Chapter 15
Eric Has Returned
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"Sookie?" Todd called out to me as I sprinted past his desk.
I shook my head no as I went to my office. There was no way that I could deal with his questions right now. I had to deal with more important things. Such as that big, tall Viking that just so happens to be my new boss.
Eric.
It never dawned on me that he was the one that had bought out CAPRA. Why would it? I didn't know that he had been dabbling in the world of law. I sure as hell didn't know that he knew where I was. It never dawned on me that he was looking for me. I didn't know that I was even an inkling of a thought in his mind but he's here. He's here and he's found me.
Eric.
The man that I'd once loved more than life itself was back. The man that ignored me during my little sabbatical in Sweden was here in New York … in my office building … where I work. The man that stopped answering my letters was here. The man that ignored the many birthday invitations that I and his daughter had sent to him was here. The man that I'm supposed to be married to by now is in my conference room. The man that I'd once loved more than anyone in this world has returned.
Eric.
I closed the door of my office behind me and I paced back and forth as I thought about what had just happened. I can't believe he's here. Why would he come here? I almost screamed when I thought about how his internship at his mom's company was more important than my visit. He never replied to any of my letters when I told him that I was pregnant or that we have a daughter. He never came to the birthday parties that he was invited to. Yeah, I invited him to more than one party and he never showed up. Not once did he reply and now he was here.
Eric.
I'd traveled to Sweden to tell him that I was pregnant but I never got the chance. I mailed him letter after letter to let him know that I was pregnant and never heard one word from him. Pam said that I shouldn't blame him for ignoring me or the letters. She said that something may have happened for him to not to be able to spend time with me during my trip. The letters could've been lost in the mail, she said. That's one reason why he may not have received them. I'd asked her if he'd mentioned them when she would visit and she wouldn't answer me. I took that to mean that he hadn't. I asked her if she'd ever seen him open up any other mail. Once again, she didn't answer me. I assumed that she did. And maybe she was right. Maybe it wasn't his fault. Maybe Appius had intercepted the letters and he'd gotten rid of them. Or maybe he didn't believe that Flynn is his daughter. Or maybe he just didn't have room in his life for a child or for me. Maybe my time with him had passed and he was trying to make it easier for me to accept.
Eric.
She said that since Appius was living in Sweden with Eric, he could've hidden the letters from him. She told me that Eric would never ignore me. He would never hurt me. She said that he talked about me all of the time when she'd go to visit with him. He'd question her about me but she stayed true to her promise. She told him nothing. She swore time and time again that Eric loves me and would never desert me. He'd never hurt me. But he did. Over time, he'd stopped writing. He'd stopped calling. So, I stopped writing and I stopped calling. I thought that it was because of Flynn. He didn't want a child. He wasn't ready so he'd decided to stop all contact. I'd done him one better. I'd changed my phone number. I'd changed my name. I'd changed everything. If he was willing to cut all ties, then I was willing to follow his lead.
Eric.
Maybe Pam was right. Maybe Appius had gotten the letters and hid them from Eric. He's not above that. If he thought that I'd be bad for the Northman name, what would he think of Flynn? But what if it wasn't Appius? Maybe Eric got the letters and that's why he stopped writing. He didn't want the responsibility.
Pam volunteered to go to Sweden and tell him but I forbade her from saying one word to him. I told her that if she tells him, she will never see me and Flynn again. I wasn't sure that he didn't get the letters. She said that the only way to find out was to ask him. I didn't want her to ask him. I was too afraid of what the answer was going to be. I couldn't handle it. I wasn't ready for it. But he's here.
Eric has returned.
Why?
He was probably married by now or at least in a relationship. It then dawned on me. I'm in a relationship too. I have a boyfriend. I can let Eric know that I'm in a relationship and that we have a child and that way, things will remain as they are. I won't have to fear being rejected again and I surely won't have to put our daughter through that. I can ask Alcide to do this for me. He'll do it. I know that he will. We can build a relationship off of it. Alcide and I can get married and that'll be that. It'll work. I'm almost sure that I'm thinking stupid.
I knew that it was a stupid idea as soon as it popped into my head.
Eric ... fuck me! I squeezed my eyes closed. "Fuck!" I yelled out loud.
