Homestuck: The Sgrub Delta

by ObsidianFlutes

(I have no shame. I'm just having fun with this.) On a planet known as Descensia, twelve young trolls follow in the footsteps of their ancestors in the game that led to the initial creation of their planet.

2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

You are now the other guy. Who's this bespectacled fellow?

== Enter name.

Your name is CARMEL NITRAM. You are the latest in a long and distinguished line of IMPERIAL CAVALREAPERS, despite your lower-than-most caste on the hemospectrum. You enjoy GAMES OF CHANCE, TRIVIA, CARDS and FANTASY GAMES. Your favorite game of all time is TROLL DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, and you often serve as the dungeon master when you play with your friends. You sometimes dabble in CASUAL NUCLEAR SCIENCE, which you find challenging and fun but sometimes causes explosions which damage your hive. Though you are not sure why, your BACK SOMETIMES GETS INTENSELY ITCHY. Your trollhandle is atomicTranscension and your manner of speaking fluctuates threefold AS YOU GET EXCITED EASILY.

== Carmel: Examine room.

Oh, my. What a mess you've made in here. You just had some friends over for a rousing game of FIDUSPAWN, and there are cards and oogonibombs everywhere. Some are floating atop the sopor slime in your recuperacoon. Not that you have much of a problem with that, though. Your large horns keep you from completely submerging yourself, and since you sleep with your mouth open, that's probably for the best. You don't want to be eating that slime either, because it's been known to mess with a troll's head.

== Carmel: Examine poster.

This is your prized poster for your favorite movie, "Hook." You think Troll Robin Williams was brilliant as an adult Pupa Pan, and you are always proud to remember that one of your distant ancestors played one of the Lost Trolls.

It looks like someone is hassling you. Oh, goodness, you don't want to have to deal with them right now.

== Carmel: Answer troll.

- gratuitousCrass began trolling atomicTranscension at 18:27 -

GC: H3Y, LOS3R.
AT: groan
AT: why
AT: look i am unable to deal with you right now okay
GC: tough nuts, bullsh1t boy. you know you w4nt m3. why don't w3 go h4t3 snog?
AT: WHY IF I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER I WOULD SAY THE MADEMOISELLE IS CALIGINOUSLY HITTING ON ME
AT: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE MADAM FOR I DO NOT ROLL THAT WAY
AT: MAKE THIS QUICK WHAT DO YOU WANT
GC: WH4T DO 1 W4NT?
GC: 1 w4nt to pl4y 4 g4m3. ;)
GC: SP3C1F1C4LLY TH3 ON3 T4 S3NT M3 4 MOM3NT 4GO.
GC: b3s1d3s, c4rm3l, 1t's not l1k3 you h4v3 4nyth1ng b3tt3r to do r1ght now.
AT: i suppose that is true
AT: although for the record i just finished such a wicked game of fiduspawn
AT: hive is a mess though }XO
GC: 1S YOUR B4CK BOTH3R1NG YOU R1GHT NOW?
AT: SHOOSH DONT TALK ABOUT IT OR ITLL START ITCHING
AT: SHIT I THINK IT HEARD YOU
AT: FUCK THERE IT FUCKING GOES ITS SO ITCHY I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW FUCK
GC: d1dn't r3g1n4 s3nd you lot1on?
AT: yeah
AT: it worked pretty well
AT: but then i ran out }X( also fuck you again for bringing up my back it is so gogdamned motherfucking itchy
GC: TSK TSK. YOUR LUSUS 4ND 4NC3STORS WOULD B3 SO 4SH4MED OF YOU.
GC: th1nk of how poor sw33t ruf1oh would b3 blush1ng.
AT: LOOK I DONT CARE THE POINT IS THIS WHOLE CONVO IS GOING DOWNHILL
AT: YOURE HITTING ON ME AND THERE ARE FIDUSPAWN CARDS EVERYWHERE AND MY BACK WILL NOT STOP FUCKING ITCHING!
AT: A;LKDJFSYDITKR;ASIDFJA;SDKFJAIOUSDFJ FUCK YOU
GC: H3R3 4R3 TH3 G4M3 F1L3S.
GC: 1'll t4lk to you l4t3r. ;)

- gratuitousCrass ceased trolling atomicTranscension -

== Carmel: Attempt to scratch back.

Stupid lousy gogdamn stupid idiot bitch. Your back is so itchy.

== Carmel: Locate source of cool water.

You walk outside your hive, followed closely by your lusus naturae, and find the nearby lake. You decide to climb in, letting it cool you down.

A display on your glasses alerts you that a friend is trying to contact you.

== Carmel: Answer TA.

- twofoldArtistry began trolling atomicTranscension at 18:43 -

TA: carmel? are iou there?
AT: yeah im here
AT: just having an evening soak in the lake
AT: whats up
TA: y just got off a communycatyon wyth gc
AT: DAMN GC
AT: I AM SO MAD AT HER RIGHT NOW
AT: ALSO I THINK SHE IS HITTING ON ME
TA: wayt what the fuck?!
TA: wayt just one marvelous second
TA: are iou tellyng me
TA: what y thynk iou are tellyng me?
AT: shut up
AT: i think shes looking for a kismesissitude with me
AT: in fact i am a hundred percent certain of it
TA: HA HA OH MAN THAT YS RYCH!
TA: GC AND CARMEL SYTTYNG YN A TREE
TA: K-Y-S-S-Y-N-G
TA: or rather h-a-t-e-space-s-n-o-g-g-y-n-g
AT: WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND STOP BEING SO IMMATURE
AT: YOUR STUPID QUIRK WITH THE YS IS NOT HELPING AT ALL
AT: LOOK IM NOT IN A GREAT MOOD JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT
TA: ok. fyrst of all, rude.
TA: second, y sent the copyes of the game code to gc. she probabli alreadi contacted iou about them?
AT: she did
AT: once im out of the lake ill install them on my laptop
AT: who else is in on this
TA: who ysn't at thys poynt?
TA: yf iou connect as mi server plaier, y'll connect to regyna and we'll just stryng our games together
TA: lyke a flower crown
TA: got yt?
AT: YEP
AT: ALRIGHT, I GOT IT
AT: ONCE IM OUT OF THE LAKE ILL INSTALL THE SOFTWARE
TA: ryght on
TA: catch iou later carmel!
AT: bye
AT: catch you on the flip side
AT: have a good evening

- twofoldArtistry ceased trolling atomicTranscension -

== Carmel: Get out of the lake.

You climb out of the lake and shake yourself off like a woofbeast. Your clothes are soaking wet but at least you are comfortable.

You walk into your hive and sit down at your laptop.

== Carmel: Install SGRUB Delta.

You follow the instructions on the server copy and connect to TA, scrolling through the different options on your interface for machines to deploy.

It looks like your server player is trying to connect to you.

- gratuitousCrass began trolling atomicTranscension at 19:00 -

GC: H3Y, C4RM3L.
GC: wh3r3 do1ng th1s m4n.
GC: WH3R3 M4K1NG TH1S H4PP3N. :)

== Carmel: Be someone else.