Episode Thirty: Dinkleberg

Episode 30! YES! I've been planning this one for a really long time. Like, since I was writing Sonic, Pokemon, and the Hunger Games. I've been planning this for SIX AND A HALF MONTHS! Wondering what I'm talking about? Well, I guess you'll just have to read.

TDU Train, Conductor's Room

"Last time on TDU," Chris began. "Contestants had to race down Mt. Moon on the back of a Pokemon of their choice. Except for Stuben, who was stuck riding a tiny Deerling. Anyway, Angel and Tails finished first after getting attacked by Phineas. This scene did not look ANYTHING AT ALL like a scene from Frozen. Nope. No ice people ever almost got their head sliced off by the villain, and no one was saved by their 'true love'. In the end, Bianca was thrown off for being the last one to cross the finish line, even though most contestants didn't cross anyway. What will happen next? Is Phineas finally going to put his plan in to action? Will his plan raise the ratings and my paycheck at the same time? It better. Find out right here, right now, on Total…Drama…Universe!"

(Theme Song WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER)

Loser Class

"Unbelievable!" Stephan exclaimed, pacing around the room. "Bianca's gone! Now what am I supposed to do?"

"You could actually win the million," Ash suggested. Stephan ignored him, however.

Stephan snapped his fingers. "I've got it! I'll actually win the million! Man, I have such great ideas." Ash groaned and said nothing.

"Why does stupid Twitterpated get First Class all to themselves?" Joey whined, sliding against the wall. "I would've crossed the finish line if Chris didn't wake up all those Zubat!"

"I wonder what they're doing in there," Melaney said, looking through the window. She covered up Morgan's mouth before she could make any dirty comments. "Don't put images in people's heads, Morgan."

Sonic rolled his eyes. "This is stupid. Do you guys really think they could possibly be doing anything bad in there?"

"Can we not talk about this?" Ash asked. "My ten-year-old brain isn't ready!" he exclaimed, covering up his ears.

"That's not what all the lemons on the internet say," Meowth muttered. He looked up at Stephan. "Hey fat twerp, what do you think the next challenge is going to be about?"

"I'M NOT FAT!"

Bathroom Confessional

(Stuart)
"I'm NOT FAT! And how many times do I have to tell you stupid producers, my name IS STEPHAN!"

Loser Class

"What do you think, Amy?" Zoey asked. The pink hedgehog was too busy growling at Ash and Melaney. Zoey sighed. "I guess it's just me and my sanity."

Bathroom Confessional

(Zoey)
"Sometimes I seriously feel like I'm talking to a bunch of rocks. All of the girls here are either insane or too wrapped up in their love life to just…talk. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the reason why Gwen's not around on the show anymore. Maybe when she gave Chris the glass there was still a little poison in it? Either way, I really miss her…and Mike. I've made so many friends during Revenge of the Island and All-Stars, like Cameron. But this season…it doesn't seem like I've done that much of anything."

Loser Class

"Perfect," Phineas whispered. He held up the diamond he had created for his plan; the many layers reflecting light were so beautiful that it was hypnotic. "My revenge…I'll get it today." He put the diamond in his pocket, then sat down with the others. They were oblivious to what was going to happen soon.

First Class, Training Room

"Spearow! Spear—"

Angel formed her spear in to multiple daggers, chucking them at the holographic Pokemon. After she had killed all of them, a large fake Pidgeot tried to attack her. She shoved her spear through its stomach and flung its corpse across the room. "Yes!" she exclaimed. "I've still got it!" She flew in to the air with her snowflake, then dove in to the foam pit below.

Bathroom Confessional

(Angel)
"It's our three month anniversary! Yes!"

First Class, Tails' Room

Meanwhile, Tails and Olaf had been working on something in Tails' room. "How's it look?" he asked the snowman. He held up a blue bracelet made of tiny gemstones, which created a picture of a Glaceon. "Do you think she'll like it?"

Olaf gasped, holding the bracelet in his hands. "It's beautiful! Wait, what are we doing this for again?"

Tails rolled his eyes and took the bracelet back, putting it in a small black box. "Three month anniversary. I wanted to do something special for her for being a great girlfriend. And saving my butt a million times."