I snatched my briefcase from the floor and the keys from the desk as I ran past it. I ran to the coat rack and grabbed my coat and my purse. When I flung my door open, I walked smack dab into a chest; a man's chest. A chest that smelled like the most masculine cologne I've ever smelled in my life. I took it upon myself to inhale as deeply as possible before stepping away from him.
With my head down, I took a step back. "Excuse me. I didn't see you standing there," I said to the floor.
He only stood there and I could feel him staring at me. "May I come in?" he asked.
"Sure," I said to the floor. I took a step back and allowed him to come in.
When he entered my office, I glanced up at him. From the back, he looked the exact same; tall and good looking. I can only imagine what the front looked like. While his back was still to me, I put my coat and purse back on the coat rack and placed my briefcase on the floor by the door. I walked to my desk and placed my keys on it. I sighed in defeat. I had nowhere to run now. He was in here with me and I had to face the music … sort of. What would everyone think if I took off running while my new boss was in my office speaking with me?
I couldn't bring myself to face him so I looked out the window and into the city. Just being close to Eric has broken my heart all over again. Why did he have to come here? Why couldn't he have just stayed away? It is best for all of us if he'd just stayed away. Our worlds are too different. We're not what we used to be. We're too different and we can't go back to how we used to be. We can never go back.
And again, I knew that was some stupid nonsense as soon as it popped into my head.
More than anything I wanted to run to him and tell him that I forgive him for not responding to the letters or the invitations. I wanted to tell him that we could get past all of that. None of it matters. It's in the past. I wanted to tell him that we could start over and it could be just as it was in the past. I forgive him. I could finally tell him that I love him and that I can't wait for him to meet his daughter. I wanted to tell him that he has occupied my every thought. I wanted to tell him that every aspect of my life revolved around him. I wanted to tell him that I waited for him but that can't happen. I can't tell him any of what I want to tell him. He doesn't want a family and I'm not going to force it on him. I don't want this in my life. I don't need this.
I was getting better.
I was going to try and make it work with Alcide.
I was getting used to him being gone.
But he's back.
When he left, I was determined to make it. When he ignored me during my time in Sweden, I took that to mean that we were done. When he didn't reply to my letters, I knew that that it was over and we can't take it back. That was his way of telling me that he was over me. And I've come to terms with it. It's been ten years. I can do this. I will do this. I have had grown men crying at my feet. I have made them grovel and beg for my pity. I have had them chasing me … begging me to let them have me. I am the fiercest bitch on the planet and I can do anything that I put my mind to. It didn't matter that all of those things have happened in the courtroom. It just matters that they happened. And it is because of who I am.
I'm Sookie Fucking Stackhouse.
I began to smile to myself. I quickly turned around and looked at him and he was so handsome that I had to catch my breath. He is even more beautiful now than he was when we were in high school. His eyes were mesmerizing. His smile was even more heartbreaking. His body was even more tantalizing than I remember. His tailor made suit fit him perfectly and he looked extremely GQ. His front was so much better than his back.
I walked to the couch and offered him my hand in greeting. He looked at it before he took it. "You look great. You haven't changed at all. How have you been?" I asked.
I couldn't breathe or move. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. His eyes had me trapped and there was nothing that I could do about it. I never thought that I'd see those eyes again.
I have to keep telling myself, "Don't fall for it Sookie. Let him go back. Let him go back no matter how bad you want him."
"Sookie," he whispered my name only as he can. "It's so good to see you. You're even more beautiful than in person. May I?" he asked as he pointed at the couch.
"Sure," I said as I frowned. What in the hell does that mean ... in person?
Once he was seated, he patted the space beside him. "Please, sit with me."
"Sure," I said as I sat down on the opposite end of the couch. "So, you're the new owner?"
I'm going to have to quit. I can't fuck the boss and still work here. I almost fainted. I can't believe I thought that. I hoped I didn't say it out loud.
Obviously, I didn't because he was answering my question. "Yes, I am. I see a lot of potential with this company. I figure with the money that my other companies will bring in and the money from my other business associates, this firm will be the best out there. I've had my accounting team to look over the books and this firm is extremely prosperous. It will be even more prosperous with us working together; you and me. Though it's a small firm, I see a lot of potential here. The management team here has a lot to offer." His eyes were on me when he said that. He licked his lips and said it again, "A lot to offer."
