Chapter 19 Loving him hating her

"Congratulations on your promotion, you are now the chief editor of aside from being vice president of Saionji's travellers and the most important job for you is to make sure that the reviews are not only 100% true but also the best because we only serve the best to our customers. There's a reason why we're the best in the industry and I intend to keep it like that"

"I'm up for the challenge Mr. Saionji. I know it is going to be great working here"

"Welcome to the Saionji's group Miss. Kouzuki"

"Thank you Mr. Saionji"

So professional, no reaction not even a flinch or hatred just cold nothing but then she was the one who had walked away without explaining anything so is it really a surprise that Kanata was treating her just like an employee should be treated. She shouldn't have expected anything else as she stared at the familiar face of her ex. Man he hadn't changed at all, his handsome face is exactly as it was and his eyes, those beautiful eyes are exactly the way she remembers. With nothing else to say or do they let silence do the talking while they stared at each other.

"So it is true, you're back" Miyu turned around to find Santa saunter into Kanata's cabin. At least someone was happy to see her and it really was a big deal for her given the way she had treated everyone going AWOL on everyone 5 years ago. She rushed to him as he came forward to give her a bear hug.

"I missed you so much, how have you been?" he asked her.

"I'm good, how are you?"

"Good, Aya's going to be thrilled to see you and what timing Miyu we're getting married"

"Oh god really, congratulations. I am so happy for you guys" she grinned at him, he was like her big brother no wonder he made Kanata somewhat sociable. He has an aura like that it makes you feel cared.

Suddenly she heard Eminem's Stronger than I was roaring through the speakers and she turned around to see Kanata sitting in his chair, the song was clearly a dismissal for both of them.

"Uh I'll see you later okay, say hi to Aya for me" she glanced at Kanata once more. He was staring down at his laptop as she turned around and headed to her cabin.

"What was that?"

In response to the annoying question Kanata cranked the volume higher drowning his best friend's annoying voice. Santa walked over to the woofers and unplugged the chord and Kanata glared up at him.

"Aren't you happy?"

"Yeah right, the girl who told me that I am nothing but a burden for her to carry around is back, yes I'm so thrilled"

Santa's face grew serious he knew exactly how much Kanata had suffered but he also knew that the guy still loves her.

"Still aren't you teeny tiny bit happy?"

The glare Kanata gave him was enough to make even the great Mt. Fuji cower but his best friend held his ground all these years of practice had made him somewhat resistant.

"What I'm trying to say is that no matter what you tell me or yourself, you're still not over her. I'm not forcing you Kanata but you can't run from your own feelings, they have a way of coming back"

"For god's sake she was the one who left, it wasn't me Santa and I'm so not going to beg her to come back. I would rather stay celibate for the rest of my life than…I can't stand to be turned down again, I can't go through that again"

Santa walked out of his cabin without a backward glance and why would he? Kanata was right, nobody knew why Miyu had left 5 years ago and why is she back now but one thing was certain there has to be a reason because nothing happens without a reason.

As Miyu dropped on her chair all she could think of was the song Kanata had purposefully chosen to throw her out. He's telling you to fuck off her sub conscience provided. And he's not wrong, after all she was the bitch who had endangered his life and then left him to suffer and as if it wasn't enough now she's back. The song in the background was so in sync with her - Save yourself from My darkest days, only requirement being swap he and she because she is the perfect villain in Kanata's life.

"I hate myself" she yelled at the walls around her, it was a good thing that the cabin was soundproof or people would think she's crazy.

Sitting there she made it clear to herself that no matter what she'll avenge the loss she had to endure. Seiya will have to pay for everything he had done, she was here on a mission to destroy him and she will make sure that the evil bastard pays for driving her away from her loved ones. She had waited for years for this and she is not going to throw it away just because she was feeling guilty about her behaviour towards the guy next door.

