Chapter 16

I'm Not Angry

Y'all say that I'm spoiling y'all with all of these extra chapters. I have to tell ya, I think that it's the other way around. These reviews are really stoking my ego. I can't thank y'all enough for the extra toot toots that I'm getting and I love it to death. Here's another chapter before Monday. And I promise, y'all will get Monday's chapter as well.

Anyway, I hope that y'all enjoy this chapter just as much as you've enjoyed the others. And by the way. There's a tease of a little Eric and Sookie in this one.

I made it back to the office that same day with my daughter and my heart intact. Todd followed me into my office and he was carrying a teddy bear with a big pink heart in the middle of his chest, a mug with a big red heart on it, and yellow heart shaped balloon tied around the handle of the mug. "I went downstairs to the gift shop and got this for my girl. Give this to baby Flynn for me. I hope that she's going to be alright. She is going to be alright, isn't she?" he asked.

I nodded as I hung my coat up. "She was trying to shave again. She didn't have to get any stitches. Pam took her to the hospital to have the wound cleaned. As always, Flynn said that Pam overreacted. Pam said that Flynn under-reacted so you know how that goes. I'll give her the bear and balloon as soon as I see her but I'm keeping the mug." I took the bear, balloon and the mug. I could see in the near future that it would be sitting in the corner of her room with the other bears and stuffed animals that every person that has ever met her has been buying her since she could walk; especially Todd. He and Douglas, Todd's husband, took her to the fair last year and she came home with several bears, worms, and dogs. And they're all sitting in the corner of her room in the stuffed animal hammock that they bought for her.

"So," Todd said as he unbuttoned his suit jacket. He then sat down on the couch and crossed his legs. "I'm waiting."

"For what?" I asked.

"The scoop, precious," Todd began. "I want to know everything. The Viking. You. What's the story? He was holding your hand and looking all serious when I walked in. If it had not been about Flynn, I would have turned around and left your office and put my ear to the door." With a wave of his hand, he said, "Tell me before I die from an acute case of nosiness. It can be quite fatal, you know. Many of my friends have succumbed to that ailment. Don't let me become the next victim."

I ignored him and asked. "Are they having the meeting?"

"Not yet; Mr. Northman wanted to wait to see if you were coming back. Einin told him that you may not return if something has happened to Flynn but he said that he'd rather wait and see. He said that if you didn't return, he's postpone the meeting until tomorrow," Todd replied. "I guess it's a good thing that he waited."

I smiled broadly. "Really?" I asked as I sat beside him. "He wanted to wait for me?"

"He damn sure did. Now, tell me," he said as he nodded. "Girlfriends share, now spill, girlfriend."

I leaned over Todd's lap and looked towards my office door. Since no one was coming, I decided to spill my guts. "He is something, isn't he? He is the most handsome man I've ever known in my life. And I've known him all of my life."

Todd's hand fanned his face as he pretended to fall back on the couch. "He certainly is but how do you know him?"

"We went to school together. He was my best friend; he and Pam were my world. We did everything together. You never saw either of us without the other. It was good. We were good. He was my first everything," I whispered. Todd waited for me to finish the sentence not realizing that I had finished the sentence.

When he caught the hint, his mouth fell open. He looked from me to the door. "The tall, Swedish god … you can't be serious? You've been with him … sexually?" he whispered.

I fell back on the arm of the couch. "I am and yes! He was my best friend from kindergarten to high school. He was just amazing to me, Todd. I thought that the sun and moon rose and set just for him." I looked up at the ceiling as I talked about him. "Everything about him was wonderful. His eyes were my favorite part. They could make me feel … ah; you know what they made me feel. All gushy and mushy on the inside."

Todd swooned. "Yes I do."

"I know that you do."

"What happened?" he asked. "Why are you not with him?"

I sat up and looked at Todd. I haven't talked about this with anyone in years. "His dad sent him away to work his summer internship at his mom's business in Sweden. Eric had other familial obligations that didn't involve me; at least that's what his dad told us. But I think that I was the biggest factor in the decision to send him away. His dad said that I'm not the right type for Eric because I didn't come from money." It hurts just as it did the first time I'd heard Appius say that I wasn't good enough.

"Fucker," Todd said.

"I know, right?"

"Right."

