AN: Please don't kill me.
OOOOO
"Goodbye Bard. Thank you for letting us stay." Bilbo smiled as best he could at the Man who had come to the docks to see them off.
"It was a pleasure Bilbo. You'll be careful won't you?" Bard asked, and Bilbo nodded, though he couldn't really promise that. He was getting used to lying though, as sad as that was. "Maybe we'll meet again, if life is kind." Bard suggested.
"If it is kind." Bilbo agreed, and they shared a cynical grimace. "You are a great Man Bard. I know if you set your mind to something, you can do it. You would be a wonderful leader." Bilbo whispered, since the Master was only a few yards away. If the Master thought Bard had ambition at all, the Bargeman shuddered to think of what lengths the vile man would go to in order to destroy those ambitions.
"You really have faith in me Bilbo?"
"With all my heart and mind." He smiled at the Man, and this time it was genuine and warm, and it made Bard feel hopeful. Hobbits did have a magic to them, one of warmth and optimism. Bard thought that Bilbo probably had lost his magic somewhere around the time he cut his skin open. But it appeared it was coming back, or at least making a short appearance. Bilbo's smile gave him hope. And that had to be magic. "Farewell my friend." They shook hands and then Bilbo wandered over to the boat the Master had given to them. Legolas helped him climb into the boat and Bilbo took a seat between Fili and Ori as the Master finished up his already tired speech.
"May the Valar smile on your journey!" The Master finished with a flourishing bow and Thorin gratefully shoved away from the dock, sending them on their way at long last. Bilbo watched the town get smaller and smaller behind them before looking down at his feet. He couldn't really make eye contact with any of the Dwarves (or Elf) surrounding him. They all knew about him. They looked at him differently now. They whispered when they thought he couldn't hear. They didn't really know how to handle the situation, and that made it all the worse.
Bilbo would give anything to have stayed with Beorn. If he had known that this was what would happen because of his cutting, he would have begged Thranduil to put him in the dungeons when they first arrived in his palace, as long as it meant the Elvenking would never have found out. He wished for so many things, and yet here he was. Feeling awkward and uncomfortable and like he wanted to cry. Only now he didn't have an alternative to crying. All he had was the will to keep tears out of his eyes.
No one spoke as they gradually got closer and closer to Erebor. If they weren't too caught up by the fact that they were only hours away from their home, then they just didn't know what to say. Ori attempted it a few times, asking Bilbo how he was, and if he was excited. But when all he got back were noncommittal shrugs and halfhearted whispers, he gave up. But the quiet of the Company was no where near as bad as their stares.
If Bilbo didn't actually see their eyes turned at him, then he felt them. Especially Thorin. The Dwarf King was standing somewhere behind Bilbo, but the Hobbit always knew when Thorin was looking at him and when he wasn't. When finally their boat met with the shores on the other side of the Lake, Bilbo was more than happy to scramble onto solid ground and away from close quarters with the Dwarves. He found he was eager to reach the mountain as well, just so long as he could have a little privacy by going into the mountain alone.
They walked for a tediously long time, the hours stretching on as the sun beat down mercilessly. The cool late autumn breeze was the only thing keeping the company from passing out from the hot sun. When they reached the overlook they had been traveling for hours already, and there were still more to go before they reached the mountain and the secret passage, where ever that may be. And they only had half the day left until Durin's Day ended. Bilbo sighed, already exhausted, knowing that they still had so far to go and so little time to work with. A hand took hold of his shoulder, and he jumped, looking up to see Legolas beside him.
"If you need to rest-"
"I don't." Bilbo immediately replied, shrugging his hand off and hurrying to follow after the Dwarves, who were already starting to move again. Legolas sighed, watching the Hobbit walk away for a few moments before following. Bilbo would deny it, but Legolas could tell that he was still angry with him, with all of them. And though he wasn't yelling at them, his silence was worse than anything.
It was Bilbo who spotted the hidden staircase that led up the side of one of the massive Dwarven statues. It led right to a wide ledge that would fit the company, if they really squeezed. It just had to be the secret entrance. And they had found no other possibilities, so Thorin patted Bilbo on the back and started leading the Company up. Bilbo had to stop a few times as they climbed, his arms, legs, and chest aching whenever he hit them on something. So by the time he reached the ledge, with the help of Bofur and Legolas, the other Dwarves were already trying to find a way in.
