I'm back baby! That's right, I'm gonna finish this story whether it kills me or not! Please tell me what you think, and give me your love, because I need a real kick up the ass for some motivation! Reviews always, always, always make my day!
I spent the next week off of lessons. According to doctors, I needed more time to recuperate and such. To be honest, I was glad of that, as my hips still ached and I was still feeling rather fatigued. Still, it gave me time to just collect my thoughts. It was rather nice to be able to spend some time just relaxing by myself while everyone else was in lessons. I spend a lot of time reading, of course, and some of the time studying. The pain was still present, but less so, and I was glad of that.
On one of the days I'd decided to visit Donovan. He'd been given special accommodation by the school, so he could stay on premises. It was a dorm room like most others, but with an en-suit bathroom. He wanted his own place to cook too, but after being told that he could probably purchase most of the food he'd want to eat at the canteen, well he seemed more relaxed about not having a place to cook. I was glad that he seemed to have settled in well, hoping that we'd be able to get on well, after all this time.
The Irishman opened the door, letting me in "Thank you." I told him politely, as I sat on the leather sofa he had "I hope you don't mind me imposing my company on you for a short while, but we've not really spoken at all since I was in hospital." I shrugged, hoping that that was a good enough greeting for him, and an explanation as to why I was there visiting him.
"Well, I guess now I'm here, I should probably speak to you." He said "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, and you're still an annoying bastard, but you're my brother, so I guess I should put up with you." He said, sounding casual, but earnest. It seemed like a family trait that none of us could really be nice about or too someone without also throwing in an insult for good measure. I didn't mind it that much, because I know that like me, he used the casual insult just to not make the compliment too good.
"Well, I'm glad you want to talk to me," I smiled a little at him, feeling relieved "and I'm glad you want to try to put up with me to." I chuckled, trying to make a light joke to ease the mood "It's just good to talk to you." I really just wanted the two of us to get along, and if this was what it took, then I was willing to go through with it.
"Well, play your cards right, and I'll stick around. If you fuck about with me, I'll leave and I won't come back." He told me with a harsh bluntness that made my joke fall flat on its arse. I felt disappointed by his response, having wanted something more than that from him. I wanted some kind of sign… He sat beside me with a beer "I'd offer you one, but you shouldn't be drinking at the moment." He said, gesturing towards my stomach. It looked pretty much flat under my shirt, albeit causing a very small tightness around my middle, but not enough to be noticeable, unless someone else knew.
"Yeah-" I nodded, looking down at it for a moment, one of my hands instinctively feeling it a little, even though I already knew what it felt like "As much as I really am missing beer, I guess it'll be worth it." I shrugged "I made Francis promise not to have any more wine until I'm allowed beer." I laughed a little again trying to lighten the mood.
"Well, it'll be funny to see you both at each other's necks then." He laughed a little "You get so antsy when you haven't had a drink in a while. You know you shouldn't have tea either, don't you?" he said casually.
"What!? I've been drinking it though!" I exclaimed, feeling shocked and then somewhat terrified. What if the chid grew to be deformed!? What if the child became disabled because of something I'd done!? "I mean I drink that by the boatload!" I continued to say, obviously starting to panic a little.
"Well, they say it's not good for babies to be having caffeine." He told me firmly "I can't remember why, just that it isn't good for them." Well then, I'd have to try to stop drinking it, if that was the case.
I got a weird feeling that he was here more for the baby than me, and that worried me a little. I didn't want to mention it, in case he got offended or something, but it just felt like his sole motivation for being here was just because of the baby, and nothing else. Maybe he was just excited to be an uncle? I didn't know, but I was just a little suspicious.
"Wow… I'll have to try and stop drinking it then, huh-" I said, thinking that would be a challenge in itself. I hated going without tea for more than a day, as it put me in an awful mood and gave me headaches not to. But, if it'd be better for the baby, I guess I had to anyway "You seem to know a lot about this, Donovan, why is that?" I asked him.
"I know a couple of things." He shrugged looking over at me "I get to know my people, talk with them in pubs and stuff." He told him "Some of them are women, and some of them are pregnant, and they spare no modesty telling me about it." He said "Tell me, have you been feeling gassy lately?"
