A/N: Short, short chapter! But that's cause I suck at characterization for Gwaine. So I just needed to get it over with. But here's my take on Gwaine! PLEASE REVIEW. I need reviews so badly! They make me feel so good!

WARNING: Angst, mentions of drugs and alcohol and death

Chapter 7

Gwaine hadn't always been a drunk. In fact, for the first twenty-two years of his life, he had been utterly ordinary.

And then there had been the war and his friend had been hit by two bullets in the back of the skull, and then another blown to bits by a grenade and it all kind of went to shit then.

He had been thrust back into the world, out of his element, where people took one look at his dog tags and his cropped hair and their eyes filled with pity. Small noises, people banging on the door, video games, anything really, and he was right back in that damned desert. Gwen called them "triggers".

He dealt the only way he could. By forgetting.

And really, could anyone blame him? What with his friend dying over and over again in his dreams?

So yes, for him, happiness was at the bottom of a beer bottle. He'd found a bar, sat himself right down on the edge of that bar stool and scanned the crowd for a lonely girl that would share the bed with him that night so he wouldn't have to sleep alone.

And that's when he met her. At a bar called Ealdor.

She had been beautiful, wonderful, sweet, and said things like "We all have our baggage, Gwaine. Doesn't mean it defines you. Not unless you want it too," and he didn't believe in love at first sight, but he was starting to.

And then her boyfriend, Merlin of all things, had shown up, all long limbs and earth-shattering smiles and mistrust. And even though Merlin had been the one to throw the first punch, Gwaine had been the one to entice him with "here, Freya, let me give you my number" and Merlin with "Seriously? I'm right fucking here" and they both had been kicked out of the bar.

But apparently the devil himself had it out for Gwaine because a month later Merlin was the one to find Gwaine on his knees in the restroom of the bar, puking his guts out due to alcohol poisoning and nightmares. And Merlin had been the one to drive him to the ER because Merlin was anything but cruel.

Freya had met them there and Gwaine felt peace.

That's when he had been dragged into the world that was Merlin. He met Lancelot, the ruggedly attractive hero who didn't seem to give a single fuck that his ex was parading around the girl he had broken up with him over. He met Gwen, who gave him more looks of pity than he was comfortable with and handed him pamphlets about PTSD and depression and all that shit. And then there was Will, who was a critic over everything, but funny as hell.

And they were all wonderful in their own ways, but Freya outshined them all and Gwaine tried to hide the dull ache behind charming smiles because she could never be his, despite what he wanted. Merlin, in spite of their first meeting which he seemed to have forgotten, was blissfully unaware of Gwaine's feelings and even dragged him around to look at engagement rings.

Merlin proposed in a park, at a cookout where they all attended, and he sang to her and promised his life to her and of course she had said yes. Gwaine drank so much that night that he blacked out.

And then things got better for a bit because Merlin and Freya were so busy apartment shopping and wedding planning that they ignored Gwaine.

Then things got worse. They found an apartment and got a dog and Freya was out wedding dress shopping so Merlin took Gwaine and Lancelot to dinner and asked them to be his groomsmen because apparently Merlin did have a mean streak.

And then there was graduation and flower arrangements and catering and Merlin's bachelor party which Will had asked for Gwaine's help with because if there was one thing he was good at, it was partying.

There was the night Freya sat in his apartment, on his couch, showing him the ring she had bought Merlin and the inscription on the inside, 'It's everything you wanted', it's a lyric from her favorite song, she explains. Sadly, it's the same song Merlin sings at her funeral.

It would have been easy to lean over and kiss her, but Gwaine respects Merlin, even if he is in a different country at the moment.

And then it rained, and Merlin's car flipped into a ditch and Freya laid pale in bed while her fiancé clutched her hand and Gwaine couldn't bring himself to hate Merlin for living.

"You have to wake up. For Merlin. He's a mess without you," and he left the 'and for me' and 'I am too' unspoken.

And then it got worse, worse than the war, worse than the time his father had walked out of his life much like Merlin's had, and he found himself standing at the cemetery with Freya's casket being lowered into the ground and Merlin standing two feet in front of him, wearing a black suit and staring blankly at the ground.

He drank a lot, but for once, Merlin had him beat. Gwen removed all sharp objects in Merlin and Freya's (now Merlin and Will's) apartment, scared for her friend, and then asked Gwaine to move in with Merlin.

And he came home from the bar or the gym to find Merlin laying drunk on the couch, silent tears streaming down his face and saying, "She's gone, she's gone" like Gwaine didn't know.

Gwen still gave him pamphlets, but there was two of everything now. One for Merlin, one for him.

Gwen was always worried, which is why Gwaine didn't tell her when he found Merlin high on something horrible a few months after Freya was buried. He didn't tell her about how often Merlin got drunk, or that Merlin barely ate, but soon it became obvious because Merlin's cheeks were hollowed, and his ribs showed.