Bilbo sat to the side as they tried method after method, eagerly awaiting the last ray of sun. But when the sun set, fully and completely, and no keyhole had been discovered, the Dwarves were surprisingly quick to give up. They all stood around awkwardly for a little while before Dori shepherded his brothers back towards the stairs, being followed by the Ur's and then Oin and Gloin. Dwalin led Fili and Kili away and though Balin put a hand on Thorin's shoulder, the King ignored him and continued to stare blankly at the slab of rock that was supposed to be a secret entrance.
"Come on Bilbo." Legolas tried to encourage him to go as well, but Bilbo only glared at him.
"I have done and endured so much to get here! You will not shoo me away like some child! I will not give up so easily as all of you seem to have!" He vowed, storming over to Thorin and snatching the map away from the surprised Dwarf. Legolas and Thorin exchanged glances, neither wanting to leave without Bilbo. They'd let the Hobbit have a little bit of time to admit defeat, and then they'd follow the others.
Bilbo was muttering some lines from the moon runes when they heard a strange knocking. They all three looked over to a thrush, which had made itself at home on a grey rock and was trying to crack open a nut of some kind.
"Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks..." Bilbo murmured, sounding a little awed. At that moment the moon chose to emerge from a thin blanket of clouds, a moonbeam falling right on a very particular place in the rocks. Thorin's eyes grew wide as he realized what he was seeing. "The last light of Durin's Day. It's the moon." Bilbo breathed, looking over his shoulder at the two shocked beings. Thorin stepped up next to him and held up the key, before smiling warmly down at the Hobbit.
"I thank you Master Baggins. With all my heart." He said honestly before stepping up to the revealed keyhole. The key fit like a glove fits a hand, perfectly. And with a little shove, the door opened, exposing a hallway filled with old, musty air and no light. Despite this, Thorin looked like he had just seen the sun for the first time after a lifetime of being blind. It was so heart warming to see such a look of awe and reverence on Thorin's face. Bilbo felt the warmth in his chest and he couldn't help but smile. It did not go unnoticed by Legolas, who only rolled his eyes and wandered towards the stairway to call the others back.
"Is it everything you hoped for?" Bilbo asked quietly. Thorin was running his hands lightly over the stone in the hallways, his face contorted in a look of peace and familiarity. The King looked at him, and his smile grew into something...more. Something Bilbo couldn't quite put a name on.
"Everything and more. Come." Bilbo glanced at Thorin's hand, which he had extended for Bilbo to take, and debated actually taking it. Despite the wonderful feeling he had gotten being wrapped in Thorin's arms the day previous, Bilbo still did not feel comfortable being too near the King. Thorin had said and done terrible thing. He had apologized and begged forgiveness and done things to try and make up for it. But still...some things just couldn't be forgotten. In the end, Bilbo decided to take a little leap of faith and put his hand in Thorin's. The Dwarf pulled him close, scandalously close, a part of his mind pointed out, and put Bilbo between the wall and his body, so Bilbo's chest was to the stone.
"Thorin?"
"Shh. Can't you feel it Bilbo? The heartbeat of the mountain. The warmth radiated by the stone, the emotions pulsing through the rock?" Thorin whispered, moving to the side so he too could press against the wall. He laid his cheek against the stone and closed his eyes, looking so serene for the first time Bilbo could remember. Bilbo felt a smile come unbidden to his lips again and he closed his eyes as well. He couldn't feel the things Thorin did, he was a creature of soil and grass and trees. But he knew what Thorin spoke of. And he felt Thorin's joy, even if he didn't feel the mountain.
The Dwarf King's hand slid over his own, holding it against the wall and sudden, Bilbo could feel it. He didn't know if it was just Thorin's pulse he was feeling, or if somehow the Dwarf was letting him feel the mountain. But he could feel a soft throb, to the beat of his own heart, and his palm warmed delightfully. He gasped in awe and looked up to see Thorin beaming at him.
