Okay, first of all: I'm really proud of this chapter and that doesn't happen very often, so show me some love by reviewing please! Also, I'm referring to the latest suits episode (4x08, I think, it's called exposure) so if you don't know what happened, there are a few spoilers in here. But all you gotta know for this is that Rachel kissed Logan (a client of Harvey's and an enemy of Mike's) and both of them aren't in a good place, as you might figure even though there's a bit of hope at the end of the ep but let's forget about that (No hate, I love Mike/Rachel but I need them to fight right now). That's it, the song for this chapter was also featured in this episode (I really loved 4x08, as you can tell :D) and I've been listening to it ever since, it's amazing. So check it out if you've got some time on your hands!

Chapter 9

[Blood Underneath Your Fingernails]

"Put your arms around somebody else

don't punish yourself, punish yourself

truth is like blood underneath your fingernails

and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself

looking too closely"

[fink - looking too closely]

At that precise moment, I had no idea where to go. I couldn't go to Harvey because he was pissed at me, I couldn't go to my sister because she was the one having a heavy make out session in a file room and I couldn't go to Rachel because, well, my sister was having a make out session in a file room. With HER boyfriend. So I just stopped dead in my tracks, pressed my back to the wall in the dirty hallway and slid to the ground and carefully started to think about my next step. This was probably Mike's payback for Rachel making out with Logan. I thought they were on the right track to getting back to normal but apparently I ruined that by letting my slutty sister in the picture. I really thought she had changed, damn she even convinced Harvey. I heard footsteps coming closer and closer. Awesome. let the apologising begin.

"Donna, what are you doing down here?" Louis. What was I gonna tell him? I was about to lie to him, about to get rid of him as soon as possible as it strikes me: He was the only person I had left.

"Are you okay?" I shook my head holding back tears and started to tell my story. From Harvey to Scottie to Mike and my sister. I even told him about my English teacher and Jenn. If somebody told me 2 months ago that I told the darkest part of my life story to Louis Litt, I would probably have them committed. But here I was, hugging and confining in him and being actually grateful to have him with me. Louis didn't judge me for my relationship with Harvey that he just found out about, he simply said he knew it all along and he was happy for us. Who are you and what have you done to Louis?

"You need to talk to them as soon as possible or that whole thing gets out of control." I knew that but that doesn't mean I knew HOW to. How do you tell your best friend that you caught your sister in the act with HER boyfriend? I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and pulled it out reluctantly. 2 new messages.

"Where are you? I'm sorry, let's talk please. -Harvey"

"Please don't tell Rachel yet. Let's talk, alright? -Mike"

Wow, now everyone wanted to talk to me. I didn't feel like answering Mike. At all. As much as I love the kid, I would never forgive him that dick move. But I did realise in that very moment that I was in a relationship now. A relationship that seemed to work, at least most of the time. And if I liked it or not: I had to at least try. I was new at this whole thing but I decided to try my best and that's what I was going to do. I grabbed Louis by the arm and pulled him into a hug.

"Thanks so much. For everything." I whispered and I could feel him trembling with happy tears. Good ol' Louis was back.

"For you always, Donna." I gave him a last smile, kicked off my high heels and grabbed them. I sprinted to the elevator then for the second time today & texted Harvey on my way up.

"Meet you outside. -Donna"

I really hoped he would check his phone during the next few minutes because I was not about to mingle around in the cold. I pushed open the door and the cold air hit me. I went outside and looked up to the black, clear night sky. It was snowing now, relatively early given the fact that it was only late November but I've always been a winter person. I loved hot chocolate, fire places and good books, christmas, my birthday and New Year's eve. To me everything about winter was perfect and I could get into a fight very easily if somebody dares to insult the sanctuaries of winter. I slowly closed my eyes now, feeling the snowflakes falling on my face and right in that moment I felt it: Nothing's actually changed. I ran away all those years ago, just to let Jenn back in and let her ruin everything again. Of course not everything, I still had my relationship after all, but she fucked everything up again. Rachel will blame it on me, I knew it. She always needed someone else to be the guilty one in order to get over it and I was going to be the one this time.

I didn't even realize how cold it actually was until Harvey put his suit jacket on my shoulders.

"Oh wow, I get to wear your suit jacket. I must be very special." I said. I didn't even turned around to look at him.

He came up closer and his lips crashed down on my neck.

"You definitely are." he whispered, his hot breath fanning against my ear. Damn the Specter charm. I was supposed to be pissed!

I leaned into him now, pressing my back flush against him, my head falling back on his shoulder.

"Don't choose her over me, Harvey." I said, my desperation way more obvious than I wanted it to be. His hands snaked around my waist.

