"Sir?"
Perry growled and pulled the covers over his head.
"Sir, I'm so sorry to bother you, but it's nine o'clock."
"Sleep." Perry said to the pillow.
Gordon didn't leave. "Sir, you have a meeting with the head of the security agents in thirty minutes."
"No."
Perry heard Gordon leave the room. He cuddled the pillow and slowly began to doze off.
Why had Gordon woken him up, anyway? He'd been in the middle of a wonderful dream. He was back home, eating a giant mountain of worms, and Carlos the caring clown had spontaneously combusted.
Besides, he was still tired. Yesterday he had met with three agents complaining about stupid things like the O.W.C.A wall colors and food selections.
And today he had to meet with Ernest about something.
Perry was suddenly awake. The meeting with Ernest.
He jumped up and ran to the kitchen. Gordon already had coffee waiting for him.
"Why didn't you wake me up?!" Perry demanded.
"Many apologies, sir, but I did try."
"No, I mean WAKE me up! I don't hear anything you say when I'm tired! You gotta shake me into consciousness!"
"I didn't want to cause you any physical discomfort, sir. I apologize."
"It's not your fault… oh dang. What time is it?"
"Ten."
"Where's Ernest?"
"Agent E is in the parlor. Second room to the left of the kitchen."
"Agggh. I didn't even shower… or shave…"
"I could get someone to attend to your guest while you wash up."
"No, I'll be right there." Perry downed his coffee and scrambled into the parlor. Ernest was looking at a huge painting of General Autograph.
"Sorry… I'm late." Perry panted.
Ernest quickly saluted. "No concern, General Platypus. I have no trouble waiting." He scrutinized Perry.
"Sleepwalk Friday." Perry joked. "Show up to meetings looking like you've just gotten out of bed."
"I'll make a note of that, sir." Ernest said.
Perry stared at him. Ernest had taken the joke seriously.
Perry scratched his face. "Um… so what did you wanna talk to me about?"
"Well, if it's not too much trouble… erm… sir…" Perry could see Ernest was having a very hard time treating him as authority. "…The security agents are worried about their salaries."
"Why?" Perry was actually enjoying this. It was nice to have Ernest be the nervous one for a change.
"Last month they cut our salary down, sir."
"Kay. I'll raise it again."
Ernest looked confused.
"Were you expecting a fight out of me or something?" Perry asked.
Ernest stiffened. "No, not at all, sir. I've always known you to be quite an… open individual."
Perry smiled. "Cool. So, I'll raise that back up. We good? Or was there something else? Do you hate the wall color, too?"
"Oh, no, sir. It's fabulous. Unless you don't like it and want to paint over it. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree."
"So… nothing else, then?"
"No, sir. Thank you very much for meeting with me."
"No prob. Sorry I overslept."
"Impossible. You were right on time."
Ernest was spewing so much nice out, Perry was afraid his head really would fall off.
"Kay then. See ya."
Ernest saluted. "Thank you, sir."
Perry sat down in his armchair and called Pinky.
"General Platypus." Pinky said.
"Please, Pinky, I beg of you. Talk to me like normal. I'm so sick of all this 'sir' and 'general'."
"Um… okay. How are you doing?"
"Well, I'm a little weirded out. Ernest came in here and was Mr. Kiss-up."
"That's because you have ultimate power over him now."
"Still! I showed up to our meeting an hour late with messy fur and a face full of stubble. And he didn't say a word!"
"Well, now he's your employee and you're his boss. He's way below your level now, and he has to respect you."
"Silly flittering eagle."
"Eagles don't flitter."
"They do when I'm on a sugar rush."
"Well, strangeness aside, do you like the job?"
"I don't know." Perry sighed. "I'm suffering from a whole load of homesickness right now. I wonder what Doofenshmirtz is plotting today…"
"Nuh-uh. Don't go there. Come on, Perry. You've got to be happy. There's got to be at least one good thing about this job."
"Being in charge of Ernest for once."
"Good one!"
"And the cook DOES make good French toast."
"You have a cook?"
"Uh… yeah. How's the agency doing?"
"Same as always. Peter and Carrie had a dance fight today."
"Did you… um… happen to see Phineas and Ferb?"
"At the agency? No."
"Come on, Pinky. You know what I mean."
"They were in the backyard."
"Doing what?"
"Building something."
"Good. I'm glad they're happy."