As she came back from the shower after her evening exercise she shuffled around her living room settling on the couch with her coffee mug in one hand and her phone in the other. As she waited for the call to be picked she felt really guilty for leaving the kid all alone

"Hey sis"

"Hey Ruu how are you?"

"I'm good I was studying you know computers are so awesome they can do anything" he was smart for his age. He was obsessed with the machines always finding ways to tinker just for fun. God she missed her baby brother.

"Miyu are you there"

"Ya I'm right here sweetie"

"You okay" she was thinking about the role reversal, since when did her 10 year old baby brother started to sound like an adult.

"I'm fine, so are you having fun, did you make friends at school"

"I'm trying to make friends and school is really fun. But I don't like that they wake us at 5:30 AM even on Sundays" like sister like brother, neither of them were an early bird.

"It's good for your health you know and you'll find it easier once you settle down after all its only been a week. It'll take time but you'll find your way around don't you worry sweetheart"

"I miss you" now he really did sound like a 10 year old little child.

"I miss you too baby and I promise I'll be back soon. Take care okay, bye"

"Bye"

Forget about other things she will kill Seiya just for making her stay away from her brother. She hung up and sipped her coffee it was cold and tasted awful she went to the sink and threw it away and started the machine for a fresh cup when the doorbell rang.

Frowning she went to the door and peeked through the keyhole, yeah she could be that stupid sometimes. Hesitating for a second she opened the door and there they were all her friends back from high school. She was speechless while they stared at her in surprise all three of them Chris, Aya and Nanami. As they hugged her she couldn't utter a word she had no words for their affection she knew she didn't deserve this treatment.

"How did you..."

"Santa told me and did you really think we wouldn't come to see you Miyu?"

"It's been so long, I have to kill you for leaving first and then resurrect you and tie you down so that you don't pull that stunt again" Nanami grinned at her throwing a punch which she gladly accepted. She would have accepted anything just to have her friends back.

"You disappeared as if you were dead it was really difficult to watch….anyways I'm really happy that you're back" Chris said. But everyone heard the unspoken, difficult to watch Kanata and Miyu swallowed the lump back while she eyed her best friend. Chris had been in love with him too she must have hated me for hurting him but still she's here thought Miyu.

'I don't deserve such friends, I really don't deserve them'

"I'm so sorry guys, really I..."

"It's okay Miyu, I won't say that I understand but I know you, there must be some good reason why you did that even if the why is impossible to understand" Aya squeezed her hand.

"Well Santa, Nouzumo and Mizuki will be here in a few minutes, I thought it would be fun to have a small welcome back party" as if on cue the doorbell rang.

"That must be them you want to change into something else, we might go out later" Chris suggested. Miyu went to her room and changed into something black her go to colour whenever she needed to get ready in no time as she walked back to her living room she saw her friends setting up the table. There were obviously pizzas and coke and beer, although she didn't drink but apparently they did. She looked around at the familiar faces and was happy till she saw Kanata, what was he doing here? He didn't look like he had consented to come over as he kept glaring at his best friend. She walked over to him and handing him a coke, she knew he didn't drink or knew that he didn't used to drink but then a lot can change in 5 years.

"You didn't have to come"

"If I had a choice I wouldn't have, his car very conveniently broke down in the middle of the road and I don't drink coke" he walked over to the crate of beer and took out a bottle. It hurt it really did to watch him behave so bitterly but then she deserved it didn't she. Trying to feel happy that at least rest of her friends were here and happy to see her she walked over to them and got into some serious 5 years of catching up business.

Turned out Aya was an English teacher at a high school and Nouzumo and Christene were working together as interior designers and owned chains of boutiques across the capital. Mizuki and Nanami had an online dance portal as well as an extremely well established dance academy. To her surprise Mizuki and Chris were dating and she was glad. Nanami was still as annoying as ever but at least she was now Nouzumo's headache to take care of. So all her friends were successful and happy. Santa turned out to be Kanata's right hand like Kanata would have preferred anyone else. He trusted him more than himself and who are we kidding they are childhood friends after all.