"That's so romantic," Olaf whispered. "And I'm a love expert, so I would know."

"I didn't stop there," Tails said with a smile. "I bribed Chris in to giving us First Class for dinner. I can't screw this up, Olaf. And you can't tell her."

Olaf nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Seriously, Olaf, you can't say anything."

"Uh-huh."

"Are you paying attention?"

"Uh-huh."

Tails sighed. "Okay…whatever you say." He was about to leave when Chris swung the door open and almost hit him in the face.

"It's challenge time!"

Viridian Forest, Kanto

"Welcome to Viridian Forest!" Chris announced. The contestants were surrounded by multiples trees, plants, rocks, and bug Pokemon. There was even the occasional Pikachu. Above them was the starry sky.

"But we were just at Mt. Moon!" Stephan yelled. "It's literally two steps away!"

"And you point is…?" Chris trailed off.

"Why can't we go to Unova so I can see Bianca?!" Stephan exploded. "Do you have any idea what it's like to not be able to see someone you're dating for a long period of time?!"

"Yes," all the non-single people answered.

"Dude," Melaney said, "I haven't seen my boyfriend for more than three months. It's been less than twenty-four hours since you've seen her!"

"Well excuse me for actually caring," Stephan said stubbornly, crossing his arms.

Chris cleared his throat. "Ahem. Anyway…today's challenge is gonna be so much fun!"

"Really?" Ash asked hopefully.

"For me to watch," Chris finished with a smirk. "But if you think getting shot with tranq darts, tranq balls, sleeping gas bombs, and accidently drinking Nyquil is fun, then I guess you'll enjoy it too."

"You mean—" Zoey began.

"That's right," Chris said. "You guys are going to be hunting each other down with this stuff. Whoever stays awake until morning gets First Class and immunity. You're weapons are in this truck." Chef pulled in to the area with a large moving truck, then opened up the back. Inside was a pile of the equipment Chris had mentioned, along with a few things needed for wilderness survival. "You have five minutes to gather your materials before you all take off in the woods."

Bathroom Confessional

(Melaney)
"A challenge that involves tranquillizing people?! This challenge was made for me!"

(Phineas)
"Wow, this couldn't get any more perfect! Makes the plan even better…"

Viridian Forest

Zoey dug through the items, grabbing a machine gun full of tranquillizer balls and some rope. "This challenge should be pretty easy, right?" she said to herself. "I just use my warrior instincts and everything'll be fine."

"We're staying together, right?" Sonic asked, turning to Angel, Tails, and Melaney.

"Of course!" Melaney said.

"Yeah," Angel mumbled to Tails. "Until Melaney shoots us all down on accident." She smiled. "Happy anniversary, by the way." She walked over to the back of the truck before he could return the favor.

After a few minutes of fighting for weapons, the contestants were ready to start the challenge. "Oh yeah, and one more thing," Chris said. "Any contestant who gets knocked out by anything that doesn't involve sleep inducing weapons will automatically be eliminated. Meaning that you probably shouldn't fall off a cliff and hit your head a million times on the way down. Any questions?" No one bothered to raise their hands. "Great! GO!"

Viridian Forest, Morgan

Morgan walked through the woods, a canteen of Nyquil in one hand and a pistol of tranquillizer darts in the other. "This'll be a piece of cake," she said, shooting down a nearby Caterpie in the process. She suddenly heard a rustling noise in the surrounding bushes. "Who's there?" she asked quickly, holding up her gun. "Better show yourself, or I'll shoot! And don't think I'll miss either. I beat Shadow in that shooting contest a while ago." Suddenly spinning around, she shot an area covered in brush.

"Whoa!" a voice came from the area. Zoey emerged from the bushes, a dart stuck in her machine gun. She yanked it out and threw it on the ground. "What was that for?"

"Thought you were someone else," Morgan said, lowering her gun. "You know Zoey, with my magic and your reflexes, we could probably make it to the finale together."

Zoey lowered her gun as well. "Are you saying we should make an alliance?"

"Yeah," Morgan replied.

"Hmm…" Zoey seemed thoughtful for a moment. "Nope!" she shot Morgan in the arm, knocking her out. "Sorry!" she yelled over her shoulder, grabbing Morgan's supplies and running away.

