AN: Hello all! Here I have given you another chapter! In which much shit hits a big ass fan. Enjoy! Also, Helena, do you mind an Autumn ceremony? I'm not much of a spring or summer person. ;)
OOOOO
"We leave you here, Master Dwarf." One of the Elf guides said formally. They had been walking for some time, but the darkness of Mirkwood was not giving Bilbo any real indication of how long exactly. But his heart fluttered with those words. They were almost out of Mirkwood. He could see a bit of light from beneath the cloak, the sun. He hadn't felt the sun on his skin in so long! He could almost taste it!
"Stop them!" All the hope in his heart froze at Legolas' shout. "Don't let them leave the forest!" Fili started running, as did all the Dwarves from the sound of it. It was a very good thing they were so close to the boarder, or they'd never make it. Fili stepped out of the forest just before an Elf could grab him and then promptly kept running so as to get a fair distance away. When he came to stop, both he and Bilbo breathed a sigh of relief.
"Did everyone make it?" Bilbo whispered from beneath the cloak, and he felt more than saw Fili nod his head.
"You will return Master Baggins to my care immediately!" Legolas yelled from the edge of the forest, glaring hatefully at the Dwarves.
"You lost him?!" Thorin roared a few feet away.
"Uncle-" Fili started to speak, but was cut off.
"You lost Bilbo and you think we have him?! How could you-"
"Uncle!" Fili shouted. "We do have Bilbo." He unbuckled his belt and Bilbo let out a little huff as he felt off Fili's back, onto his bum.
"A little warning would have been nice." Bilbo muttered with a half hearted glare up at Fili. Fili grinned sheepishly and held out a hand to help him up.
"Bilbo! You must return with me! You know it is better that way!" Legolas called, his face softening. Balin came over and checked that Bilbo was whole and unharmed before turning with a diplomatic face to Legolas.
"Do not fear for him, Master Elf, he will be well looked after." Balin promised, but Legolas didn't know that Balin knew about the cutting.
"You do not know what you're doing! It's for his own good that he should remain in Mirkwood! He is a danger to himself!" Bilbo looked down at his hands, still wrapped up tight, and flinched. Balin noticed and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. But Bilbo didn't feel any better. He felt like he was wearing a big, bright sign that proclaimed his guilt for all to see. He wanted the bindings off!
"What does he speak of Balin?" Thorin asked, obviously still shocked that Bilbo was there and not in the palace. The King's eyes lingered on Bilbo's bound hands, but then moved back up to his ashamed face.
"Thorin it's not for us to talk about. If Bilbo wanted yeh to know, he would tell yeh." Dwalin said firmly. But Thorin as not going to give up this time. He frowned and grabbed Bilbo by the front of his shirt.
"I've grown tired of never knowing what everyone else seems to know perfectly well. Elrond, Beorn, the goddamn Elves, even my own adviser and my best friend! Now tell me what this all means this instant!" He demanded, stopping himself from shaking the wide eyed Hobbit. Bilbo's mouth opened and closed a few times, but he didn't seem able to speak. "You! Elf! Tell me what this is about!" Thorin hissed at Legolas.
"I would sooner shake hands with Smaug himself! Take your hands off him!" Legolas hissed right back. "Unless you plan to repeat what happened in the dungeons." He added, with dark, accusing eyes. Instantly Thorin released his hold on Bilbo's shirt and the Hobbit stumbled away a few steps.
"What is he talking about Thorin?" Dwalin asked, eyes narrowing. Thorin didn't seem able to put it into words either. But Legolas was more than happy to.
"Show them Bilbo. Show them exactly what Thorin did." Bilbo looked around at all the pairs of eyes staring at him and backed away from them all. He felt dizzy, like he might faint, but that wouldn't help anything. Not that he could really prevent himself from fainting. "Show them the bruises." Legolas added, and then all the eyes went to Thorin.
"Bruises? What did yeh do Thorin?" Bofur asked, gaping a little.
"I...it was an accident...I never meant to..." Thorin choked out, his eyes glued to the still retreating Hobbit. Bilbo was taking little steps back, until he was on the other side of the wide dirt path from the group of Dwarves.
"What. Did. You. Do?" Dwalin demanded, grabbing Thorin by his shoulder.
