Him

I had that dream again, it was that night. I didn't mean to do what I did and I don't know why I did it. Why did she have to be there that night, why? If she wasn't there everything would have worked out. I question the day that I ever joined that group, if she hadn't of been there they wouldn't of made me do that, why why WHY? I hate my life!

I got up and I was in hell, literary. It wasn't like it was anything I hadn't seen before.

"haruhi you tried this way to many times" I said getting up. I watched as she just stood there, I can see the hatred that she has for me and it makes me cringe to the thought that I would do such a thin at the command of somebody else.

"I have to get ready, take me home." I asked her and kept walking.

I hate that she doesn't talk back to me; she hates any form of talking to me.

She appeared in front of me as my room slowly returned.

"You don't deserve your life!" she said but I ignored her. It made her more annoyed but I can't show any weakness, not to her. As much as I'm dying inside with the guilt I can't in any way show her or she will use it against me.

"Don't try anything okay no one is going to see you. Just give up and move on". I said making coffee. She just watched me, her eyes staring daggers at me. I got ready and left

"See you when I get home sweetie" I said mockingly, though I know I shouldn't have said anything.

I hesitated after a walked out the door and spent the whole walk to the host club base thinking about this feeling I couldn't shake off. I don't know what it was but it hurt and wanted it to go away. As usual, of course she followed me and tried attempts to show the host club she was there. Always failing. Today was the anniversary of her death and everyone was in morning over her. I still remember that night; her face was paler then the moon. But it had to be done, she was taking away our guests from us and she couldn't keep living as a boy. I know I could have used reason but I just wanted some excitement in my dreary life. Our guests were affected by this day to greatness and the energy showed darkness. Every now and again something would catch on fire and burn out or she would try to leave clues but my clever self just covered them up. Though I do miss her at times and awfully regret what in had done but it can't be helped now, can it? I kept to my self today at the off chance people would notice my mood but certain times I would slip up and hoped no one had of noticed. I acted as myself trying not to show weakness to the faults. By lunch we were all talking about how we missed her.

"I just don't see why she had to go, who could have done such a thing" kauru said

"Some sick bastard that had become her latest fan, we should have watched her more carefully!" hikaru said

"just can not bare the sight of her not here with her smiling face" kyoya said.

It was a very depressing lunch time, and I could see her sitting with us, crying. Cursing at how much she wishes she were there. What have I done...?

Haruhi

I got up; I knew what day it was. Why would I ever forget? The day that bastard sole my whole life! I decided to send him to hell for the morning, it's the one place anyone will accept him after they all know what he dd. every time I try to show them I am here and who it was, they can't see me. Only he can and that's an eternal punishment, to have only him to talk to as I walk here, him of all people! No one would have ever guessed it was him, and no one has. I just have to sit and wait for him to wake up.

"Haruhi you tried this way too many times" he said as he got up.

I stood in front of him but he wouldn't care. He never cared.

"I have to get ready, take me home." he asked.

I did as he said, though its not like he could hurt me for not, he already destroyed my life.

"You don't deserve life!" I yelled at him. 'But I do' I thought.

He ignored me as usual and made himself breakfast.

"Don't try anything okay no one is going to see you. Just give up and move on" he said in a way like he knew I wouldn't and he said just to annoy me further. He started to leave but looked back.

"See you when I get home sweetie" he said

I felt sick to the stomach, how could he possible act as he does knowing what he has done, gah!. I got to the host club base and waited for the host club. Everyone looked so sad, that what hurts the most that even after five years they still have such pain in their faces. I just wish they could see who it was and this would end. I decided that because they were serving tea that everyone prefers hot tea and set it on fire saying help me please, but he got their to put it out and act as if he was a hero, that bastard. At one point I could have sworn I sore sadness in his face too, but I must have just been seeing things because someone like him must feel nothing. The day felt so wrong, there was no joy like what I remember the host club as being, I hated it, with all my heart I hated it and I hated him. I sat with them as they had their lunch and listened in.

"I just don't see why she had to go, who could have done such a thing" kauru said

"Some sick bastard that had become her latest fan, we should have watched her more carefully!" hikaru said

"just can not bare the sight of her not here with her smiling face" kyoya said.

It brought me to tears why, why did I have to have ended as I did! Why was someone I trusted so much turned against me in such a horrific way!

I watched him as he fell in to his hands, all just his trick.

Why I thought, why did I have to go...