A/N: Forgot to update yesterday, so four chapters here we go! HOME STRETCH YALL! IT'S LIT
"What did it say?" Anya demanded, as Lexa held her phone to her ear with one hand as she drove with the other. "Please tell me that you got in. I'll forfeit my own acceptance if you didn't. Seriously. Lexa! Why haven't you said anything yet?"
"You haven't let me get a word in!" Lexa exclaimed, grinning widely. "I got in, so you can get your panties out of the twist they're in."
"Oh thank goodness. Congrats, Lex! We're going to college together!"
"I don't know why I was so scared about it. It seems like I should've been calm, but hindsight is twenty twenty I guess. But that's not all. After I told my mom that I got in..." Lexa's voice trailed off, and she bit down on her lip. On one hand, she was pleased with the way her mom had reacted to her being gay, but she was not exactly thrilled about her reaction to Lexa dating Clarke.
She knew that her mom's reaction made sense, at least it would to her mom. Honestly, Lexa wasn't sure that she wanted her mom to meet Clarke. It wasn't that she thought, or cared if, she didn't like her, but Clarke felt like a private part of her life. Clarke was hers, and she didn't care what her mom thought.
But she'd already told her mom that she could meet Clarke, so she would have to talk to her girlfriend about it anyway. With any luck, Clarke's schedule would be booked up for a few months.
"Lexa? What did you do after you told your mom?" Anya was saying, knocking Lexa out of her thoughts.
"Right, yeah, sorry. I told her. That I'm gay, I mean," Lexa admitted.
Anya was quiet for a moment. "Really? How did she react?"
"She actually didn't care at all. I'm kind of surprised, but mostly just super grateful. She was asking about my boyfriend, and she was in such a good mood about the letter... I figured it was as good a time as ever. The problem is that I told her about Clarke as well, and she wasn't really mad... just, somewhat disappointed I think," Lexa explained.
"Why? Because she's older than you and you guys were dating before you were an adult?"
"Maybe, but mostly because I think that she doesn't think that Clarke is good enough for me. My mom's all about four year degrees and long term careers, big goals and shit like that. And I mean, so am I. But I don't care that Clarke doesn't want that for herself. It's not like she's going to keepme from doing what I want to do," Lexa said, rolling her eyes. "I just... I also told my mom that she could meet her."
"Oh wow, have fun with that," Anya said, laughing.
"Seriously, Anya, I'm so regretting ever telling my mom that I'm dating someone. I mean, she did say that she won't stop me from dating Clarke, not that she really could, because I am an adult, but I'm afraid that she's going to be really judgmental or something," Lexa admitted with a sigh. "I don't know if Clarke even wants to meet her."
"Well... why don't you talk to your girlfriend then?"
"I'm driving over to her place right now. I've got a whole shit ton of stuff to tell her apparently. What should I start with? College, or my mom?" Lexa turned into the parking lot of Clarke's apartment building.
"Your mom," Anya answered. "Or maybe not. I don't know. If she isn't cool about the mom thing as much, it could be good to tell her that first, so that you can top if off with good news. Or you could tell her the college part first, so that she's already in a good mood when you mention your mom."
"It's not like I think she's going to be mad," Lexa said, parking her car and turning it off, but not moving. "I'm just... I don't know, I feel slightly uncomfortable with the idea of her meeting my mom already. We haven't even been dating for that long."
"So tell that to your mom," Anya insisted. "Like you said, you're an adult now. You don't need her approval. Introduce her to Clarke when both of you are ready for that."
"You're right," Lexa said, sighing and shaking her head. "Ugh, I don't know what I'll do. Thanks, though. I'm at Clarke's place now, so I have to go. See you."
"Bye, college buddy!"
Lexa laughed, rolling her eyes as she hung up the call. Sliding her phone into her pocket, she got out of her car and started over to the front of the building. She hit the buzzer for Clarke's apartment, and her girlfriend's voice spoke through the box a moment later. "Who is it?"
