I stood there dumbfounded, with my heartbeat ringing in my ears for a few minutes, unable to move for the fear of my legs buckling from beneath me.
How can he be here? I asked myself, the question resounding in my head as my throat grew dryer and dryer. Until I eventually regained enough composure to run towards the women's bathroom on the other side of the hall- just in case he came back.
In front of the mirror I gripped the porcelain basin and struggled to regain my composure. When I left him all those years ago, I had never imagined how it would feel to see him again. I thought I had done a pretty good job of running away, hiding here in a city of 8 million people. I never thought I'd ever run into him again, never have to face the consequences of my actions. Consequences that I would have to face up to now, the Edward I remember wouldn't settle for letting me walk out of his life again, the man I knew would hunt me down and take my happiness from me. Unless I quit, and left again, and start over somewhere else. But realistically I couldn't do that, not this time, I needed the money.
What if he tries to take Antony from me? With that thought the wind was knocked out of me. I stumbled backwards into an open stall and sat down on the toilet lid as my hands began to shake. No, no, I told myself, You can't let him do that, no matter how broke and powerless you are. I took a slow deep breath, my chest quivering and slowly stood up, glancing at my watch as I did- only 10 minutes of my lunch break remained, no time to buy food and eat it. Instead I shuffled to the coffee machine in the break room just past the reception desk and poured myself a strong black coffee, adding 3 packets of sugar to the cup. After the shock of what I had just seen- I needed the rush from the caffeine and sugar to get me through the afternoon and to the end of my shift. Coffee in hand I retreated back to my desk, I didn't feel like lingering in the corridor- just in case.
The afternoon seemed to drag by in slow motion, I found myself constantly watching the the clock on my computer and the watch on my wrist, flinching every time I saw someone walk past my desk or in the corner of my eye. I tried to tell myself to relax, after all this was a big building, home to tons of different companies and offices, it was still highly unlikely that I would ever see him again. But it was no use, nothing I told myself seemed concrete enough to bring me back from the edge of panic, not to mention my lack of sleep and food was beginning to catch up with me. By the time the minute hand on my clock told me it was 6pm on the dot I was up and out of the office as fast as was possible on shaky legs and an empty stomach.
As I passed the reception desk Charlotte called out to me, "Isabella, hey! How did your first day go?" She smiled, approaching me with her coat and bag in hand.
"Oh..." I replied, unable to escape the conversation as I waited for the elevator to reach my floor, "It's been good- I'm so tired though, I didn't think it would be this tiring."
"I understand, it's not normally this busy though, things should slow down some by next week. Down worry."
"I hope you're right, I'm just not used to staring at a computer screen all day, which probably doesn't help. I glanced down at my scuffed once black flats next to Charlotte's immaculate patent heels and suddenly felt immensely out of place.
Finally the elevator pinged and our brief conversation ended, I moved through the open doors into the smallest gap I could find, forcing Charlotte to stand away from me on the other side of the crowded space. I felt my shoulders relax, visibly relieved at being freed from small talk for the moment and retreated back into my thoughts.
I continued the journey home in a similar fashion, head down and lost in my own thoughts, save for managing a quick 'Bye, see you tomorrow to Charlotte' as I walked out of the lobby and into the street. Too exhausted to cook I grabbed a packet of ramen out of the cupboard, poured in boiling water and wrapped my arms around myself as I waited for the noodles to cook. I ate hastily, sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket. Ignoring the heat of the food in favour of having something warm inside me. Until finally, sated and comfortable, I drifted off to sleep where I sat.
I dreamt about the night I left him. Going over every minuet detail as I slept as I had done countless times before. I saw myself hiding my packed suitcase behind the dresser, putting on an uncomfortable number of layers in a desperate attempt the keep my suitcase light and manageable, saving room for the few pieces of baby clothes I had brought in preparation. The weight of my handbag in which I had hidden half a bag of apples and a couple of tins of soup, not knowing when I would next eat. Creeping out of the door and down the stairs as quiet as I could manage, scarcely daring to breathe until I was out of sight of the apartment's windows for fear of being detected.
