Chapter 10
[Crawling Back To You]
"Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?
'cause I always do
maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
now I've thought it through
crawling back to you"
[arctic monkeys - do i wanna know?]
It was 9.30 AM when I slowly started to wake up by the warmth of the sun on my face. Even though it was already winter, it was still pretty warm. I needed a few seconds to figure out where I was and who the arm around my waist belonged to. But then it hit me: Harvey. We have had a pretty restless night (in a VERY good way, of course) and I was aching in all the right places. Damn Harvey Specter and his hidden talents…
I decided not to wake him up yet, it was a sunday morning after all and he probably wouldn't even have to go into the office today. Even though you never know, we're talking about Harvey after all. I managed to not think about what happened with Mike and Jenn for almost 6 minutes. After that period of time I was pissed all over again. It still didn't occur to me how they could do such thing and what would lead to something like that… they were totally different in every possible way and I would've never thought that these two would ever… My train of thoughts was interrupted by Harvey's arm tightening around my waist.
"Morning, beautiful" he whispered into my hair and instantly brought a smile on my face.
"Morning" I grinned back and turned around without ever losing the touch of his arm.
"Are you free today?" I asked, hoping he was.
"Depends…" I slapped him playfully.
"No seriously, do you have to go in today?"
"Nope, it's sunday. Not really feeling like working today. What do you wanna do?" That was good, at least I didn't have to face Jenn on my own. And Mike wouldn't have the chance to talk to Harvey.
"I don't know, I thought about maybe going on a run later. Wanna join?" He nodded, something clearly on his mind.
"What is it?" I asked.
He hesitated. "What…are we doing about…it?"
"Nothing, we're doing nothing. It's their shit, not ours. End of story."
"Oh wow, what happened to yesterday's desperation?" I swung my legs out of bed, trying to get myself up. I was still too tired to function properly.
"I don't know," I started to answer to his question while I slipped on his Harvard T-shirt I already claimed mine.
"I just don't want them to ruin what we have." I whispered. He got out of bed now too, slowly making his way towards me. He only stopped as our faces were mere centimetres apart, his hand reached behind my head, pulling me even closer to his lips. I focused on his hazel eyes, the kind of eyes that could turn from utter bitterness to loving comfort in a blink of an eye. He kissed me with such passion that a shudder ran down my spine and goosebumps were forming on my arms and every other part of my body, my legs were slowly giving in. When we broke apart, all he said was "They won't." And all I did was smile. Because that's when I knew that eventually, everything was going to be fine. Because I had HIM by my side now.
—wherever this goes —
"Donna, you ready?" Harvey exclaimed impatiently. "Gimme 2 seconds," I groaned, still searching for my yoga pants. I thanked high heavens that I hadn't seen Jenn yet, even though I was kind of wondering where she was. But I think I don't really wanna know.
I basically jumped into my pants when I finally found them and jogged to the door. "Okay, ready."
"Oh wow, that was fast." Harvey groaned ironically, rolled his eyes and opened the door. When we got outside, the cold december wind took me by surprise. Even though it was sunny, it was fucking ice age reloaded. We started running towards Central Park and fell into an uncomfortable silence. Both of us tried to ignore the elephant in the room, even if it wasn't really our problem, it was still fucking everything up. My mood was only getting worse and all these women drooling over Harvey weren't really helping at all. It only made me think about if Harvey and I would end up like Mike and Rachel one day, if Harvey would ever cheat on me and how long his self-control would remain. He obviously had a lot of opportunities and that's what scared me the most. I was totally lost in my negativity and didn't even concentrated on where I actually ran so my chest hitting someone else's shoulder ripped me out of my thoughts. I was startled to say the least, quickly apologised and let Harvey pull me to the nearest bench.
"What the hell is up with you, Donna? Why does it bother you that much?!"
I remained silent for a while and played with the hem of my shirt, procrastinating the inevitable.
"I'm scared." I stated, still not looking up.
"Scared of what?!" He could be thick as a brick sometimes.
"That we turn out to be like Mike and Rachel eventually. That one day, I'm not enough anymore and one of those drooling puppy eyed bitches is already waiting in line to take my place. I always thought of Mike&Rachel as the perfect couple. Like true love, you know? But apparently I was VERY wrong…" Too much information for those little sentences, I guess because it took hime a while to answer.
"So you still think I'm gonna cheat on you sooner or later?" It wasn't even sarcastic, he was simply asking a question. And that's what was irritating me.