"I feel it." Bilbo breathed. Thorin felt his already elated heart expand again at those words. He felt himself leaning in towards the Hobbit. He felt himself aching for Bilbo, for his love, for his everything. He was inches away from kissing the Hobbit's soft lips when he was suddenly thrown back into reality.
"Hey!" Legolas did not sound happy. Not at all. Bilbo was pulled back, away from the Dwarf and the wall, and the Elf stood in front of him protectively. "What did you think you were doing?" He demanded of Thorin, who could only glower at Legolas.
"He was showing me the heartbeat of the mountain." Bilbo piped up from behind the Elf, sounding shy and naïve as ever. Legolas and Thorin continued glaring at each other until the other Dwarves returned to the ledge, some with tears in their eyes. Their mountain...their home...it was open again. After the initial wave of nostalgia and joy passed, the Dwarves all turned to look at Bilbo, who was standing just in the doorway, not quite in the mountain but not all the way outside either. "What?" Bilbo asked awkwardly.
"This is where you come in laddie. Where ever this tunnel leads, it could be inhabited by a live Dragon. As well, there is a jewel you must find. A big, white jewel called the Arkenstone." Balin told him, putting a hand on Bilbo's shoulder. "If you find the Arkenstone, Thorin can call on the Dwarves of the Iron Hills, of all Seven Kingdoms, to come defeat Smaug. If you find the Arkenstone, Erebor will once again belong to the house of Durin." He added, a somewhat far away look in his eyes.
"A jewel." Bilbo repeated.
"A big, white jewel." Balin agreed.
"That's...it? I imagine there are a lot of big white jewels down there!" Bilbo pointed out, feeling less confident than he had ever during the journey. And that was saying something.
"You will know it when you see it, that I promise you." Thorin murmured from further inside the tunnel. "The jewel radiates light, and if you listen, it speaks in the most beautiful hum." He explained, a somewhat absent smile on his face.
"How can a jewel speak?" Legolas sneered from where he was standing outside. The tunnel could fit him, if he bowed his lead a little, but he wasn't eager about being in there with a bunch of Dwarves. It smelled bad enough from where he was, thank you very much.
"I would not expect an Elf to know." Thorin spat back. Legolas only rolled his eyes, so Thorin returned his attention to Bilbo. The King closed the distance between the Hobbit and himself and leaned down to whisper to Bilbo, though he was sure that everyone would still hear. "You will be going down by yourself. Tell me that you will not take this opportunity to hurt yourself." He demanded and Bilbo recoiled with an angry frown.
"Thorin Oakenshield I am about to descend to my possible death for a jewel! I will only be dealing with one issue at a time, so you pick one! The Dragon or my "problem"!" Bilbo yelled, surprising them all a little bit. Thorin blinked a few times before bowing his head in what he hoped was a placating gesture.
"Apologies Master Baggins." Bilbo gave a little huff as an acknowledgment and then looked around at the others. Most of them couldn't meet his eyes, but the ones who did gave him little smiles of encouragement. Finally, with a sigh, he straightened his posture and began walking down into the tunnel. He felt their eyes follow him until he came to a turn in the tunnel and disappeared from their view.
He felt the absence of their eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. He even took a few moments to just stand there, alone with his own company, and he made himself smile slightly. He had made it to the Lonely Mountain. The Dwarves all doubted him, right from the get go, but here he was. They were wrong about him. And that made him feel something like confidence. And it also made him feel sad. Unbearably, terribly sad. They still doubted him. He was sure Nori was currently making a betting poll about whether he would come back up from the Dragon's lair. He wondered if he would too.
Shaking his head and using the small amount of confidence he had recently acquired, he steeled his resolve and continued on. It took longer than he thought it would to reach the end of the long tunnel. And he was greeted by a faint golden light and a nice warmth, which was a big contrast to the cold winter air that had followed him down the tunnel. And also there were the mountains and valleys of gold that stretched as far as he could see! That was pretty notable.
He thought when the Dwarves talked about the treasury, saying it was grander than all of Mirkwood and wider than the Shire's produce market, that they had been exaggerating. But...this was taking a step beyond extensive and going straight to ridiculous. The Dwarves of Erebor had this much gold and they really expected to not be set upon by a gold hoarding Dragon? Eru, there could be four or five Dragons in the treasury, hiding under all that gold, and Bilbo wouldn't be able to tell. As it was, he couldn't even see the one he absolutely for sure knew was there. Smaug must be sleeping, or out hunting, because he was absent from Bilbo's view. And that gave him no peace of mind.