"Oh," I added. "He made sure to remind me that he isn't an elitist but I'm not the right one for his son. Not the right breeding. Not the right bank accounts. Not the right type. I'd gone to Sweden to see Eric and he made sure to tell me where I belong and it's not with his son. But he's not an elitist."

With a cocked eyebrow, Todd said, "Rotten fucker. I know that you told the Viking what his dad said to you. From the way that he was watching you, he wouldn't have stood for that at all."

I said nothing.

"You didn't tell him?" he asked.

"No," I whispered. "I couldn't do that. From what Eric told me, it wouldn't have mattered. He was obligated to whatever his mom wanted of him. He didn't have a choice. I figured that there was no need to add to his problems. I love him enough to let him go. I couldn't make matters worse for him. I couldn't let my wants get in the way of what he had to do. That's not me. That's not who I am. You don't know how I wanted to be that person ... just so that I could keep him."

I looked away in shame because I've always wondered if I'd been selfish enough to claim him as my own, what our lives would be like; his, Flynn's, and mine. Maybe if I'd stayed in Sweden and told Eric why I was there, if things would have changed. I've always wondered if Eric was disappointed because I didn't fight hard enough for us. Sometimes, if I tell myself the truth, I am. I'm extremely disappointed in myself.

Todd's eyes were sad. "You still love him?"

"I do," I said. "I've always loved him. I've never loved anyone but him. It's always been Eric. We were supposed to be married by now. When I was with him, I knew what it was like to swim through the stars. I know what it was like to breathe him. I actually breathed him, Toddy. I've always believed that he is my story … my love story."

Todd placed his hand to his chest as he fell dramatically back onto the couch. "I wish that I had thought of that. That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard. When I came in here to tell you about Flynn, I could see it on your face. It has to be an amazing and torturous feeling to love someone from afar for so long." He then frowned. "How long has it been?"

"A long time … too long," I whispered. My mouth then fell open from sheer embarrassment. "Do you think he saw it … how I feel about him?"

"Undoubtedly," he said. "He'd have to be either blind or stupid not to see it. And from what I can tell," he said as he looked towards the door. "That man is not blind or stupid. He is fine as hell."

I slapped myself on the forehead. "I'm such an idiot."

Todd stood up and offered me his hand. When I took it and he helped me up, he said, "Honey, we all are when it comes to love but if you don't tell him then you are an idiot. My mother hates Douglas but I love him. Do you think that it matters what she thinks? Hell no," he said with quite a bit of emphasis. "You have to live for you. You have to live for your own happiness, honey. Fuck his daddy. You should tell him what his dad has done. You shouldn't hide that from him. He needs to know."

"You know what, Toddy?" I asked. "You're the second person to say that to me today and both of you are right but it's easier said than done."

"It's not too hard to claim what is yours, girl. You have to if you want him." Todd winked at me.

It's totally different than what Todd's mom feels for Douglas. She hated every man that her gay son dated or just so happened to be married to. She keeps wishing that he'll find a nice Jewish girl to settle down with and give her grandbabies. She has asked me to introduce him to some of my friends … my female friends. Sorry to say, Helena. That's never going to happen. He's married to a man. No matter how many times I've tried explaining that to her, it never seems to sink in all the way. After fifteen years of her son being with men, she still believes that he's going through a phase. Go figure.

As I went to get the files from my desk, I said, "I haven't seen him in ten years. What am I going to do? Write him a letter … do you love me? Check the box yes or no." I shook my head no as I said, "I don't think so."

"Take him to dinner," Todd suggested.

When I had the files, we left my office. "I still don't think so." I kissed his face. "Thanks for listening to the lovesick ramblings of a lovesick woman."

"That's what gay friends do best. We listen and we gossip. We help straight women with their men problems."

I couldn't help but laugh.

Before I headed to the conference room, I said, "Hey, Flynn's staying the night with Pam. If you and Douglas aren't doing anything, wanna go out? We can go out to dinner after I leave the parent/teacher conference."

"Okay," he said. "Doug's being a bitch. He's mad because my mom's staying with us and he's just being ridiculous." A light bulb went off over his head. "Girl, wait a minute! I'd love to go with you. Doug's been a bad boy anyway. Being alone with my mother will be his just punishment." He clapped his hands and went to his desk. "Call me and we can go to The Monster."

I smiled broadly as I thought about going to the club. I'd never danced so much in my life the first time I'd gone there with Todd and Douglas. "Okay."

"Sookie?" he said.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Did you say ten years?"