"No, not all the time. I mean, yes, sometimes I do. I'm still wondering if this," I motioned between us, "is gonna be enough for you. We don't know what's gonna happen, Harvey. And right now, we're still kinda fragile."
"Welcome to real life, Donna," he said, eyeing me with a mix of hurt and thoughtfulness. "So, to ease your mind a bit: A) I swear, I'm never gonna cheat on you, even though it's so hard to believe for you. And B) we're gonna figure the future out together, alright?"
He grabbed my head and squeezed it as if to reassure me once again. I looked down on our interlocked gaze and then back up right into his eyes. I shook my head smiling. I was slowly losing control of everything but for the first time in my life, I didn't care. Harvey stood up and pulled me to my feet and closer to his body.
"I love you, Paulson," he grinned and I threw my arms around his neck, figuring that kissing him would be perfectly fine right now.
"I know, Specter, I know." I simply winked and started to run again with a little more ass shaking than usually.
"A simple 'I love you too Harvey' would've worked too, you know…" he grumbled but followed me suit. There was a comfortable silence between us and I started to get used to all these slutty whores staring. He was hot, no one could deny that, and I guess that's the price you have to pay for having a hot boyfriend. Stay optimistic, Paulson!
I was ripped out of my thoughts by Gives You Hell. Oh, so she thinks I'm just gonna answer my phone?! Yeah, fuck you too, Jenn.
"Come on, answer it. You have to talk to her sooner or later." Harvey tried to be reasonable but I really wasn't in the mood right now.
"Not now." I dismissed the call and stuffed my iPhone back into my pockets.
— wherever this goes —
I was just prepping Harvey for his next meeting tomorrow, I was still his secretary after all, when we entered Harvey's condo again. We were just joking about Cameron Deniz, Harvey and my old boss at the DA's office, when we both stopped dead in our tracks as we saw Jenn sitting on one of the high chairs in the kitchen, her legs crossed and peacefully scrolling through the news feed of her Facebook.
"What are you doing here?!" I spat out, throwing the keys on the counter and fumbling through every inch of the fridge to find something to eat.
"Well, I don't really have anywhere else to go, Donna. And I don't really get your problem, to be honest. It wasn't your boyfriend I hook up with!"
I snorted out. "You're such a bitch Jenn! I thought you'd changed, I really wanted to believe your little pathetic compassion seeking show last week. But then we want to help you & take you to the anniversary and you just fucking hook up with my best friend's boyfriend! And Harvey's associate but that's not really the point. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
She decided to ignore me like a 12-year-old then, Harvey was still standing in the doorway, staring at his phone and pretending not to hear anything. I really wondered sometimes how the hell Harvey could ever win a lawsuit if he acted like that in court.
I tried to occupy myself with something to keep myself from cutting her throat right here and then. But I couldn't stand to just stay quiet.
"I know you don't get my problem, but do you realise that we're gonna jump into a shit storm as soon as Rachel finds out? And she's gonna blame me for the shit you did. Do you even care about that?"
"Mike and I decided not to tell her okay? Nothing happened, we just kissed, end of story. She doesn't have to know unless you tell her!"
"Seriously, Jenn?" Now even Harvey was pissed. "I have to work with BOTH of them every single day and you just want me to cover up the fucking mess you made? I don't really feel like destroying my peace of mind because you can't get your shit together!" Ouch, that's the Harvey I know. But he was right.
"It's none of your business, Harvey." Jenn shrugged not really giving a fuck and not even looking up from her phone. "Just stay the fuck out of my crap and you can keep your peace of mind, deal?" Harvey just shook his head in disbelieve and made his way to our bedroom. I followed him to prevent the worst.
"I'm sorry" I whispered after I closed the door and hugged him tightly. "I knew she would find something to fuck up again and I manoeuvred both of us into that shit. I'm really sorry." Harvey's lips find my neck and made his way up to my ear.
"It's not your fault your sister is a reckless bitch." he whispered back, sucking on my earlobe now. I knew we couldn't do this with Jenn only 10 feet away from us but it felt too damn good to stop. It took the responsible part in me a long time to react, but it did eventually. I broke the contact of his lips and my ear and looked him straight in the eye.
"Are we telling her what happened?" I really needed his help with that.
"I have no idea." Wow, damn great answer, Specter.
Bam, that was number 10. Sorry I made you wait a bit but I hope it wasn't too long. Anyway, to answer to some of your reviews (THANKS SO MUCH FOR THEM!), you really seem to like Scottie getting a shit storm from Donna. I try to get her in there more often, even though I can't promise how well it's going to work out! xx Láura