Bilbo experimented, making small noises to see if that would wake the Dragon. When they failed to rustle even a single coin, he knocked on the wall. It was much louder than he thought it would be and he scurried back into the tunnel as his knock carried through the vast room. But still no Dragon appeared. That gave him a little more courage and he crept out into the room. The coins crunched under his feet, and he walked slowly to avoid making unnecessary noise.
After a few minutes of careful walking, he got another boost of confidence and decided to actually start looking for the Arkenstone. Which he knew would be no easy task. This place was huge and he was tasked with finding one large white gem amidst this madness? Why not simply ask him to kill Smaug while he was at it. Or convince Thranduil to dance with a Dwarf. It might actually be an easier task at this point. But, with a sigh, he resigned himself to looking through the landscape before him, beginning to sift through gold and jewels.
He was making slow progress, though he supposed any kind of progress was better than none at all. He wasn't even over the first golden mountain when he stumbled upon something that was definitely not the Arkenstone, but caught his eye anyways. With slightly shaking hands Bilbo reached down and curled his fingers around the hilt of a small golden dagger. There were diamonds encrusted on the hilt and delicate embossing on the blade, and it looked more like a show piece than a weapon. But it still had a sharp edge. Plenty sharp, he found out, when he ran his thumb over it and the metal dug into his skin like that first knife had, the first night he had ever cut himself.
Bilbo's breath caught in his throat and he couldn't stop looking at the golden edge buried into his thumb and the slow trickle of blood that left a crimson trail down the blade. His blood began following the curves and designs that were etched into the gold, highlighting the truly fine craft of the Dwarves. And he wished, more than anything, to use the blade further.
Unfortunately, he knew that Thorin would be looking for wounds on him when he returned to the ledge. After the Dwarf King asked about the Arkenstone, he would undoubtedly ask if Bilbo had hurt himself. And then, since he wouldn't trust Bilbo's word on the matter, he would check. If Bilbo used this dagger, like he so wanted to, he would only end up in trouble. With all of the Dwarves, and with Legolas. He decided that instead of using the dagger, he would hide it and use it some other time, when the company wasn't so paranoid about the whole situation. After all, they would soon have bigger things to worry about than Bilbo Baggins.
Bilbo looked around quickly for somewhere to hide his new weapon, his eyes quickly finding a little crack in one of the giant pillars in the room. Scurrying over, he forced the ornate knife into the crack, and then he piled treasure up until it covered the dazzling thing. He looked around, just to make absolutely sure that no one had seen him, the Dragon included, and he returned to searching for the Arkenstone.
After a few hours of searching, during which he had to fight to keep himself awake, since it was boring work, he gave up. He couldn't even begin to think how long this would take, trying to find the King's Jewel. And he was exhausted from all the walking and not sleeping and he just wanted a break. So he grabbed a cup and turned back to the tunnel, deciding that he would just come back tomorrow and look some more. Thorin had to understand that he wasn't going to magically find the Arkenstone after only one day. The treasury was just too big to think of, and it was bound to take a long time to find one needle in the biggest haystack Bilbo had ever seen.
When he returned to the ledge, everyone looked up at him at the same time. And they all breathed a little sigh of relief. That made Bilbo feel a little warm inside, though it quickly vanished when Thorin's eyes went to the gold cup in his hands and he frowned. Maybe he wouldn't be so okay with Bilbo taking more than a few hours to find the gem.
"The Arkenstone?" Thorin asked gruffly.
"I didn't find it. But I still have much to look through, and the Dragon is still asleep. I'll go back down tomorrow, after I have slept a little." Bilbo told him, handing the cup to Fili and Kili, who were practically salivating over it. Thorin frowned but grunted in acceptance. Bilbo stood there awkwardly for another moment, waiting for the other inevitable question, but it didn't come. So instead he turned towards his pack and rolled out his bedroll.