Uh-oh. I nodded.

"Does he know?"

I shook my head as I hurriedly walked away. I didn't want to have to see his disapproval of a situation that he doesn't understand.

When I entered the conference room, everyone was laughing and talking. Einin was the center of attention. I smiled when I saw her with her hand on Niall's shoulder. When she saw me, she smiled. "I'm glad that you came back. Is Flynn alright?"

"Everything's fine," I said as I walked around the table and placed a file in front of each of Eric's team members.

When I put a file in front of Eric, he said, "I'm glad that he's okay; this Flynn."

I only smiled.

Einin began to laugh. "Flynn's not a he. Flynn is a she. Flynn's her daughter."

Eric's eyes followed me as I continued to place the folders on the table. "You have a daughter?"

"I do," I whispered.

We have a daughter. I wrote you several times and told you about her but you never replied. I tried telling you that I was pregnant when I came to visit you in Sweden but you had more important things to do but it's okay. I understand. I'm not angry with you.

When I glanced at him, I noticed that something passed over his face but I couldn't quite tell what it was. It was gone just as quickly as it had appeared. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that he knew because of the slight nod of his head. It was if something had suddenly clicked.

"What happened to her?" he asked.

I shook my head and laughed. "She tried shaving her arm and cut herself. Pam just wanted to let me know since she's the babysitter today."

"Pam's the babysitter," he mumbled. He then looked up at me and said, "Congratulations. I didn't know that you have children."

"Child," I corrected. "I have one child and thank you."

Congratulations to you too, I thought. You're a father. You'd know all about her if you'd answered my fucking letters. But don't worry about it. I'm not angry at all.

"How old is she?"

"She's almost grown." I then sat down on the opposite side of the table as Eric.

Einin laughed. "She really is. That child has a mouth on her. She's just like her mother in that department."

Einin began to tell them how smart and beautiful Flynn is. How she has everyone she's ever met wrapped around her little finger. "Let me tell you all a story about baby Flynn."

Eric and his associates listened intently as Einin told them about Flynn and the school lunch that almost destroyed Flynn's life.

"Grace, that's her nanny, brought her to the office one day after school because she desperately needed to see her mommy. Mind you, she was just a tyke at the time. When she went into Sookie's office, her little face was just so red and she was upset." Einin walked around the room as she told Flynn's story. "'Mommy, mommy', she said. 'You'll never guess what happened today. They put bugs in my soup'. We both looked at her and did our best not to laugh. Miss. Strange, Flynn's kindergarten teacher, had already called and told Sookie what happened. She said that she felt that she needed to call because of the state in which Flynn left school in. She was beyond troubled about the bugs that were in her soup.

"Sookie said maybe it was pepper or something like that. She told Flynn that the cafeteria ladies don't put bugs in soup. She told her that it's against the law. She told her that it's like the pepper and other spices that Gran puts in her soup. Flynn shook her head and said no it wasn't. They were great big bugs she kept saying. Her little arms were as wide as she could spread them. Then she said it didn't look like Granny Adele's soup. Flynn then said 'I told Miss. Strange that I don't like bug soup'."

The men started laughing. I couldn't help but laugh with them. Eric had a smile on his face as he watched me. I shrugged my shoulders at him and rolled my eyes.

"Well, no matter how much the teacher tried convincing her that it wasn't bug soup, nothing worked. So Miss. Strange got a spoon and ate some of Flynn's soup. She said that Flynn was okay after she saw her eat it. She said that she asked Flynn if she was going to try it. Flynn said that since Miss. Strange had eaten most of the bugs, she would give it a try." Holding her side, Einin said, "This is the funny part. When the teacher walked away Flynn was screaming. She ran back to Flynn and asked what happened. Flynn said, 'You didn't eat them all. Look! This one is trying to eat my potato!"

I couldn't stop laughing.

"Then what happened?" Eric asked as he came over and sat beside me.

I was smiling as I answered him. "Miss. Strange fixed her a cheese sandwich with a slice of tomato and Flynn was happy."

"She sounds funny," Eric said as he looked at me. I wanted to reach up and touch his face and say that she's just like him.

Being the coward that I am, I said, "Yeah; she is. She's quite a handful."

Niall decided to speak up. "She sounds like she's a very smart little girl."