"He crushed Bilbo against the bars of his cell, and left a perfect hand print on his shoulder." Legolas supplied from the treeline. Several gasps came from the company and the eyes returned to Bilbo. "It's nothing compared to what Bilbo has done to himself. That's why it's better that he stay in Mirkwood." Almost all the Dwarves looked completely confused. Balin and Dwalin looked frustrated with Legolas, and Thorin looked ashamed.
"Master Baggins will be continuing with us, Master Elf. My brother and I are perfectly capable of watching over him and making sure he remains healthy." Balin said stonily to Legolas. "If you are so concerned for him, why don't you tag along?" Balin was certainly not expecting Legolas to accept such an offer. He was an Elf, after all, and Elves just didn't travel with Dwarves! So when Legolas grinned and nodded, Balin felt his self assured face fall.
"I think I shall." Legolas stated before walking over to Bilbo. The Hobbit flinched for a moment but when Legolas knelt next to him to be eye level, he didn't stumble away. "And I'll be watching him very carefully." Legolas murmured, his eyes dropping to Bilbo's arms, which were currently being cradled against his chest. "I suggest you keep the binds on his hands. It will be easier that way." He added, in a louder voice, to the Dwarves.
"But...I still don't understand! How could Bilbo be a danger to himself?" Kili exclaimed, thoroughly put out with the whole situation. Legolas looked back at Bilbo, quirking an eyebrow.
"Will you tell them Bilbo? Or will you make them wonder and worry?" Bilbo looked towards the Dwarves, who were all pleading for an answer without even speaking a word. It was all too much. Too much had happened, had already been exposed, in only a few minutes. His head was spinning and he was dizzy and he couldn't keep it at bay any longer. With a whimper he passed out, Legolas jumping to catch him before he hit the ground.
"Lay him down!" Oin called, rushing over. "Undo a few of the buttons under his chin, and prop up his head." He added, lapsing into Healer mode. He checked Bilbo's pulse, and his airway, before deciding they would just have to wait for him to come to. An awkward silence settled for a few moments before Oin turned to the other buttons on Bilbo's vest and shirt.
"What are you doing?" Thorin asked, sounding nervous.
"I'm checking his bruises." Oin replied in an icy voice and with a glare at Thorin. The Dwarf King flinched, and glanced around at glares he was getting from all the others present as well. Oin finished with the buttons and pushed Bilbo's shirt apart, frowning at the sight of the long, dark bruises on his chest, as well as the hand print on his shoulder. Thorin could only look for a moment before he had to turn away, his heart clenching painfully at the sight of what he'd done. Oin searched quickly through his pack, pulling out a container of gooey salve to spread on the swollen skin.
"What were you talking about? About Bilbo being a danger to himself?" Kili asked quietly, looking at Legolas not with hate, but with concern. Legolas looked from Dwarf to Dwarf before his eyes rested on Bilbo.
"My father discovered that Bilbo's clothes were stained with blood, and he confronted him about it. The blood is from self inflicted cuts all over Bilbo's arms and legs." Legolas told them finally. No one could say anything for a very long time, and Thorin couldn't even seem to process the news.
"H-How long has he..." Fili couldn't finish the question, but they all understood what he was asking.
"Before the trolls, he said." Balin admitted, brushing curls off Bilbo's face.
"How could we not have noticed?" Bofur wondered, his voice cracking as he spoke.
"He's never complained about injuries, even after going through the Misty Mountains, or after Azog's attack. He's never asked for me to look him over, and he always said he was fine when I asked if I could." Oin pointed out.
"But he woke up with blood on his hands every day while we were going through Mirkwood! We should have insisted!" Ori lamented.
"Well we can't change the past! But we know now. And now we can help him" Kili reminded them. "We should start moving towards Lake Town." He added, glancing up at the path that led to the floating city. They all nodded and mumbled agreements and Legolas volunteered to carry Bilbo. He was given only stink eyes in return for volunteering, and Dwalin was chosen to carry the unconscious Hobbit. They set off, no one really talking, but everyone thinking, their brains buzzing like hurricanes. No one wanted to think about the most important thing. Why Bilbo had started such a destructive habit. Instead they all just shuffled on, pretending that they weren't all thinking the exact same thing.
