He had faced many trials in his time. Wars, territorial losses, radical changes of government and policy, floods, hunger, an occupation lasting several decades, the separation and reunification of his country. Compared to some of the other European nations, his history as a unified country was short, but it had been turbulent, especially in its early decades.

He had faced many trials. But this was different.

Different, because it was personal. And Ludwig did not deal very well with all things personal.

They called him cold, stoic, reserved, and yes, maybe he was, maybe he was cautious and preferred to hide his feelings behind a mask, preferred to hide his personality behind a sense of duty and responsibility, cool, mechanical calculation and punctuality. But he did have feelings, and they were capable of wrecking his calm demeanor every once in a while.

Having had ample time to grow accustomed to his European neighbors, their antics did not usually upset him, but Antonio had hit a bit too close to home this time, and he had shown that he - and likely everybody else who paid any attention to him at all - saw right through Ludwig's pretentions. Frankly, it was embarrassing, never mind disturbing.

If everybody knew about his affection for Feliciano and the inner struggle that came with it, Feliciano had to know to. Which would explain why he was so hurt by Ludwig's rejection. Rejection is always painful, but infinitely more so when you know that the other person shares your feelings and just isn't capable of accepting them or of acting on them. That thought made Ludwig feel even worse than he already did. He cared for Feliciano. Very much. And it was terrible to know that his own inadequacies had hurt his best friend... and maybe for years, come to think of it. Feliciano was a bit ditzy at times and had a tendency to space out during conversations that bored him, but he was very good at reading others.

All these years... has he been hoping that I would come to my senses, waiting patiently by my side for a revelation that would never come?

Antonio's visit had had put him to shame. He was supposed to be Feliciano's best friend, or at the very least he had always considered himself as such, and yet it had been left to Antonio to shake him out of his comfortable denial by pointing out that Feliciano was miserable.

Am I really that selfish? he wondered. I tried to do what I thought was best... for everyone. But I never paused to ask myself if maybe, I was hurting him...

It would not do, Ludwig decided. He had to put his own apprehension and worries aside for the moment. Had to think of Feliciano, gentle, kind-hearted, silly little Feli, who did not deserve to be unhappy. Ludwig had always felt responsible for him, but only now he realized that this responsibility might include more than making sure that Feli didn't wear his shirt inside out or forget any important meetings.

I did not ask for this responsibility, but it came to me. He came to me. You don't kick a stray puppy begging you for food, and much less your dearest friend. Even if he's asking for something you're not sure you'll be able to give.

There's love, and there's mutual attraction, Antonio had made it sound so simple. It wasn't of course. Such things never were. Did he love Feliciano? It was a big word, love, not to be used lightly. Ludwig involuntarily shrank back from it. But Feliciano was his best friend, had been for a long time, and Ludwig felt a deep affection for him. He cared for Feliciano, he wanted him to be healthy and happy and safe.

Good enough, he thought.

And attraction? It made him even more uncomfortable to think about that. It seemed wrong to think of Feli as anything other than his cheerful, pasta-loving, house-wrecking best friend. To think of him as... anything else, took the innocence out of his soft touches, the exuberant hugs and the fact that he slept naked in Ludwig's bed more often than not while he was visiting. But of course, Ludwig was not blind, and he was not made of stone. He could not deny that Feliciano was beautiful, his soft curls, his eyes the color of dark amber, shaded by long lashes... the honey-tone of his skin, and his laughter, lighting up his face...

Am I attracted to you? God, yes. Or I would be, if I let my mind dwell on the thought.

I used to pity Gilbert for denying his obvious attraction to Roderich, but I am just as bad when it comes to Feli... and maybe Gilbert is even ahead of me right now, considering that he's in Vienna with Roderich.

I'm such a coward.

Just then, the doorbell rang downstairs. Saved by the bell...

Ludwig straightened his shirt and headed towards the door, wondering who would pay him a visit now. He was expecting nobody.

... and least of all Russia, wearing a dark blue raincoat and his customary beige scarf, along with a most peculiar expression.

"Ivan", Ludwig said, baffled. "Is everything alright?"

Ivan seemed to consider that question for a moment. "The answer to that depends on your point of view," he finally replied. "May I come in?"

"Please." Ludwig stepped aside to make room for him.

Ivan paused a moment to take off his boots and hang up his coat.

"Are you well?" Ludwig asked him. "Is Matthew?"

"Perfectly fine," Ivan said, straightening. "Now. This might be a conversation for your office. You may also feel the need for strong liquor afterwards, so I came prepared." He held up a bottle.