Bathroom Confessional

(Zoey)
"…what? I have to win this thing somehow. I do feel kinda bad about it though…"

Viridian Forest, Joey

"Anything can happen in this world, to an ordinary girl," Joey sang to himself, remembering a song Miley Cyrus wrote before she turned in to…whatever she is now. He looked down at the sling-shot in his hand and the five lonely tranquillizer balls he had. He snickered. "Balls." He gasped when Zoey came out of the bushes.

"Hello, Joe," she said, beginning to circle him with her machine gun. "A Miley Cyrus fan, huh? I should shoot you just for that."

"What?!" Joey exclaimed. "I don't even like her! Too much twerking."

Zoey narrowed her eyes. "What's that on your head?" As soon as he looked up, she shot him in the shoulder and winced as he hit the ground.

Bathroom Confessional

(Zoey)
"Maybe I should be more of the Zoey part and less of the commando…"

Viridian Forest, Zoey

"Sorry!" Zoey said again, grabbing his sling shot and tranq balls. "I'll pay you back somehow!" she shouted as she ran away. A few minutes later she had come to a cliff near the edge of the forest. "I don't remember this being part of the game…" she said, looking down over the edge. She turned around, only to see Stephan standing right behind her.

"Gotcha!" Stephan exclaimed, pointing his gun at her. He was about to shoot, but Meowth rammed him off the side of the cliff. "AAAAAAH!" Zoey and the cat Pokemon watched him fall, hitting his head on almost every rock on the way down.

"Do you think he's still awake?" Zoey asked when he had finally reached the bottom.

"Why don't you go find out?!" Meowth threatened, pulling out its bazooka and pointing it at her face.

"Please, I'm fragile!" Zoey said, slowly backing away from it and closer to the edge. Meowth kept moving closer to her, however. "I'm allergic to pain!" she exclaimed.

Meowth shrugged. "That's your problem." It shot her in the face expecting multiple tranquillizer balls to come out, only to hit her with a meatball instead. "What the heck?!"

Zoey shrieked as she lost her balance and fell off the edge of the cliff, crashing to the bottom. Unlike in Revenge of the Island, however, she didn't cry. She screamed.

Bathroom Confessional

(Zoey)
"Three seasons of taking this crap from Chris, Chef, and all of these other idiot bad guys is ENOUGH! I've had it with this show! It's time to END THIS!"

Viridian Forest, Zoey

Zoey growled, ripping the strip of fabric off the bottom of her shirt and wrapping it around her head. She dug her fingers in to the mud, then spread it across her face like war paint. "I'M GOING TO KILL CHRIS!" she yelled.

"That doesn't sound very good…" Meowth said nervously from the top of the cliff. Zoey jumped out of the crevice and landed in front of it, breathing heavily with a dark look in her eye. "Uh…hi, Zoey." She glared at it, then kicked it in to a tree before walking away.

Bathroom Confessional

(Meowth)
"Zoey Mega evolved in to Commando Zoey! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

Viridian Forest, Phineas

Phineas hid in the bushes, watching Sonic, Tails, Melaney, and Angel hunt for other competitors in the woods. "Perfect," he whispered, raising his gun. He had it pointed at Tails' chest, ready to shoot—

"Move!" Angel shouted, shoving Tails out of the way. A clear layer of ice shot up from the ground in front of her, catching the dart in mid-air.

Sonic's eyes widened. "Who tried to shoot—"

"Shush!" Angel yelled, cutting him off. She closed her eyes and pulled her spear out. She suddenly formed it in to a boomerang and flung it near where Phineas was. Hidden by the bushes, he managed to catch it without freezing himself. Angel flinched when she felt someone touch it. "Someone's here," she whispered nervously.

"Looking for this?" Phineas stepped out of the bushes, holding her boomerang. He pulled out his ray gun and set it to "heat." He smiled. "It's funny how some fire can make the coldest of ice go away."

"You wouldn't," Angel said, stepping back.

He shrugged. "Your choice." He flung it further in to the woods, then smirked. "What're you going to do now?"

