I realised that Tegan's situation could go one of three ways. First and most favourable, they break up. If they go with this option that means I have Tegan all to my selfish own. Second path is Tegan goes all out and commits to Lindsey, which means she would give me up because that's what "they" think would be best for her. She would start a family and leave me astray. I couldn't bear that, I couldn't just be her sister even if I tried, I love her too much, however this is only option 2 and I like to think that this is the least likely option! Of corse option 3 is they remain in the current situation of no commitment but also no freedom, sitting on the fence being indecisive and miserable together.
"I need to get out" the words escaped Tegan's mouth as she heaved air in and out. I threw myself up off the bed and hugged her in support, I wondered if she could feel the plumpness of my cheeks from the grin across my face in the belief that she'd choose option one.
"Now Lindsey's going to say that she had it all wrong, but I feel like she doesn't truly want me anyway. She wants a family and I am the only thing that's stopping her. I guess you could say I was a lier, led her astray. I wont deny it. I did what seemed good for me and put her needs aside. If she wants a family, she is going to have to make one with somebody else. I'm calling her now." My body was simply frozen in shock. Every inch of coward had escaped Tegan's body!
"I will stay here, with you" I smiled sweetly "I will always be here waiting, if you're ready to give this up with Lindsey, I am here and ready when you are babe." I had to assure her that I wasn't going anywhere. That if she left Lindsey she would not be alone, I was still her friend, her sister, her love.
She held the phone to her ear and I became silent with nerves and anticipation.
"Hello" Tegan's voice boomed with strength although Lindsey was probably just as fierce on the other end of the receiver. I heard a faint yell coming from the phone which in reply Tegan sarcastically said "That sounds so fictional! Lindsey, if anything you've been the one who's been deceiving! An innocent little straight girl just looking to have fun? Then when you get into a fucking relationship all you want is a boyfriend. I am not your boyfriend! I am a fucking female. I can't have babies with you, I don't want to have babies with you! I am quite happy how things are!" I cringed, ugh option three, things remain as they are.
"I won't marry you because not all of the states have legalised it yet, it's something I feel strongly about as a lesbian couple. Lindsey, you are clearly after a man, which is something i'm not." I sat back down to catch my breath. Tegan really knew how to dish it out. I wonder how many of their fights ever got this personal.
"Bisexual then, whatever Lindsey! It seems to me like you may as well just go fuck Joel, start a family together, you both seem pretty fucking keen for that!" Tegan hung up the phone and burst into tears. I grabbed her, still in complete shock.
"Uh Tegan, do you usually fight like that?"
"No Sasa" Tegan sobbed, I hesitated for a moment and decided not to tell her off for calling me pet names. "This is the last fight we will have as a couple, we're done." Both of us sighed in sync, with sadness but also our sighs carried a hint of relief in the sound. Relief that we are finally free, finally together, no more chains.