"I am so parched I need some water" Nanami complained. "All that talking and I still am surprised that your voice box is still functioning" Aya said. "It's worse at night" Nouzumo commented looking every bit proud of his girl friend's unique ability. Nanami stuck out her tongue at the pair looking every bit of child that she was. They haven't changed, not even a bit thought Miyu and suddenly she was having problem swallowing.

"I'll grab some water" she croaked and went off to her kitchen. And she entered the kitchen she was rooted to her spot by the sight of Kanata fixing sandwiches for himself. He looked up to her and looking a bit flustered said "I hate pizza and I don't eat out and I was hungry"

If she was having trouble swallowing earlier then now she was having trouble breathing maybe she should schedule a medical examination. Some 6 years ago they had been in the same position, he in her kitchen fixing snacks for their friends. Nothing has changed at least not on her part, she's still madly in love with him but Kanata, he totally hates her now. It was too much too damn much for her to take in and she opened her mouth to force some air into her lungs and will them into performing the function they were supposed to.

"You should have told me I would've done something" he corked an eyebrow in question.

"I can cook now I mean I can manage"

"Yeah a lot can change in 5 years" with that he was back to the way he had been any rekindled emotions buried deep beneath his cold, bitter stare

"Oh I received a call from your fiancé. Guess you didn't tell him about your little rendezvous with your friends. Congratulations on your engagement though"

'Just gives me yet another reason to hate you' he thought.

Somehow she had an urge to apologise "I am sorry"

"Don't be, it's your life you can be with whoever you want. Bet they don't know about this though" he said jerking his head towards the living room where all their friends were not a care in the world.

He walked out of her kitchen, he had no business staying but Seiya had said he needed to hand him some papers that he had to review tonight and was bringing them here. Miyu just stood frozen in her kitchen she hadn't expected him to find it out at least not so soon. She felt like all the air had been sucked right out of her lungs she forgot why she was here. Something…water…yeah someone needed water. She grabbed a water bottle and walked back into her living room looking like a character right out of some zombie apocalypse movie minus the gory makeup. She handed Nanami that bottle and went to sit at a chair in the corner trying to stay away from everyone.

Joel Adam's Please don't go was playing in the background as she sat there and stared at an infinitesimal point on the floor. Then the song changed to One direction's 18 after some more mindless staring she heard Trading yesterday's shattered, Ed Sheeran's give me love, Daniel Craig's Insomnia, vertical horizon's He's everything and when the next song came up she totally lost it. It was beautiful soul by Jesse McCartney her absolute favourite it was the one song that Kanata used to sing to her all the time. Her eyes followed their own accord landing on his face as the song came up and she found him staring back at her.

He stood up & walked towards her. She prayed he would say something anything at least that way she would know that she wasn't the only one going insane here. He kept walking towards her and then more walking and he walked right past her and she turned around to find the last person she had expected to be here, Seiya was standing right next to Kanata holding up a file and saying something she couldn't hear over the music. Kanata took that file nodded at him and walked straight out of the door without so much as a backward glance to spare and she knew it then that she had lost him and this time it was once and for all. It hurt it really did hurt a lot. Then a lot more later on.

how was it? terrible?okay?good? let me know!

sneek peek into next chapter

'Why? Why do you care? You show up after 5 years, engaged and looking like a Hollywood model and act all vulnerable and…why you pull me back exactly when I am about to let go' Nothing much has changed, when they were in school they both hated each other but still somehow cared for each other in their own ways and now even when she's engaged she's here sleeping on his couch.

'You still confuse me Miyu' he just stared at her and then walked to the bathroom. Half an hour later when he was all dressed and ready for the day he walked over to her, lifted her in his arms and settled her on the bed instead. Going by the clock she'll be sleeping for an hour or two, not an early bird he reminded himself and walked out to resume his work.