OOOOO
Bard of Lake Town was not an ambitious Man. Sure, he'd like to see the Master kicked off his high pedestal, but most of the people in Lake Town wanted that. And Bard certainly didn't want to take the Master's place! He had a family to take care of, he didn't want to be responsible for a whole city that seemed to be made up of troubles. So he didn't understand why the Master was having him and his family watched. The pathetic old man was just grasping at straws.
He was thinking so intently about how much he hated the Master, that he didn't see the small creature running frantically until he was promptly run into and thrown nearly off balance and into the water. He saved himself, and the small creature, at the last moment and had to take a couple of second to calm his rapidly beating heart before he could look down at what was currently clinging to him, obviously still in shock from nearly taking a dip in the freezing canal.
"Hello." Bard murmured, and a small face looked up at him in alarm. Impossibly big blue eyes were suddenly directed at him and a small lip quivered.
"I-I'm so s-sorry!" The little man practically squeaked and backed away from the staring Lake Man. "I wasn't watching where I was going. I'm sorry." The boy started looking around frantically, searching the nearby crowd for something, or someone.
"Are you okay?" Bard asked, though he was hesitant. The boy jumped and shook his head.
"They're looking for me. I have to go somewhere they won't find me." He said woefully. Bard recoiled, but looked the boy over again. No shoes, but large furry feet. Horribly ripped and dirty clothes. Bandages wrapped tight around his hands, preventing him from using them. And there were a fair amount of tear tracks on his cheeks. He was as small as a human child, but his face was older than that of a child's. All in all, he just looked like he needed help. But he was a stranger, and Bard didn't just trust strangers.
"Hey, who is after you? And why?" The boy opened his mouth to tell him, but shouts started coming from further down in the market. There were about four or five different voices, all calling loudly for 'Bilbo'.
"Please, do you know somewhere I can hide?" The boy was about an inch from crying, Bard could see it. And he looked so scared. Bard decided that just this once, he would let himself trust a stranger. If it came back to bite him in the ass...well he would never do something so stupid again.
"Come this way. Quickly." He gestured for the boy...man...thing to follow him and set off at a quick pace. He would finish his shopping later, or send Sigrid out for it. He navigated the back alleys and small bridges of the town with absolute precision, looking over his shoulder frequently to make sure the boy was still following him. When they reached his home, Bard ushered the boy in and looked around quickly before shutting his door.
"Da? Who's this?" Sigrid asked from where she was washing dishes. Tilda's head popped up from where she was coloring on the floor and Bain leaned peeked through the curtain that separated his room from the kitchen.
"Uh...what's your name?" Bard asked the boy, feeling a little embarrassed that he hadn't asked sooner. The boy finished catching his breath and then cleared his throat.
"I'm Bilbo." He told them, with a short bow. So the calls in the market were for him.
"What are you?" Tilda asked curiously, and Bard almost slapped his palm over his face. Tilda was a very inquisitive child and she was usually very blunt. Most people didn't take kindly to it. But Bilbo just smiled.
"I'm a Hobbit." He said proudly. "And I'm terribly sorry to intrude, I just really need a place to lay low. At least for a little while." He did look like he was about to pass out any second. Bard ushered him to the only padded couch they had. It was here that the binds on Bilbo's hands caught his eye again.
"I think you should explain Bilbo." He suggested. "Sigrid, make a cup of tea for our guest honey. And Bain, will you take your sister out to finish the shopping?" He figured, from the uncomfortable look on Bilbo's face, that the less people present, the better.
"Sure da." Bain murmured, still looking very confused. He helped Tilda up off the floor and handed her the basket. "We'll be back soon." He called over his shoulder before they left the little house. Sigrid pretended to not be interested, as she prepared the tea, but Bard could read his daughter better than she thought. Still, Bilbo looked more at ease.
"Um...first of all, thank you. Very much." Bilbo sounded awkward, but genuine enough. "Er...like I said, my name is Bilbo. Bilbo Baggins. I'm traveling with a company of Dwarves to...the Iron Hills." He said that a bit hesitantly, but Bard didn't stop him to comment on the obvious lie. "I uh...well the journey has been very stressful, especially because I've lived a sheltered, easy life for so long. And my traveling companions...they're not exactly well mannered rays of sunshine." Bilbo chuckled humorlessly and looked down at his wrapped up hands.