It was...strange. On one hand, Bilbo was glad Thorin wasn't bugging him about the subject, or bringing it up in front of everybody like he had earlier. On the other...was Thorin really more worried about the Arkenstone than Bilbo's health? And most importantly, did this mean Bilbo could use the dagger without Thorin finding out? If so, then all he had to worry about was Legolas, who was currently looking at him carefully.
With a sigh, Bilbo turned onto his side and put his back to the company (who were rejoicing over the small amount of treasure they now had), Thorin (who was looking off into the tunnel longingly), and Legolas (who's eyes he could still feel on his back). But despite the noise of the Dwarves and the discomfort of Legolas watching him, Bilbo still fell asleep quickly. Not that he was complaining. It felt good to sleep, and even better, to sleep without dreams. Most of the time they were nightmares, anyway.
OOOOO
The mountain was shaking. Violently. And Bilbo was being picked up and tossed over a shoulder, and though he didn't see who it was who was holding him, he could see what they were running from. So that was what Smaug looked like. For some reason, Bilbo imagined something...fatter. But no less deadly, considering they were running for their lives into the mountain. Just in time too, as Dwalin slammed the secret door shut about one second before the fire hit it.
A deep, soul clenching silence followed after the door shutting, only being interrupted by the sound of an angry Dragon outside. And the sound of claws raking down stone to try and get to them. In the complete darkness of the tunnel, Bilbo couldn't tell if everyone had made it inside. But he didn't want to speak and break the terrified tension. He couldn't even move to get off of his savior's shoulder. All he could do was clutch at whichever Dwarf's tunic it was, balling the fabric up in his clenched hands.
It seemed like hours before Smaug gave up and all fell silent outside. And even after the Dragon was gone, no one moved and no one could speak. Until Bilbo realized how much it hurt having a shoulder digging into his stomach and he tried to shift to take the pressure off. Whoever had him seemed to realize the Bilbo wanted down and carefully put the Hobbit on his feet.
"Are you alright?" Thorin whispered and a hand came up to rest on his cheek. Bilbo wondered how Thorin could see him in the all consuming darkness, but he supposed it was just a Dwarf thing. To test that, he nodded, and Thorin grunted in acknowledgment. "Is everyone here?" Thorin called out louder, though Bilbo noticed that he left his hand on his cheek. The Dwarves started calling out their names, as though they were taking roll, until all twelve of them were accounted for.
"Legolas?" Bilbo asked, when he didn't hear the Elf's name.
"I'm here Bilbo." Legolas assured him from somewhere to his left. Thorin pulled Bilbo into a short hug before releasing him and walking away, or at least his footsteps suggested he was walking away.
"Someone get a small fire started for light. Did any of the packs make it inside?" Thorin asked.
"I grabbed Kili's and mine." Fili told him. Six of the others, and Legolas, had managed to grab supplies before dashing into the tunnel, though they had lost six packs. Bilbo backed up until he found a wall and stayed there, hoping to remain out of everybody's way as they busied about taking inventory and making the fire. After a few minutes, Gloin got a spark from his tinderbox and the fire caught, filling the small tunnel with light. Bilbo looked around, checking to make sure everyone was indeed there, before relaxing further against the wall.
"Anyone injured?" Oin asked the company at large, scrutinizing everyone equally, because Dwarves were notorious for denying injury. When his eyes landed on Bilbo, the Hobbit felt half of the company's eyes as well. And it was like they all realized no one had asked about him hurting himself after coming up from the treasury the night before. A flush covered his cheeks and a frown pulled down the corners of his lips.
"I'm fine." He snapped at Oin, at all of them really, and he stormed over to a corner where he sat with a huff and pulled his knees up to his chest. The company tentatively returned to what they were doing, but Legolas came over and sat next to him. He didn't say anything, for which Bilbo was grateful, but his very presence felt like an accusation.
"They think he woke up because of the cup." Legolas told him after a long while. Bilbo glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes and sighed.
"So it's my fault." He muttered.
"I didn't say that." Legolas said, maybe a little indignantly. "Thorin will still want you to go back down into the treasury. Once he thinks Smaug is asleep again. If you don't want to go-"
"I'll go." Bilbo shrugged. Legolas nodded softly, clearly not happy with the situation.