My heart began to thud as hard as it could in my chest. I could feel my blouse flutter with each beat. I wondered if he could hear it. What if he wasn't here for the job? What if Pam had finally told him about Flynn? No. Pam wouldn't do that. She promised and she's always kept her word. I knew that I was being paranoid. If he knew about Flynn, he wouldn't have come here. He would have been banging on my door with Pam in tow.
"That's great … really great. I'm happy that things have worked out for you," I said.
I wasn't really paying him much attention because I could smell him. Not just his cologne but him. I couldn't stop imagining him inside of me; making love to me again. I'll bet everything that I own that his lips are softer than they used to be. They look like little pink pillows. And his ... oh my goodness, I can't do this. We could play catch up in my big king size bed and we could sleep in without being disturbed. Wouldn't that be nice? I asked myself. I even answered my own question with a nod and a smile.
"Sookie, did you hear me?" he asked.
"What?" I said; my face was flushed and my breathing was labored. "What were you saying to me?"
"Are you okay?" He had the biggest smirk on his face. He knew what I was thinking and feeling. He could probably feel it.
"I'm great," I said. "I'm great." I held my head down so that I could compose myself. When I was looking at him again, I asked, "How long have you been back in America?"
Brushing my hair from my face he said, "Not long. I went to Bon Temps to visit your grandparents' graves. I wanted to let them know that I miss them and I'm sorry that I couldn't come to their funerals." He stared deeply into my eyes. "I wanted to be there for you but I was in Japan when Adele passed on and India when Mitchell passed. I also didn't know if I'd be welcome."
I shook my head and said, "No. Don't ever think that. You were always welcome in their home. You know that. They've always loved you. You were like a son to them. You will always be a part of our family. You're an honorary Stackhouse, don't you remember? Gran'pa gave you that title long ago. You should never wonder if you're welcome in our home."
He smiled. "Thanks for saying that," he said. He then cleared his throat and said, "I've tried calling you but I couldn't reach you. Pam has been my only source of communication but she would tell me nothing about you. I wanted to be there for you."
"I know ... and thank you for your condolences. The flowers that you sent were beautiful. Gran would've loved those tulips." His hand was still on my face. I wanted to lean in and kiss him but instead I stood up and said, "I guess we'd better go and join the others."
Eric stood up with me and took my hand. "Sookie, I came back so that we could talk about your visit to Sweden. The way that we left things; I want to tell you that ..."
Before he could finish, Todd walked into my office. "Pam is on line one. She said that there's an emergency. She said that Flynn has had an accident. Don't worry about driving. I've already called a cab. He's downstairs waiting for you."
I dropped Eric's hand and grabbed my purse and coat. As I was putting on my coat, I said, "Thanks, Todd. Have you told Einin?"
"Yes," he said. "She said to call her to let her know that everything's okay."
Taking a quick look at Eric, I saw hurt on his face. I would love to stay here and catch up with him but Flynn needs me. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Sure," he said in a silent whisper. "Sure."
When I stepped on the elevator and turned around, Eric was watching me. I wanted to tell him but I couldn't. "I'm sorry," I said to him as the doors closed.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
When the cabbie took me to Lenox Hill Hospital, I asked him to wait for me. If I have a hurt child, I very well can't walk her home. She may be seriously hurt. I ran inside and I had the look that all concerned mothers have. I looked all around me and saw neither hide nor hair of my girls. Maybe she's already been seen. With any luck they've treated her since Pam is listed as her next of kin. I ran to the front desk and asked for the names Pamela Ravenscroft and Flynn Ravenscroft.
It's a long story that'll be explained soon enough. When you're in hiding, you have to go that extra mile, you know?
"They're on the second floor," the woman said as she searched through the computer.
"Thank you."
While I waited for the elevator, Pam was walking towards me. Flynn was running to me. When she reached me, she jumped into my arms. "Hey mom; what are you doing here?" She had a huge bandage on her arm.
I brushed the hair back from her baby face and kissed her. "What am I doing here? You're my baby. Todd said that you were hurt and that Pam brought you to the hospital. What happened?" I hugged her before putting her down. I looked at my baby's bandaged arm and almost cried. Her little arm was red and her shirt had blood on it. "My poor baby," I cried. "What happened? Why is there blood on your shirt?"