"Here you go Mister Bilbo." Sigrid put the cup of tea in front of Bilbo on the table, and Bilbo frowned. He wouldn't be able to drink without the use of his hands. And he was not going to be fed, thank you very much. He was quite sick of that!
"Perhaps I could take off the binds?" Bard suggested, and Bilbo's eyes lit up in such a way that he really did look like a child in that moment. "Unless they're needed-"
"No! No they're not! Please, take them off!" Bilbo begged, holding out his hands enthusiastically. Bard exchanged a glance with Sigrid but began untying the bandages. When Bilbo had one hand free, he simply stared at it for a long time, slowly wiggling his fingers as if he was just barely seeing them for the first time. And then the other was free and he rubbed his palms together, twining his fingers and pulling them apart. The happiest smile stayed on his face the whole time. "Thank you! Oh thank you so much Master- Oh dear...I'm so rude, I didn't even ask for your name!" Bilbo looked aghast with himself.
"Don't fret little friend. I am Bard of Lake Town. This is my daughter Sigrid. My other daughter is Tilda, and my son is Bain. I'll formally introduce them when they get back." Bard explained, and Bilbo relaxed a little. The Hobbit cautiously picked up his tea, his hands shaking ever so slightly, and he took a long sip.
"Again, I cannot thank you enough. And this tea is really very lovely." Bilbo said with a bright smile. Sigrid returned it and Bard let his lips quirk up at the sides.
"Perhaps you could finish explaining?" Bard proposed, and Bilbo nodded.
"Oh yes, of course. Like I said, it's been rather stressful and the company isn't great. I'm afraid that I haven't really handled the stress, and the Dwarves, all that well. I started turning to a rather destructive method of calming myself down and I haven't been able to stop. The Dwarves found out, and now they hardly let me out of their sight. They mother me endlessly and they look at me like I'm not even good enough to be called insane. It's suffocating and it makes me feel terrible and I had to get out! It wasn't easy, what with my inability to use doorknobs with those cursed bandages on my hands! And all the soldiers loitering about the Master's home." Bilbo huffed, rubbing his hands again.
"You were staying in the Master's home?" Sigrid asked, though Bard wasn't sure if her voice was awed or disgusted.
"Unfortunately. He's a most unpleasant man." Bilbo scowled.
"I fully agree. But, tell me, what made the Dwarves go so over the top once they found out? What exactly have you been doing as stress relief?" Bard asked, his eyes watching as Bilbo's hands slid up to his forearms.
"I do not wish to speak of it. All I can say is that they are clearly overreacting! And I never wish to see them again! They'll be on their way in a few days, I just have to lay low until then and when they've gone without me, I can make my way back to my friend Beorn's home. Though I'll have to bypass Mirkwood so that will add quite some time to the journey." Bilbo sighed, rather forlornly. Again Bard and Sigrid exchanged looks.
"Why avoid Mirkwood? Not that I blame you, but you sound rather upset when you speak of it." Bard asked as gently as possible.
"The Elvenking will not let me leave if I enter there again." Bilbo admitted, hugging his arms across his chest. "I wish I had never come on this journey. I should have stayed in Rivendell, or with Beorn. I should have stayed in the Shire and just forgotten all about the Dwarves." Bilbo sounded like he was talking more to himself now. Bard glanced at Sigrid, who was looking at Bilbo with big sad eyes, pity evident in her features.
"You can stay here if you wish. I don't have an extra bed, but the couch is sometimes more comfortable than the mattresses. And I'll bring you news when the Dwarves have gone." Bard suggested and Bilbo's eyes lit up again.
"I-I really couldn't impose-"
"Nonsense, you're not imposing at all. Hobbits are good cooks, aren't they?" Bilbo nodded. "Then if you wish to repay us, simply help with the cooking." Bilbo let a smile grow over his face, and Bard was struck by how adorable he looked when he smiled.
"I...I can't even begin to thank you Master Bard! You have no idea what this means to me!" Bilbo rejoiced, and Bard let himself smile as well.
