I was used to feeling like I was never gonna see myself in a relationship.
Since the first time Tegan revealed her attraction towards me I had hung onto those feelings. I took them seriously because I thought that what I felt back was quite serious. Tegan may have given Lindsey many chances to give her love but I never got in-between their relationship because I knew overall Tegan's love for me would only grow fonder and prevail. I couldn't rescue her from the foreseeable heartbreak. She had to experience it for herself. I would be there to catch her during the fall.
We each carried our own cases up to room 24. The door was gloss white with a silver number and the presentation of the room was immaculate. Tegan knew I was a bit of a freak when it came to décor. Although I appreciated vintage and antique pieces, I couldn't stay somewhere which seemed unclean. The walls were a beautiful silver-champagne colour that stood out when the sun shone through the window. There was a desk to the right which was perfect to sit at and try to develop the album and the beds had identical tall wooden bed heads and thankfully only 4 pillows and 2 cushions. The less like home, the better. It took me a while before I picked up the fact that we were paying extra to stay in a room with two beds. Was I expected to make use of that second bed? I looked at Tegan. She knew that I noticed the second bed.
"Just in case" She smiled. I grinned and giggled. I now knew that we both weren't sure on the sleeping arrangements, seeing as it had been a while. She thinks almost too much like me. I clipped my suitcase and pointed to my best bra in the zipper compartment which she had already discovered upon leaving.
"Just in case" My smile showing that I was amused at how we both knew we were going to sleep together but didn't want to pressure each-other into anything. Tegan must have also been amused because she tugged on my knitted jumper pulling me in towards her. We stood still for a while just holding on to each other.
"I missed this" Tegan admitted. I became nervous.
"Do you want me?" I questioned her slightly flirtatiously as I didn't want to wreck the mood but in the back of my mind Lindsey was there to remind me that this girl i'm holding, she isn't mine.
"Mmm yeah." She moaned without doubt in her voice, pulling my sweater above my head, bringing my long sleeve shirt which was underneath along with it.
Asking if Tegan wanted me was probably an indirect question that she didn't over analyse. That's one difference between us, Tegan doesn't overthink conversation. I do. Unless she did pick up that what I said was in reference to Lindsey, and Tegan had just decided to ignore my selfish side of the question. Tegan had confidence, but she was not brave and becomes easily upset when facing conflict. I decided to save the Lindsey subject for later, there was no use repeating any arguments during an intimate moment.
She went to slide my bra strap off of my shoulder, I stopped her, the strap made a crisp snap back into its original spot. I wasn't going to let her have me that easy.
"Say it like you mean it" I whispered into her ear as our cheeks pressed against each-others.
Her balmy lips kissed the side of my face, her breathing was heavy and she whispered back yerning
"I want you! I fucking want you Sara!"