinnamon is love, cinnamon is life! Their buttershit is nothing compared to cinnamon!"
"thats what i said! i even called their butterscotch buttershit!" Sans added.
"Haha! Yeah! That's what a true Sans would do!" Error said.
"yep. and thank you for your time." Sans replied.
"What do you..." Error instantly turned to his fingers. There were supposed to be strings connecting him to Frisk-witness' universe, but they had been disintegrated by Frisk-witness Sans' gaster blasters. Sans had wittingly drawn Error's attention to him, so that he could slyly destroy Error's connection to his universe. Thus, Error wouldn't be able to destroy his universe, or make the world explode in 36 hours.
Error glared at Sans.
"Clever," he remarked.
Sans shrugged. "aah, jeez, it wasn't that hard. all ya needed was to put some backbone into it." He chuckled a bit at his pun, before turning serious. "alright, you got no business with me anymore. bring me back home."
"Can't. You destroyed the only connection to your universe." Error said, shrugging back. "Now it'll drift away and vaporize itself in 12 hours."
"what? no!" Sans cried.
"Your fault," Error replied. "I had nothing to do with it."
"since when were you connected to everything?" Sans demanded.
"Oh, not really. I was just bluffing." Error deadpanned, "Or was I?"
A/N: blarghhhh we're now entering the multiple Sanses skit. Get ready for a weird, confusing journey...
If you're asking how I got the idea that Error was against religion, well... It was kind of a horse-beating sequel to the throwaway nihilist statement last chapter. I'll... think of something better for his character. Or I'll keep it just to screw with you guys, and make my interpretation different than others, because there is no way in hell someone made Error an obnoxious, anti-religious nihilist before me. No freakin' way, dudes... no freakin' way.