"I am glad to help master Hobbit." He assured Bilbo.
"You are by far the nicest Man I've ever met! It is such a shame you must live here, under the rule of that hideous Master." Bilbo made a disgusted face as he brought up the Master, and both Bard and Sigrid laughed.
"Yes well...nothing we can do about it. It's been the way of this town for far too long." Bard shrugged. "I think you should get some rest, Master Baggins. You look about ready to pass out." Bilbo yawned on cue and Sigrid ran off to find a pillow and blanket.
"Please, you must call me Bilbo." The Hobbit insisted, letting himself be corralled into laying down.
"Only if you call me Bard." The Lake Man said warmly.
"I think that arrangement could work." Bilbo murmured, sleep already starting to take him. Sigrid reappeared, putting the pillow beneath Bilbo's head and spreading the blanket over him.
"Sleep well Bilbo." Bard smiled.
"Thank you Bard." Bilbo murmured and then he was asleep.
OOOOO
Thorin searched relentlessly through the crowd, scanning every face and every foot for his Hobbit. But they had been looking for near an hour by now and they had not found Bilbo. Fili an and Kili were asking a few vendors if they had seen him, and Legolas had taken to the roofs so as to see further. Dwalin and Thorin were paired up searching, but they were getting no where.
"This is ridiculous, he could be anywhere!" Fili exclaimed, coming up beside Thorin.
"Maybe he went into a house!" Kili suggested.
"Of a stranger? Bilbo is more cautious than that." Fili bit.
"What do we really know about Bilbo Fee? Obviously nothing!" Kili snarled back.
"Enough! Just keep searching. Try a few houses if you want." Thorin growled and followed Dwalin towards another street. As they searched, Thorin couldn't help but think back to when they arrived in Lake Town. Bilbo hadn't woken up yet, after his fainting spell, and he'd been passed from Dwarf to Dwarf periodically. He was being carried by Bofur when they crossed the long wooden pier that led to Lake Town.
All it had taken to gain them entrance was a word from Legolas. And then they were escorted to the Master's house and offered rooms for the week. Though they were only planning on staying for three days at the most. The Dwarves went about settling down and relaxing, Bilbo being given a room with Balin and Dwalin. It was the middle of the night when Bilbo woke up again, and Thorin rushed into their room when he heard yelling. Bilbo was angry, actually angry, that the others had been told his secret, and he demanded that the binds on his hands be taken off. Balin handled him calmly, but in the end, they had to have Oin come sedate the upset Hobbit.
The next day, while most of the company were out buying supplies for the last leg of their journey, Bilbo was left with Bofur and Bifur. Bofur claimed that he didn't know how Bilbo escaped, or when he had, but now here they were. Looking for the slippery little minx and praying that he hadn't done something to hurt himself yet. So when Fili came running up to him a few hours later, telling him that Kili had managed to find the house Bilbo was hiding in, Thorin was overjoyed. But oh, the scolding he was going to give Bilbo. Honestly, the Hobbit was acting like a petulant child!
When Thorin and Fili arrived at the house where Kili was standing in the doorway, they were met by a stone faced Man who was denying them entry into his home. But beyond him, Thorin could see Bilbo. Sleeping peacefully on a couch and being apparently guarded by three children. The Man, Bard, did not budge, even when threatened or bribed. Thorin honestly feared they'd have to have Legolas slip into the house at night when the family was asleep, but then Kili said something that caught the Man's attention.
"Please, Master Bard. Bilbo is in danger. We're trying to protect him." The Man's brows scrunched up and he glanced behind him at his children and his guest before stepping out of the house and closing the door behind him. Thorin had to admire the Man for his courage in the face of four Dwarves and an Elf who all wanted their Hobbit back. But not at the moment. He would admire it later, when he wasn't so pissed off with the Man.
"What do you mean...you're protecting him? The way he speaks of you I would sooner believe that the Master is half Elf." Bard scoffed.
"And what does he say?" Thorin demanded through his teeth. Bard turned his dark eyes on the Dwarf King and did not back down.