Bathroom Confessional

(Angel)
"Since I'm not a Pokemon, touching the ice rock in Icirrus City was probably not the smartest choice I've made in my life. I think the spear was supposed to help balance things out so I don't freeze everything I touch…so this probably won't end well…"

Viridian Forest, Phineas

Angel gasped as she watched the ground around her freeze over, stretching in all directions. She looked up and glared at Phineas. "You really are a retard, aren't you?!" She lunged at him, kicking him in the kiwis. "You can try to kill me, treat my boyfriend like crap, throw Olaf's cupcakes out the window, but when you touch that spear, you go too far!" He attempted to punch her, but ended up missing. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, her anger beginning to freeze it. He was flung in to a nearby tree at a high speed.

"Good luck beating me, snow cone!" he yelled. He shot at her, but she froze the dart in midair before it could even make it half way. "Fine!" he shouted. "I'll just shoot him instead!" He shot at Tails again, but Angel was quick enough to freeze the ground under him, causing the fox to slip. The dart managed to graze him arm, however. "Perfect," he whispered. He smirked. "See you later, Elsa." He ran off, leaving the four alone.

"You okay, Tails?" Sonic asked, bending down to help his friend up.

He nodded. "I'm fine. Just a little drowsy."

Melaney turned to Angel. "Why'd he call you…oh." They watched as the ice on the ground stretched to a nearby tree, freezing it over entirely. "Angel—"

"Stay back," Angel said quickly, backing away. "I need to go find my spear, and everything'll be fine." I hope. She broke in to a run, going in the direction her weapon had gone.

Viridian Forest, Ash

Ash looked around. "Hello? Guys? Anyone here?" He continued to walk until something cold hit him in the back of the head and knocked him to the ground. "Ow!" he yelled. He looked up to see a Caterpie staring at him. "Hi Caterpie," he said quietly. Suddenly he was surrounded by ten of them, each one staring. All at once they took a hold of his pants with their mouths. "What are you doing?" he asked. The Bug Pokemon started moving in the direction his shoes were pointing, then crawled away with his pants.

"Hey!" Ash yelled, standing up. He looked down and realized that he was wearing Jigglypuff boxers. "Oh come on Mom, really?!" he exclaimed. "The one time you DIDN'T remind me to pack clean underwear?!"

"Jeez, Ash, haven't I seen you without pants enough already?!"

Ash turned around to see Angel standing there, spear now in hand. He tried to cover himself up. "Uh…I can explain." She leaned against a tree, giving him an 'I'm listening' look. "Okay, maybe I can't," he admitted. "Aren't you going to shoot me?"

"No, but I will!" Amy said, her gun pointed at the two of them.

"Aw, great," Angel groaned. "Will you just vote yourself off already so we don't have to listen to you anymore? It's like a freaking broken record."

Amy was about to shoot when they heard Chris scream from the starting area. "What was that?" Ash asked.

"Someone's killing Chris!" Angel exclaimed in excitement. She began running in that direction, Amy close behind her.

"Wait for me!" Ash yelled, still trying to cover up his underwear.

Viridian Forest, Zoey

"Hey, what are you doing?!" Chris yelled as Zoey kicked him out of his lawn chair. "That's my lawn chair!"

"You've got more important things to worry about," Zoey growled. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and hoisted him in the air. "All the pain, the torture, the taunting with the million, I'VE HAD IT! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR IT, CHRIS!" She kneed him in the crotched, then was forced to drop him on the ground when Chef began dragging her away. "Let me go, Chef! I hate you too!" Chef only rolled his eyes.

"Jeez!" Chris exclaimed, getting off the ground. "Great. Now my hair's all messed up! Thanks, Zoey!" He looked around and realized that most of the contestants had come back. "Where's Morgan, Joey, and Stuben?"

"Morgan and Joey were tranquillized by Commando Zoey," Meowth replied nervously. "And I…uh…shoved Steven off a cliff and might've knocked him out…"

"WHAT?!" Ash yelled, picking Meowth up and shaking it vigorously. "I DON'T WANT TO BE THE LAST POKEMON CHARACTER LEFT!"

"HELLO?!" Meowth yelled back. "I'M AN ACTUAL POKEMON IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED!"