"Mom, please," she said as she rolled her eyes. "It's not that big of a deal, you know?"
"She was messing in my bathroom again. She tried shaving the non-existent hair on her arms. She didn't have to get any minor or major surgery done or anything like that. She scared the hell out of me though." Pam told me how she came running down the hall and said don't get mad. Pam knew right then something was wrong. Flynn never got to tell her because Pam saw the blood running down her arm. She immediately placed her in the car and drove her to the hospital. "But she's fine."
Flynn looked up at Pam with a frown on her face. "Pam overreacted, mom. I only told her not to get mad because I knew that she would."
"Erica Flynn Northman (I'll explain that too … but later … I promise)," I said to her. She knew that when I said her first and middle names, she was in trouble. "Your excuses are just that, young lady. You were wrong. What have we told you about trying to shave your body hair?"
When she was three she turned on Jason's clippers and shaved off her eyebrows. When she was four, she used the same clippers that Jason was supposed to put away when she came for a visit and plugged the front of her hair. She had a moon shaped crescent in the center of her head.
She motioned for me to come to her level and she placed her little hands on either side of my face. She started rubbing my face and kissed my nose and my cheeks over and over again. "I'm sorry, mommy. I promise I won't do it again."
"Oh brother," Pam said. "You are such a little faker. You play this 'I'm a baby' act every single time you do something wrong. You don't fool me for one second, little girl. Not for one second. Your mom falls for that predictable act every time but I don't."
Pam was right and wrong.
I fall for it every single time. It never fails and I love it. Just as she does. "Don't do it again, okay? You scared me." I hugged her to me and said, "You almost gave me a heart attack. Are you going to be okay?"
"I'm fine," she said. "It was just a cut."
I kissed her and stood upright. She went to Pam and asked, "Are we still going to the museum?"
"If you want to," she said. "But you pull this shit with me again young lady …" Pam was ready to take it to the next level with that foul mouth of hers.
"Pam," I said. "Language, please."
Pam only stared at me and went back to scolding Flynn. "If you pull this shit again, you're going to be in deep shit, little lady. Do you hear me?" Flynn then pulled her faker routine on Pam.
She rested her pretty blonde head on Pam's waist and wrapped her arms around her. "I'm sorry, Auntie. Don't be mad at me. Are you mad at me?" She looked up at Pam with those sad puppy dog eyes and pouty bottom lip and whined. "Please don't be mad at me."
Pam pulled Flynn into her side and shook her head. "You're a con artist." She chuckled. "I love you, kid."
"Flynn, you go and sit on that chair for a second. I have to talk to Pam." As she skipped to the seat, I added, "Don't move and don't you speak to anyone."
"Okay," she said.
While we watched her, I said to Pam, "He's here."
"Who's here?" she asked.
"Him," I said.
"What?" she asked. Her mouth had fallen open from surprise when she looked at me.
I nodded.
She stepped really close to me and asked, "Are you going to tell him?"
"Why should I?" I asked. "I went all the way to Sweden to see him and he ignored me the entire time. I wrote him letters, Pam. I'd even sent him pictures and he never once replied to them. I sent him birthday invitations and I heard nothing from him. If he wanted to know her, he should've written me back. He should've at least called."
Pam just looked at me. I could see the frustration on her face and hear it in her voice. "You've been giving me that same bullshit excuse for years. I can't hide her from him anymore. It's not fair. You know how his father is, Sookie. Eric would have never deserted you and his child if he'd known about her. You know that just as well as I do. Either you tell me tonight what's going on or I'm telling him. Gran was right. He has the right to get to know his child, Sookie. You tell him or I will."
She walked away from me and said, "Come on, Flynn. Let's go." When she took Flynn's hand and as they were walking to the doors, she turned back around and said, "Tonight, Sookie and I mean it."
"Pam," I said to her.
She waved over her shoulder to me as she and Flynn continued to walk on. Flynn started skipping. I heard her ask, "Can we get ice cream after the museum?"
"No," Pam said. Before they walked through the doors, I heard her ask, "Where do you want to go?"
I knew that Pam was mad at me. She didn't say another word to me when she left. I also knew that Pam was serious and that she was going to tell him if I didn't do it. I had to at least try to buy myself a little extra time.
But was it going to be enough?