"He told me that he joined a company of Dwarves on a quest to the Iron Hills. One that on it's own was very stressful. But paired with insensitive, insulting, cold mannered Dwarves was nearly impossible to stand. He said he began using a destructive method in order to deal with it, and that when you found out, you acted terribly towards him. Treating him like an invalid and a child and a freak. Not to mention binding his hands. I have no need to wonder why he ran away from you." Bard snarled, and three of the five present flinched. Thorin and Dwalin made themselves remain composed, though they both wilted on the inside.
"If he did not wish to be treated as a child, he should not have hurt himself as he did." Thorin growled right back. Bard's eyes narrowed, and gears seemed to click in his mind. The bandages he'd seen on Bilbo's arms when he was taking the bindings off his hands. Why he would need bindings on his hands in the first place. So he was hurting himself, that was the destructive habit he had spoken of.
"He may have done something terrible to himself, but isn't what you are doing to him now even worse? He is terrified of you. He wants to return to a man named Beorn. And I intend to see that happen." With that, Bard turned to reenter to his home.
"Bilbo cuts himself Master Bard." Kili blurted out. That froze the Lake Man cold. "He'll keep doing it, even if he's not on the journey with us. He's become addicted to it, you can tell by how many there are, and how recent they are. He's not healthy, Master Bard, and he needs to be looked after. If you allow him to go along all by his lonesome, he could kill himself, accidentally or on purpose." Kili continued, once he had Bard's attention.
"We are trying to help him." Legolas added. "He does not see it as help, because he is desperate to keep a hold of his habit, but we do wish to help him." Bard sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He did not want to betray Bilbo, especially not when he still felt so conflicted about whether to believe the Dwarves and the Elf. But if he was really in danger...
"What do you intend to do about his problem?" Bard asked, and his voice sounded much warier than it had a moment ago.
"We intent to keep an eye on him, and help him discover some better way of coping with his stress and his destructive emotions." Legolas told him, and he sounded honest enough.
"We need to apologize to him, for how we acted before during the journey. And we want to let him know that we do care about him. We want to show him that." Fili added, Kili nodding enthusiastically. "Master Bard, we're not bad people. We just made a bad choice by ostracizing Bilbo in those first few months. But we stopped doing that, and we included him and laughed with him and enjoyed his company in more recent times. And he still hurts himself. He needs help. If you let him go by himself back to Beorn, he won't get that help. Beorn does not like what Bilbo does, but he will not make Bilbo stop."
"Please, let us just talk to him. You can tell him that we forced our way into the house, I'm sure he would believe you. But let us talk to him at the very least." Kili pleaded, and suddenly Bard was faced with two doe eyed Dwarves, a pouty lipped Elf, and two stone faced Dwarves.
"Fine." Bard sighed. "But do not be surprised when he reacts badly to your presence." The Lake Man turned and opened the door to his home, and beckoned his children out. "We're going to the market." Bard said stiffly to the three curious looks he got.
"But Bilbo needs us to-"
"No, Sigrid. I believe no harm will come upon him. Grab your coats and let's go." His kids looked reluctant, but did as he said, and followed him away from their home. Legolas stopped Bard before he could get to far.
"Thank you. For looking after him. I shudder to think of what could have happened to him on his own in the streets of Lake Town." Bard nodded and shrugged out of his hold to continue on. Legolas watched him go for a few more moments before following the four Dwarves into Bard's home. Fili closed the door when they were all inside and motioned for the three elder beings to wait by the entrance while he and Kili woke Bilbo. They all knew it would be for the best. They didn't even want to think how Bilbo would react to Thorin waking him up.
"Bilbo?" Kili whispered, putting his hand gently on the Hobbit's shoulder. Bilbo murmured in his sleep, but didn't wake. Kili gave him a small shake, and slowly Bilbo's eyes cracked open. When he realized who he was looking at, he let out a little yelp and scrambled away from the two Dwarves. When he was standing, and putting the couch between Fili and Kili and himself, he also noticed the three others near the door. But Bard and his children were absent. It gave him no peace of mind. "It's okay! Calm down!" Kili pleaded, but Bilbo only seemed to get more upset. Bilbo felt more than saw their eyes go to his hands when he held them up, trying to get them to back away. And he could almost hear the thoughts that went through their heads.
