Episode Twenty-Eight: Host Hatchet
Episode 28! Yay! Thanks for the reviews, guys!
TDU Train, Conductor's Room
Stephan was in the Conductor's Room, trying to be a host. "Last time on TDU," he began. "Contestants had to—"
Chef burst in to the room, interrupting him. "Move over, chubby," he commanded. "This is my show now. Last time on Total Drama Universe," he started, shoving Stephan out of the way. "Maggots had to go through a bunch of lie detector crap, which I thought was a total waste of time. It turns out the blue one likes the orange chick, and the other blue one killed the hat boy's father. Then the Dorito's plannin' something stupid, and the waiter boy was gay and liked Mario 07 or something. And then Chris was arrested, now I'm runnin' the show. What will happen to these maggots once I'm through with them? How long will Chris be gone for? Find out right now on Total…Drama…Universe."
(WHO'S GONNA ROCK THE PLACE, PLACE)
First Class
All of the contestants had gathered in First Class after the last challenge. "Thanks for putting us in here, Stuart!" Bianca said happily.
"Yeah," Ash agreed. "I wish Steven was the host."
"Anything for my friends," Stephan said proudly. "Who still can't get my name right…" He rubbed his shoulder, still stinging from when Chef threw him out of the Conductor's Room. "I wonder where Chef is—"
"HEY! YOU GUYS AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN THERE!" Chef's voice boomed from outside. He burst in to the room, shoving all of the contestants in to Loser Class. "And STAY OUT!" he yelled, slamming the door.
Bathroom Confessional
(Chef)
"These kids are as annoyin' as they were the last five seasons. How did I even end up here, anyway? One minute I'm servin' in the forces, next I'm cookin' for reality TV! Sometimes I even question myself…"
Loser Class
"Ow!" Joey and Meowth exclaimed, landing on top of each other.
Melaney sighed and sat on the bench across from Sonic. "Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey," he replied.
"Sorry, I made you feel stupid yesterday," she said, avoiding eye contact.
Sonic grinned. "Pssh, whatever. I get it. I'm an arrogant jerk."
"Well, you do have your moments," Melaney admitted. They both laughed. "So are we all good?" she asked.
"Yeah, totally," he said, giving her a thumbs up.
She narrowed her eyes. "You're faking it."
"No I'm not," he said, rolling his eyes. Melaney knew better, however.
"Sonic, really, you're horrible at acting," she answered.
"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "You're just a Candor. If I was a horrible actor, I wouldn't have been able to keep it together when Tails left for the Games."
"Yeah right," Melaney scoffed. "Angel told me how after you left that room you were bawling your eyes out more than she was."
He shrugged. "Whatever."
Bianca walked over to them, fangirl happy and being herself. "Oh! There's the Titanic!" she said excitedly.
Sonic raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"
"Titanic is your ship name!" she explained. Or tried to explain, anyway.
Melaney shook her head. "That still doesn't make any sense. What does the Titanic have to do with anything?"
"It's really simple, actually," Bianca began. "Sonic is one half of the ship, while Melaney is the other. Sonic's half is built, and Melaney's isn't. Therefore and forever more, your ship will inevitably sink unless Melaney's half of the ship is ever built." The two just sat there until Melaney said something.
"Wow, now I feel like a bitch," Melaney groaned. "Thanks, Bianca." She began walking away.
Bianca shrugged. "You're welcome!" she exclaimed, not picking up on the sarcasm.
Sonic stood up. "Melaney, wait—"
Chef burst in to the room, slamming the door in to Joey. "IT'S CHALLENGE TIME, MAGGOTS!"
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
The contestants were at an abandoned boot camp in the middle of the woods, surrounded by tents, training equipment, and obviously trees. They stood in a line while Chef paced back and forth in front of them, wearing his military outfit. "All right, maggots," he barked. "You're gonna cry. You're gonna puke. And you're most definitely gonna be in pain. Some of you might even DIE." He glared at Joey, there faces only a few inches away from each other. He continued pacing. "First challenge. Run through an obstacle course…and LIVE."