Merlin picked up smoking and so did Gwaine. No one told Gwen or Hunith.

Eight months after her death, things started to get better. Merlin started going to the gym with him and he began to fill out again. He quit drinking as much and looked into getting back into school. He turned back into his old self, but it was always in his eyes and the scar on his forehead, right below his airline, reminded Gwaine.

Merlin went back to cleaning up after Gwaine. But sometimes, when Merlin would come across a "trigger", as Gwen called it, Gwaine would be the one to clean up after Merlin.

So Gwaine really wasn't surprised when Merlin came stumbling into the flat drunk after his date with Morgana.

Arthur, on the other hand, was.

Arthur, in Gwaine's opinion, was a rich ass, but he was a fun, rich ass. Gwaine didn't typically like people with money because they had a tendency to rub it in your face and think they were better than you. And really, Arthur was exactly like that, but there was something beneath the layers of fine pressed clothes and Audi R8s. So he figured, why not get to know him?

Which is why he had invited Arthur to come over to watch football and drink a beer while Merlin was out on his date and Will was gone visiting his girlfriend.

The door swung open to a very intoxicated Merlin leaning heavily on Gwen, who was struggling with her purse and keys.

"Can one of you," She gestured to Merlin, who had made his way to sit at the table, "deal with him please?"

Arthur glanced over at Gwaine, who raised an eyebrow and set his beer down the coffee table. He walked over to Merlin, who raised his head to look at him miserably, "What happen?"

"She looks like her. She looks like her and it hurts," his breath rank of cigarettes and booze.

Arthur was standing, and Killi, God bless him, was whining at Merlin's feet, "Where' s Morgana?"

"Arthur!" Merlin shouted, pointing to him, and then looking between Gwaine and Gwen, "Why is he here?"

Gwen huffed, placing her hands on the counter and leaning forward. She looked tired, "He called me from the bar. Lance is driving back his motorcycle right now."

Gwaine nodded and looked down at Merlin, who was staring stupidly at the button on Gwaine's shirt.

"He's drunk." Arthur said as if that wasn't obvious and Merlin jumped in his seat.

"I keep forgetting he's here. Why is here?" Merlin said after a minute.

"I invited him. Come on, let's get you to bed," Gwaine leaned down to grab Merlin, wrapping an arm around his waist and hauling him up.

Merlin leaned heavily against his side, until Arthur was on his other side, doing the same as Gwaine. Merlin titled his head to look at Arthur, who just glared back, and Merlin laughed, "You're stupid good looking, do you realize that? I hate you for it."

Arthur's eyebrows furrowed and he flushed, looking embarrassed and flattered and everything in between, "Thank you…I guess."

"So's Morgana. But leave it to me, I fucked that up too."

"What'd you do?" Arthur asked, while he struggled to get Merlin into the hallway.

"I can't tell you! You'd have to kill me!"

They opened the door to his room, well Gwaine did, and they dropped him onto his bed, "It's the other way around, dumbass."

"What is?" Merlin muttered as he tried in vain to push himself farther up the bed.

"It's I can't tell you, I'd have to kill you."

Merlin looked confused and Gwaine laughed as he yanked off Merlin's shoes. He placed them by the night stand, "What can't you tell him?"

Merlin closed his eyes. Gwaine stood by the side of his bed, looking down at him, while Arthur was doing a very good job standing at the foot of the bed looking annoyed. For a minute, they thought Merlin was asleep and then, "That I slept with Morgana. Even though I told him I wouldn't and then I left."

Gwaine looked up to see a muscle in Arthur's jaw twitch. He looked back down at Merlin, "You left?"

Merlin didn't open his eyes, but he turned his head to the side, "She looks too much like her. It hurt too much, Gaawaine. I had no other option," before either of the sober ones could say anything, "I told her I'd call, but I can't. I'm not ready. I should become a monk, Gwaine. They seem happy, right? If not a little bald?"

"We'll make sure to look into it tomorrow," Gwaine pulled the blanket up and over Merlin.

Killi pranced into the room, apparently done visiting her Uncle Lance who had just arrived, and jumped onto the bed, circling a few times before he settled by Merlin's legs.

Merlin's head tilted back and his mouth fell open, a few seconds later a soft snore emerged.

Out in the living room, Gwen was standing next to Lance, who was leaning against the counter with a glass of water in hand. Gwaine went to grab his beer and then sat down at the island with Arthur.

There was a moment of silence before Gwaine turned to Arthur, "So on a scale of one to ten, how pissed off are you?"

"Soft seven," Arthur muttered and that got to Gwaine to laugh.

And he so badly wished that he could fix Merlin from the nightmares and the memories, but if he knew anything, it was that nothing could stop the memories from overtaking your nightmares.

And Gwaine was an expert on nightmares.

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