"Lexa. Sorry, I probably should've texted first," Lexa answered, her face flushing as she realized that she'd forgotten to tell her girlfriend that she was coming over.
"Don't worry about it, cutie. Come on up." Clarke's voice cut out as the lock on the door clicked to indicate that she could now open it.
"Hey," Clarke greeted her once she'd reached the door, smiling widely. "I'm actually happy to see you."
"Oh actually?" Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I was getting bored, and you know, you're kinda somewhere near the top of my entertainment list." Clarke gave her a teasing smile. "Plus, I haven't seen you all week, and that's never fun."
"True," Lexa agreed.
"You want some food or something?"
Lexa shook her head. "No, I'm okay. Actually, I have a few things to tell you." Clarke raised her eyebrows, tilting her head.
"Alright, go ahead," Clarke said, turning and going into her kitchen. She opened her fridge and grabbed two sodas, and Lexa cleared her throat.
"Well, I told my mom that I'm gay," Lexa started, her heart rate slightly elevated even though she knew that she really didn't have much to be nervous about. "And she's completely fine with it."
Clarke flashed the brunette a wide smile as she set the second soda down on the little table just outside of her kitchen. Lexa smiled gratefully and moved over to it. "That's awesome, Lexa. Seriously."
"Yeah. Ah, and I told her about you and me," Lexa continued, biting on her lower lip. Clarke's smiled flickered a bit, but it didn't disappear, and Lexa tilted her head. "It kind of went hand and hand with telling her that I'm gay, because I told her a little while ago that I'm dating someone anyway."
"Right," Clarke said, nodding and opening her soda, taking a long drink. Lexa leaned against one of the chairs by the table, her right hand over her still closed soda, as Clarke turned around, moving into the kitchen. "That's cool."
"You don't sound like you think it's cool."
"It's not that I don't," Clarke said quickly, turning back around now that she was further from Lexa. "I guess I'm just... um, I'm surprised. Do I... I mean, am I going to meet her?"
Lexa's eyebrows knit together slightly. "Um, she wants to meet you. But you don't have to if you don't want to, not yet anyway. I don't know that I'm comfortable with you two meeting yet either. My mom is a bit much."
"Mm." Clarke glanced down at the can in her hand.
Lexa frowned. "Are you mad?"
"No."
"But you don't seem not mad."
Clarke shook her head, taking another drink of the soda. "I just don't know that I'm ready for that."
"For what exactly?" Lexa asked, tensing as her voice raised a little, against her will. "Her knowing about us doesn't really change anything. You and I are hardly a secret."
"I know that," Clarke insisted quickly. "I'm just... it's kind of terrifying. My parents don't even know that I'm into girls, Lexa. I didn't even really know until the beginning of this year. I mean, I probably always did a little, but still. And I won't tell them, at least not yet."
"I didn't ask you to," Lexa defended.
"I know you didn't."
"So what's the problem?"
Clarke pursed her lips together. "There's not... I mean..." Lexa scanned her girlfriend carefully, and then took a step backwards.
"I can go. If you need to think or something." Clarke said nothing, and Lexa shook her head a little, turning around.
"Wait, no, don't." Lexa froze. "I'm not mad that you told your mom about us, Lexa. Like I said, I'm terrified."
"Of my mom?"
"No. Of... just... things."
Lexa turned back around, crossing her arms over her chest as Clarke set down her soda can on the kitchen counter. "What things, Clarke? I don't know how to fix this if you won't talk to me."
"There's nothing to fix, Lexa, I'm just an fucking idiot," Clarke snapped, her hand jumping up to her forehead, brushing through her hair.
"You're not an idiot," Lexa argued, stepping closer to the table that lay in between them. "Why do you think that?"
"Because, Lexa, I'm terrified of you."
Lexa froze, her frown deepening as her eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean you're scared of me? How could I scare you? I'm probably the least intimidating person I've ever known of."
"It's not like that," Clarke breathed out, shaking her head and turning away again, to which Lexa responded by stepping closer, slightly around the table.