They all turned and looked at the obstacle course, which was divided in to three segments: A ten-foot-tall rock wall, a Basculin infested pool, and a twenty by twenty forest of barbed wire.
Bathroom Confessional
(Ash)
"This shouldn't be a problem! I've got Pokemon on my side!"
(Sonic)
"The rock wall should be easy…swimming through the pool? Not so much."
(Brock)
"What?! Barbed wire?! I JUST GOT THIS VEST TODAY!"
(Amy)
"And we all say Cilan is the gay guy…"
Some Boot Camp Somewhere, Canada
"And no Pokemon!" Chef yelled, watching Ash take out his Poke Balls. He quickly put them back on his belt, Chef's nostrils flaring at him as the substitute host walked away. "The first seven victims to get through will proceed to the next challenge! Any questions?" Everyone was too afraid to raise their hands. "GO!"
Zoey began rushing up the rock wall, using her flexibility and gymnastic skills to her advantage. She jumped off fearlessly in to the Basculin pool. "OW!" she exclaimed, getting Crunched on the leg. She fought through water and Pokemon, finally reaching the barbed wire forest. "You've…got…to…be…kidding…me…"
Bathroom Confessional
(Zoey)
"Is it just me? Or is it bad that I actually miss Chris?"
(Chef)
"Zoey's a nice kid. I bet she's just havin' a ball out there in that obstacle course!"
Some Boot Camp Somewhere, Canada
Zoey fought through the barbed wire, her clothes constantly getting torn and scratched. "Yikes!" she said through a scream. She had gotten scraped on her hip, causing it to bleed even more than the other scratches on her arms and legs. She groaned and pushed through the metal, finally landing on the ground with a flop. "I made it?" she asked herself, looking around. "I made it!" she exclaimed. "Yes!" Chef nodded approvingly.
Ash and Brock were up next, trying to climb the rock wall. "Almost there!" Ash said to himself, nearing the top of the wall.
Brock looked at the wall, then shouted, "I AM BROCKY BALBOA!" He punched it, shaking it and causing Ash to fall on top of him. "Ow…" they both groaned.
"Hat and vest boy are out!" Chef yelled. "Who's the next batch of fresh meat?"
"Me!" Bianca exclaimed happily. She came running with a giant stick, pole vaulting over all three obstacles. She landed on her face in front of Chef. "I'm here!" she said excitedly.
Chef groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Move out of the way, cat!" Joey yelled, shoving Meowth out of the way.
"No, you move!" Meowth yelled back. They both managed to reach the top of the wall, then jumped in to the Basculin pool. "CAT! CAT!" Meowth yelled. "CAN'T SWIM! HEELP!"
Joey rolled his eyes, then swam to the barbed wire forest. He screamed, running head first through the metal until he came out on the other side. He took a face plant in to the ground, swallowing dirt. "Did I make it?" he asked, his voice muffled. Chef only nodded.
Phineas began climbing the rock wall, putting something on the stones where people most commonly put their hands or feet.
Bathroom Confessional
(Phineas)
"Let's just say that whenever someone touches those rocks…they'll experience an explosion."
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
Phineas took a device out of his pocket, which released a magnetic wave. He was soon pulled to the top of the barb wired forest and ran across, landing next to Zoey, Bianca, and Joey.
"I'm going next," Angel said, shoving Amy out of the way.
"Hey!" Amy exclaimed.
Bathroom Confessional
(Amy)
"I swear, she's still after Sonic…"
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
Angel began climbing the rocks, and not very effectively. (AN: Get it? Ice isn't very effective on Rock? I crack myself up.) She happened to place her hand on one of the bomb-strapped rocks, causing her to fall.
"I've got you!" Tails exclaimed, catching her. "You okay?"
She smiled and got down. "Not my first explosion, and definitely not my last." She climbed back up, going through the hole in the wall that formed from the explosion. "Sorry, Basculin," she whispered, touching the water with her foot. It froze over, coating every Pokemon (including Meowth) in frost. She skated across, then stood in front of the barbed wire forest.