"Did you hurt yourself again?" Fili asked, his voice level and calm. Bilbo shook his head, and while he was telling the truth, he knew they didn't believe him.
"Come back to the Manor. Let us take care of you." Kili begged, but Bilbo shook his head again.
"I want to go home. With Beorn." Bilbo choked out, and everyone present felt their hearts squeeze in their chests. He sounded so miserable.
"No until you're better. You can't keep hurting yourself Bilbo, it has to stop." Fili said firmly, but still in a gentle tone. Bilbo's eyes teared up, but he kept himself from crying with a practiced efficiency. Instead he dug his nails into his palms and narrowed his eyes.
"I am an adult Hobbit! I can decide what I do with my body!" Bilbo yelled defensively, and he received five patronizing looks within seconds. And those looks seemed to be the last straw that Bilbo could take, because suddenly he was seething. "You didn't care that I was hurting! You didn't even think that what you said to me might be hurting me! You laughed at me and you called me hurtful things, all of the Company did!" Bilbo shouted, letting everything that he'd been thinking for so long come to the surface. "Even after the Misty Mountains, and Azog, I could see the way you looked at me! Like I was pathetic and a nuisance and only honor made you bring me along! Only because I signed that damned contract! And none of you apologized for treating me like that, you just assumed I would forget about it!"
"Bilbo..." Legolas sighed, and the Hobbit's fury turned to him.
"And you! I thought you were my friend! But you told them about me and it was your father who bound my hands like that! You treat me like a child and I hate it! I hate all of you and I want to go home!" And just as suddenly as his rage had come, it left and he just stood there, wide eyed and trembling. He buried his face in his hands and his shoulder shook with sobs that he couldn't quite repress. They all exchanged glanced, debating who should be the one to approach the Hobbit. All eyes eventually landed on Thorin, even a begrudging Legolas, and the Dwarf King took a steadying breath before he walked forward.
Thorin wrapped his arms around Bilbo, bringing the shaking Hobbit to his chest, and he cooed softly to Bilbo when he started panicking. Bilbo gave up fairly quickly and let himself be held as the final dam broke and harsh, thick tears poured out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He cried heavily and at great length, no one saying anything the entire time, until finally his sobbing died down to little sniffles. Thorin continued to hold him anyways.
"I'm so...so sorry Bilbo. Truly I am. I can never change the past, and I doubt I can ever really make up for it either. But I can decide what happens in the future. And I promise I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. Including yourself." Thorin spoke softly and gently and Bilbo let out a strangled whimper, burying his face further into Thorin's tunic. "Will you let us help you? Please?" Bilbo said nothing for a long time but after a few minutes he nodded. Thorin felt his shoulder, so tense with worry and guilt, relax and he squeezed Bilbo even closer to him, if that was even possible.
"Let's go back to the manor." Legolas proposed quietly. Bilbo's face reappeared from where it was hidden in Thorin's chest and he shook his head adamantly.
"No! The Master is such a horrid, disgusting man! I want to stay here, with Bard and Sigrid and Bain and Tilda." Bilbo look at each of them in turn, his big eyes pleading with them. Thorin sighed and nodded after a moment of consideration. Bilbo let himself relax back against Thorin's chest, pressing his ear just above Thorin's heart.
"You can stay here then. But one of us will be staying with you. Just to make sure nothing happens to you. And we're only staying for another night anyways." Thorin told him, and Bilbo nodded. "You scared me Bilbo." Thorin admitted, and Bilbo's eyebrows creased with confusion. How could he, a simple Hobbit, scare Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain? "I did not know where you were, or if you were hurt. I feared that I would never see you again." Thorin told him in explanation and Bilbo blushed before he could contain it.
"I'm sorry for scaring you." Bilbo murmured quietly. Thorin chuckled and kissed the top of Bilbo's head.
"I'm sorry for making you feel so alone. You're not alone Bilbo. We all care for you and we would all do anything to make you happy and healthy again." Thorin told him, enjoying the way his assurances helped Bilbo relax. When Bilbo was pretty much relying on Thorin to hold him up, the Dwarf King moved them to the couch and sat, bundling the Hobbit up on his lap while Dwalin escorted Fili and Kili back to the Manor.
"See you in the morning Bilbo." Kili promised as he walked out the door.