Chris shrugged, watching two interns come back, one carrying Morgan and the other dragging Joey. "We could probably just leave without him. Everyone except for the sleeping beauties over there gets First Class." He, Chef, and the interns got back on the train, the contestants following close behind. A few minutes later they had left.

"Wait!" Stephan shouted, trying to chase the train down. "Take me with you!" he gave up after a few minutes, panting. He gasped coming to a realization. "I can go home and see Bianca now! YES! I—" he stopped, watching a group of Caterpie drag his socks away. He grinned. "You know what Caterpie? Take my socks away! I don't care! Bianca, I'm coming home!"

First Class

"Are you sure you're okay, buddy?" Sonic asked as he and Tails walked in to First Class.

"I'm fine, Sonic," he replied tiredly. He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and took a sip. Did he taste cherry? Thinking it was nothing, he shrugged it off. "Where's Chris?"

"Torturing interns in the Conductor's Room," he replied. "Why?"

Tails put the water bottle down. "I need my twenty bucks back since Angel and I are going to be in First Class anyway." He ran a few cars down, feeling more tired than usual. Shrugging it off again, he entered Chris' room.

Since Chris was ridiculously rich, everything in his room was handcrafted and made form the finest material. Tails proceeded to grab the money on the desk next to the crackling fireplace when a voice behind him made him jump.

"Hey Tails," Phineas said, walking in to the room.

Tails spun around to face him. "What do you want?" he asked, trying to conceal his nervousness.

"Relax," Phineas replied. "I just want to talk."

"About what?" Tails asked, trying to keep his guard up.

"I want to apologize for everything," Phineas lied, and he was doing it quite well. "I shouldn't have tried to kill you or Angel just because of what happened in the Games. I'm not sure what got in to me. Would you forgive me?" He held out his hand.

"…Fine," Tails said reluctantly. He didn't take his hand however. "I have to go—"

Phineas raised an eyebrow. "Why? C'mon, sit down. We should talk."

He was about to refuse, but then realized he was extremely tired. He sat down in Chris' velvet chair across from Phineas, the soft cushions pushing against his body in all the right places.

"Great," Phineas said. "That's a soft chair, isn't? If I win the million I'm going to buy one just like it. Wouldn't you?"

"Yeah," Tails replied, trying to cover up a yawn. "It's really nice…" he was having trouble keeping his eyes open, causing Phineas to grin evilly.

"You can close your eyes if you want," Phineas said soothingly. "We don't have to talk now if you're tired." Tails didn't bother hiding the yawn this time, letting his eyes droop shut.

Phineas grinned again, then cleared his throat. "I want to show you something," he said quietly. "Look at this." Tails had to use extreme effort to open his tired eyes. Phineas held out a crystal clear diamond, light passing through the many layers. "Isn't it amazing?"

Tails nodded sleepily, staring in to the diamond. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, the way the light past through the crystals. Phineas began turning the diamond, causing it to move in a revolving hypnotic pattern.

That's when it hit Tails like a slap in the face. The water. The warmth of the fire. The tranquillizer. Even the revolving diamond. They were all ways to get him to relax so Phineas could use hypnosis. Unfortunately it hit him too late, and he slipped in to a trance.

Phineas smiled. "Perfect. Now here's what I want you to do." He whispered something in Tails' ear, then backed away. Tails nodded blankly and walked out of the room. Little did Phineas know that Meowth had been listening the whole time.

Bathroom Confessional

(Meowth)
"So the Dorito twerp is planning something….I gotta warn somebody! Between him and Commando Zoey, we're all gonna die!"

First Class, Chris' Room

"Hold in right there," Phineas growled, grabbing Meowth by the tail and pinning it up against the wall. "If you tell anybody what you saw, I'll destroy your chances of winning the million AND find a way to get you kicked out of Team Rocket, understand?!" Meowth nodded reluctantly. "Good," Phineas said, dropping it on the ground. "You better not say anything."

First Class, Angel's Room

"Why do you insist that I wear a dress again?" Angel asked as Melaney went through her closet. The floor was soon littered with blue jeans and DC sweatshirts, even the occasional Young & Reckless hat.

"Because you're actually going on a date for once!" Melaney exclaimed. "Is it really going to kill you to act like a girl for a few hours?"