In my dream I saw Edward's reaction when he came back later that night, coming home to an empty apartment, nothing but my ancient cell phone to show him that I was not coming back. His face turned from shock to anger at the sight of the phone, and he grabbed it from the table and hurled it at the kitchen wall before storming out of the room and towards the windows in the living room. Edward's expression twisted into one of pain as he struggled to regain his composure, his teeth digging into his lips as his eyes filled with tears.
At 5am I woke with a start. I had always imagined his anger at finding me gone, that was a given, his anger would spark at the smallest of my mistakes. However never had I imagined that my sudden absence would have upset him in any way- selfishly I admit I had really ever only looked back on the night as one of my own triumphs, I had never truly considered the pain it must have caused him. He may have been a controlling monster, but underneath it all he is only human. I shook my head as I sat up from the sofa, willing my sympathetic thoughts away. This man a sick, sadistic control freak- he had terrified and ruled me for months before I finally found it in myself to leave him. I couldn't let him treat me like that again, the past 6 years could not all be for nothing.
Still, the dream resounded in my head as I wandered into the kitchen and made myself a coffee. Seeing him yesterday had been a major blow to my confidence. 'That's why you're doubting yourself and thinking these things.' I told myself as I blew sharply on the steaming liquid in my mug. By 5:30, my liquid breakfast was done, and awake and sleep-devoid as I was, I made my way to have a shower. Peeling off yesterday's clothes, I attempted to drown all my worries in apple scented shampoo.
My morning continued on in a productive manner, after doing all the necessary things to get me ready for work, I clean the kitchen throughly, even mopping the floor and disinfecting the inside of the microwave, and was still out of the door half an hour early, unable to keep myself busy any longer. The entire journey I prayed to myself that I wouldn't see Edward again today and for once, it seemed like someone was actually listening. My second day passed without so much as a passing glance of him. As I walked out of the ground floor elevator doors that evening I let out an audible sigh. 'See,' I told myself 'It was just a one time thing, he probably doesn't even work in this building, he was just visiting. You're never going to see him again, no need to quit your job just yet.'
Crossing the foyer towards the revolving door that lead to the street I heard my phone ringing from inside my bag. I stepped to the side, out of the flow of people and rummaged through my vast bag to find the offending, ancient item. I flipped it open and wedged it between my ear and shoulder as I shrugged my bag back onto my other side.
"Hello?"
An excited squeal of "Hi Mommy." greeted me from the other end, I could practically hear his smile beaming out of the receiver.
"Hey baby, how are you? How have you been?"
"Grandpa Charlie's house is so fun Mom! We played in the garden and he let me climb a tree, and then we went on a walk in the woods and we're going to have dinner in a diner later and Grandpa says if I'm good I get to order desert!" As he spoke I lean't against the cool counter-top of the reception desk.
"That's great baby," I smiled "I'm glad you're having fun.".
"I really really am Mom, Grandpa Charlie says that next week I can go to school and then I can make some friends like the friends I have back home but this time they'll be from Forks!"
"He did, thats great. You're going to try hard in class as well as making all this new friends right sweetie?"
"Yes Mommy. But before all that Grandpa promised that we would explore all of Washington, I wish we could do this every day too."
"I wish you could too, but you have to go to school. You and Grandpa Charlie can explore at the weekends ok?"
I was pleased that he was enjoying himself, and that from the sound of it, Dad was treating him as good as he treated me when I was young. I exchanged a few brief words with my dad, just to make sure everything was ok, before saying goodbye and dropping my phone back inside my bag.
Stepping outside I breathed another sigh of relief, if I could go an entire day without seeing him again then, it was also entirely plausible that I would never see him again. I could go back to how I was before, hidden away and safe from the threat of Edward's prying eyes and controlling nature. I looked up towards the early evening sky, a final ray of sunlight glinted against the upper floor windows of one of the city's countless skyscrapers. 'Maybe things aren't going to be too bad after all.' I told myself as I headed home.
The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion, without neither sight nor sound of Edward, and I found myself worrying less and less about encountering him again. By Friday I was able to lean back in my chair and relax, no longer constantly avoiding eye contact with anything other than my computer screen. Leaving the office for lunch on Friday I was stopped by Charlotte.