"Sleep well." Fili added. Legolas remained, and took the chair across from Bilbo and Thorin. It only took a few minutes for Bilbo to be asleep again, still curled up on Thorin's lap with his head tucked beneath the Dwarf King's bearded chin. And the silence that descended as he slept could be cut with a blade, with how tense it was. Thorin kept his face blank, except when he happened to look at Legolas. Then he glared. And the Elf had no shortage of dirty looks to send at Thorin as well.
"We should rebind his hands." Legolas said after a while of awkward silence.
"No." Thorin immediately replied, tightening his hold on Bilbo. "No more binds. No more restrictions." He added, when it looked like Legolas was going to argue. The Elf was not deterred, and started an argument anyways.
"You know it is the only foolproof way to keep him from hurting himself!" Legolas hissed, but was careful to keep his tone quiet. He didn't want to wake Bilbo, especially not when they were fighting about the Hobbit.
"It is also the best way to make him push us away. He's been through enough at our hands, and yours. He is not a prisoner, he is our burglar, a member of our company. And I will tolerate no actions taken against him, as you suggest." Thorin said quite firmly, glaring at Legolas. The Elf Prince wanted to continue arguing, but he knew all about the stubbornness of Dwarves, and especially this Dwarf.
"Even if he ever does forgive you for your conduct in the beginning of your journey, do you really think he will feel safe around you? You left bruises on his skin Oakenshield. I would not feel safe if I were him." Legolas bit out. It wasn't really relevant to the current argument, but the Elf was seething and he needed to make Oakenshield feel guilty and disgusted with himself. If he kept bringing it up, maybe it would never happen again. Though he doubted it.
"I have done much worse to him then leave bruises." Thorin breathed, pain in his eyes. Legolas quirked his head to the side, asking for an explanation. "I believe I gave him the knife that first cut his skin. I remember the night clearly. I did not want to think of it, or believe it. But I am quite sure it was that wretched knife that I so carelessly tossed at his feet. And I will never forgive myself for that. For any moment of harm I have brought upon him." Thorin sounded appropriately forlorn and guilty, but frankly that only made Legolas angrier.
"You do not deserve him. You will only continue to hurt him, I know you will. My father told me about the Gold Sickness coursing through your greedy veins. You would do anything for your precious Arkenstone and all the gold and gems in those halls. And once you succumb to your Madness, you will have no issue abusing Bilbo." Surprisingly, Thorin didn't rise to the bait this time. He only bowed his head and placed a kiss on Bilbo's head. He would not hurt Bilbo. He would do anything he could to protect Bilbo from the Bane of Durin's Line, even if it meant sending the Hobbit away once they reached the mountain. Legolas would be happy enough to take him back to Mirkwood, and possibly to Beorn's if Bilbo pleaded with him. But he would not allow himself to hurt Bilbo. Not again.
Thorin didn't answer Legolas, and while that pissed Legolas off, the Elf did not pick and pry anymore, sensing Thorin had reached his limit. Instead of acknowledging the Elf across from him, Thorin pressed his lips to Bilbo's forehead again and left them there, his eyes far away. He remembered scattered events, little moments that if he had been really paying attention at the time, would have alerted him to Bilbo's habit much sooner. The very night he gave Bilbo the knife, the Hobbit was jumpy and he kept his arm close to his body the entire night. And every night after that, when they would make camp, Bilbo would disappear into the woods and return looking a little more tired, a little more worn, and a little paler.
And when they were at Beorn's, after Bilbo had run off crying, had he cut himself then? Did Beorn see him and bandage his wounds? If Thorin had walked up to the two, would he have seen his little love's butchered arms? He felt impossible guilt. How had the journey progressed so far and left him oblivious for so long? How could he let Bilbo hurt himself without even knowing it! What kind of a Dwarf was he, that he couldn't see his One in pain?
He would change. He would do anything and everything he could to make sure Bilbo was safe and healthy. He wouldn't let anything nefarious happen to Bilbo, not by his own hand, and not by Thorin's hand either. He would protect his Hobbit, until he could no longer do so. And then he would make sure someone else was protecting Bilbo. He swore it.
OOOOO
AN: So uh...yeah. What did you think? Let me know!