She could have told me goodbye. I was ready to give up on our music career. I thought we had made it as far as we could in the industry and was ready to let go. Tegan could have called it quits too, said our goodbyes and went our separate ways with out girlfriends and continued our lives only in a sisterly thing before our feelings become too strong. Both of us knew that working together, writing music that reveals our most vulnerable selves was such an intimate career. Plus the habit to act on our sex-drives which was probably inherited from one of our parents... We were both well aware that if we continued our music career and made another record together, it would only deepen our relationship, making it even harder to contain ourselves in public and causing strain on our personal lives.
By 11am I had finally crawled out of bed. I glanced over at Stacy who was surrounded by the decorative silver pillows she got me as a christmas gift. Her innocent little face giving off petite snoring sounds. She went to sleep well after I did, in-fact I didn't even notice her creep into bed. I made two cups of coffee and brought them back to the bedroom.
"I miss you when you go away Sara." She smiled flirtatiously.
"I think about you while i'm away working, don't you worry" I responded while intwining her fingers between mine, letting her head rest upon my small left shoulder. I wasn't lying. I think about her a lot.
After being with Tegan, I think about Stacy and how she would feel. I think about different situations; if Stacy or Lindsey were to walk in on an intimate moment between Tegan and I. I can't help but feel constantly paranoid afterwards. Every time I do something which I know is wrong, I feel guilty; I am guilty. I know I should end things with Tegan just to be safe but I can't handle my strong attraction towards her. I think that if we never acted on our feelings in the first place we would never be in this situation; but there's no use thinking of that now. We're in too deep.
I heard a knock and buzzed Tegan into my apartment. From the moment she walked in the room my attention was fixed on her, her cardigan followed her sharp movements around the apartment wherever she moved. She was so energetic and ready for the trip, we fluffed about, giggling and acting like two young kids going on an exciting vacation. It was clear to Stacy who observed from the couch where she sipped away at her coffee that we had been distant for a while. Tegan and I hurried away into my bedroom. She checked over my case to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I saw her glance to the separate zipper compartment where I kept my toiletries. I know that she notice my lingerie half hidden behind a pair of socks and my hairbrush. She saw that I packed her favourite black, semi see-through lace bra. I didn't expect her to check... I didn't pack it solely for her to admire. I mean it was one of those 'just in case' decisions. Her eyes widened and a smirk lit up her mouth.
"Quick, lets go!" Tegan clipped the case shut, placed one hand around firmly my waist pulling me out of the room and the other carrying my suitcase out to her car. She led me towards Stacy to say my goodbyes but her hand stayed gently just below my hip. Stacy pulled the knitted throw off her legs, sat her coffee on the table and stood close to me.
"Have a good weekend. Text me when you get the time, I understand that you're busy working. Goodbye." She lent in and kissed my cheek. I could feel Tegan slowly begin to steer me away by the waist. My hand trembled on Stacy's shoulder as I drew away from the kiss she had given me. I felt bad for them both, Tegan having to see me kiss another woman. I hated watching Lindsey kiss my sister. Stacy wishing me a good weekend, when it should be me wishing her a better girlfriend.
"Goodbye" was all I could say.
"Goodbye!" Tegan added as she rushed me out the door still directing me by the hip and shut it behind us.