Finals. It was fucking finals week and you felt like you were about to have an aneurysm and you were sure you had more knots in your back than a boy scout could knot in his entire life (okay maybe not the best metaphor- you thought TG was rubbing off on you a little), and you realized this was going to be the week you finally fucking died. You just knew it. You told TG your worries after telling him denial after denial that no, you were just a little stressed did he finally catch the clue that you were at your breaking point. Jade seemed to be in no better of a position. She was snappy and had bags under her eyes, and her hair had been in a messy ponytail since you had seen her the past couple weeks; a telltale sign of her distress. Karkat couldn't give less of shit even if he tried, which you envied to his disdain and utter confusion. Rose of course thought you were overreacting, but she mentioned it in that passive way of hers, like she understood when she probably really didn't and god you wanted to break something.
You checked your phone and realized you had to get up at some point, as it was already almost 6:50 on this particular Monday May morning. God you were so glad this was basically the last week left of May, and you could be that much closer summer vacation. Finally! You would be done with the giant clusterfuck that is the 11th grade year. You'd have more free time for well, everything. For being with friends, getting your permit, maybe doing some volunteering, talking more to TG...which has been a thing that has been happening almost everyday for the past three weeks, much to your satisfaction. You two talked a lot more than you expected, and it was nice, his humor was a refreshing break from the stressors of school. The both of you could just joke along about whatever, which you found you really appreciated more than you ought to have.
Your Dad knocked on your door pulling you out of your thoughts and you said, "Come in!"
He opened the door, his grey fluffy slippers that you weren't sure as to how haven't been completely destroyed yet entered your vision and he looked at you with a kind of you fatherly pride that always makes you feel happy, "You're going to do well this week John, good luck." You got up, pulling him into a hug as you muttered a thank you and that you'll try your hardest. He ruffled your hair, which you didn't complain much about this time as you hadn't even brushed your hair yet, and he said, "Well you better start getting ready," and with that, he left to his own room.
So you did get ready and got dressed into your classic shorts and shirt combo, and felt a little bit better with your Dad's little pep talk. You don't know how he did it, but with just a few words he could make you feel that much more optimistic. But as soon as you got to your first class, that shred of confidence you had in yourself flew out the window as you stared at the thick packet and scantron waiting for you on your desk, and you knew as TG would've eloquently put it, that you were in all regards, fucked.
You got through it after three hours, (the final week schedule was weird; you had 2 final periods on monday and tuesday, both days consisting of two 3 hour classes, instead of your regular six period schedule, and then only 1 final period on wednesday and thursday, which resulted in all the students being able to leave early those days, and friday as an off day) and you felt brain dead. At least you were 1/6th of the way through finals and you were sure you hadn't done too horribly. Although who knows, your U.S. history teacher did have a tendency to fuck students over for the fun of it. Or that's how it seemed at least.
You weren't sure how you were going to make it through A.P. Language English next if you already felt this brain dead, but it's not like you exactly had a choice. You pulled out your phone when you felt it buzz from your back pocket. You felt yourself smile despite the stress when you saw it was TG.
-turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:03-
TG: 'sup
TG: you still alive over there Egbert
EB: no my brains leaking out of my ears
EB: but that's normal so dont worry
TG: Uh okay
TG: Taking that as in you are far from okay
EB: i just came from ap u.s. History...it was a 150 question test multiple choice scantron
EB: hahahaha of course im okay!
EB: silly TG thinking im not :B
TG: Hey don't die out there okay
TG: If you need me to come out there and hold your hand and tell your teachers to fuck off I will
EB: hey its not like my teachers are stabbing me or something
EB: or telling me shitty jokes like you
EB: so dont worry about it! as nice as itd be to hold hands with your aj stained fingers i think ill pass!
You look up and realize you had been so wrapped in your conversation that you don't realize that you had bumped into Eridan, and you quickly felt a little nervous as he was kind of a tall guy and had an air of douchebaggery about him that intimidated you. You floundered for a second before sheepishly laughing and saying, "Sorry about that, guess I wasn't watching where I was going!"
He huffed and rolled his eyes, and shoved past you making you stumble into a locker, despite the hallway being completely empty, not before turning around to level you a glare that you made you a little on edge as he made his way into an empty class. Well you had no idea what that was about, and you decided to put your phone away until you reached your eating spot where Karkat and Jade were probably already eating. You were betting they were already arguing, especially with how on edge Jade is bound to be. As soon as you got there you figured if it was an actual bet, you'd owe yourself a dollar as they argued about answers to a test they both had apparently took (it was for film class of all things, and you found yourself laughing at the ridiculousness of it).