Puzzled, Ludwig let him to his office, pulled up two chairs and got a couple of glasses out of the cupboard. He watched Ivan pour an unnamed clear liquid into both of them. Probably vodka, he decided. The good stuff, since it was coming from Ivan.

"What's wrong?" He finally asked, too unsettled to tiptoe around the issue much longer.

"Nothing or everything," Ivan said cryptically. "Again - it depends. Do you know where your brother is right now?"

"Still in Vienna, with Roderich?" Ludwig guessed.

Ivan nodded. "And why, Ludwig, is Gilbert in Vienna with Roderich?"

Ludwig regarded him from slightly narrowed blue eyes. It was none of Ivan's business, really. None of his business, either. On the other hand, though...

"I thought you knew." He held Ivan's gaze. "You spent more than enough time with Gilbert. And his infatuation with Roderich is a part of him, just like his atrocious manners and his recklessness."

"Maybe so," Ivan acknowledged. "But I have news for you: the feeling is mutual."

Ludwig stared at him. "Roderich can't stand Gilbert," he stated flatly. But doubt gnawed at him, even as he said it. He knew his neighbor just a little too well to discard the notion so easily. Roderich had always been exceptionally lenient with Gilbert...

"Correction," Ivan said. "Roderich can't stand to live without Gilbert. I know he asked your brother to stay with him in 1989. And probably once or twice before that, who knows? Gilbert always declined. The last time though, Roderich did not ask - he simply did."

"You're speaking in riddles." Ludwig was getting annoyed. He usually got along tolerably well with Ivan, but the Russian took too long to get to the point.

"Well, to put it in plain words: Have you ever wondered why it takes so little of your strength to support Gilbert, now that he is no longer a real nation?"

In fact he had, and more than once. He looked at Ivan expectantly.

Ivan shrugged."Roderich has been helping with that, you know. For a while."

Ludwig opened and close his mouth a couple of times, completely baffled. Unfortunately, it made perfect sense, ludicrous idea or not. "Why?" He finally asked.

Once again, Ivan shrugged. "You'd have to ask Roderich. Love, I suppose. Maybe a great fear of being alone. You have to be a little crazy to do what he did."

"What did he do?" Ludwig asked, alarmed. Concern for both his troublesome brother and for Roderich tore at him.

"He must have been very brave, and very afraid when he did it: he merged his own life energy with Gilbert's. And Gilbert doesn't know."

"You can do that?" Frankly, he was appalled. Roderich? Why? Calm, controlled, implacable Roderich? I must not know you at all, if I missed that. And how important must Gilbert be to you, to do such an unthinkable thing...? I never knew.

"You can, if you're desperate enough," Ivan affirmed. And in an afterthought he added: "It's a bad idea, though."

"No kidding," Ludwig huffed. "God! What do we do?" His thoughts raced each other in circles. He was still too surprised by this sudden revelation of a love so deep and powerful in his immediate vicinity, one that had gone completely unnoticed by him, and between the two most unlikely of beings, no less.

Gilbert and Roderich! Truth be told, he could not imagine them together other than fighting and bickering.

"Good," Ivan said, looking pleased. "You are ready to do something. I was afraid I would have to persuade you."

Ludwig inwardly shuddered at all the possible implications of the word 'persuade'.

"Well," Ivan continued, unperturbed, "I suppose, there's really only one thing to do - we have to make sure that Gilbert doesn't do anything stupid when he learns of it. And he will, eventually. He's clever, your brother. But he could risk both his own life and Roderich's if he decides to throw a tantrum. And that's too great a risk. I like them both. I don't want them to get hurt. And I promised Matthew to help them." He sighed. "I probably shouldn't have done that," he admitted sheepishly.

Ludwig, despite his anxiety about his brother and Roderich, had to hide a smile. The things we do for love...

"Why come to me, though?" He asked. The thought suddenly occurred to him. Ivan and he got along, but they weren't exactly bosom friends.

"Should I have gone to Francis instead?" Ivan asked, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"What? God, no!"

"That's what I thought. Gilbert is your brother. You should know."

Ludwig agreed with him on that account, but still... "Matthew asked you to do this, right?"

Ivan looked vaguely uncomfortable, which was answer enough. "Yes. Besides, I made a promise to Roderich, and I still owe Gilbert something. Making sure they don't perish is a way to settle our score."