"Ooh, let me try!" Olaf said. He ran though the wire, getting impaled multiple times. "I did it!" he exclaimed, multiple pieces of metal sticking out of him. "C'mon, Angel, it's fun!"
Angel sighed and rolled her eyes, forming her spear in to a hammer. She whacked at the wire, making small dents with every hit. "I hate type effectiveness…" she muttered. A few minutes later, she finally broke through. "I did it!" she exclaimed.
"Me next!" Stephan yelled. "AAAAAHH!" he yelled. Using brute strength, he smashed through the the wall, slipped over the frozen Basculin, and ripped through the barbed wire. "I MADE IT!" he screamed.
"WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!" Zoey yelled.
"I DON'T KNOW!" he screamed, then walked toward Zoey, Joey, Phineas, Angel, and Bianca.
Melaney and Morgan exchanged looks, both realizing that there was only one more spot open. "I'm going," Melaney said determinedly.
"Not if I get there first!" Morgan yelled. The two took off, clambering through the hole Stephan had made in the wall. Melaney stomped on the ice, creating a huge crack in the ice before running toward the barbed wire forest.
Morgan groaned, then turned her wand on herself. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she shouted. She rose in to the air, flying over the cracked ice and wire. "YES!" she yelled. "I made it! In your face, Melaney!"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Melaney shouted from the inside of the forest.
Bathroom Confessional
(Melaney)
"I am so. Frickin. Pissed."
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere in Canada
Chef nodded, pacing back and forth in front of the remaining contestants. "All right. The next challenge is real simple. You're gonna go up in a plane, and you're gonna jump. Last three still able to walk moves on. Got it?" The contestants nodded. "THEN GO!"
The contestants climbed in to the small plane, which was only built for two people. An intern took them in to the air, one thousand feet above the ground. "Who's going to jump first?!" Angel yelled over the engine.
"I will!" Zoey yelled. She leapt off the plane's wing, then crashed in to a tree. She sighed. "I think I'm done here…"
"Oh gosh…" Stephan mumbled, looking down.
"You can jump next, Steven!" Bianca yelled.
"My name is—AAAH!" Morgan shoved him off the plane wing, causing him to land on the beach. "Ow…"
"I'll go next!" Angel yelled. She closed her eyes and walked off the edge, landing on top of Stephan. She opened her eyes. "I'm alive? YES! I DID IT!"
Stephan groaned. "I think I punctured my spleen…"
"Ooh, ooh, me next!" Bianca exclaimed, peering down over the edge. She leaned forward a bit too much, then went plummeting.
Angel got off Stephan, allowing him to stand up. Unfortunately for him, Bianca decided to fall on top of him. "Hi Stuben!" she said cheerfully. She looked around. "Are you ever going to take me on a date?" Stephan only sighed. Bianca tried to stand up, but ended up falling on her face from dizziness.
Phineas shoved Morgan and Joey out of the way. "Let me jump, idiots." He jumped off the wing, then quickly took another device out of his pocket. A parachute came out of it, allowing him to land without fail.
Morgan and Joey exchanged looks. "We'll jump together!" she said.
"Okay," Joey answered. The two jumped at the same time, but ended up going in different directions. Morgan's eyes widened as she realized that she was about to land in the barbed wire. "No, no, no, no, no, no SHI—"
Bathroom Confessional
(Morgan)
"So. Frickin. Pissed."
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
Joey winced as he watched Morgan hit the barbed wire, then realized that he was about to land on the rocky area of the beach. "LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR, STATE FARM IS THERE!" he yelled. "With a piano!" He looked up, only to see that a grand piano was about to smash him. "What?!" he exclaimed. "That's not what I meant! I meant a para—" he smashed in to the ground, the piano landing on top of him.
"Joey!" Morgan yelled, climbing out of the wire and running toward him.
Bathroom Confessional
(Phineas)
"If that fox is dead, I'm one annoying hedgehog away from killing another…"
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
The contestants had gathered around the piano, waiting for Joey to emerge from under the piano. A few minutes later, he finally crawled out…and stood up.
