Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Nor its characters. Sorry, not sorry.
Long absence, I know. I had school stuff to worry about. Sorry. I haven't given up on this story- I'm writing and editing it as fast as I can! Just stay with me, guys! Reviews are a much needed motivator so don't forget to review! Enjoy! :D
The halls of McKinley High were packed as Anne made her way towards her new locker. She felt so strange being in another new school- after all, that seemed to be a routine for her.
Why?
Because you never fit in. Nobody ever talks to you and that's why you'd rather hide away where you won't get hurt. She thought silently, chewing the inside of her cheek as she found her locker next to a blonde kid with an abnormally huge mouth.
"Whoa. You new here?" he asked her, shutting his locker.
Anne opened her mouth then shut it again. Ugh. She hated her nerves. So she opted to just nod.
He pursed his lips and nodded. "Me too. Fun, isn't it?" he asked sarcastically. When she didn't respond, he held his hand out. "I'm Sam by the way."
"Uh- I'm Anne." she said, her voice dying down at the last syllable. The blonde kid, Sam, shook her hand.
"Well, I guess I'll see you around?"
Anne just nodded again as he began to walk away from her.
Way to look like a total freak. she thought again. Well, what else could I say? Words always seem to escape me when a stranger talks to me. It happens.
Anne sighed in frustration, turning to open her locker.
"Can anybody tell me who Christopher Cross is?" Mr. Schuester asked, turning away from the whiteboard.
Brittany smiled. "He discovered America."
"...Close but not quite. He did however right a song called 'Sailing'."
Kurt shifted his weight. "I have a bad feeling about this lesson."
"Never heard about him; don't want to hear about him." Tina sassed.
Mr. Schue ignored her. "Some people think of easy listening as a bad thing but I disagree. You guys are good with being over-the-top and all that jazz but good music can also be under control." he handed each member sheet music. "It can be restrained. It doesn't always have to attack an audience."
"How can you be caught between the moon and New York? Aren't they like, a hundred miles apart?" Finn questioned. Rachel rolled her eyes.
"It's a poetic form of speaking, Finn. It's not suppose to be literal."
Kurt raised his hand. "Mr. Schue, if I may? It's not that we don't love your musical lessons enough to spend all week on this silky smooth contemporary and all but as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to. However, there's a Facebook campaign that sweltered over five members asking that for this Homecoming assembly the McKinley High Glee Club do... And wait for it," he paused for dramatic effect. "Ms. Britney Spears."
It didn't take long for heads to start nodding. "Yo, Spears is fierce, y'all." Artie said.
"No- sorry Kurt. I don't think she's a very good role model."
"But Mr. Schue, we literally grew up with her." Rachel voiced in.
Tina nodded. "And she's literally the reason why I wanted to become a performer-"
"I don't want to do Britney." Brittany whispered.
Kurt gasped. "Why no 'Britney' Brittany?"
"Because my name is also Britney Spears."
Heads turned to her in puzzlement.
"What?" Mr. Schuester asked.
"What the hell is she talking about?" Mercedes chided.
"My middle name is Susan and my last name is Pierce. So that makes me Brittany S. Pierce. Brittany Spierce." she sighed. "I've lived in Britney Spears' shadow my whole life. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you will all respect that I want glee club to remain a space where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears."
Silence.
"Well, there you have it guys. It's been decided. No Britney." Mr. Schuester finalized.
Everyone except Brittany groaned.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Rachel asked Finn as they walked down the halls.
"I'm just bummed I got kicked off the football team for trying to help Artie." Finn said, reaching his locker. "Now Sam's the quarterback."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess." Rachel answered. "But to be honest, the football team is overrated."
Finn's head snapped to her like she'd just dissed him solely.
"What? I'm just trying to be honest." Rachel defended.
"Hey dwarf. Didn't anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls on 'To Catch A Predator'?" Santana teased as she walked past them.
"Yeah, also I'm more talented than you." Brittany commented.
Rachel looked down when she heard Finn laugh. "You could have said something, Finn. I thought we were friends."
He stopped laughing and looked at her seriously. "Well, Santana has a point." When she stared at him in disbelief, he added, "What? Just trying to be honest?"
