Peter had the very annoying habit of repeatedly spinning a quarter around on a table. It was starting to get on Perry's nerves.
"So, yeah, I need to get my paycheck by next week." Peter said.
"Is this just for your convenience?" Perry asked.
His stare didn't faze Peter, who kept merrily twirling his quarter. "Not really. Kind of. I'm trying to get out of debt. I borrowed Kyle the kangaroo's car to get to the Save The Pandas concert fundraiser, and I crashed it."
"So you need money to pay off Kyle immediately." Perry deduced.
"No, I already paid him off. I need to pay off the rental car company. I had to rent a car since Kyle's wasn't available anymore and I crashed the van they gave me."
Perry rubbed his forehead.
"Come on, Per. Like you haven't crashed a car before. Besides, it was for a good cause. SAVE THE PANDAS!"
"What happened to your last check?"
"I paid Kyle with it. They say I have to have the money in by Tuesday."
Perry placed a folder on his desk and pushed it toward Peter. "This says you got a bonus check last week."
"Does it? That's weird."
"So, did you crash a third car? Is that why you have no money to pay the rental car company?"
"I don't have the bonus check money anymore." Peter said, giving his quarter a spin with extra flourish.
"What happened to it?"
"Gambled it. I still have two dollars left, though. I didn't lose it all."
"You. Gambled. Your bonus check. What were you THINKING?"
"I was thinking I'd get even more. I'm good at cards. But I ran into this guy who totally wiped me out. I'm telling you, if I had put down that four of clubs instead of that six, I'd be rolling in cash right now."
"You can have your check early. One condition."
"Condition?"
"Quit gambling. If something like this happens again, I'm not gonna help you. Better to be safe than sorry."
"What? How am I gonna play cards?"
"Ever heard of solitaire? I play it all the time. Doesn't cost me a cent."
"To buy cards, it does." Peter said. He had finally stopped twirling his quarter. "Come on. I make money, I don't lose it. This was just an accident."
"Fine. Then get your check at the normal time. I'll loan you the money to pay off the rental car company, and YOU earn money to pay ME off. Then I let you off the hook, and you be more careful when driving and playing cards!"
"What? That's stupid! That's putting me in debt by paying off my debt!"
"What, you don't like borrowing borrowed money?"
Peter stared at him.
Perry sighed. "When do you want the check?"
"Anytime soon's good."
"Tomorrow I'll send it."
"Thanks!" Peter hopped down from his chair, taking his quarter with him. He paused before leaving and looked back forlornly, saying nothing.
"You can still gamble." Perry grumbled.
"YEAY!" Peter cheered. He hopped out of Perry's office.
"I'm telling you. He almost didn't give it to me." Peter said.
"Really?" Pinky asked. "Maybe he was in a bad mood."
"You know how Perry's got two sides to him?" Peter asked. "There's the serious and grouchy side we knew for years, and then there's the joking, happy and sometimes sarcastic side we just got to know."
Pinky had to nod.
"Well, he's back to serious and grouchy."
"Why?" Darren asked. "You're sure he wasn't just in a bad mood?"
"If he was in a bad mood, he wouldn't have given me the check." Peter said.
"True." Darren agreed. "You probably would have come back with a black eye."
"Do you think he knows I've been assigned to Doofenshmirtz?" Peter whispered.
"Maybe that's it." Pinky said. "I mean, I talked to him a couple of days ago and he seemed perfectly normal."
"And now he's gonna resent me again." Peter said.
"It's probably just hard for him to be in charge all of a sudden." Pinky said.
"I feel sorry for him, all the same." Darren said. "I heard what happened."
"Something happened?" Pinky asked. "What?"
"Well, Perry and Phineas got into a huge fight over something-or-other. Apparently Perry's feelings were hurt and he ran off on the two of them."
"He just left them? Without saying goodbye?"
Darren nodded. "He took the job."
"That explains some things." Pinky said.
They sat for a moment.
Perry fiddled with the memory raygun he had found in his desk drawer. It was a strange device, and he felt as though he had seen it before.
"You probably got zapped with it and forgot." He said to himself.
Gordon entered the room. "Sir, terribly sorry to interrupt, but I must inform you…" He stopped and stared.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to zap you." Perry said. He stuck the ray in his pocket. "You needed to tell me something?"
"You have a wedding invitation."
"Seriously? Ferdinand got married last weekend."
"The invitation does not state that Ferdinand is being married."
Perry opened the invitation and looked at it. "Nope, Pluto and Poppyseed are getting married. Wow."
"Unique names." Gordon said.
"Poppyseed's a new one to me." Perry admitted. He put the invitation aside.
He didn't know what to feel. He didn't have any feelings for Poppy, and he liked Toto all right, so why did the fact that they were getting married bother him? Poppy needed the support, if anything, he should feel happy for her...
"Are you attending, or shall I send them your regrets?"
"I don't know." Perry shrugged. "I'm going to have to think about it." He stood up.
"Where are you heading, sir?"
"To the kitchen. To toast a bagel."
"I can have the cook toast you a bagel."