"I...I don't want you to get hurt. It's dangerous to go down there Bilbo, especially now that the Dragon is awake." Legolas whispered, putting a hand on Bilbo's knee. The Hobbit stared at it for a long moment before shrugging again.
"This whole quest has been dangerous. And I've always known there was a Dragon at the end of it. I can take care of myself." The look Legolas gave him after his last statement made Bilbo want to smack the Elven Prince. It was patronizing and judging and disbelieving and everything Bilbo hated in a look. Bilbo jerked his knee away from Legolas' touch, angry with the Elf for looking at him like that. But rather than get up and walk away, he turned his attention to watching the Dwarves and fervently ignored Legolas when he tried to start up a different conversation.
He continued ignoring not only Legolas, but all of them, for hours. Dinner was made quite some time later, and Ori shyly brought him a bowl of the thin soup. Bilbo knew that, based off the silence of the mountain, he'd probably be sent down again once dinner was done. And he was not looking forward to it. Smaug was clever, as much as he hated to admit it, and he would probably be awake, waiting for whoever took his cup to come back. Bilbo wondered if he took the cup back, if Smaug would be pacified for now. After all, he still had much of the treasury to look through and he couldn't do that with a live, awake Dragon breathing fire down his neck. Literally.
When Thorin stood and made his way over to where Bilbo still sat, the Hobbit knew what he was going to say. So he beat Thorin to it.
"Can I take the cup back, when I go down to the treasury again? I think it might appease Smaug." Bilbo told him calmly. Thorin's eyes narrowed and he seemed to have a small mental war with himself before nodding stiffly.
"I believe the beast will be back asleep by now. They are lethargic creatures after all." Thorin didn't want to outright say, 'Go back to the treasury now' but Bilbo could read between the lines. He took one more bite of his half finished dinner, which was cold by now, and stood. Thorin grabbed the cup from where it was sitting by the fire and gave it to Bilbo solemnly. He didn't like giving treasure to the Dragon, but if Bilbo could appease Smaug and then continue searching for the Arkenstone, then soon all the treasure would belong to the Dwarves again.
"Be careful Bilbo." Kili said softly from where he was sitting. Bilbo tried to smile at him, but he was so unaccustomed to smiling. Thorin gave him one more glance and then nodded towards the tunnel. Bilbo glanced around and began his second decent, once again feeling their gazed follow him until a certain point. But this time, his anxiety over going into the treasury with an awake Dragon drowned out his relief.
Bilbo had this mental imagine in his head. It included a Dragon, waiting patiently at the end of the tunnel, with a blazing belly just waiting to roast him alive. But that wasn't what he found when he stuck his head out into the treasury again. All was silent and still, and the only difference between this visit and the last was that Smaug was no longer buried under gold. He was stretched out on top of his chosen mountain, the picture of content, eyes closed and perfectly at ease. And Bilbo couldn't honestly tell if he was awake or not. Instead of spending too much time wondering, Bilbo crept down the stairs and placed the cup down as quietly as he could. He was sure that if Smaug could tell when one single piece of his treasure was removed, that he would also be able to tell when it was brought back.
Bilbo was about to turn and hide out just inside the tunnel for a little while when the pillar caught his eyes. It wasn't too far. If Smaug was truly asleep, and really wouldn't he have already come after Bilbo if he was awake, then he probably wouldn't hear Bilbo walk to the pillar. But did he really want to chance it? It was true, none of the Dwarves had asked him about hurting himself upon his return. But what if they did this time? Or what if Smaug woke up? Most importantly, could he really resist the siren song of the blade for any longer?
As it turned out, no he couldn't. Because there he was, creeping across the gold to the pillar, constantly checking to make sure Smaug was still asleep. When at last he reached the pillar, he tried to be as quiet as possible to move the small bit of treasure hiding his dagger. And then it was in his hands again. He slid the blade out of it's holster and looked at the way his blood had dried black in the engravings. It was...beautiful. Not that he ever would have thought so before. Back when he was innocent and ignorant of the world. Before he met the Dwarves or ever saw an Elf or ran from a pack of wargs. So much had passed and oh, how it had changed him.