Rachel swallowed back as she stopped breathing in an attempt to halt the tears. When she was sure that he'd rounded the corner, she sighed and turned to leave in the opposite direction.
"Rachel?" a voice asked.
She turned and faced a younger girl with brown hair and gray eyes.
"Yes?" Rachel asked.
"I'm Anne St. James. I'm Jesse's sister."
"You transferred here from a private school?" Rachel repeated in question as Anne stirred her milkshake. They were at the local cafe, trying to get to know each other better.
Anne nodded. Rachel had begun to notice that Anne was a person of few words and whenever she spoke, it was always low. For what reasons? She had no clue nor did she want to ask and risk imposing Anne's privacy on the first day.
"So where's Grant, your other brother?" Rachel asked.
Anne blinked. "He's still enrolled in Dalton."
Talk. Anne commanded to herself.
"I'm sorry if I'm not speaking much.. I get really nervous in front of strangers."
Rachel nodded. "I understand. You don't need to apologize but considering I'm an extremely talkative person, it'll help us both if we talk about the same."
"Okay." Anne responded. "So... What is there to do around here, anyway?"
"In Lima?" Rachel pursed her lips and looked around. "You know, I'm not exactly sure, either."
Anne chuckled and Rachel smiled. It seemed like getting Anne to speak up was getting easier so that was a good thing.
"Why didn't you give me a heads up about your sister?" Rachel screeched into the phone. "I could've prepared- what if somebody had slushied me, Jesse? I would have scared her off!"
"Relax," Jesse chuckled through the web-cam. "I didn't tell you because I was still hazy on whether or not my uncle would actually let her transfer to McKinley."
Rachel huffed, letting go of her anger as she looked at her boyfriend through the computer screen. "I miss you being here. This whole Skype thing just isn't the same."
"I know, you've told me about a hundred times, Rach."
She smiled sadly. "Santana commented on my wardrobe today. Finn laughed."
Jesse frowned. After knowing Rachel for a year, he'd gotten used to the eccentric and... Different styles she put on. But they had never bothered him before, in fact, it was one of the many things he loved about her. "Do I need to murder him when I come back for the holidays?"
"I don't think that'll stop the whole school from making fun of how I dress, Jesse." Rachel rolled her eyes. "I just... I wish I could be somebody that isn't a freak. I just want to fit in."
He looked at her incredulously. "With your talent? I'm sorry Rachel but that's not possible. I'm afraid you'll be standing out for the rest of your life- of which I hope includes me."
Her heart fluttered when he said that, making her blush slightly. "I hope so, too." she combed through her hair nervously. "But since Kurt has been nagging Mr. Schuester to do Britney Spears, I was thinking I could gather some inspiration from her. After all, she's an iconic symbol for boldness."
Jesse sighed. "I don't know if that's such a good idea, Rachel. If you dress promiscuously then guys will definitely get the wrong idea."
"But I don't care about what those other guys think, I've only got eyes for you." Rachel explained. "I'm just sick of Santana making fun of my sweaters. They're not that bad, right?"
"No- absolutely not." Jesse answered. "I don't think there's anything wrong with how you dress, Rachel. I like that maybe you want to expand your wardrobe and all but... I don't want you to change who you are, okay?"
She nodded. "I understand and I promise you I won't."
"And about Anne... Just help her break out of her shell, okay? She needs somebody to lean on. Somebody that's of her own gender, specifically."
Rachel nodded. "I will do my best. I love you, Jesse."
Jesse nodded. "Love you too."
Rachel bit her lip as she looked at her reflection. The outfit she'd chosen to experiment with was... Out there. It was bold without being ridiculously over the top the way that Grease catsuit had been. Tentatively, she clicked a picture with her phone and sent it to Jesse.
Oh, Rachel. You are one bad girl.
When he texted back, it was one word that bred satisfaction: "Wow... " -Jesse
Her lips twitched as she stared at her now improved self. "Oh baby, baby..."
She imagined herself with Jesse at school. Rachel knew it was probably stupid to think that the way she could've dressed might have kept him from leaving across the country. It was selfish and ignorant but a girl could fantasize, right?
How was I supposed to know
That somethin' wasn't right?
Her eyes closed, reminiscing in the way his kisses on her neck felt and how they made her heart race and skin flush. Imagining it now, she shook her head, realizing just how close they'd been a few months ago to giving into their desires.