"So what's it like?"
Clarke glanced at her, and then let out a shaky sigh. "Before last weekend, it didn't feel as real."
"What? You and me dating? Are you trying to say that now that I'm an adult, you don't want to date me?"
"No!" Clarke exclaimed, exasperated and taking a step closer. "It's not that at all. It's that, when you and I couldn't have sex, and we had to be careful, it the reality of this relationship thing wasn't as heavy."
"What do you mean relationship thing?"
"I mean, Lexa, that this is the most serious relationship I've ever been in. Every person I've ever dated has ended up being a cheater, a liar, or just a fucking asshole. I've never been happy in a relationship, and before I met you, I was ready to throw away any thought of having a person care about me in more than a friend sort of way. I was going to stop thinking about relationships altogether, do my art, maybe hook up with some people so that I didn't dry up... you are so not what I planned. And as soon as you turned eighteen, and a future with you became a hell of a lot more plausible and realistic, it hit me. I'm fucking terrified of this messing up. Of me messing up and hurting you, or me getting hurt, or just... it ending. And I'm an idiot for thinking that, because I do trust you... but I'm fucking falling in love with you and it's fucking terrifying," Clarke finished, swallowing thickly and then taking in a deep breath. Her eyes were watery, and Lexa's heart was racing, her own eyes tearing up a bit as well.
"Clarke," Lexa whispered, gathering up her courage and walking over to Clarke, stopping in front of her. "First of all, you're not an idiot. And if you think we've moved too fast or something, you can tell me. I won't get my feelings hurt."
"It's not that it's gone too fast," Clarke clarified, sighing, "it's just that I'm not used to relationships becoming better as they go. It scares me... makes me think that the end will be way worse than normal."
Lexa brought her hands up to the sides of Clarke's face, pushing back her hair and then draping her arms around her girlfriend's neck. "Who says there's an end? You know, sometimes it's better to not assume that a relationship will end. I mean, do you look at your friends and think, 'well, I hope that when our friendship ends, things don't go too badly'?"
"No."
"So don't do that to me," Lexa murmured. "You're not the only one of us who's been scared before. The idea of being with you has terrified me a number of times. I mean, sure I internalized it a lot until it was mostly gone, but it's still something I've felt before. And it's okay to be scared, isn't it? As long as we talk about it, like now, and don't act rashly because of it."
"You mean that I shouldn't act like an idiot just because I feel like one?" Clarke asked, smirking a little.
"You said it, not me," Lexa teased quietly, a smile pulling at her lips. "Has this been bothering you for a while?"
"Since last Saturday," Clarke admitted, her gaze falling. "Before I took you out. Bellamy told me that I should talk to you about it after dinner, but I sorta forgot. Plus, I wasn't worried about it while we were out."
"I don't want you to be scared," Lexa whispered as she felt Clarke's arms slide around her waist. "Especially not of me, or us, or whatever. So what can I do to make you not scared?"
"Just... remind me that you're not going to disappear," Clarke mumbled back, their faces just inches apart now. Lexa's eyes flickered in between Clarke's, and she closed the distance between them, their lips meeting softly. The kiss was slow, gentle, and when it ended, Lexa bumped her nose against Clarke's.
"I'm not gonna disappear. In fact, actually, the second thing I wanted to tell you," Lexa murmured, pausing to press another fluttery kiss against Clarke's lips, "is that I got my letter from Polis admissions."
Clarke pulled back a little to meet Lexa's gaze. "And?"
"I got in," Lexa answered, grinning.
"Of course you did," Clarke said, smiling widely as well, "did you think you wouldn't?"
"I was... preparing myself for the worst outcome," Lexa admitted. "You know, so that I didn't get too depressed if I didn't get in. But yeah, I did get in, so far enrolled as an undecided major. I'm still clueless as to what I'm going to do with my future."
"College is a good start." Clarke leaned forward again and pressed their lips together in another kiss. "Congratulations," she then mumbled into it. "And I'm sorry for –"
"Don't apologize," Lexa tutted immediately, pulling her lips away and leaving just their foreheads touching.