Bilbo glanced over his shoulder, and decided that Smaug was not going to be waking. And he didn't exactly want to cut in the tunnel where any of the company might chance upon him. He silently walked to the other side of the pillar, where Smaug wouldn't be able to see him and the Dwarves wouldn't be able to catch sight of him from the tunnel. He slid down the pillar and into a ball, keeping his body small and compact, except for his arms which stretched out in front of him.
Bilbo looked from one to the other before deciding he would start with his legs. He uncurled from his ball and pulled his trousers down to his knees before unsheathing the dagger again. After taking a deep breath, Bilbo lowered the edge of his blade to his skin, a little hiss escaping his lips as the cold metal made contact. And then the knife was in his skin, and his blood was free and he felt all the anger, all the hurt and the sorrow, leave him in waves. A sigh escaped his lips as a shudder wracked his frame. It had been far too long, and he had much he wanted to forget using this blade and his blood.
He lost count of how many new cut he made on his legs, simply dragging the dagger over his skin, wallowing in the bliss that followed, and then making a new cut when the bliss faded. All too soon, he turned his attention to his other leg. And then he found himself staring at his legs in confusion. Blood covered most of his skin, and was coming dangerously close to soaking into his trousers. Bilbo kicked them off and looked around for something to staunch the flow of blood. His eyes fell on something silk and blue and he pulled it free from where it was under a bit of coins. It turned out to be a banner of Durin, but the only thing that mattered at the moment was that it stopped his blood from leaking all over his clothes. After wrapping the banner around his legs, Bilbo rolled up his sleeves and went to work there.
There was so much he wanted to forget. So many regrets he wished he never had to have. So many people he wished he didn't hate, but he couldn't quite help it. There was so much boiling in his blood and Bilbo just wanted it out! He wanted his blood out of his veins, and he wanted the emotion tearing him apart to go away! He didn't realize he was crying until a drop of salt water fell onto his arm, stinging a sluggishly bleeding cut. He hissed and then sniffled, trying to figure out why he was crying. He wasn't supposed to cry, the cutting was supposed to make that stop. Blood or tears! Not both! But here he was, crying.
He attacked his arm with a new savagery after that. Anything to make the tears stop. Anything to make everything stop, the thoughts and the emotions and the tears and everything! He just wanted it to STOP!
The dagger slipped from his palm, and only then did he realize he was absolutely covered in blood. All over his hands and arms and legs and it was too much. How had he...how could he let himself get so carried away? He had always told himself that he wouldn't. That he would know when to stop, and he would not be a danger to himself. Even as he thought that, he felt his body shaking, screaming out silently that it was in too much pain and there was not enough blood in his veins. His head hurt, everything hurt, and he was scared. He was...so scared.
He had to get to the company. They would know what to do. Surely he couldn't be dying! It was a lot of blood, but not that much! Oin would bandage him and Thorin would yell at him, but he would be alive. Bilbo could hardly tell if his limbs were actually moving, and his vision was tunneling a little. But suddenly he was standing and his trousers were on and he was stumbling a little. Towards...the tunnel...wasn't he? He didn't quite remember which way it was. Nothing looked very familiar. Maybe if he walked around the pillar? Didn't he do that before? Was the tunnel on the other side of the pillar?
Something that sounded like water rippled in the back of his mind. It was so nice that there was water in the mountain. He'd have to take a bath there, once Oin had bandaged him. And the sound of falling water was so soothing. It chimed and tinkled like one of those little wind chimes his neighbors in the Shire had. He wanted one of those. He'd get on. If he ever got home again.
Behind the swaying Hobbit, Smaug sat perched on his haunches just watching the little thing that was stumbling around his treasury. It looked...drunk. Perhaps that was why it was stupid enough to be in his treasury. But Smaug suspected it wasn't alcohol that was inebriating this creature, but a mixture of endorphins and blood loss. The Dragon looked around, his sharp eyes catching sight of both the cup the thief had taken the night before, as well as a pile of gold positively drenched in blood, as well as a crimson dagger. Interesting. Why would this little thief hurt himself? His curiosity was piqued and he found he didn't want to kill his intruder. At least not until he had his questions answered.
