A/N- Just a reminder, this isn't a standalone piece. You should probably read the other stories first. I've put handy dandy links to each story on my profile page. I hope you enjoy the next installment.

Dean and Sam had taken another job despite the lingering repairs still needed on the Impala. Tensions were high between the boys, not in the fight about to break out way, but in a more subtle avoiding a fight way. Neither wanted to make things worse but neither of them was willing to confront it. Mae had managed to put a few cracks into the wall Dean had put up, only by virtue of playing on every one of his sympathies.

Dean missed her already. Whatever power she had over him, however she did it, she brought him some modicum of comfort, support. She didn't ask for anything from him for that either. The crazy thing to him was that she didn't do anything either, not anything out of the ordinary anyway. She was just there for him, helping. She helped with the repairs to the car. She helped him sleep. She even made sure he didn't forget to eat. He supposed that wasn't nothing. It was a lot really, bringing some kind of stability to him. He wondered if he could really ask or expect that from her.

Not joining the boys felt like the right thing as much as it felt like it wasn't. There were somethings she couldn't fix, not for Dean or Sam. Or for herself. Dean told her this was something they needed to deal with, as brothers. In that regard, she would always be the third wheel. It was a reasonable request. They didn't need her to track down the mystery woman on their dad's voicemail.

Even though the boys didn't need her, that didn't mean she didn't miss Dean. She missed him more than she had prepared for. She worried about him. But now that she was alone at Bobby's, she realized she should have thought more about herself and what she was supposed to do now that she was once again on her own.

"Here." Bobby dropped a small stack of papers down in front of her on the desk. Mae didn't jump when he started her, but her brow folded in confusion. "It's a job."

"A job?"

He rested a hip on the edge of the old desk as he eyed her and drank his coffee. "You new here? It's something to do, get outta my hair."

Mae didn't even try to keep a passive face or disguise the smirk that overtook her. "You're...sending me out on a job? How John Winchester of you."

There was a strange sort of giddiness in her eyes, and he knew that this was a significant gesture for both of them. "You're drivin' me nuts, girl. Besides, you need something constructive more constructive to do than sit here and pout."

"I'm not pouting. But I told Dean I'd wait for him and Sam to get back."

"Your plan is to sit around and wait for him?"

"It's not like that. It's more complicated than that."

"There are these new things call phones. You could call him and let him know where you're going. Unless this whole thing is just you waiting around for him.

Eyeing the documents, she bit her lip. "Are you asking me to go with you?"

"No, I think you can handle this one on your own. You're a good hunter. I know that you can do it."

She didn't ask how he knew anything about her hunting but suspected he'd kept relatively close tabs on her over the years. He's certainly done so when he'd ask other hunters not to help her track down the demon on her own. "Well, I appreciate it but uh, you know it's sort of undignified taking a bus to hunt down evil."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before lettin' your ride take off without you."

Mae sighed, leaning back in the chair. "C'mon, why are you riding me so hard about this?"

"It doesn't seem like you, that's all."

"Yeah well...how I have been hasn't exactly been good for me. I thought you liked Dean."

"I do. He's a good kid. It just seems like you're giving up your whole life to be with a guy."

She scoffed. "That is hardly...he just lost his dad, okay? He... what Don't start on me. Can't you take satisfaction in knowing that you'd make better choices in my position."

Bobby chuckled a bit. "Fair enough. I'll take you home. It won't take more than half a day and we can both go back to being sane."

"Oh, like you don't love me being here." She teased.

"You can stay as long as you want. But you've cleaned half the house out of anxiety, so I know you're not loving it here."

"Well… yeah."

"It's up to you honey, stay here and drive us both nuts or go home and start looking into this case."

The drive across South Dakota and Wyoming wasn't the most interesting road trip. The silence was neither awkward nor wholly comfortable. Bobby's taste in music wasn't hers but was tolerable. While they could have discussed any number of their past issues, they didn't. Mae read through the papers Bobby gave her more times than she could count and talked about theories.

The job was three deaths. Young men, which wasn't worthy of their investigation but those men, all between 25 and 30, had died of what the coroners had ruled old age. There were a handful of creatures out there that could pre-maturely age someone. More likely something that fed on life-force. Maybe a succubus, could be a witch or witches, a vampiric ghost or something similar. Given a smaller pool of possible creatures that could be involved and that meant there were ways to stop the thing. So, it seemed like a standard job, one she could take care of solo, maybe even before Sam and Dean returned to Bobby's.

Since the trail started in Oregon, had she not decided to take it, he would still have dropped her at home. Neither of them dallied at her house. Bobby dropped her off and left. Aside from clean and free bathrooms, she offered little other hospitality as she had not been back in weeks herself so had little in the way of fresh food. To her surprise, she found herself disappointed that Bobby was going off to work on his own case. She'd grown used to having company, partners on the job.

