Chapter 3: Local Bar in Flames

It wasn't long before they pulled up in front of the bar. "I really need to do this alone," Carly rasped brokenly as she dismounted.

Johnny stared at her for a moment, but she was totally focused and had eyes for one thing only. Finally, she looked his way and he nodded, adding, "Be quick!"

With a nod as her only response, she hurried into Jake's and up to Coleman. She handed him two envelopes: one was smaller and obviously full, the other larger jingled. "It's unlocked and empty, right?"

"Just like you wanted, sweet thang," Coleman acknowledged, giving her the once-over as he usually did. "Empty, too. Just like you said, but let me know if you need any company."

She couldn't help chuckling and offering her most mischievous grin. "You never give up, do you? And while I may be the only person in the world right now who can genuinely appreciate that quality, I have to decline. I have a date with some ghosts that I should have put to rest long ago." She got a faraway look before turning back to the bar's owner. "Now remember…"

"Give you a few minutes before putting out your fire, then leave the ashes for—"

"Exactly," she snapped her jaw locking, unable to hear that name yet. Not until she was free.

Carly turned away from Coleman and rushed into the empty building. She hurried up the stairs and stared at the door. She took one last deep breath and kicked open, glaring into the room. She was very careful in pouring the accelerant on the mattress. With one last tearful glance around the room, she struck the match, shut the door, and walked away.

When she re-entered the bar, she walked straight to the pool table. She closed her eyes and swore she could feel his breath running down her neck like it had so many times before as she caressed the dinged mahogany finish. She shook her head to free her from her reverie and began pouring accelerant all over the felt and scattered billiard balls. Once again, she lit a match and tossed it onto the table with less hesitation. It was getting easier,she thought.

She turned her back on it and focused on the last two stops: their table—which was almost easy and the jukebox. She looked at it one last time knowing she had already memorized every song, new and old. Slowly she inserted her quarters pressed the keys and as the first bars began to play, she poured the last of the accelerant on the jukebox. Lighting her final match, she tossed it at her final target, looked around one last time, and then turned around and walked out of the bar.

She immediately saw Coleman, who was moving towards her with fire extinguisher in hand. "The small one is a bonus for you. The other is for his eyes only," she said firmly.

"No problem," he chuckled calmly. "It's your dollar and thank you for making them mine, by the way. But for curiosity's sake, it's his wedding day. What makes you think he'll come here?"

"I know that man better than he knows himself," she answered vaguely. Better than he ever knew me."He'll be here."

Coleman rushed into the bar to put out the flames she'd left in her wake. She returned to Johnny's side feeling more drained than she ever had. She quickly slid onto the bike behind him silently. She gave Jake's one last look before bidding it her final goodbye. Johnny gunned the engine and shot of down the road toward the airport.

He hadn't truly understood what it meant to feel so hopeless or alone, but he did now. She had been the riskiest choice he had ever made in every way, but she had also been the best. As he pulled up to Jake's, he realized that now he might have ruined that.

He walked into the bar to find it smoky and devoid of all life, except for the eerie strands of a familiar old song that haunted him by repeatedly scratching: I'm waiting, I'm waiting for you.

Coleman suddenly appeared in the doorway to the back stairs and smacked the jukebox with his fist causing the track to play correctly. Unaware of who had arrived, he hollered out, "We're closed for a private party." When he saw, Jason he backtracked. "Wait, man. Not you. This entire bar was rented out for the night for your use only."

Jason frowned in confusion as Coleman handed him a bulky jingling manila envelope and headed for the door. Unexpectedly, he stopped near the door and looked back. "Oh, yeah. She told me to tell you she's through waiting."