"Oh Bella, just the person I was looking for!" she called out as she stood up from behind the firm's reception desk.
"Charlotte, hey. Whats up?"
"I've not seen you much at all this week, how're you getting on now that the pace has slowed down a little bit?"
"Ahh..." Bella stalled, she hadn't noticed a decrease in the workload at all since she started on Monday, her pile of work never seemed to go down, no matter how busy everyone else was. "It's been really good actually, somehow I find the job rather relaxing."
"Oh good, I'm glad. Anyway, I've been meaning to ask, theres a couple of us heading over to the Pegu Club in Soho tomorrow night for a few drinks, I was wondering if you'd like to come with us, if you're not busy?". Charlotte smile invitingly at me.
Tomorrow was a Saturday, normally I would have Antony to look after, and no one to go out for drinks with anyways. The reverse in the situation mean't I found myself saying yes, it would be nice for once, to have friends at work.
"Yeah. I'd really love it. What time?"
"Great!" She squealed. ""Everyone is meeting at nine pm. Ahh, they're going to love you I just know it. Have you been to the Pegu Club before?" I shook my head. "Okay well, the vibe is a little fancy, not a jeans and -shirt kinda place. It on the corner of West Broadway and Houston St."
"Okay, no jeans, West Broadway and Houston. Got it."
"Awesome." Charlotte smiled again.
"Well, I'm gonna go grab lunch, see you in a bit."
"Okay, enjoy your food. I'll give you my cell when you get back from your lunch break."
I smiled back at Charlotte as I headed out of the frosted glass doors that separated the reception from the elevators and stairs, walking towards the elevators I asked myself why I had agreed to go. I had nothing to wear, not to mention no money to spend.
The question plagued me as I ate my lunch and completed my afternoon's work. I still had some money in my purse, left over from what my dad had given me before I left Forks, and I had enough food in the house to last until my first pay check, or just about. Still, did I really want to waste that on clothes? From Charlotte's description of the place, I couldn't just throw on my black jeans and a fancy looking top, it seemed that I had little choice but to send my Saturday morning prowling the thrift stores near my house for something suitable to wear.
The following morning saw me doing just that, I didn't bother with breakfast, hoping to save a meals worth of food for later in the month when money would undoubtedly scarce. The thrift shop was located in what must've once been an industrial warehouse, and was pretty much empty when I arrived, a little after opening. I had been too anxious to sleep and hoped that, by getting there early I might be able to snag something that wasn't entirely outdated. The women's dress rail snaked the right wall of the store and seemed to be somewhat arranged by garment size, I headed to the small section. The rail was intimidating at first, with all the mismatching dresses competing for my gaze. I rooted through them slowly until I had found a couple that just might work and headed over to the dressing room.
In the end my decision was made not by how well the dress fit but by the price. The dresses I had chosen to try on ranged in colour and style somewhat, there was even a tight black DKNY dress that looked as though it had never been worn. In the end I settled with a strapless emerald green maxi dress, with delicate pleats in the chiffon that made it look far more that the $7 dollars I paid for it. I had a little over $90 left for the month and no idea what the cover charge would be tonight, let alone the cost of drinks so, even though I didn't really have shoes that matched the dress or a bag, I decided to leave it and headed home.
Lunch today was a solitary apple, and after spending the majority of the afternoon cleaning and checking under the couch cushions for change, I figured it was about time to get ready to go out. I had no idea what Charlotte's friends were like, but at work Charlotte always seemed to be pretty well put together, my usual makeup routine of a quick dab of mascara and little else probably wouldn't cut it tonight. Instead I sat at the dressing table in my pokey bedroom applying concealer under by eyes and applying a glittery gold eyeshadow and a black liquid eyeliner along with my usual mascara. I was pretty pleased with the end result, although my lack of practise had resulted in the mascara being slightly thicker than I would have liked.
By 9:15pm I was walking down Houston St in my brown wedge heels with my black wool jacket wrapped tightly around my shoulders in an attempt to keep the chill of the early November wind off of me. Soho wasn't a district I frequented regularly, if ever, and I walked slower than my usual pace trying to make sure I didn't walk past the place. There wasn't really I line outside, just a solitary bouncer with an ear piece.