Angel rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Nothing too reveal—"

"What's this?" Melaney asked, pulling out a smaller version of a dress very similar to Elsa's.

She sighed. "Jack was trying to teach Anna how to use a dryer. He forgot to tell her it wasn't a good idea to put ice dresses in hot machines…"

"Okay," Melaney said, flinging the dress on to the bed. She raised an eyebrow and pulled out a light blue ball gown. "Hey Cinderella, are we expecting a call from Fairy Godmother? Or maybe one from your Pikachu tailors?"

"I don't even know why Anna gave me any of these…" she sighed.

Melaney gasped. "It's perfect!" She pulled out a black V-neck dress that ended at mid-thigh. "You have to wear this!"

"No," Angel said, pushing the dress away. "I'm not a stripper. I can't wear something that shows that much. Besides, it doesn't go well with my gloves." Melaney tossed her a pair of thin, black bracelets and told her to take the gloves off. "I don't have shoes to go with it." She tossed her a pair of black stilettos. "Fine! I'll wear the damn thing." She walked off in to the bathroom, annoyed.

Bathroom Confessional

(Angel)
"This is ridiculous."

First Class, Angel's Room

"Why do I need to be here again?" Ash asked as Melaney began putting things back in the closet.

"I need you to convince Angel that she doesn't seem like…Ditto at a Day-Care? I think?" she tossed a hat back in. "Oh yeah, and I'm sick of looking at your Jigglypuff underwear." She threw a pair of pants at him.

"Ditto at a Day-Care…" Ash said thoughtfully. "Oh!" he exclaimed, finally understanding. "You know I shouldn't be helping her with something like this. I have a girlfriend."

Melaney scoffed. "You have a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend, Cilan will probably have a boyfriend…" she shrugged. "The world is full of stupid relationships."

"I'm not coming out," Angel said, hiding in the bathroom.

"Oh suck it up," Melaney groaned. Angel emerged from the bathroom, the heels improving her height by at least two inches. She had replaced her hat with a gray headband, a blue snowflake near the ear. "See?" Melaney asked. "I told you it'd look good."

"Yeah, it kinda does," Ash admitted. He slapped his hand over his mouth. "I'm gonna leave before I screw up everything with Misty…" he left the room.

"Is he wearing my pants?" Angel asked. "How does he fit in my pants?"

"Never mind that," Melaney said hastily. "Just…go out there and enjoy your three month anniversary date thingy." She pushed her through the door and down the hallway.

"I can walk, you know," Angel said, rolling her eyes. As soon as they entered the car, she heard Melaney gasp behind her. "What are you—" her eyes widened as she felt something drop from her chest in to her stomach.

Tails stood in the center of the room, kissing Amy.

Bathroom Confessional

(Phineas)
"Don't you just love hypnosis and all forms of mind-control?"

First Class

There were multiple reactions in the room: Sonic did a spit take with his soda, Ash began choking on his hamburger, Chris ducked behind a table, and even Commando Zoey let out a little gasp. After Angel had fought through the shock, she stormed over to the two and knocked Amy out of the way. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she exclaimed pushing Tails against the wall.

"Kissing someone who's actually worth it," Tails replied nonchalantly. Angel looked for some kind of sign that something was wrong, hoping that maybe the Tails Doll had done something, or she maybe that she was seeing things. But nothing was wrong. He only stood there, pinned against the wall and uncaring.

"I can't believe you," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. Overcome with emotions, she curled her hand in to a fist and socked him in the nose with a sickening crack, knocking him out. "We're done." She stormed off, the stilettos leaving holes in the ice behind her.

Chris came out from his hiding place. "Wow," he said simply. "Even I feel bad. And that's pretty extreme considering this episode will probably double my paycheck." He turned to the camera. "A lot of stuff happened this episode. How is Twitterpated going to handle their break-up? Should we start calling them Dinkleberg because they aren't a pair anymore? I like that. They're Dinkleberg now. Find out what happens next time on Total…Drama…Universe!"

Okay…I'm just gonna let everyone say their feelings in the reviews about Tails and Angel breaking up…and their emotions toward Phineas. And the break up. Again. Leave a review, BYE! *Runs six miles to Joey's house and hides under his rabbit's flab*