I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're outta sight
"I love you," Jesse whispered into the crook of her neck. They were both panting from the make-out session, enjoying the feeling of just being together. "Are you completely sure?"
Her imaginary self nodded. "Yes..."
He placed his lips to her neck again and she moaned.
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby 'cause I need to know now
Oh because
Her leg wound around his waist, leaving little space between them. He groaned at the new sensation as fearlessness coursed through Rachel's veins. Even if she was just imaging what it would be like to actually be that close to him, her body reacted as if it were true.
My loneliness is killin' me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time
Jesse sighed as Rachel kept running her hands up and down his chest. She pushed him back a bit long enough to grab the hem of shirt and pulling it off swiftly. She smiled and kissed him fully on the mouth.
Oh baby baby, oh baby baby
He ran his hands across the smooth skin of her bare legs. The skirt rode up a bit, teasing them both with how close they were. Rachel's hand grabbed Jesse's and slid it higher up her thigh. His breath hitched and his eyes questioned her. She nodded once and sighed in contentment when he kissed her mouth again.
"God, Jesse..."
He groaned again at the friction. "Rach..."
Oh baby, baby
How was I supposed to know
Oh baby, baby
I shouldn't have let you go
But as the epitome of the fantasy approached, the scene shifted and suddenly Rachel found herself fully dressed in her usual clothes staring as Jesse boarded his plane to L.A.
I must confess that my loneliness is killing me now
Don't you know I still believe?
She needed him back no matter how cool she seemed during their Skype sessions. It was wrong, so wrong but she was being selfish and it was killing her to not stomp her foot and demand to have her boyfriend back. She was all alone now in Ohio. Her so called friends resented her most of the time, and Finn was up to no good (that much she knew).
Rachel felt extremely vulnerable and she was deflecting. Half of the reason why she was sporting such an extreme attire was because of Santana's remark and the need for Rachel to fit in but the other half was because she hoped that maybe this would bring Jesse back to her.
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time.
"Wait, Mr. Schue. Why are you suddenly doing Britney with us?" Kurt asked. "I thought you said that it wasn't going to happen."
Mr. Schuester nodded. "I know what I said, Kurt and I'm sorry for that. But you had a point. I need to quit being so uptight and let loose. That's why I've chosen 'Toxic' for the pep assembly."
The girls clapped enthusiastically. "That's awesome. But I thought I said that I would be getting all the solos from now on. Is this a solo?" Brittany asked.
"It's... A group number, Brittany." Mr. Schue explained. "But if you'd like you're welcome to sing the beginning."
Brittany fist pumped the air.
"Okay, here we go."
"Anne." Rachel said, catching up to the brunette in the halls. "I'm excited about showing you the few good things McKinley has to offer. I'm sure Jesse mentioned glee club, right?"
Anne nodded, clearing her throat. "Yeah. He said it was a lot of fun."
"Why don't you join?" Rachel asked.
It's safe to talk to Rachel. She's Jesse's girlfriend and it's okay. Anne repeated in her head over and over again.
Anne shook her head. "I- I have horrible stage fright and I'm not that great of a singer, anyway."
Rachel sighed. "Anne, it'll be fun. When I joined it last year it was for selfish reasons- I wanted to have my name all over the yearbook and leave something behind for when I graduate but... Now? I enjoy it because music moves people. Mr. Schue is a great director and we need more people to join. It'll be good for you, I promise."
She shrugged. "I just don't think I'd fit in very well with singers..."
Rachel's lips twitched. "Glee's whole group is composed of misfits. Trust me when I say that there's no trouble or worry about fitting into glee club."
Anne stayed silent for a moment before nodding.
"Really? You'll do it?" Rachel squealed, delighted.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt-"
"It won't! I promise!" Rachel said over-excitedly. She closed her mouth quickly as she saw Anne's facial expression. "Sorry. Sometimes I can get a bit carried away."
Anne smiled. "It's fine." The bell rang, disrupting both of the girls. Anne shifted slightly, "I guess I'll be in the choir room next week? Because I still have to change my schedule and all that."
"Yes, fourth and sixth period and then again for an hour after-school. Is that okay with you?" Rachel asked. She noticed that Anne still looked overly hesitant with her decision.