"Can I help you Miss?" He asked, holding out a hand to stop me from just walking in.
"Oh um, I'm just meeting some friends inside." I stutter.
"Name please?" He asks, glancing at his phone.
"Charlotte?" I reply, realising I must sound idiotic questioning my own friend's name. "I'm not sure of her last name, we've only just met but mines Bella, Bella Swan." I add, hoping to redeem myself.
"Ok, yep. You're all good, go on up." He says as he slips his phone back into his jacket pocket, I shuffle through the open door hoping my face isn't as flushed as it feels.
Inside, the decor is spectacular. The dark oak of the paneling brightened by numerous lamps and a good deal of mirrored surfaces, I hand my jacket to the cloakroom attendant and pause for a moment, my eyes like saucers at the luxury that surrounds me. I would be sticking to water tonight.
Stepping into the main room I was equally impressed by the atmosphere, the place was full, but not crowded, there was light music and just enough chatter to avoid hearing other peoples conversations. Charlotte sat at a table just in front of the main bar with two other women who appeared just as beautiful and well kept as she was, I caught her eye as I approached the table and she smiled back, rising to hug me.
"Bella, it's so great to see you." She smiled, assuring me that the feeling was genuine. "Ladies, this is Isabella Swan. She just started at the firm this week. Bella this is Rosalie, she the Director of Digital Marketing at E.M with us; and this is Kate, we were best friends in college." Both women smile at me in turn as she introduces us, both as blonde but I get the sense that Kate's comes from a bottle. Either way all three of them are gorgeous and I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.
"So Bella," Rosalie asks. "What made you want to work for E.M?"
I decide to be honest, "They wanted to hire me."
Rosalie chuckles at my answer. "That's a solid reason. The job market is so tough right now, I swear, if it weren't for my connections with the higher ups at E.M, I'd probably still be looking for something."
"Connections?" I ask, furrowing my brow as I do.
"Rosalie happens to be dating the Associate Director." Charlotte tells me.
"It's true but I do happen to have experience in the field too, Emmett just helped me get a foot in the door for the interview." Rosalie gushes.
"Oh Rose, it doesn't count if your boyfriend is the person who interviews you." Kate adds, and we laugh. In spite of my nerves it seems that we are getting along pretty well. I haven't had a night out like this for as long as I can remember because of Antony, and I take a moment to appreciate the girl time- god knows when I'll have a night like this again.
"So Bella, what're you drinking?" Charlotte asks.
"Oh, I-er…Just water please?" I can feel my cheeks flushing red as I say it.
"Oh no." Charlotte retorts. "This place has some of the best cocktails in the entire city, you cannot just get water, I won't let you."
I don't really know what to respond. I open my mouth as if I'm about to respond and I feel my blush deepening.
Sensing my discomfort, Rosalie adds, "You look like a mojito kinda girl, I mean, who isn't. It's my round, I'm getting the dragonfruit mojito, Bella does that sound good to you?"
"Uh, sure." I stutter.
"Excellent. Kate, Char, what about you ladies?"
After hearing the orders for the girls drinks, Rosalie stands up. "Bella, would you mind giving me a hand with the drinks?"
I nod and follow her to the bar.
"Bella, what was that back there? Is everything alright?" She asks me once we are beyond hearing distance from the others. I'm touched by her sincerity, although I'm not really sure what to say. She appreciated my brutal honesty earlier though, so I figure I can at least share some of my problems with her.
"Uh well, if I'm honest with you Rosalie- and I feel like I can be- money is more than a little tight for me right now and I'm not sure that I can afford any of the drinks in this place." I admit, hoping she won't judge me too harshly.
"Oh Bella, thats nothing to be ashamed of, especially in today's economic climate. Hell, I was so broke the year I graduated college that I was living in a two bed apartment with four other girls because it was the only way any of us could afford the rent. Don't worry about it, drinks are on me tonight, and I will not take no for an answer."
Rosalie's generosity has left me speechless. I feel my mouth hanging open for a moment, I hastily stutter, "Rosalie, that's beyond kind but you really don't have to do that."