"Oi! That's none of your business!" I exclaimed, hitting his arm lightly. That was not something that I really wanted to be discussing with anyone. To ask so directly was well just seemed downright rude.
"So that's a yes." He said, teasingly, a smirk on his face.
"It is no such thing!" my embarrassment grew, and I felt my face heating up "You shouldn't ask people questions like that!"
"Okay-okay, take it easy." He said, the teasing tone still in his voice. This was a side of Donovan I'd not seen in a while. The last time I'd seen him joke… well it'd been years ago now. I was glad of it, but I questioned why he was being so nice all of a sudden. Was he really okay with me now, or was he putting it on? Maybe he was only interested in the baby… I hoped that that wasn't the case.
"Well, it's been a while since we've had a joke~" I laughed a little "Should I be expecting more of this?" I asked him, smiling jovially towards him. I really hoped the answer would be yes.
"Aah, only when I'm drunk, baby brother." He told me, pointing at a few bottles of beer, looking rather satisfied with himself. I didn't really like being called 'baby brother' but I could deal with it if it was Donovan. I just wanted to get along with him again, so I'd take the light insult.
"Drunk, are we?" I smirked, elbowing his side "You know I could beat you in a drinking match- Well, if I weren't with child anyway-" I said, a hand subconsciously moving to feel my stomach. It still wasn't very noticeable, even to the touch, but it was odd to think that there was a baby in there.
"Well, you'd better make sure you don't drink or eat anything that might make the baby sick." He said to me, patting my stomach gently "After all, it's a gift from God, and you have to look after it." He continued to say. Francis was the only other person except me who'd really touched my stomach recently, so I didn't know how to react. I just decided that I'd let him do as he pleased.
"Right- yeah…" I said, trying not to roll my eyes at him. It wasn't a damn gift from God, it was Tinkerbelle wanting to make drama. Still, if Donovan wanted to believe that, I'd not start a fight with him. I just was glad to have him back. I wanted to keep the child anyway.
"You sound uncertain about it-" he said, frowning at me a little "The child is a gift from God." He said again with a serious tone "Why don't you sound certain about that-"
"I'm not uncertain, Donovan. You must understand that the Church of England, doesn't condemn abortion. Not that I want to abort, of course!" I exclaimed the last part quickly, before he got worked up "I mean we agreed to keep it, so that's what I'm doing."
"So, Mister 'Abortion is not frowned upon' when exactly is a person allowed to end the life of a fetus?" he asked me, sounding a little aggressive "Does life only become sacred after it starts to look human?" He was getting rather confrontational about this… I really didn't want to argue with him right now… I just wanted to get along.
"Donovan, this is not the time to be debating something like this…" I said, not wanting to argue with him particularly. Gosh, he was going to make this into a big argument, I could already feel it. I really did not want an argument with him. I just wanted to get along and that be that.
"Now you're avoiding the question, it's because you know it's wrong, don't you." He said, looking at me with eyes full of judegement.
"That's not it at all, Donovan!" I exclaimed "I believe that the rights of the mother outweigh the rights of the baby while it is completely dependent on her" I tried to explain "It's about consent. If the mother is consenting of that baby being there, that's fine, if she's not then it needs to be gone." I said "Also, before you butt in; if the baby is at danger, or the mother is at danger, it needs to be aborted, as it could result in death for both parties."
"So you'd end a life, just because you don't want it to be there?" He asked, as if it was the murder of any other person.
"It's not so simple as that, Donovan, and you know it. If the mother can't pay to look after the child, or the mother isn't in a good situation to look after the child, she has the right to abort. The child would suffer too if the mother wasn't ready for the responsibilities of parenthood." I tried to explain further "It's not simply wanting it dead, it's about deciding what's best for the situation."
"Since when was killing a living being okay!?" Oh gosh… this was just going around in circles really. I didn't want to make him leave after he'd only just got here.
"Since they're not sentient, nor can they feel it!" I exclaimed "It's like animal slaughter, and you eat meat, so you can't tell me that that's not okay either! If you're going to use that argument, then use it correctly!"
"Oh, I see how it is now! You're dehumanising them!" he exclaimed, getting angrier with me.