"How about I apologize in a different way then?" Clarke murmured suggestively, grabbing Lexa's lips and taking a step to the side and backwards, toward her bedroom.
Lexa heard herself giggle, and she pulled away to give Clarke a questioning look. "It's like the middle of the day."
"So? You're really going to pass up sex because it's not nighttime?"
"Well, when you put it like that..."
Clarke grinned, stepping away from the brunette and grabbing her hand. "Come on, beautiful." Lexa let herself be led into the room, but just before they got to the bed, Clarke's phone started ringing from where it was sitting on her nightstand. "Fuck. Let's ignore it."
Lexa rolled her eyes, going over to the phone and glancing down. "It's Octavia."
"So? Fuck her."
"You should answer it."
"Fine," Clarke agreed, frowning and grabbing her phone. "Hello?"
As Octavia spoke, Lexa slid off her shoes and climbed into Clarke's bed. Blue eyes were trained on her as Lexa pulled the blankets up to her chin, and then proceeded to strip her clothes off under the blankets. Clarke's eyes widened.
"Uh, yeah, O, I heard what you said. Okay, yeah no, I didn't hear the last part. Um, just recap?" Lexa pushed her discarded jeans and underwear from the bed, letting them fall from under the blanket to the floor. Clarke bit her lip impatiently, and Lexa then reached down to her hips and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over herself. She flung it aside and then started on her bra. "Okay, yeah. Sure, we can. Not right now, though. Because, Octavia, I'm busy. What? No! No, that's not – no! No. I'll see you later. Yes... No, shut up. See you later. Bye."
Clarke set her phone down, and Lexa raised an eyebrow at her. "Bed's off limits."
"Oh really? It's my bed," Clarke countered, crossing her arms.
"This is now a no clothing zone," Lexa explained, biting down on her lower lip for a moment. "So you're, ah, going to need to remove those before you join me."
"You looking for a striptease, Lexa?" Clarke asked, smirking as her hands found the bottom of her shirt.
"Mm. I just don't wanna be the only naked one here."
"I can't even see you right now." Lexa bit the inside of her cheek, forcing her shyness away and pushing the blankets down off of her. Clarke's eyes widened, darker already. "Oh."
"You gonna take off your clothes now?"
Clarke's gaze met Lexa's, and the brunette blushed as they stuck there even as Clarke tugged off her shirt. She released her bra clasp in a swift motion, letting it drop away. Lexa's mouth went dry, and she couldn't help it as her gaze raked across her girlfriend as Clarke tugged off her pants and underwear at the same time. She looked away quickly however, until Clarke was suddenly approaching the bed. "You're allowed to look, you know?"
Lexa sucked her lower lip into her mouth, and Clarke sat on the edge of the mattress, sliding her legs down next to Lexa's.
"You're allowed to look, and you're allowed to touch," Clarke murmured, laying down on her side, facing Lexa. "You don't have to be shy."
"Can't help it," Lexa admitted, glancing for a split second down at her girlfriend's body, and then back up. Clarke leaned down and pressed her lips against Lexa's, sliding her tongue across them and then through them. Lexa hummed contently, aware that their fronts were now flush with each other.
"Touch me," Clarke whispered, pulling away for a moment and then closing the gap again. Lexa slowly placed her hands on soft skin, dragging her fingers across it carefully. Clarke pushed her body forward, against Lexa's, and the brunette understood that Clarke was trying to get her to be less shy about touching.
She couldn't help that it was intimidating, the idea of touching Clarke. She was still afraid that she might do something wrong. Experimentally, she lowered her hands to Clarke's hips, and pushed them over suddenly, so that she was on top of Clarke. The blonde moaned suddenly, and Lexa forced her tongue into Clarke's mouth, reversing who was in charge in an instant.
