Rose didn't say anything as Sirius guided her by hand up to one of the tallest parts of the castle, and didn't speak until she began to get lost.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked, a bit quietly, tired from a long day of excitement, followed by two hours slaving over the hot potions.
He stopped in a random classroom and wove his wand, as a trapdoor appeared, with a rope ladder.
"Somewhere you've never been before," he grinned.
They climbed up the ladder carefully, and found themselves in one of the towers, completely secret, with a huge window looking out onto the grounds. There were a few blankets waiting for them, and they cuddled up in front of the window, watching snow fall and owls slowly swooping through the night. Sirius pulled out a thermos of hot cider for them that he had gotten from the kitchens.
"I don't want to upset you. But I do want to know why you lied to James at dinner, Rose," Sirius began, after a while.
"Well you can't have one without the other, but I suppose I would have eventually have gotten to telling you anyway. I just... I just can't tell if what we have is going to last, that its not too good to be true... This isn't something that I would tell to just anyone. I suppose that that's the problem in the first place," she trailed off, watching an owl flying off with a large parcel.
He knew that she was't trying to change the subject, but he also knew that it needed to be discussed.
"Rose, I know I'm a bit..."
"Rogue? Wild?" She suggested, smiling at him.
"I was going to say hard to pin down. But all right. If you insist."
She laughed a bit. He felt comfortable having her leaning against him, her warmth and softness. He liked it.
"But, I really do love you. And I'm sixteen, so maybe 'love' isn't the right word. Maybe I shouldn't mean it, because most sixteen year olds don't, but I do. I love everything about you. And believe me, I've noticed everything. The way that you brush your hair out of your eyes when you're nervous. How you love fruit, especially oranges. How when you wear your glasses, you adjust them by wiggling the side, even if they're on perfectly. But you only wear them if you don't have anything important to do during the day. God, I've never felt like this with a girl. I'm obsessed. The only way to explain it would have to be love. And it's not just that. I ache when I'm not around you. I miss you. It's like I'm constantly gravitating towards you. It kind of sucks because I can't focus. Not on school, not on exams. Especially not on James, and you can imagine how well that goes over with him." She laughed. "But I can't imagine this going away. How many people marry who they're with when they're sixteen? How many sixteen year olds are in love? I don't know. I just don't know," he finished.
"Gods, that was incredibly beautiful. Just... Sirius, I hope to god that you're telling the truth. Because, honestly, no one I've been with has made me feel the way I do with you. You took the words out of my mouth. I just feel... Completed. Like someone finally understands me. Like I have a best friend who I can stay with for the rest of my life if I want to. Which makes my fear all the more real, I suppose," she looked into his eyes.
They were a stark grey, glowing with wand light. He was handsome, and clever, and funny, and kind, one of her closest friends. And he loved her. She loved him, but...
"It's okay if you don't tell me. But it won't change my opinion of you if you do," he whispered, taking her hand. Her eyes too, were illuminated by their wands, hazel, an in-between color, the green now prevailing over the brown. She looked scared. She never before had seemed so worried to him. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
He knew how hard it was to face fears.
She reached over and pulled him into a hug, and he held her quietly, until she put her head on his shoulder.
"I want you to know that it's not your fault. It's silly, really. I don't know... Well, yes I do. What I fear most... It's intimacy. I never said, well, because I feel like you wouldn't want someone who doesn't want to... You know. It's humiliating. And it's not you. Because I love you. I really, honestly do. I'm just... Not ready for that kind of commitment yet." She was nervous with emotion, mostly just feeling stupid, holding him and hoping that his reaction didn't match his history. His chest rose and fell as he breathed, and slowly his hands began to rub her shoulders comfortingly.
"Rose. My perfect Rose..." He whispered. He breathed in the scent of her hair, flowery and delicious. Soon her breathing slowed, and she felt much better. Without so much as seeing his face, she could tell that he wasn't about to let her go.
"It doesn't change anything for me. You mean more to me than that. I never wanted-. Well, I wasn't going to push you. And I still won't. If it means I have to wait until we're married, then so be it. I just don't want to lose you. To anything. Especially something stupid like that."
She nuzzled into his chest, taking in a deep breath of the way he smelled.
"Thank you. Just... Thank you, Sirius."
"All in a day's work," he whispered, making her laugh. They savored the feeling of their togetherness for a few minutes.
Then he started laughing, softly.
"What?" She asked, looking up into his eyes with curiosity.
"Promise you won't be offended?"
"I make no promises. What?" She demanded. There was no chance of arguing now.
"You are actually the last person I'd expect to have that fear."
"Are you calling me-?"
"No, no. Merlin, no," he backtracked. "But, you flirt so much, Miss Bennett. You're practically asking for it."
"Oh, gods. Well, its usually an accident. I'll have to work on that."
They laughed and settled down a bit. He poured them the apple cider.
"Oh, wait, let me show you the reason why I dragged you all the way up here."
He waved his wand, and the roof retracted, leaving a large window revealing the stars. A meteor shower was beginning.
She looked up and gasped.
"It's beautiful."
"So are you."
"Shut up," she teased, smiling.
"Shut up yourself," he replied.
"Ugh, you're going to be the death of me."
"Not if you've already killed me, love," he replied.
"It's too late for that, you've already stolen my heart. And I can't function without it," she replied.
Then they were laughing under the sparse moonlight. They gazed up at the stars for a while longer, enjoying each other and their solitude.
"Sirius... I'm worried about you. About your family." She confessed.
He surprised her, by laughing a bit.
"Well, don't be. My family is a hundred miles away. They can't touch me for months. It's the best Christmas gift ever, really. Getting to stay here with my friends. With you."
Rose smiled, but continued to look up at the sky.
"I wish that we could come up here every night."
"We can, while we're on break. If you want to, that is."
The silence was comfortable, until Sirius broke it, by again laughing quietly.
"What?" Rose asked, startled.
"No, you'll think I'm an arse." He replied, still chuckling a little.
"I already know you're an arse." She replied. "What is it?"
"I just- your boggart. Thank Merlin you didn't face it. Can you imagine?" He laughed.
"Oh Gods, that would have been awful. In front of Oliver no less."
She laughed. And they kept up until it was time to head back to the common room, Sirius doing bad impressions of himself, Rose laughing until she was in tears.
From that point on, when she faced a boggart, it wasn't anything to do with Sirius.
But it was almost exactly what she had described to her friends at dinner, that they all lay dead before her.
The only difference was that she was the one to have killed them.
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Hello out there! So I'm not entirely sure what happened the last time I posted a chapter but something went terribly wrong and this bit got skipped. Oh well. Here it is now. Sorry for the confusion. Thanks for reading and reviewing! and Don't let the muggles get you down!
post edit: OKAY SO I FORGOT HOW CUTESEY THIS CHAPTER WAS, MERLIN, I LOVE IT. Look at me. Being soooooooo humble. Well, anyways, thanks for reading and reviewing and for coping with all the feels.