"And how do you hope to accomplish that?" Ludwig asked unsure what to make of this. He knew that Ivan always attempted to settle his debts... in his own way. He did wonder about that promise to Roderich, though... Ivan and Roderich? What deal could they possibly have made? Unless... Roderich's decision to become Ivan's and Matthew's chaperone was a bit sudden...

"Truthfully?" Ivan said, shrugging. "I have no idea. I am counting on you and Matthew to come up with a plan."

"Great." Ludwig replied laconically, before letting out a deep sigh.

Damn you, brother. You really are a magnet for trouble, aren't you?

Ludwig called Gilbert that night an received no reply. He then called Roderich, who picked up after the seventh ring, inordinately late.

"Ludwig," he said, sounding slightly flustered and out of breath, which led Ludwig to wonder what he had been doing just then. "How may I help you?"

"I'm looking for Gilbert," Ludwig told him. "Is he still with you?"

Roderich took a moment too long to answer the question, which was suspicious enough. "... yes."

"Oh. Okay." Pause. What to ask next? He could hardly tell Roderich about his conversation with Ivan, could he? Especially not when Gilbert might be in the same room with him. "What is he doing right now?"

There was a long, awkward moment of silence on the other end of the line, before Roderich replied: "You don't want to know."

Ludwig decided that he probably didn't.

"Well," he said, struggling not to let any emotion show in his voice, "once he's done with whatever it is, tell him to call me."

"I will," Roderich said and hung up.

Ludwig stared at the phone moodily, trying very hard not to think about all the possible things Gilbert could be doing right now. Roderich's composure was remarkable, and it was entirely possible that he had picked up the phone right in the middle of... something Ludwig preferred not to think about.

Since he really didn't care to think about Roderich and Gilbert and what they might be doing any longer, he turned his thoughts back to his other unresolved problem and found that his troubles with Feliciano did not seem as bad as they had before. At least not when compared to the very real possibility of both his brother and Roderich suffering serious harm because one was a stubborn, oblivious fool, and the other too proud and too scared to openly confess his feelings.

He decided to call Feliciano. It was a very short conversation.

"Ludwig."

"Feli. How are you?"

"I miss you."

"I'm sorry. For... everything. I miss you to."

"Really?" The hopeful lilt in his voice stabbed at Ludwig's heart and he felt even more guilty than before.

"Yes. Listen... can we talk about this? In person?"

"I'm on my way."

And true to his word, Feliciano appeared on his doorstep ten minutes later. Usually, they attempted to travel using more mundane means such as airplanes or cars, but they were nations after all. And apparently, Feliciano had considered this important enough to spend a considerable amount of energy on willing himself to go from one place to the other in a heartbeat. It was actually rather sweet.

"Ludwig." He said again, looking up at him, his amber colored eyes large and a little watery.

Ludwig's heart told him in no uncertain terms that he had been an idiot to allow himself to be parted from Feliciano for even a limited amount of time.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "I never meant to hurt you."

A small smile spread across Feliciano's lips. "I know."

"It's no excuse, though. I should have paid more attention to your feelings. It was thoughtless."

Feliciano reached for his hand, a soft, gentle touch. "I forgive you."

"You do?" Ludwig asked, somewhat surprised.

"You know I can't stay angry at you for long. No matter what you do... I just can't." He shook his head, smiling wryly. "I guess I just... I just love you too much. Pathetic, huh?"

Ludwig swallowed hard. There were tears in Feliciano's eyes, and they were undeserved. "No," he said. "No, it's not. At least you are able to admit it."

Feliciano sighed softly. "That's okay, Ludwig. I know you better than anyone else, remember?"

Ludwig shook his head. "No, it's not okay. Not when my fear of my own feelings hurts you. There's no excuse for that." He took a deep breath. "Can we try this again? This time with me attempting to be less of an idiot?"

Feliciano's smile was radiant. "Are you serious?"

"Very much so. But I'm not making any promises just yet. Except one: that I'll try to do better. You deserve more than that, but it's all I can give you right now."

Feliciano took both his hands and held them in his. "That's enough," he said quietly.

"Is it?"

"Can I kiss you, Ludwig?"

It was the first time he had asked, and suddenly, Ludwig realized that in a way, this was going to be their first kiss. He nodded numbly.

Feliciano smiled, got on tiptoes and brushed his lips gently past Ludwig's. Ludwig closed his eyes, wrapped an arm around the lithe body and pulled Feliciano closer. Warmth spread through his body, thrilling and comforting at the same time. It felt surprisingly... right. He deepened the kiss, and Feliciano moved with him.

There were many things left unsaid between them, but for the moment, they did not matter anymore.