But he did leave her with a final, albeit worrisome statement. "Watch yourself if you take up with Dean an' Sam again."

"What do you mean?"

"I meant what I said to them; they stepped in some serious crap, and I don't want you to get caught in the fallout just because you and Dean are all lovey dovey now."

She rolled her eyes but didn't dispute any of it. "I'll be careful."

Within the hour, she was back on the road again, in her own car. She had contacted her father-in-law, Cal to give him a quick status update, glossing over the gory details. She didn't need another father figure getting overly protective of her or judgmental of her choices. She restocked her supplies, grabbed some fresh clothes, and felt relieved to be back behind her the wheel of her own car. A case of her own would be a good thing to occupy her mind and take her thoughts off of Dean.

Hours later, she laid out the case Bobby had given her and the research she'd pulled herself at her motel. It was going to be almost relaxing to focus on something clean cut and logical, something she didn't need to worry about the emotional or psychological complications involved in it.

The police reports for all three men didn't find much because there didn't appear to be a crime really. Just unexplained deaths. If they hadn't died from 'old age' the deaths seemed like they would have been chalked up as natural deaths. But they weren't natural in anyway, either by regular people standards or theirs. The deaths were ruled, on paper, as undetermined.

She jotted a short list of to dos for herself in order to get a better understanding of what had happened, why these men, why this way, what was behind it, and how to stop it. She missed Dean. And Sam. It was easier with them both in tow. They could split the research, interviews, and leg work. They could bounce ideas off each other. Hell, even having company at some greasy spoon was nice. She hadn't realized that she'd had become used to it.

As if sensing her thoughts, her phone rang. Seeing his name on the caller ID made her a bit giddy. It seemed silly, strange and a little wonderful. Years had passed since she felt this way about talking to someone on the phone. They had left things in a strange place, neither good nor bad but not where she had anticipated. John's death had changed things, changed the mission, changed the motivations for each boy, and changed the approach. But no one had broached the subject yet. This was never going to be an easy situation. The questions around his death and the realities of it made it more complex. Mae didn't expect him to bounce back immediately.

It was why she let some of things that would have bothered her slide. That wasn't a conscious act, she realized; she just knew that she was a little softer when dealing with him lately. Her voice was a little syrupy sweet when she said hi. Under normal circumstances, he would have loved that. He might have even teased her about it. During all the years they hadn't gotten along, he had missed that tone. He would have loved to hear it and for all of the bad blood between them to be gone. But today, it left him feeling lost.

"Hey Red. I've got a professional question to ask you."

Dean shook his head and could even imagine the peak of her eyebrow and sarcastic retort on the tip of her tongue. "A professional question? Now just what profession are you talking about?"

A smirk ghosted over his lips but didn't come close to lighting up his eyes as he stared off out the window of the minivan outside of the latest no-tell motel he and Sam were staying at. "What I mean is…how much do you think dad didn't tell us about hunting?"

It made her frown a little, concerned and confused. She tried not to sigh audibly. "It does seem like he had his share of secrets and he..." she was going to say that John took them to the grave but thought better of it, "he did a good job of keeping them. Why do you ask?"

"Do you know a woman named Ellen?"

She paused. "Ellen Harvelle? Is that who left the message?"

"Yeah. You know her?"

"Sure. She runs a bar and it's the sort of place a hunter can go and talk openly about what they do. Like a biker bar but more ghosts."

"What else?"

"I think her husband used to hunt. Maybe she went out with him, I don't know, but he didn't seem to keep his hunting gig separate from his real life. She never over charged for beer. I think she has a daughter a couple years younger than us. It's not like we're the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants or anything."

"Okay." He thought for a second, just a second about telling her about hitting on Jo, mostly because he'd pulled back, he'd realized that not only was he not interested in his typical fling, but he also knew it would hurt Mae.

"Hey, are you okay? Did you track Ellen down? Did she give you something good, bad, or irrelevant?""

"Yeah, we found her. I don't know that she gave us anything groundbreaking. I…" he considered trying to keep things just about the case and shrugging off her concern. But he found that with Mae, he couldn't. "I'm fine. I just don't know…I guess I'm feeling…not like myself."

"Well, I wish I could say something to make that go away."

"Me too. I miss you."

"Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing. I miss you too."

There was a pleasant silence, he though, between them. She didn't poke and prod at him. She asked and was willing to move on if he wasn't ready. Dean closed his eyes a moment. God, he wanted her to be there. He would feel steadier. He wouldn't have that burning anxiety at the base of his skull waiting to find out if Ash could make sense of the pattern their dad had put together.