"Yeah- Yeah, it's fine."
Anne waited until Rachel retreated to her next class to walk into the auditorium. The stage floor was glossy from where she could she and she gulped. It had been a while since she'd stepped on a stage and actually sang.
You can't keep doing this to yourself, she thought silently. You can't keep distancing yourself from something that defines who you are- despite the mistakes you've made.
She bit her lip and walked cautiously upstage. Anne turned to face the house and let out a strangled breath. She cleared her throat.
"Twenty seconds on the backlog, overtime-" she winced at how low and scratchy her voice came out. It had definitely been a while since she sang and she was a little rusty.
Maybe this is pointless. She thought. A few moments later she shook her head. No it isn't. You just need to break it in again.
"Twenty seconds on the backlog, overtime," she sang quietly. "Just twenty seconds 'til we're swept by the tide,"
She closed her eyes, thinking back to her old school and all those jerks who'd made fun of her for the way that she looked. She knew there wasn't anything wrong with her but it was the constant torment that slowly broke down her self-esteem. Now all she saw in her reflection was someone pathetic- someone useless and all too irrelevant. Then she thought about that boy-that boy who had, at one point in time, made her feel like she was worth fighting for. But like everything good in her life, it was erased. Anne wasn't even completely sure what had happened. One day she just woke up and he wouldn't speak to her.
"We're treading water in the dead of night," she breathed again. "And we're speechless, just speechless."
The week was over before anybody knew it. With the Britney number at the pep rally, a complete fiasco, behind them, the club was back on its way to preparing for Sectionals. Mr. Schue had just finished talking about the importance of some type of genre when there was a soft knock on the door.
Rachel smiled. It was Anne, wearing a slightly cautious look. And although she didn't know much about the girl, Jesse had told her enough to explain why she needed to be Anne's friend and vice versa. It seems like she had a lot in common with her, especially the familiar feeling of being a victim to severe bullying.
Mr. Schuester motioned for her to come in and Anne smiled small. "Hi. Um, I'm here to audition?"
"Of course, you must be Anne St. James. Please, whenever you're ready." Mr. Schuester took a seat next to Finn, waiting patiently as Anne set her stuff down.
"Okay..." she whispered softly. She gulped and scratched the back of her neck nervously. "Okay..."
When I was younger I saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it.
She thought about her parent's failed marriage; about how the institution itself wasn't worth it and as far as she was concerned, that love wasn't worth anything. Not love for another person or love for what you do in life. Nothing.
And my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.
Rachel smiled small, she was glad she'd been able to convince Anne to audition for glee club. And Anne had a great voice, it filled what needed to be filled- a contemporary voice. Rachel knew Anne was reserved- a bit too reserved for her own liking, but she felt sympathy towards her because at one point in her life, Rachel was like that, too. She bit her lip, checking her phone screen for any voice-mails from Jesse.
None.
But darling,
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
The nerves started fading away as Anne kept the song going. All she had to think about was the music, the chord progressions and how it took her into another world- one where there wasn't pain or utter loneliness.
Maybe I know somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways
to make it alone.
Or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I've sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.
Rachel frowned, a bit dismayed at the fact that Jesse hadn't called her back. It'd been what, five days since they last talked? She knew that he had classes to worry about but he could've at least sent her a message or something. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't stop her mind from wandering to extreme measures...
Don't be a freaky paranoid girlfriend. She thought to herself. She blinked, trying to focus on Anne's performance instead but she couldn't fully ignore the feeling that she was slowly yet surely drifting away from her boyfriend. Distance was such a block in a relationship and she had always known that's what drove a lot of couples apart.
Well you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
Anne let it all fade away. She let go of her stubborn mother, she erased all thoughts of her coward of a father, she let her thoughts of Connor, the boy she'd mooned over, fade into oblivion. All that mattered was that she loved music and with it, she felt secure. Maybe this glee club thing would be a good thing. Maybe then she'd break out of her shell- maybe she'd finally be able to trust people again- to let them in.
Maybe all of this would be a good thing.
And I'm on my way to believing.
Rachel bit the inside of her cheek, checking again. Nothing. The pit in her stomach grew more prominent.
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.
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-Fanatic4Fiction