After they settled what they called a 'debate' they started asking you about how your test went and you said you felt you knew more about Dwight D. Eisenhower than you knew about yourself, to which both of them laughed. You asked them about how theirs went and Karkat went into a long winded rant about how it was about the most useless shit in the universe that their teacher had shoved under their teenaged eyeholes, to which Jade completely agreed. You had never seen Jade so quick to agree with Karkat on anything and you found yourself completely glad that you already took film in 9th grade with a different teacher.
The three of you sat and ate your lunch and towards the end Jade and Karkat launched into another argument (which genuinely surprised you as they usually only argued once per lunchtime, but you supposed this was a good way for them to let out stress) and you realized you had forgotten to answer TG so you promptly pulled out your phone to find a dozen or so missed messages.
TG: are you calling my jokes shitty
TG: because if so last I recall I wasn't the one telling knock knock jokes clearly all of them found online
TG: Your hand meat could use a little tenderizing with my 'AJ stained hands' you know you want to feel them
TG: the ladies are lined out my door waiting to get a whiff of my hand John
TG: don't diss these hands john
TG: no one can resist the charm of a stri
TG: fuck i mean
TG: god damn see what you did
TG: you got me more riled up about apple juice than a 13 year old boy discovering porn for the first time
TG: except im not jerkin it to apple juice if thats what youre thinking
TG: I mean I may like weird shit but apple juice is not on that list
TG: jesus christ this is where rose would tell me to shut up
EB: hahahahaha
EB: oh my god
TG: the fuck are you laughing at John Egbert
EB: hahahahaha
TG: what the hell
TG: stop laughing it ain't that fuckin funny
EB: it really is
TG: it really isn't
EB: oh my god
EB: TG, or 'Stri' who the ladies apparently can't resist
EB: you are even weirder than i suspected
EB: you might need to go to the hospital to get it checked out since its a little concerning how much of a weirdo you are!
TG: I'm gonna piss on everything you love
EB: *gasps* wow all the way from texas?
EB: you must have really good aim!
TG: you bet your ass I do
TG: my tender dung puncher has better aim than a goddamn hit man
EB: uh TG no offense but what the fuck does that mean
TG: uh fuck it doesn't mean anything
TG: just don't look it up
You jump as you feel hair drape over your shoulders and you turn your head to see Jade reading your conversation, snickering. You feel your face heat up and you don't know why so you immediately stuff your phone in your pocket. Like you two were talking about something that others weren't supposed to see, and you weren't sure why you felt that way. "A dung puncher*?" She snickered into your ear, which then turned into a full blown laugh and you felt the urge to look it up to get why it was so funny and you immediately felt your face heat up. What the fuck.
"John he just called his wang a dung puncher!" she said through laughs, wiping away a couple of tears and okay it was definitely not that funny, tears were certainly not necessary here, "Who the hell calls their dick that!"
You suddenly felt frustration rush through you and you turned around fully to face her, "Why were you reading my conversation Jade! That's supposed to be private!" You tried your best to sound angry but it came out more of a whine and Jade rolled her eyes and you groan, "Bluh! Why do I even try reasoning with you?"
That got a snort out of Karkat as he watched this whole debacle and he went to back to whatever game he was playing on his phone and Jade was suddenly by his side betting him she could beat his score. You yourself roll your eyes possibly harder than she did and got back to your conversation with TG. Who was totally freaking out, much to your amusement.
TG: tell me you didn't look it up John
TG: even if you did I was being fucking ironic
TG: not something you're unironic self could even try to comprehend
TG: even if they offered a class called 'Irony 101: How to Not Be a Dipshit'
TG: and all you had to do was spell out the word irony to pass the class
TG: you'd probably get like a negative 10 on your assignment
TG: so uhh don't think anything about what I said got it
EB: i looked it up and wow TG didn't know you were into guys!
EB: im totally okay with im just surprised is all!
TG: Do i have to reiterate to your lizard sized brain that I was being fucking ironic like the suave motherfucker I am
EB: you dont have to lie TG
EB: i really couldnt care less what your sexuality is!
EB: you could like having sex with cars for all I care, id think of you the same!
TG: uhh what
EB: if i was rose she probably wouldve said that was a 'freudian slip' or something hehe
EB: but who knows im just a dumb dork with no experience!
EB: dont take it the wrong way im just trying to be supportive
TG: thanks i'll let you know when i'm getting married to a nice toyota camry
TG: we'll have little car-human babies
TG: they'll have my eyes and her dashboard
TG: oh my god...if you were Rose she'd probably be having a field day trying to analyze what 'dung puncher' meant
TG: probably compare it to the struggles of the Gays everywhere and how the Straights were repressing my true inner self
TG: or something like that
EB: ewwwwww
EB: uh TG no offense but i didn't actually want that mental image of you and a car together...
EB: so you are saying you're into guys! if you wouldn't deny it from rose...
