Although Tegan and I are twins, it bugs me that I never know her exact thoughts. What are her intentions during this weekend away? She knows I spend every spare moment waiting for her calls. When I am not fixated on a task, my mind goes straight to thoughts of Tegan. Where could she be? What might she be doing? Is she thinking of me?
She knows I'd stick around, I am faithful; besides the fact that having this more than sisterly relationship with Tegan would be considered cheating on my girlfriend, it didn't feel that way. Plus my relationship with Stacy is hard to clarify. Things felt natural with Tegan, we wanted the same things and although we've never discussed it, we have a mutual agreement completely in our minds promising that anything considered incestuous is never to be spoken of.
We reached the hotel. Tegan released my hand, putting both of hers on the steering-wheel to concentrate on reversing the car into a park. I rested my hand softly on her thigh, discretely moving upward just enough for her to feel something. I continued moving my hand further up her leg along her thick grey jeans waiting for her reaction. She let out a breath that felt like it had been held on to for an eternity. I gave Tegan a warm smile, I felt excited. It had been a while since I had alone time with Tegan. I think I needed this weekend, it had come at the perfect time. I just hope Tegan is as dedicated as me. I had to make sure.
"I don't mean to kill the mood, but I need to ask, how has LB been treating you lately?"
"Um yeah, about that. She only wants to get more and more serious. She kind of made me feel like a childish fool, which only made me want to rebel, show her that I am no sucker for her love and leave her. Too bad she's right." Tegan vented unexpectedly. I was waiting on a small reply to bush the Lindsey situation off.
"Right about what, Teeg?" I questioned as I leaned closer listening to the humming of the car engine while I waited on a reply.
"She knows me too well, I am a fool. I can't leave her. I talk of packing my bags and going for good, when we fight that is my threat to her, that i'll up and leave; I never do. I think of running away with you sometimes Sara, you know I want to be with you. I am a coward. I let Lindsey make all my decisions for me, I am too committed."
Tegan looked genuinely upset. I leaned even closer, raising my hand from her inner thigh to the back of her head. Before I got the chance to make a move Tegan leant in. Our lips pressed together and I felt that little silver ball that I missed dearly tickling me just beneath the lip. We kissed for a while. Time seemed to go quickly, I felt her heartbeat racing against mine. I was able to comfort her which in return made me feel at ease. It wasn't the first thought that had come to mind, but eventually it got there: was I just the teddy bear a child would cuddle when they're in trouble, her second option when she was having difficulties with Lindsey? Maybe it was not Tegan who was the fool but in-fact Lindsey and I.