"Dammit," Phineas mumbled.
"He lives!" Meowth yelled, the lower half of his body still frozen. The contestants cheered for a few seconds, then got bored and walked off. Chef nodded approvingly at Joey.
"LINE UP, MAGGOTS!" Chef yelled. Joey, Angel, and Phineas stood in a line, ready for the last challenge. "This last challenge is the most gruesome, most horrible, worst challenge yet. You'll have to hang upside down from…a tree."
There was a few seconds of silence before Sonic burst out laughing. "Hang from a tree? That's it? Wow, Chef, and here we were expecting some sort of crazy—" he stopped when Chef put his face only a few inches from his own.
"Do you remember what you had for breakfast, Sonic?" he asked in a dark whisper.
"Uh…I think they were scrambled eggs," Sonic answered nervously. "That's what they looked like, anyway…"
Chef laughed. "Scrambled eggs, he says! That's funny!" he suddenly stopped laughing and growled. "Three of those dishes of 'scrambled eggs' were tainted. And it just so happens that these three idiots had those dishes."
Tails' eyes widened. "What'd you put in them?" he asked.
Chef shrugged. "Just a few pills that might cause pukin', allergic reactions, and paralysis." He looked at the remaining three contestants. "You ladies don't have a problem with that, do you?"
The three shook their heads.
Bathroom Confessional
(Angel)
"Oh my God…I knew there was something wrong with that stuff, other than it tastes horrible. Wait…I saw something pink in there this morning. Cherry Benadryl. I can't have cherries…"
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
Just then, Joey started puking on the sand.
"Looks like we've found the puking dish," Melaney said, taking a step back. She looked at Angel. "Hey…your face is looking kind of blotchy."
"I know," Angel answered, scratching her cheek. Her face was turning red in various places. She looked at Brock worriedly. "Brock? What happens when you take allergy meds that you're allergic to?"
Brock scratched his chin. "Well…if it's Benadryl you'll probably suffer like it's a regular allergy. Then your body will shut down and you'll fall asleep."
"Great," Angel said sarcastically, her face getting redder by the second. She looked over at Phineas. "How come Dorito head over here isn't acting like he's been hit with Thunder Wave?"
Chef laughed. "That one takes a minute to activate. UP IN THE TREE, MAGGOTS!"
The group walked to the largest tree in the forest, the highest branch up forty feet in the air. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Tails asked as Angel began climbing the tree. "You're starting to look a little like Amb—"
"Don't even say the name," she warned. She sighed. "I'll be fine, okay? Just…catch me if I fall." He nodded as she continued to climb the tree, then finally hung upside down next to Phineas.
Chef paced back and forth in front of the tree as the challenge began. "The three of you are gonna have to use more will power than you ever have before. In the first five minutes, you'll start to feel real dizzy." Joey happened to puke on an intern at this moment. "Then in the next ten to fifteen, you'll be able to feel the blood rush to your head. Within twenty minutes you'll be unconscious…or dead."
"How nice," Phineas mumbled, trying to hide the fact that he couldn't feel or move anything anymore.
Joey puked again while Angel froze herself to the tree.
"You can do it, Joe," Morgan said encouragingly.
"Don't worry about it Angel," Tails said nervously. "I'll catch you if you need to fall." She nodded back, only to have her face turn even redder. Phineas said nothing, his jaw now shut tight.
A few more minutes of this went by before Angel started to yawn. "Don't fall asleep!" Sonic yelled from the ground. "Just stick it out for a little longer and all four of us can spend the night in First Class!"
"It's pretty hard to sleep when Joey's dry heaving over here," she said irritably. It was almost as if the next thing that was going to come out of Joey's mouth was his intestines. Phineas only grunted.
"Can I shoot Phineas?" Melaney whispered to Sonic, holding her tranquillizer gun.
He shrugged. "Just don't hit—" too late. "—Angel," he finished.
"Ow," Angel whispered, feeling the dart pinch her hand. She glared at the Yoshi. "Nice job, dude."