"Why should she take time out of her day to stick a bagel in the toaster just because I'm feeling a little peckish?"
"Sir, you don't need to get up."
"I've been sitting down all day."
"Just relax. We take care of everything for you."
Perry sat down. "Fine. Make it an egg bagel, lightly toasted. And tell her to be generous with the cream cheese."
Gordon hesitated.
"Something wrong?" Perry asked.
"Pardon me, sir, but you asked me this morning to help you keep your diet healthy."
"I lied."
"Perhaps a whole wheat bagel? Low fat?"
"Those things taste like dirt."
"Sir, I wouldn't be pushing against your orders, but you did specifically ask me…"
"I didn't think you were actually going to listen. Egg bagel, please?"
Gordon sighed. "As you wish, sir."
"Daddy!" Pamela said. She ran to hug Perry's leg. "I will never never never let you go, not ever ever ever."
"Okay." Perry hobbled into the house. "Is Toto here? Or is Pops here?"
"Hey, Perry!" Toto said, coming out of the kitchen. "Need some help?"
"Help would be nice." Perry said, trying to shake Pamela off.
"C'mon, Pamsy. Let him walk." Toto tugged on Pamela.
"No. I am never letting him go. Not ever."
"Congrats." Perry said.
Toto looked confused for a moment. Then he smiled. "Oh, right! Thanks. Do you think you'll be able to make it to the wedding? Unless… we don't want it to be awkward for you."
"I'll be there." Perry said. "Besides, nothing's as awkward as having a baby platypus hanging onto your leg in a death grip."
"Good." Toto said. "That you're coming, I mean. Poppy and I were hoping you would."
"DADDY!"
"And so was Palmer." Toto added.
Palmer leapt down the stairs and nearly knocked Perry over in a hug.
"You're strange. Some days it's 'Why are you here', others it's 'I MISSED YOU'." Perry said.
Palmer didn't seem to care. "Guess what? I flushed the bedsheets down the toilet."
"That would explain the waterfall down the stairs." Perry said.
"I'll take care of it." Toto ran upstairs, trying to work against the pouring water. Baby Peppily floated merrily down the stairs.
"You guys have a lot of water-related incidents, don't you?" Perry asked.
"Water's fun." Palmer said. "Hey look, there's the bedsheet. Coming down the stairs."
"Whee!" Peppily said. He floated into the living room and out of sight.
"PEPPILY! I SHALL SAVE YOU!" Pamela let go of Perry and pursued her brother.
Palmer looked around as if to make sure everyone was really gone. Then he looked up at Perry.
"Daddy, please don't let Toto marry mommy."
"Why not?" Perry asked, surprised. "Don't you like him?"
"He's nice." Palmer said. "But… I don't want him to be my daddy. I want you to be my daddy."
Perry felt significantly better hearing this.
"I always will be, Pal. Toto's not your father. He'll just be Toto. He'll only be your daddy if you want him to be."
"No. You're my dad. And he's all wrong, anyway." Palmer said. "I mean, he's not that good a match for mom. Like you are. You're perfect for her."
"Pal…" Perry groaned. "Don't start going in that direction."
"Why can't I?" Palmer demanded. "You're my daddy and she's my mommy."
"Hey, it might seem like a good idea at first. But I don't like being in relationships. Too much risk. Besides, we don't even have a connection. Did I ever tell you about Prince?"
Palmer gave him a confused look.
Perry sighed. "Of course not. Forget I said anything."
"Who's Prince? Who is he? What about him?" Palmer asked.
"She." Perry corrected. "She was a platypus who lived with a group of strays in an alley. I forget what their group name was, but they were the kind of troublemakers you didn't want to mess with. I met her when I was three years old. She was spray-painting a wall. Anytime we saw each other, we fought. Good against evil, you know? She was the kind who streaked her fur with neon colors and vandalized trashcans and buildings and stuff like that- don't get any ideas. Anyway, we had similar personalities, and eventually a kind of friendship came. And then, we secretly dated. We always had a kind of hate for each other, but… we had a connection. It's not something you find in everyone."
"What happened?" Palmer asked. He hadn't shown any reaction to Perry's story so far, save for a sort of excitement when Perry had gotten to the vandalism part.
"She left me." Perry said. "Broke it off. Said she was sick of all of it."
"Oh." Palmer looked at the ground. "Did it make you sad?"
"I was heartbroken. And it took me a long time to get over it. I hate her now, but it still was hard on me."
"Mommy wouldn't break up with you." Palmer said.
"Of course she wouldn't." Perry said. "But I think she and Toto have a good relationship. And… even so. I can't get attached to people anymore. I just wind up getting hurt. I always wind up hurt."
"I just wish you could be with us more." Palmer said dejectedly.
"I wouldn't be around as much anyway." Perry said. "I'm a general now." He stared hard at Palmer. "Don't tell ANYONE about Prince, okay? No one. No one knows besides me, you, and my late friend Terrence. And no one else has to know, kay?"
Palmer nodded, wide-eyed. Then he ran down the hall. "PAMELA! DADDY DATED A JUVENILE DELINK-WHATEVER!"
Perry sighed.