I was falling into the abyss. Falling further than I ever thought possible. But there was no breeze flowing through my hair, no blurring of the imagery around me. No sinking feeling in my stomach. No light. No life. There was nothing to symbolise the fact I was falling apart from the inky blackness becoming darker and darker as I fell further down.
The darkness was seeping in to my brain. My thoughts were becoming twisted and shrunken of all light and life. I was screaming but no sound came out. Constantly screaming. The days felt like months, although what was to say it wasn't months. I had no concept of time. The only thing that symbolised to me that it was another day was light.
Once a day a glimmer of light would cut thought darkness. This one small glimmer of light would rain down on me like droplets of gold, dancing around, teasing me, playing with me. Urging for me to follow them upwards. Taking me by the hand and dragging me towards them, pulling me closer and closer to the light. Until I could begin feel its warmth, cascading me in the bright beams. I drank it in, it was so close I could touch it, I could reach out and grab whatever was on the otherwise of that light. But then it would disappear, it would shrivel up and shy away from me. It's grasp loosening from me until it was there no longer. I would tumble back into the dark depths, weeping as I went. Once again the hope had been drained from me. I was alone.
Like a flower without the light, I shrivelled up and became withered and limp. Preparing to die. Because without that light what would I have to live for?
The dark seemed to be slowly advancing on me. Trapping me and making it harder for me to breathe. Now and again I would get to a point where I would stop falling and just rest there. With nothing supporting me, the only happy thought being that of the light.
But this time I was falling, falling deeper than I had before. The darkness around me swirling around my organs, seeping in through my nose. Breathing it in but not being able to exhale it. It was filling my lungs, I was clawing at my throat begging to be released, begging to be able to breathe.
A piercing beeping sound filled my ears drowning out every other thought, I brought my hands to my ears but this did nothing to stop it. My body was jolted upwards, a surge of electricity running through my veins. Another one brought me further up. But there was still no light. Something brushed past my hand, I tried to retract but my muscles weren't responding. Someone took hold of my hand. A tiny beam of light shone though from above.
"Come on delph, stay with me you've gotta stay with me".
Cosima, I breathed a sigh of relief. I tried to reach up to touch her but there was something holding me back. I wanted to touch her so badly, to hold her in my arms, to feel her pulse, and her breathing, to make sure she was ok.
"Come on we can do this yeah? Everything's gonna be alright. But you've got to stay with me"
The crack of light above me widened. Inviting me towards it. I reached upwards, the light helping me towards it.
"Please come back to me delph, please" she whispered pleadingly.
The beeping was becoming fainter, more regular. The light becoming stronger and brighter.
Another surge of electricity ran through me, kick starting my organs, I could feel my heart beat pounding through my chest. The surge jolted me upwards I was so close to the light. A soft breeze ruffled through my hair, the sweet smell of roses wafted through.
"Come on delph your so close" I felt my hand being gently squeezed.
"Come on don't leave a girl hanging, not when she's in love with you" her voice cracked.
The light above me shone down stronger and brighter than ever before. The darkness below me began to swirl and disperse like smoke on a breeze. I scrambled over the threshold of the light, to see what was on the other side. Willing myself to move forward to see Cosima, to be with Cosima, my life raft, saving me from drowning. My glimmer of light, my very own sun.
The blare of the bright hospital lights stunned me in my half open gaze. It took a while for the world to come into focus. The blurred bodies moved around me. I tried to turn my head to the side, to at least catch a glimpse of her but my body wouldn't let me.
"Hello there" a friendly voice came through "I'm doctor Stynes" my gaze moved to the slowly focusing image of a female doctor with her ginger hair in a neat bun on her head. I tried to move my neck again.
"Woah there" she shook her head in a rather condescending manner "you should leave it a while before you try to move. Now here are the basics your name is Delphine Cormier, now I, only telling you this because many coma patients have mild amnesia. You have been in a Coma for the past two weeks"
Merde. Two weeks, my new job should have already started. I should have left America. Where was Cosima? Where was she? I wanted her here with me. I was scared, I couldn't move. I wanted to go home. Wherever home was.
Home. Why was my first thought of home the flat where I had spent all of one night with Kirsten and Cosima. Why did that feel more like home than the flat I had lived in for three years back in Paris?
Where was Cosima?
"Hey there" a soft reassuring voice came floating through and a hand brushed against mine. Cosima. She pulled her chair closer to me so I could see her. She looked exhausted, bags under eyes, pale. Her cheeks stained with tears, eyes puffy from crying.
"I thought I'd lost you there" another tear spilled out and paved its way down her face.
"But I knew you would make it, I just knew. I knew you would come back to me, you had to come back to me. After all I couldn't lose my number one Eskimo pie" she leant down and kissed me ever so softly on my cheek.