Tails shook his head. "This is insane." He stood under the tree, dodging Joey's puke. "Just fall Angel. It's not worth it."
"But—"
"Please just do it," he pleaded, holding out his arms. She sighed and let go of the tree, allowing him to catch her. "There," he said in relief.
"Like a crazy trust exercise," she said sleepily. He only nodded.
Joey tried to pretend to puke, but ended up doing it for real. "Stupid Frozen," he muttered.
"You better win this, Joey!" Melaney yelled.
"If I don't it's still partly your—blech—fault!" he yelled back.
"How?!" Melaney exclaimed.
Tails gave her an annoyed look. "You managed to take down someone who froze her pants to a tree branch."
Bathroom Confessional
(Melaney)
"So I shot down my own teammate for like the fourth time! MY BAD!"
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
"Joey, Joey, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!" Bianca and Meowth cheered, although the cat Pokemon was less enthusiastic about it. "JUST WIN THE CHALLENGE ALREADY!" Meowth screamed.
Joey looked over at Phineas, then noticed the small patch of ice next to him that Angel had left on the branch. He gasped as he put two and two together, possible getting fire truck for an answer.
Bathroom Confessional
(Joey)
*taps head* "I used me smarticles this time."
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
Joey slowly began scooting toward Phineas, half trying not to puke. If he got it all over Phineas, who cared? The other competitor began scooting the other way, getting closer to the patch of ice. This went on for a few more seconds until Joey finally "let it go" and puked all over him.
Phineas would've said something in anger, but the paralysis prevented him from doing so. He slipped on the ice, then plummeted to the ground with no one to catch him.
Chef shrugged. "And the winner is the weird red weasel thing!"
"I won?" Joey said quietly. "I won! YES!" He accidently slipped, but Morgan used her wand to catch him before he hit the ground. The group cheered, Stephan placing Joey on his shoulders. "I did it! I won a challenge!"
"You were awesome, Joey," Angel said weakly, leaning on Tails for support. "Now go in the Confessional and show your nostrils to the world!"
Sonic gave Melaney a weird look. "How much did you put in that gun?" She only shrugged.
Bathroom Confessional
(Joey)
*leans over back of the camera* "Can you see my nostrils?!"
(Phineas)
"Chris really needs to make a foxhunting challenge…"
Some Boot Camp, Somewhere In Canada
Chef turned to Joey and saluted him. "Joe, it's been an honor training you. And I'd be happy to go war with you any day." Joey saluted him back, a grin on his face. Suddenly, a helicopter flew over them, dropping Chris in front of the group.
He stood up, his hair a mess and his clothes ripped. He glared at Brock. "YOU!" he exclaimed.
"Me?" Brock asked, pointing to himself.
"You…are going home, Brocko," Chris growled. "If you hadn't been yelling about girls while we were in there, I wouldn't have been arrested! Everyone head to the Elimination Room! Brocky boy here is going home."
Elimination Room
"Okay," Chris began, throwing the last cupcake to Joey. "Before we get rid of Mr. I-Can't-Live-Without-Girls, Joe has to pick the three he wants to bring to First Class with him. Who're you bringing, Joey?"
Joey looked around thoughtfully. "Hmm…I choose…Zoey…and Ash…and….Morgan."
"Yes!" the three exclaimed.
Chris shrugged. "Now throw Brock OFF!" Chef grabbed him, then threw him off the train. The host turned to the camera. "What will happen next? What horrible torture will these guys go through? How many more times can Phineas avoid getting voted off? The answers to come on Total…Drama…Universe!"
Episode 28's done! Yay! You know what else is done? SCHOOL! YES! I'M A FRESHMAN! …And I'm sad. Our school saves the good teachers for seventh and eighth grade. It's good because you can also have them for two years, but then it's sad because once you graduate, you move to a different building and can't see them all the time. Not only that, but having them for two years makes it harder to move on. Ugh. But whatever. Q of the Week: What TWO, yes, that's the number two, contestants would you want to see in the finale? AND what kind of challenge would you want it to be? AND WHY?! Tell me in the reviews! See you later!