Clarke didn't argue, and Lexa ignored her nervousness, pulling her mouth from Clarke's despite the noise of discontent that the blonde muttered. Their skin rubbed against each other hotly as Lexa lowered herself slightly, pressing her lips against Clarke's collarbone. Clarke let out a small noise, and Lexa slowly lowered herself again until her mouth was exploring the skin around Clarke's breasts.
Clarke whined quietly, and Lexa glanced up at her quickly before finally pulling one of her nipples into her mouth. Her girlfriend released a pleased gasp, and the noise encouraged Lexa. As she paid Clarke's chest attention, she slid her hand up the blonde's inner thigh. Clarke's hips bucked suddenly, and Lexa took this as a good sign, easing her fingers to Clarke's center.
As soon as she touched it, Clarke moaned again, her hips rocking as Lexa touched her. This part she could do, so as she detached her lips from Clarke's nipple and continued to press her tongue and lips against Clarke's soft skin, her fingers worked diligently between her legs.
Clarke's breathing quickened, and she gasped, "Lexa," grabbing gently for Lexa's face and guiding her back up to be level with her own. Their lips met instantly, their tongues tangling. Lexa let out a loud gasp when two fingers suddenly pressed against her slit.
"Fuck," she groaned against Clarke's lips. It took all her effort to continue moving her own fingers in a steady rhythm as Clarke did the same to her. Their lips were no longer attached, but their breaths were mixing as they worked each other up. Lexa released another moan, along with a profound, "Fuck," as Clarke brought her up and up toward orgasm.
"So noisy," Clarke teased, and Lexa furrowed her eyebrows, suddenly adding a third finger into her girlfriend and picking up her pace. The blonde's breathing suddenly cut off as she let a loud, "Oh shit."
"You were saying?" Lexa murmured back.
Clarke came just before Lexa, and they both moaned out some loud expletive or something, and then Lexa's weight collapsed onto Clarke.
"Oh fuck, sorry, I'm on top of you."
Clarke chuckled. "I noticed. It's fine, though. You're kinda small anyway."
"You and I are like the same height," Lexa argued, furrowing her eyebrows. Clarke just grinned, pulling her fingers out from between Lexa's legs and bring them up to her mouth. Lexa's eyes widened as she slid them through her lips and sucked.
"Tasty," Clarke said when she pulled them back out. She gave Lexa a sly look. "You can taste me if you wanna."
Lexa carefully removed her own hand from between Clarke's legs, and gingerly brought her wet fingers to her mouth. She closed her mouth around them and sucked on them purposefully. "Mm," she hummed, her eyes flickering closed. When she was done, she opened her eyes again and met Clarke's curious gaze. "You taste really good."
"Good to know." Clarke winked at the brunette, still smiling widely. "Um, so, when Octavia called, she gave me this spiel about having a huge crush on your best friend's brother."
"Lincoln."
"Yeah, him. She said that she apparently invited him to hang out at the warehouse, and now she's freaking out and wants me to go over there so that most of us are there when he is," Clarke said, her hands sliding over Lexa's back and down to her ass. Lexa let out a content sigh at the feeling, still trying her best to listen to her girlfriend. "She told me to get there within the hour or she'd change her Netflix password."
"You use Octavia's Netflix?"
"Me and my friends share a lot," Clarke answered, chuckling. "So you wanna come?"
"I just did," Lexa reminded her lowly, and Clarke let out a loud laugh.
"You're ridiculous. You wanna come to the warehouse with me or not? Realistically, Octavia will kick us out of her room after he's there for ten minutes. She really likes him. They actually went out earlier this week," Clarke admitted, smirking. "We can grab lunch on the way. C'mon, please?"
"Of course you weirdo," Lexa answered, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "But I'm kinda comfy right now."
"I'm a comfy pillow then?"
"The comfiest."
"Well that's good to know. How about you use my body as a pillow later, though, because I really like Netflix," Clarke reasoned, batting her eyelashes at the brunette.
Lexa pouted. "Fine. But I'm coming back here to hold you to that tonight."
"Fine by me!"