He wanted to feel her slender fingers feather through his hair as he rested his head against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. He didn't want to be states apart, despite his protestations that he needed to do this with his brother, and he needed space. He might have needed that, but he wanted her. He wanted her to make it better. He felt distinctly uncomfortable having tried and failed to flirt with Jo. He didn't have any intention on making good on it had he felt some kind of connect with her. Instead, he was left thinking more about Mae than anyone else.

"So…Ellen?" Mae continued.

"Yeah, she said she could help with the demon."

"Hmmm."

"What's that mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything Dean. It was just a thinky sound."

"What are you thinking about it?"

"Dude, ease up. I don't know what Ellen knows so I can't really weigh in on it, can I?"

"Yeah, I guess. You know that Ash guy?"

"Yeah," she laughed, "he's hard to ignore."

"Is he really a genius or is it like that saying about genius and insanity."

"It could be a little of both. I don't know much about his backstory because I don't really trust any dude with a mullet. But he did go to MIT so he's no dummy."

"So, he said and yet he was sleeping on a pool table when we found him."

"Like you've slept in exclusively ritzy titzy places. Sam went to Stanford. I went to Barnard. And you probably wouldn't be surprised to find either of us on a pool table."

"I guess." His brow furrowed, "Barnard?"

"Yeah. That's where I went to college."

"No. What…I don't know what kind of school that is."

"Barnard to bed, Columbia to wed." She said off handedly, as she idly shifted through her papers.

"Wait, what?"

"It's just something they say about Barnard girls. You know, we were all either lesbians or sluts, so they say. It's a Women's liberal art's college in New York."

Dean nodded, even knowing she couldn't see him, largely because he wasn't sure what all of them mean, expect that it was probably a big deal of some sort. "I'd love to know more about this lesbian or slut thing but... anyway, this Ash kid says he can track the demon, using what dad put together, he can work some sort of geek magic and track it."

"If anyone can, Ash can."

"Good."

Dean went quiet again, not sure what to talk about next but not wanting to get off the phone yet. Mae spoke first. "That was your professional question? Because it was more than one question."

"That was it."

"Well, what are you doing now?"

"We had some time to kill while Ash does his thing. So…we hunted down a clown."

He expected her to laugh but she sounded as serious as anything. "Oh, I hope you killed every last one of those evil freaks and make them hurt."

"What, you too? You hate clowns?"

"You don't? I've never thought you were crazy until you said that."

"Maybe you just saw It one to many times?"

"No sir, this is common sense."

This time his smile came with a little more ease and a little more genuine emotion. "Well, anyway, we're headed back now. It might take us a while since there was...an issue with the van."

An issue? Besides you hating it?"

"Yeah, besides that. Anyway, how you holdin' up having' to spend so much time with Bobby? I'm not gonna come home to find you wearing a trucker hat, am I?"

"Yeah, um," she said after an uncomfortably long pause, "I…I'm actually in Oregon right now. Bobby wanted a little space and frankly, I needed it too. So, he and I aren't stuck together. And if you're heading back now…I might not make it back there before you get back to his place. But you know, as soon as I'm done here, we can meet up. There or somewhere else, if that's what happens."

The silence that settled over the line was a little more apprehensive and filled with unspoken emotions. "Oh, I thought we'd finish the car together."

Mae supposed she could have given him a bit more of a heads up, knowing that he was feeling rather aimless and exposed. She had hoped she would have more time before having to tell him, that maybe she could get this job finished and get back to Bobby's before it was even an issue. "Yeah, I'd love to. You wrap up your job and I wrap up mine, we can meet back up at Bobby's. Okay? I just...we were kind of driving each other nuts and I needed to do more than wait for you to decide you had a job I could work on."

"I…" Dean wasn't sure what to say. He's pictured things differently and he hadn't considered that she would go off on her own.

"What?" There was the barest hint of accusation in her tone even though she'd only said one word.

She heard the hesitation in his voice, like he was weighing whether or not to continue. Dean pressed his tongue against his cheek. "It's not like that. I don't want you to just wait around for me. I'm not just picking out jobs I think it's okay for you to work on. We've just had some... weird stuff the past few weeks, you know?"

"I get it. But twice now, that's what's happened. Last time, you were a little worried about keeping me safe and you wanted to have a plan b if all hell broke loose. This time, you've got brother sit to deal with. I can handle both. But I'm not a prop or here just to make you feel better. I have to do more."

"I just thought you said you'd wait for me. I though you wanted to make this work."

Her eyebrow arched up, disbelieving. "Yeah, I do. Although for the record, I'm fairly certain I did not say I'd wait for you. I said that I thought it was good for you to take this job and when it was done, we'd finish the car so we could start hunting again properly. And we still can even if I'm not waiting around for you with my thumb up my ass the rest of the time."