As Jason stared in shocked confusion, Coleman slipped out of the bar closing the door quietly behind him. In a daze, Jason carefully opened the envelope and poured its contents onto the bar. Out fell a pearl necklace, diamond earrings with a matching necklace, a diamond engagement ring with its wedding band, an Eiffel Tower souvenir, and a gold keychain. On top of the pile fell a smaller white envelope with his name clearly scrawled across its front. He felt everything in him begin to freeze and shut down as realization struck. He had to force his hands to open the envelope and pulled the letter free because he knew there could be nothing good within. But he had to know for sure. So taking a deep breath, he started to read:

Jase,

There is so much that I feel should be said, but now that I have the opportunity to say them, I have no clue where to begin. So I'll just start by assuring you that I always have and always respect your right to make you own choices, even when I disagree. But with that said, I also have to tell you how sick and tired I am of being made into an obligation… a choice you make because you feel you have to only because you feel you have to keep your word.

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

You have let everyone around us tell you what and who we are to each other, and it has only gotten worse since the accident. I could see that you regretted me. Not the kids, of course, but definitely me. I nearly lost my mind again, Jason. Then I heard Josslyn cry and Michael came through the door with Morgan and my world righted itself. It's funny because it was usually only something you had ever been able to do. But not that day. They caught me when I was falling without ever even knowing it. In that moment I realized it was time to let you go. You said we needed boundaries and I was gonna let you go. I began preparing to say goodbye to who I was because that person had been built around loving you and being loved by you in return. That's when I knew that I would be taking the kids and leaving. I'm not coming back, Jase.

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Michael will be coming with me, but only until we get settled so please let Edward know that his heir, or at least this one, will be back in a few weeks to a month. You'll probably want to let Mercedes know that she can focus on little Emma Drake now. I have already replaced her. It's not like I've really been able to trust her. She has allowed too many things to happen to the kids. It started with allowing Kate to walk out of my home with Michael without so much as a phone call to get my permission. It let me know where her loyalty was and she was incompetent enough to let Jax walk into our home and take Josslyn.

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

But that's not really important. I want you to know I was very careful to get rid of all of our ghosts, Jase. I'm sure that has to be great for you and your newest pixie… God, Jase, where do you find them? Are you just a magnet for them? Or do you subscribe to a Pixie of the Month club? I guess it doesn't matter, does it?

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Why wasn't I ever enough? I loved you through everything. I made myself love that head case you insist on calling your best friend for you. To maybe somehow, some way, some day be worthy of you. I moved onto the first best substitute for you I could find. I built all of my hopes and dreams around Jax, hoping if I pretended hard enough, I would wake up one day and he would just magically be you. Or you would realize your mistake and sweep in and take back your family… but you never did. You walked away without a second thought a long time ago, and I'm finally realizing that.

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Anymore...

I've decided to follow your example and run away. Then I'm gonna forget every good thing about you and focus on every thing you ever did to hurt me. I'm gonna do my best to hate you because I think that's my best shot at forgetting you. It's probably the only way I'll ever stop comparing you to every other man who comes into my life. Even now, I wish you well and I wish you happy. Not that you'll manage to live up to those hopes. You never do. The man I fell in love with used be who he was and do what made him happy. That man vanished a long time ago. You'd rather let fear and guilt guide you and make you more ordinary, more Jason Quartermaine everyday. So I'm saying my goodbyes to what is left of Jason Morgan now…

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes (Repeat 2x)
~Kelly Clarkson, Behind These Hazel Eyes

I hope wherever he is, he knows he is the only man I have ever loved with every part of me. I hope becoming Jason Quartermaine can finally give you peace enough to fill the void that used to hold your family and me. They say flames can be purifying. I hope they are right.

Carly

Tears filled his eyes and he stood pushing everything back into the envelope. He turned and paused as he passed their table. He froze as he noticed the fresh ashes on the table and realization hit him. He hurried over to the charred pool table and then the silent scorched jukebox. Each was a blow to his heart. Jason let exhaustion and heartache lead him up to his old room—his final refuge. He pushed the door open and was hit by plumes of smoke. I have nothing left of us, he thought, when saw the ash-ridden bed. He dropped to his knees and cried for all that he had let slip through his fingers.