"Well, gosh darnit, Bobby Jane, they done taken them hash browns off the menu."
"That just ain't right, Johnny Sue, that just ain't right. Them there hash browns are the gosh darndest best things on that darn menu if there ever was a darndest best thing to be on that there menu."
Perry heard the voices the instant he entered Danville Diner.
He tried to sneak in unnoticed, but failed.
"Well, looky there, Bobby Jane, isn't that there that platypus whose life we saved a while ago, back when hash browns were on the menu and the air was fine?" A beaver said, looking up from his menu.
"Indeed it is, Johnny Sue." The beaver sitting across from him said. "Indeed it is. We done saved his life if ever a life needed savin'."
"Indeed we did, Bobby Jane. Indeed we did."
"Hey… guys." Perry said. "I didn't know you ate here."
"Well, of course we eat here!" Bobby Jane said, slapping his knee. "This here is the best darndest diner in all of Danville if there ever was one."
"But then they took them hash browns off the menu." Johnny Sue informed Perry.
"Oh. That's a shame."
"You oughta dine with us, cousin." Bobby Jane said.
"Um…" Perry wished the beavers would stop referring to him as a cousin. Sure, they had similar tails, but other than that, there wasn't much.
He tried to think of an excuse to find another table.
Ten seconds later, Perry was sitting in between Bobby Jane and Johnny Sue, trying to block out their conversation.
He had been thinking about tennis balls when Johnny Sue tapped him on the shoulder. "You ever heard of Billy Ann?"
"Um… I know a lot of Billys. There's Billy the beaver, my brother Little Billy…"
"Not Billy, cousin. Billy Ann. Billy Ann done live out in Danville Park. He's a right good ol' beaver if there ever was one. You ever heard of him?"
"Well… no."
"Well, gosh a darn-o-rella. Bobby Jane, you done know Billy Ann?"
"Indeed I do, Johnny Sue. He's a right good ol' beaver. I remember one sunset evenin' he went out and built himself the biggest darn dam you ever saw. Made outta the finest oak sticks you ever done saw."
"Gosh darnit, I remember that there dam. It was the biggest darn dam if there ever was one."
Perry tried not to laugh at how strange "darn dam" sounded.
"Gosh darnit, Bobby Jane, you done spill the O.J. all over my brand-new old blue jeans."
"Oh, I'm right sorry, Johnny Sue. You done know I am, sure as the sun rises into the big blue sky."
"Aw, heck. I done know it, Bobby Jane. I'm right sorry I yelled at ya like that."
"That's all right and fine, Johnny Sue."
"Guys, it's been… interesting chatting with you, but I really gotta go." Perry said.
"Well, dang-o-rella. Just when we were gettin' to know each other like old friends down in there countryside, sittin' on wooden stools watchin' that there sun set." Johnny Sue said.
"That's a right shame. I reckon we'll be seein' ya again soon?" Bobby Jane asked. "Sure as the cornfields in the west?"
"I reckon- ack! I'm SURE you will." Perry hoped his brain hadn't switched itself to the talk of Bobby Jane and Johnny Sue. "Uh… bye." He stood up. He'd find another restaurant. Hopefully one without cowboy-brained beavers.
"Fair travels, old friend." Bobby Jane said.
"Here's hopin' you done follow your heart in life." Johnny Sue said.
"Yeah. Okay." Perry left the table.
Perry hadn't expected to actually take Johnny Sue's hope to heart.
Yet here he stood, in the pouring rain, on the familiar cement doorstep. For some reason, at night, and after so long, it didn't look very familiar at all.
Perry swallowed, as if it could wash away his worry and sadness.
Then he scraped a muddy, wet paw against the door.
When he didn't get a response, he repeated.
Linda cautiously opened the door and looked down. Then she smiled.
"Boys, someone's come to see you!"
Not wanting to make Linda suspicious, Perry tore into the house and shook himself off.
It was good to be home. He was still worried, but he felt secure, somehow.
"I don't want to come down." Phineas called.
"I think you'll be happy if you do." Linda said.
Phineas wearily tramped down the stairs. Ferb followed.
Perry choked back a sob of happiness. He had missed them so much.
Phineas's whole face seemed to light up when he saw Perry. He ran to him and squashed him in a hug.
Ferb did as well.
Perry allowed himself a few tears. He felt warm water slide down his head from the boys.
"He just showed up on the doorstep." Linda said. "Animals always know how to get back home. I told you two he wouldn't be lost forever."
"Don't ever go away again." Phineas sobbed.
"I'm not planning on it."
"Her name is Blubbles." Phineas said.
Ferb nodded in agreement.
"Good to see you guys got that worked out." Perry said, watching Blubbles swim in her bowl. "How, though?"
"Ferb told me I could name the fish whatever I wanted if it would make me happy again." Phineas said.
"Anything except for Benny or Jack." Ferb said.
"Not that I would have named her either of those." Phineas said with disgust.
Perry nodded. "No way."
"Those are boy names." Phineas continued. "She's a girl fish. Why would I give her a boy name?"
"You're so out of it sometimes." Perry said.
"What?" Phineas stared at both of them. "What did I say?"
Ferb just laughed.
"Perry, I was so scared you wouldn't come back." Phineas said quietly.
"I only stayed away because I thought you wanted me to." Perry said. "And… I was scared you didn't want me to come back."
"You're our pet." Phineas said. "You mean the world to us."
"I always wondered what my name meant. Wow. That was bad. That wasn't even corny bad. That was just bad-bad. Like, didn't even make sense in that context bad. I must have forgotten my sense of humor."
"You left it on the bus." Ferb said thoughtfully. "And now it's traveling to England, to meet my uncle."
"Maybe it'll find Doctor Big." Perry said. "He could give it a job."
"I have no idea what you guys are talking about." Phineas said.
"I don't either, actually." Ferb said.
"I only came to this restaurant once before." Perry said. "I was two. I got sick and threw up on the table after I finished eating."
"Monogram must have forgotten." Darren the duck said.
"I must say, Agent P," Monogram said, biting into his taco. "I was surprised that you quit the job. But not unhappy. You're one of the best agents in your field. It was hard without you."
"They put ice in my milk." Perry said sadly. "When it melts, I'm gonna have disgusting watery milk."
"Ooh, watery milk." Said Bernie the bear.
Peter was busy pulling all of the lettuce out of his burrito to eat separately. "I'm glad you came back."
"It was lonely without you at the agency." Pinky agreed.
"Pshaw. I couldn't have been missed. I don't do much."
Monogram raised his glass in a toast. "To your return as a field agent."
"Yeah, fine. I'll drink to that." Perry clanked his glass against Monogram's, accidentally spilling some of his milk into Monogram's water.
Monogram drank, and spit it out. "Ugh! Milky water!"
"Watery milk." Perry said. "Either way it's revolting."
It really was good to be back. Perry leaned back in his chair and happily chewed at his straw.