"I just want to know where you are."

"I'm in Oregon. Bobby knows where I am. He's the one who picked out the pattern here. C'mon, this is a dumb fight to have."

"No, it's- I can't trust you if you just run off. What happens if...something happens to you and I'm not there?"

"Yeah, I don't know. You should have asked that before you left me behind, where something could happen to me while you weren't there."

Dean sighed. "Maybe if we talked about it first, I'd feel better about it."

"Talk about what? We're... only dating or whatever. You're not my dad. You're not in charge of what I do or where I go. I don't need your permission to do my job. I mean, you were just going to find out who left that mystery message, and you took a side gig."

He huffed. "It's not safe. The demon nearly killed Sam and me, did kill dad. So, I think you owe me...something more. I need to know you're serious about this."

Her sigh was an exasperated one. "Hunting or you."

"Both."

"You realize that's crazy right? I told you I wanted to be with you. But that doesn't mean that when you and your brother take off and specifically tell me that you need to do this together, that I'm going stare out the window and wait for you to come home and make my life real again."

"I never said—"

Mae cut him off. "I know that's not what you were saying but do you genuinely think that I'm the sort of person who would just stay put? C'mon."

"I'm not trying to be…stubborn here."

"No, you're not, it's just a natural gift of yours. You don't have to try."

Dean wasn't yelling but he was close to it. "I can't do my job if I'm worrying about you."

"Yes, you can. I can do mine worrying about you. You do yours worrying about Sam. I get it, you want to control things to keep us safe...safer. But you don't get to...put me on the shelf until its convenient for you to play with me."

"That's not...I'm not saying that you can't hunt. I just... I wanted..." he sighed, raking his hand through his hair, "You know, I don't get why we just end up fighting." He conceded.

"We end up fighting when we're not up front with each other. You know, we never really dealt with how this would all work."

"Maybe we should take a break."

"From hunting? I'm not sure how you'd convince Sam-"

"From whatever we're doing."

"What? You want to break up because I don't want to sit around and wait for you? If that's a deal breaker for you, then yeah."

"It's not that. I... I want you to wait for me, okay?"

"I am. Just not where you told me to wait. There are a lot of things I'll do for you, but I deserve more than being a bit player in your life. Or mine for that matter."

"I need to know you're safe."

"I'm as safe as you are."

Desperation clung to his throat. "I just...c'mon, give me a break on something here Mae. Please, make just one thing easy for me."

"I'm not trying to make things difficult for you Dean. You know that. But... you knew this was an issue when we started this whole thing. I made it clear I wasn't trading everything in my life for the chance to be with you."

"This is different."

How could she make it clear to Dean? Really, she knew she couldn't because she understood where he was coming from. While she understood, she didn't agree. "Is it? Listen, I am glad that your sorting this thing out with your brother. I hope that you...do what you need to do. I... I will go mental if I don't have something better to do that putter around Bobby's house, worrying about you, and trying to figure out how to... fix something I can't fix. I know I can't."

"Yeah. So... maybe we need some space for a bit. "

His words hung there, oddly and disconcertingly true. Mavis sighed. She wanted to be angry at the suggestion, but it didn't come. She wanted to be sad but that didn't come either. Instead, she was thought Dean was going through something even he didn't understand. Dean's coping mechanisms didn't extent to both the level of loss he was going through and dealing with relationship things.

"Is that what you really want?"

"No. But you said you couldn't give me what I want. And who knows, maybe that's not what I really want so..."

Something was wrong with him, and he knew it. He knew Mae would try to fix it, but she couldn't. He at least realized she was right, and it wasn't fair to ask her to not to join him but also not do anything else on the off chance that he would want something from her.

"I won't do exactly what you want, when you want and that's it? It's all or nothing for you?"

"No. I don't know. Maybe. It's...if I could go back and make things different, I would. Nothing feels right to me right now. Even you and me. I can't even think about what you want or need. I can't..." He sighed, almost chocked up a little, "I guess I'm not a good person to be with right now. It's just too hard right now."

Mae blinked, wondering what sort of parallel universe she stumbled into. What happened to Dean over the past two days? Maybe she should have stuck around for him to return. Or maybe all of this would have surfaced while she was still at the mercy of being stuck in her childhood home, with no car, and no clear way forward.

While it didn't make total sense, a part did. Something about his explanation sounded almost right. And she knew she couldn't force him to feel differently. There was nothing she could do to make him see that even if she wasn't back at Bobby's didn't mean she wasn't still there for him. Compassion should have won out, she knew. She wasn't mad but she was hurt by his inability to see past whatever wasn't feeling right for him.

"Well, God forbid you do something hard." She hung up. "Ass." she muttered, perhaps about him and perhaps about herself.