Perry bounded into the agency, shaking sweat from his pelt.
Monogram turned. He frowned when he saw Perry. "Agent P, I was worried. I told you to come back in an hour ago. You could have gotten heatstroke."
Perry splayed out on the floor, trying to cool off his belly.
Monogram bent down and inspected him. "You didn't follow my orders."
Perry gave him an impish grin.
Monogram pushed a section of fur apart to look at his skin. "Cheese and crackers, Agent P. You're sunburned."
Perry crawled into Monogram's lap and purred.
Monogram sighed. "We'd better get some aloe vera on that, or it's going to really sting later. Why don't you listen to me?"
Perry buried his head under Monogram's hand, trying to get him to pet him.
"Let's get you cooled off. Come on." Monogram picked Perry up and carried him into another room.
Then Monogram started ringing.
Perry grabbed his phone. He made a mental note to turn off the ringer at night.
"What?" He snapped.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" Poppy asked.
"Yes."
"I'm so sorry! I'll call you later…"
"No, I'm awake now. What did you want?"
"Well, it's not important, just kind of funny. Peppily was missing you this morning. You know how we animals always feel better when we can get hold of something with the scent of someone we miss on it?"
"Yeah." Perry said. He doubted Phineas or Ferb would send him one of their old shirts, but he really wanted one right now.
"Peppily dug through the hamper and was walking around with a pair of underwear you must have left here at some point. He wouldn't let go of them."
"Wait… what?" Perry didn't know whether to burst into laughter or melt from embarrassment.
"I tried to take them from him so I could wash them. He had an iron grip. But then Palmer managed to coax him into giving them to him."
"Uh… which pair?"
"The neon green ones."
"Did Palmer give them to you?"
"…One moment." Poppy said.
Perry heard her calling Palmer. Then there was some silence.
"PALMER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Pirate ship!" Palmer's voice said faintly.
Perry groaned. "Please tell me he didn't use…"
"It's the flag." Poppy said quietly.
"Well, send them back to me! It's embarrassing! I didn't even mean to leave them there."
"PAWMEW!" Paisley shouted in the background. "WHEWE DID YOU GET DAT COOL FWAG?"
"IT'S DADDY'S UNDERPANTS!" Palmer called back.
"Pops." Perry was glad no one was around to see him at the moment. He was probably six different shades of red. "Get them back."
"NO! MOMMY THAT'S MY FLAG!" Palmer shouted.
"Why are the kids building pirate ships at eleven o'clock at night?" Perry asked.
He didn't get an answer. "You can use another piece of material!" Poppy said to Palmer. "We don't want the neighbors seeing that."
"NO!" Perry heard Peppily yell. "I WANT IT BACK! IT REMINDS ME OF DADDY!"
"…Thanks." Perry said.
"Not a problem. I'll mail them to you."
"You're going to have a total stranger deliver me my underwear?"
"They'll be in a box."
"Whatever. Thank you for informing me. I was looking for that pair for a while." Perry hung up.
He lay awake for a while. He'd been five months old in that dream he'd just had. It actually was more of a memory than it was a dream.
He suddenly missed Monogram.
"Sir?" Gordon peeked into the room. "I heard you talking. Is everything all right?"
"I…" Perry sighed. "I'm just having trouble settling in."
"Can I get you anything? Do you need more pillows?"
"Yeah. Seventeen aren't enough."
"I'll go get some more."
"I was being sarcastic."
"I see." Gordon said. "Are you having trouble sleeping?"
"Kinda."
"Want me to get the cook to fix you a glass of warm milk?"
"Okay."
Gordon left, and Perry remained awake. He thought hard about the boys.
He remembered the promise he had made to himself a long time ago, right after Terrence the turkey had died.
I will become the best agent the agency has ever known. Growing fond of things is stupid. I won't like Doofenshmirtz. I won't talk to the other agents. I won't even talk to Carl unless I have to.
The only thing that is more important than the O.W.C.A is my family. I will only love them. No one else needs my friendship.
No one else matters.
Perry closed his eyes for a moment.
If the boys didn't need him anymore, what was he doing pining away? He had a job to do.
He didn't need painful memories or fond ones to make him wish things were different. He was in charge now. His job was to run the agency.
The boys were fine.
Perry felt a familiar seriousness crawl into his heart. He got into a more comfortable position and waited for Gordon to return.