TG: who wouldn't want to imagine that, it's better than any porn ever combined
You aren't able to read anymore messages from him as Jade's waving a hand in front of your face saying 'earth to Joooohn' and that makes you realize the bell already rung and lunch is over so you turn your phone off and stuff it in your pocket and set off for A.P. Language English. You feel dread rise up in you already knowing this was going to go poorly.
You were so right, much to your displeasure. You had to write five essays in three hours and the side of your hand was smeared with graphite, and you couldn't even recall what you had written, which according to Rose was a normal phenomenon once someone is put in a stressful situation, to forget details until a stressful situation is over. You weren't sure if that was a legitimate fact but hey who were you to question Rose's psychology, it's not like you knew any more than her. In fact she had apparently finished and passed an A.P. psychology class last year in flying colors, and you knew that was only because she already knew so much about it.
As soon as you got home you found you didn't have the energy to go upstairs so you walked over to the couch and promptly flopped on it. Since your dad still hasn't come yet from his errands (much to your luck) you close your eyes and decide now's a better time than any to take a nap, so soon enough you fall asleep. You wake up what feels like only minutes later, to realize the sun was starting to set and a blanket had been draped over you at some point, and when you check your phone you see it's already 7:30 and despite it having been about 4 and a half hours since you fell asleep, you feel possibly even more tired. Much to your amazement, you smell dinner and your inner curiosity summoned you to the kitchen, to which you find spaghetti on the stove and you immediately serve up and dig in, not realizing how hungry you had actually been.
You heard your dad make his way down the stairs and you quickly abscond to the living room to go eat, not really having the energy to talk to anyone right now, not until you got more food in you. Plus you had the feeling he was going to ask about school, and how your friends were doing, and your immediate thought was that you'd say not good to both his questions, and probably faint or something due to unseen stressors and you'd end up in the hospital and Rose would give you a speech on some psychological bullshit on why this happened. Or...maybe you were overreacting. Jeez you don't know why you were mentally ragging on Rose so much today, you were glad she couldn't read minds.
So after finishing your spaghetti you return to the kitchen and greet your dad who's now making his evening rendition of coffee and he asks, "How are you son?"
You glance up at him and see a tinge of concern in the lines of his face so you smile and say, "Better after that nap, that's for sure!" which was a lie, but you didn't want him to worry.
"That's good to hear," he smiles, a genuine one that you think matches yours a little too well (or vise versa, since you got the genetics from him, not the other way around), "How about your friends? How're they doing?"
You think for a second, as you start washing your spaghetti sauce laden bowl, "Jade's okay," maybe? you want to hope so, "although probably a lot more stressed than she needs to be!" you think you're a probably a lot more stressed than you needed to be too but hey, they put so much emphasis on finals that it felt like it was as important as giving birth, "and Karkat seems to be handling it pretty okay!" As well as a Karkat can handle something you think. You're not sure how Rose or TG is handling it, so you don't mention either, and after the two of you talk a little bit more about each other's respective days, you head upstairs to do some more studying before you head to bed.
You pull out your A.P. Chemistry notes for your test tomorrow, and as the words swim in front of you after only ten minutes and it felt like you were trying to understand Greek, you decided it'd probably be better to cram tomorrow morning before school, after you get a proper night's rest. So you pull out your phone which understandably, you hadn't checked since lunch, and saw multiple missed messages, a couple from Karkat, and the rest from TG. Oh yeah, you forgot you kind of forgot to message him as he was about to go off and what was probably another tangent, much to your amusement.
-carcinoGeneticist [CG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:55-
CG: HEY FUCKFACE.
CG: I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOUR REPELLENT BUTTERFINGERS ARE UP TO RIGHT NOW BUT I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU ABOUT THE ADVANCED PLACEMENT ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEST.
CG: WHAT NOW YOU'RE SUDDENLY TOO GOOD TO ANSWER BACK? JESUS CHRIST HOW MUCH OF A PRETENTIOUS FUCK CAN YOU BE.
CG: I COULD BE IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW AND YOU WOULD PROBABLY JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING GET WELL SOON CARD FROM WALGREENS WITH STUPID FUCKING MINIATURE PETULANT BEARS ON THEM LIKE THE FUCKING ASS YOU ARE.
CG: FINE I'LL ASK SOMEONE ELSE YOU UTTERLY INCOMPETENT FOOL. SEE YOU AT SCHOOL TOMORROW.
-carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:05-
You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to quell irritation rising up in you, wondering why Karkat had such a vendetta against Walgreens. It was actually a really cool store! You could probably live in there if you had the option to. All the employees knew you at your local one, and one named Gretchen regularly checked up on you in almost motherly manner, and you found yourself smiling at the thought.