"I already tried that in the past and we both know how well that turned out. I'm never gonna make that mistake again, I promise." That was all I needed. I couldn't expect the world from him but I knew that he tried his best. And that was enough for now.

"Take me home, Specter."

"We need to tell…"

"No, we don't. She'll find her way home." I spat out. She was the last person I wanted to think about. And I certainly didn't want to ruin our night because of her slutty behaviour. Yes, I know that it's selfish. But I couldn't give a single fuck about it right now.

— wherever this goes —

Our drive back to Harvey's condo was quiet. He tried to find out what happened with Jenn a couple times but quickly gave it a rest after I snapped at him. No good idea, no good idea at all. He got out his keys after another round of me trying not to tell him what happened and shoved me inside.

"Listen," oh no, it's about to start. Harvey's famous lecturing. "I'm all for burying things with sex but this is different. We wanted to start this off right and not… like this. So unless you're not telling me what happened with Jenn, nothing's happening tonight." I gave him the look of utter destruction. He could not be serious right now. .Fuck. I was quiet for a couple seconds to set up a plan. And Donna always had a plan.

"Have you ever seen Marie Antoinette? Like the newer one with Kirsten Dunst? That's how I feel right now."

"What?! Donna you do realise that Marie Antoinette got decapitated? Don't you think you're overrating all…this?"

"Of course I know Marie Antoinette got decapitated, you idiot! My point is that she tried everything within her power to get her egomaniacal spouse to sleep with her in order to get pregnant so she would give birth to the next heir to the throne. She needed to get pregnant in order to justify the position she was in." Silence.

"So, your point is you want me to get you pregnant so you can justify the position your in in front of Jessica?" Asshole.

"Shut the fuck up,Harvey! That's not funny and you know exactly… Oh forget it, I don't care." I just stopped with a wave of my hand and went away.

"Oh come on Donna, I was just kidding."

"Well, not funny."

He groaned and I just let myself plop on the couch. I heard him pouring us some scotch and he just sat down beside me, quietly handing me mine. I necked the whole drink and earned a disturbed look from him. Sorry, I had to.

"Okay Donna, you're scaring me. Just tell me: Do I have to be scared?"

"I caught Jenn and Mike making out in the file room." I blurted out without even taking a breath. I had to tell him sooner or later. And it wasn't my place to be ashamed, so why did I even care so much?

"What?! Like Mike Mike? The one that should be trying to fix things with Rachel?!"

"Yep."

"That's…gross. Fuuuck. She's like ten years older than him!"

"NO, SHE'S NOT LIKE TEN YEARS OLDER THAN HIM! It's 7 alright?

"Ooops, sorry." The twin thing could get really exhausting for outsiders.

"It's just…why does she always have to fuck everything up? I really thought she changed, I thought she wanted to get her shit together but apparently…"

"Have you talked to her yet?"

"OF COURSE NOT!"

"Maybe it was Mike…"

"Yeah, maybe he was trying to rape her! Are you kidding me, Harvey?! We're talking about the kid, not some pervert!"

He laughed, sipping his scotch slowly.

"I just love how everyone around us is keeping our lives exciting. Some people have to pay a lot of money for that, sweetie!"

"Don't you Sweetie me! And how can you be so optimistic? Rachel is gonna kill me!"

"Why would she kill you? Yeah well, maybe she interchanges you two by accident. I would like agree on a sign so that she doesn't skin the wrong one alive. Could be painful, you know." I grinned, even though I didn't really feel like it. That was the amazing thing about him. He could make me smile even though I felt like I got run over my by a train.

"That's why I love you" I whispered and smiled up to him, realising fully well that I was the first one to say it out loud.

"I love you too" he answered without even thinking about it. Good sign, I guess. It was almost scary how much we changed. Not only we together but as a individual being. But it was definitely a good scary.

"You know, it just occurred to me that I told you what's going on," I grinned, referring to the time he came to my apartment back in our DA days.

"Yeah, that didn't just occur to you." He grinned back, picked me up and carried me to our, pardon, his bedroom.

"I think we have to settle an outstanding score from this morning" he said while laying me own on his bed.

"We definitely have to," I gave back and kissed him with a passion and desire I never knew I would be able to.

Aaaand another thing I gotta tell you. This is a T rated story and it's gonna stay T. So no details, if you wanted some, I'm really sorry but I really can't write stuff like that. I tried and I was emotionally disturbed. No I wasn't but it wasn't really fun and still kind of uncomfortable. Maybe it's gonna change throughout the story but it's never gonna get really M, if you know what I mean :D Anyways, have a nice day/evening/night/morning or whatever and leave me some reviews please, I would love you for that! And I'm gonna answer every single question you have in my next author's note, I promise! Aaand if there are any suggestions on your part, I would looove to hear them! xx Láura