"You're dehumanizing the mother! She has the right to decide whether she wants to be pregnant or not, you tit!"
"If she's stupid enough to get pregnant at an inconvenient time, maybe she shouldn't have been fucking around!"
"What if it's not her fault!? What if she was forced into it!? What if she thought she could handle it at the start, but realized it'd be too difficult for her later on!? What if her life becomes endangered!? What if the child's standard of life is then piss poor, because the mother wasn't ready!? Is it fair on them!?" I exclaimed, hoping to get it through to him that there were always reasons why sometimes having a child wasn't the thing to do.
I could see the frustration building in my brother's face as I argued with him, his pink skin turning a shade of red "They still don't deserve to die!" he exclaimed. Again and again, this was the excuse he gave.
"Donovan-" I said, calming my tone down considerably "Children are a big commitment. Having a child is something that will change your life forever. If a mother is not ready for that change it is harmful for the child too, when it's born." I tried to say "The child could grow up with such a poor quality of life that it takes its own life, after all." I said "I'm having this child, because I think I can make things work. I have the support, and the family who love and care. I have a place to live, and I'm in a steady position to support this. If I wasn't, the child could have a terrible life, and it'd be my fault for not ending it before it got to the point where it would know suffering." He said "It's like euthanasia."
"I just… I'm sorry, but I can't agree with you." He told me, looking at me with an intense expression that was calmer than before "I guess… I can respect your views, even if I don't believe in them myself." He said finally "I think I would lose my respect for you as a person if you aborted this child though…"
"Right…" I said, nodding a little "I guess that's a start. We can agree to disagree I suppose." Anything to stop an argument. His views seemed incredibly ignorant, but I didn't want to question them anymore, in case it got me into even more trouble than before.
"Now that's out of the way-" He started to say a little awkwardly "I should probably ask how you're feeling and such." Wow. He really must have been trying. It felt forced and awkward, but in all honesty, I could really appreciate the sentiment. Donovan was obviously trying. It meant a fair bit to me that he was trying.
"I've been mostly good." I nodded at him "I've not been feeling sick anymore, but my hips are still a little achy, to be honest." I told him "To be honest, it's all incredibly daunting, but I'm excited too. I mean a child of my own… I've always wanted that, but… I guess… I'm worried it'll end like it did with Alfred…" I told him honestly.
"Well, don't be a dick to them then!" he laughed uproariously "You're so controlling, you know?" he said "You've got to loosen up, and let people do what they want to do a little more, instead of trying to govern their every move, y'know?" he said to me.
What on earth was he talking about!? I wasn't controlling! Alfred left, because he was ungrateful! It had nothing to do with me being controlling "No I'm not! I'm not controlling at all! Everything I ever did was for him!"
"Yeah, if that's what you want to call taxing him through the roof and ordering him around all the time!" my brother laughed "You already had loads of money, and you were still trying to get more! It's a good thing Francy pants help him put an end to that!"
"I-I- that's not true!" I exclaimed quickly "It wasn't like that! You're just twisting what happened!"
"I'm really not." He said with an earnest expression on his features "You need to learn to let go, and let people go what they need to do."
"But-but- I-" I stammered "I only did what was best for him!" I exclaimed again "I was trying!" I said, feeling like the other didn't understand at all. Had I really taxed him that much? I mean it was a lot, but I didn't think it was excessive… It wasn't my fault that everyone left me… It wasn't my fault that Alfred left. It couldn't be-
"Well, sometimes even with the best intentions people get things wrong." He told me "I know you were trying, but I don't think you really took how hard things were for him into account, or that he needed to be allowed to spread his wings a little more, you know?"
"I-I guess…" I mumbled. Maybe he was right. Maybe I had been harsh "I should… I should go and see Alfred-." I told him, standing up "I think I have a few apologies to make-"
A whole new chapter for you all! Thank you so much for waiting all this time if you've been watching this story from the beginning, and even if you haven't thank you for reading this far along! I'm really relying on reviews to keep my motivation for this story going, so please please send some in!
QUESTION TIME!
Do you think Donovan will be staying for good?
How will the apology to Alfred go?
Are they both going to end up crying all over eachother?
How will Arthur live without his tea!?
How's Francis getting along without him in lessons?