So you check your other messages from Dave, wondering how much the conversation probably spiraled in your absence and boy you were not disappointed one bit.
TG: and who gives a shit what Rose thinks about my apparently suppressed homogay feelings for guys
TG: she's been on that idea for years
TG: like flies on shit
TG: like a baby on a tit
TG: like a hand in a mit
TG: like fingers on a zit
TG: Uh but anyways, why are flies attracted to shit I mean that nasty
TG: it's like nosediving head first into a toilet because your species was genetically programmed to like everything awful
TG: like how flies vomit on your food so they can digest it better
TG: urgh imagine if humans had to do that
TG: i'd nope the fuck out of a being a human
TG: John you there or are you just watching me talk out of my ass and laughing to yourself
TG: oh my god you probably laughed yourself to death
TG: do i have to call the hospital on you John
TG: okay fine you're not answering me I see how it is
TG: i'm just going to go eat my feelings until you answer me back
turntechGodhead [TG] has become an idle chum!
You snicker to yourself, and think how you'd probably hate being a fly. Then again there are people who are into really weird stuff, which you have witnessed first hand by accidentally coming across Karkat's internet history (you shudder at the memory) to which he called you a dumbass and said it was research, and research for what you hope you'd never find out.
So you decide to answer back, despite it being almost 8 and TG might be asleep for all you know.
EB: ewww now you have me thinking about the biology of flies gross
EB: and my friends internet porn history
EB: thanks for that TG :B
TG: fuck now you answer? Ive been sitting here lonelier than a 70 year old hooker
TG: i ate out my feelings so much they should feature me on TLC
TG: and the show would be called My Metric Ton Pound Life
TG: It'd get 7 seasons because who the fuck wouldn't want to watch me fuck up
EB: interesting...analogy hehe
EB: but sorry i feel asleep!
EB: wow TG that's a little...sad :(
TG: the damage is already done Egbert, i'm lonelier now than kmart after a black friday
TG: than salads around a diabetic couple
TG: than a tapeworm without a small intestine
TG: and hey you know you'd probably watch the fuck out of that
TG: i should monetize on that shit
TG: get it trademarked up in this bitch
EB: ...
EB: ...
TG: hey don't you ellipses me you little asshole
EB: are you okay TG?
TG: wait what
TG: yeah of course why
EB: because if you think people would actually watch that you should get your mind checked!
EB: obviously you're delusional!
EB: insane in the membrane!
TG: wow you sure showed me
TG: I guess now that you've properly dissed me do you feel better now
TG: what the fuck don't spout that fuckin song at me
EB: hehe :B
EB: aw such a party pooper
EB: youre no fun
TG: dont you hehe :B at me
TG: who said i was any fun
TG: when you signed up for this friendship where did it say I was obligated to be fun
EB: :B :B :B :B :B :B :B :B :B
EB: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
EB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
EB: HOHOHOHOHOHOHO
EB: teehehehe
EB: whaaaat are you talking about of course i signed up for that!
TG: oh of course how could I forget the contract we obviously signed
TG: must've not read the fine print or something
TG: damn it egbert you got me again
TG: you have kicked my fine ass into next week
TG: my ass is thoroughly tenderized
EB: bahahahaha
EB: mehehehehehe
EB: lololololololol
EB: bwahahahah
TG: I know i'm funny but goddamn
EB: :/ wow humble much
EB: i was laughing at the thought of your ass just falling off your body
EB: like a skin tag
TG: gross you don't even know what my ass looks like
TG: got fine TG ass on the mind Johnny boy?
TG: we've only been talking since last month and now you wanna grip my supple babies bottom
EB: i actually am thinking about sleeping so gnite!
TG: aight sleep well Johnny boy
TG: i hope your mind is deployed
TG: with the thoughts of my soft ass
TG: even if you find this a little crass
TG: I couldn't give a fuck
TG: it just ain't in your luck
EB: okay night weirdo
ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:59-
You turn off your phone and despite it being basically only 9 p.m. you felt exhausted, and knew you had a long week ahead of you so with the little energy you have left, you brush your teeth and strip to your boxers and before you remember to put a shirt on, you fall asleep cuddling your plush slimer and your phone in your other hand, buzzing as you drifted off into the subconscious.
TG: night nerd
TG: text you tomorrow
turntechGodhead [TG] has become an idle chum!
A/N
For those of you who may not know, A.P. stands for advanced placement, so if someone is taking an A.P. Chemistry class then it just means it's hard asf with a crap ton of homework/notes/tests but it helps out for college/university...but you may already know that so if you do then ignore this haha. But anyways what do you think of this? Is it okay, did I screw up on anything? What did you think of 'TG' almost revealing his last name to John? Yeah just tell me what you think! Love you all, keep being super cool :'^)