"You do realize, of course, how incredibly stupid you are, little thief." Smaug purred. The creature froze, standing stock still, panic flooding his hazy brain and sharpening his dulling senses. Blood loss be damned, the little thing knew exactly how much danger he was now in, and he was much more alert as he turned to gape at the Dragon behind him. And then he was running, as if he had been shot off like a catapult. Smaug chuckled to himself and watched the creature take refuge behind a pillar. Panic, he understood, did not provide people with rational thinking. Hiding was probably the only thing this little male thought he could do at the moment. Though it was hardly hiding if Smaug knew exactly where he was.
"I-I didn't come to s-steal from you. I b-brought your cup b-back." The creature called out from behind the pillar, and Smaug sent another uninterested gaze at the cup. What interest could he have in a single little cup when he had something much more intriguing hiding only a few hundred feet away. Smaug decided to humor the thing though.
"Indeed you did. And do you think your life will be spared for it?" Smaug asked, starting to approach his "visitor".
"W-Well I just thought, since I b-brought it back, that I d-didn't really steal it. I was j-just showing it to some people." Bilbo stuttered from where he was "hiding". He knew Smaug knew where he was, and that he would probably be dead soon. Incineration indeed. At least he wouldn't bleed to death. He couldn't decide which he feared more. He tried hard to focus on the situation at hand, and while his mind had sharpened a little in his terror, it was still fuzzy around the edges. And his headache was throbbing rather agonizingly. Not to mention his whole body, which was continuously shaking with the effort to stay on his feet.
"You still took what was not yours, little thief. I do not take kindly to such larceny." Smaug rumbled, and Bilbo felt a jolt run through him at how much closer Smaug sounded.
"I apologize p-profusely, oh Smaug the unaccessible wealthy. I do not know what c-came over me. I only came here to gaze upon your magnificence. I thought that surely the stories of old could not be true." Bilbo hoped to all of the Valar that Smaug would be vain enough to accept such flattery.
"And now?" Smaug asked, sounding a little indignant.
"Truly, the songs and tales fall utterly short of your enormity, oh Smaug the stupendous. I have never seen the like of such awe inspiring beauty and power and-"
"Yes, yes. But do tell me, if you are only here to gaze upon me, why you smell so heavily of blood." Bilbo's heart jumped to his throat. He was hardly surprised that Smaug smelled the blood, there was so much of it. But why would the Dragon inquire about it?
"W-What?" Bilbo squeaked out.
"Do not get me wrong little thief, you smell delicious. A beautiful blend of blood and fear and sorrow. Anger as well, though not as much. Mostly blood. Are you injured little thief?" Bilbo shuddered and pressed himself back harder against the pillar. His knees felt rather like jam and he wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to stand. Especially when Smaug sounded so very close to him.
"Why would I tell you if I were?" Bilbo asked, managing to sound braver than he felt. Smaug chuckled, and it felt like a small earthquake to Bilbo, who's head felt worse by the second.
"Why would you not? I am rather enjoying our conversation. I've decided that maybe I'll keep you as a pet so you can amuse me. I am sure you have quite a few stories to tell. Starting with your blood, and why there is so little of it in your veins." As if in reminder, Bilbo felt his body tremble again. He felt weak and too light, like he might float away at any moment. His head felt as though it might burst into spontaneous flame at any moment. Not that Smaug's voluminous voice was helping at all.
"I would rather you not." Bilbo spat out, putting a hand to his head. His blood was still wet on his fingers, and it left prints on Bilbo's forehead. Not that he realized it. He was struggling to even stay conscious, and aware. A little blood was hardly one of his priorities at the moment.
"I am not sure I am offering you a choice." Smaug's clatter stopped and Bilbo felt his heart skip a beat. He looked up slowly, wide blue eyes meeting with devastatingly large golden eyes. Smaug grinned, showcasing every one of his sharp teeth. "Found you little thief." Bilbo could barely comprehend the hand coming towards him. But even though he knew he should run, should get back to the Dwarves, he couldn't make his body move. He fell to his knees, and the only thing keeping him from falling flat on his face was the claw that wrapped around him. Instead of panic, Bilbo felt the most blissful numb come over him. And then he was gone, pulled down into unconsciousness.
OOOOO