"Bella, relax." She says, anticipating my descent into panic before I do. "It's honestly no trouble to me, I'm happy to help out. I'm an executive, I don't have to watch my pennies anymore, trust me. I'd like to help."
I know that theres absolutely no way I'm going to stop her from buying my drinks so I accept and help her carry our cocktails back to the table. Mine is a rather scary shade of magenta but Rosalie assures my that its the natural color of the fruit and at any rate it is delicious.
By the end of the night I've completely lost track of how much I've had to drink as we stumble through the doors and out into the night air. Charlotte and Kate are giggling like schoolgirls as they recount some college escapade, Rosalie hails them a cab before turning to me. "Where to Bella?"
"It's fine, I'll just get the subway, I'm all the way out in Richmond Hill." I say, hoping she'll just drop it at that.
"Bella, its after 1am, it'll take at least an hour for you to get back. Why don't you come back with me and I'll drop you home in the morning?" Her concern is real and I'm too drunk to argue so I nod and before I know it we're getting out of a cab in front of a huge glass tower block somewhere in the Upper East Side.
"Wow, Rose, you live here?" I ask, knowing I sound like an idiot.
"Yep, well, it was Emmett's place originally but, we figured it was better for me to move in with him rather than going to all the extra hassle of buying somewhere together. I mean, we're not married yet." She flashes me a smile that suggests this might be due to change but I don't push the topic further.
I briefly recall going inside the building and up the elevator to Rosalie's apartment, but the next thing I remember it's morning. Sunlight is streaming through the I'm face down on the softest cotton sheets I've ever slept on and I can hear someone banging pots in the kitchen and listening to 'Sweet Home Alabama'. I sit up with a groan. I had so much to drink last night, the memory of it makes my stomach churn. I put my head in my hands and resist the urge to vomit; I don't know where the bathroom is anyway.
After about ten minutes I'm feeling a little more human, noticing that I'm dressed in pyjama pants and a giant Yankees t-shirt, I make my way into the hall and call out Rose's name.
"Bella, you're awake!" She cries from the far end of the corridor. I approach her so she doesn't have to shout.
"Yeah, but barely." I admit, following her into the large open plan living room.
"Good because I made us waffles." She says, my stomach growls in answer.
I end up spending much of the day hanging out with Rosalie before she drops me home later that afternoon. It's been years since I got along with someone so easily, and I can't help but feel guilty at the idea that it's Antony's absence that is allowing me to do this. Somehow, I realise when I finally stumble through my front door that afternoon that I didn't mention Antony at all. I figure it's probably for the best though, young professionals and six year olds aren't really a winning combination. I spend the next hour on the phone to him, mostly to alleviate my own guilt at pretending I didn't have him for a night.
Before I know it it's Monday morning and I'm dragging myself out of the elevator for another day of mind-numbing work. The mood in the office seems a little more subdued this morning, the chaos of the past week seemingly forgotten about. I take a second to appreciate the calm before settling into my work.
Its 11am the next time I find myself gazing around the office distracted, just as my computer pings with an email.
'Miss Swan,
Your attendance is required in the Reception level meeting room at 11:30am as a matter of urgency.
Regards,
Assistant to the Director'
I'm more than a little confused as to why I'm to attend a meeting, I decide its probably to collect more paperwork or discuss my progress. Nevertheless, at 11:30 I'm knocking lightly on the door to the meeting room. Given that there is no reply I head into the room and take a seat on the first chair I see.
My back is to the door so when it initially opens, I don't see who comes in. It's only when I hear the click of the lock that I turn around. And my heart starts beating in my chest.
"Good morning Isabella." Edward says with an innate coldness to his tone.
I stare at him unable to speak for a good minute. He's aged since I last saw him, that's true. But he's lost the dark circles and swallow skin that plagued in during our final months together. The result of his experiments with alcohol and painkillers. If I wasn't more aware of his dangers I would have said he looked rather good, handsome in fact. Fortunately I know better.
"Edward, what do you want from me?" I ask, although I know it's in vain because I know what he wants. There's only one thing he has called me to this meeting room for.
"Where is he Bella?" He asks, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides. "Where is my son?"