"She's really smart," Einin said. "I've met kids that are way older than Flynn. She can speak three different languages. She's reading at a ninth grade level. She's a fan of the arts." She placed her hand on Niall's shoulder. "She loves the museums. It's hard to believe that she's only ..."

I stood up and said, "That's enough, Einin. They don't want to hear about Flynn all day. I do think that we need to get started on the meeting. I've caused a big enough delay. And for that I'm sorry. I don't want to keep everyone here any longer than needed. I can't really stay that long. I have a meeting at the school and I have get the documents in line for the Merlotte case. I'm supposed to meet with some friends after work but I'm not sure that I'll be able to. I've just got so much going on tonight."

"Ms. Stackhouse," Eric said. He smiled at me and I knew what he was thinking. I was rambling.

Blushing, I said, "I know. I'm rambling."

Niall dropped his head and smiled.

Einin had a look of pure fright on her face. "What about our workout?" she asked. "I ate two cinnamon rolls." I think she'd forgotten that we were in a meeting.

Before I could reschedule our workout date for tomorrow night, Niall spoke up. "You could've eaten three and you'd still look amazing," he said. "And if you want a workout partner, I'll gladly go with you."

Einin blushed as she said, "Okay. I'd like that."

I smiled.

Eric said, "Well, we can resume first thing in the morning since things have gotten off to a slow start and Ms. Stackhouse can use this time to show me around. It'll give me a chance to get familiar with my new surroundings."

"That would be great," Einin said. "Sookie, you can do that while I send emails to the others and let them all know that they need to be here bright and early tomorrow morning." She looked at Eric and asked, "Are you still going to meet with the others this evening?"

He nodded his head yes. "Be sure to let them know that those meetings will still be held."

"I will," she said. Einin then stood and turned to Niall and asked, "Would you like for me to show you around?" She started to blush. "Or you can go with Sookie and Mr. Northman if you'd prefer."

Niall gave Einin a gentlemanly bow and said, "I'd rather go with you." They left the room without any delay.

"Well, Mr. Northman," I said. "When you're ready I'll be out here."

He nodded and spoke to the other men and the lady that were still in the room. I went out and leaned against the wall with my eyes closed and counted to five. Five didn't work. I needed to go to ten but I went right past ten. I'd be counting all night long if it was up to me.

"What's going on, Sookie?" Todd asked after he was done talking with Charles Twining.

"Nothing," I said. I watched Charles as he walked away. "What does Charles have you doing? Where's his assistant?"

"Drawing unemployment," he said. "She was fired yesterday … tardiness," he whispered.

"You work with me not him," I sneered.

"It's okay," he said. "I don't mind."

"No," I said. "It's not okay. He has to ask me first."

Todd touched my shoulder and said, "I don't mind, Sookie."

I didn't care whether he minded or not. He is my assistant and Charles was not going to be using him. "I'm going to talk to him about this Monday morning. This is not going to happen again. If he'd quit firing his assistants for the smallest things, he wouldn't have to bother you."

Eric said in my ear, "I'm ready."

I almost lost control of my knees. "Okay,"

As we walked away, Todd yelled, "Oh, Sookie, I can't make dinner tonight. My mother has cooked a fine meal for me and Douglas. She made pot roast and fried apples. You know how I love pot roast and fried apples. After I'd eaten Adele's pot roast and fried apples, I just couldn't get enough of them. You know that. Anyway, I hate that you're going to be alone since Flynn's going to be with Pam. I'll call you later. We can get together some other time."

I stopped dead in my tracks. When I looked at Todd, he was twisting his little skinny ass to the copy room. He did that on purpose. I should let Charles have him but I love him too much.

"Good," Eric said. "You can go out to dinner with me and I won't take no for an answer."

"But I have the parent/teacher conference to go to. I won't have the ..."

"I won't take no for an answer. Shall we," he said. He motioned for me to lead the way.

For the next hour or so, I showed him around and I could feel his eyes watching my every move. He wasn't paying attention to anything that I showed him or said to him. I don't know why I was feeling so uncomfortable with him watching me. He's seen every inch of me naked. His mouth has been on every part of my body but my nerves were getting the better of me.

When we reached the cafeteria, I said, "Well, the last and final room is the cafeteria. Food's not that bad but I wouldn't make it a habit of eating in here. There's absolutely nothing here that they serve that's healthy. On the last Friday of every month, we have a potluck for all of the employees on this floor. It's pretty cool and it's a lot of fun. You get to see which of us can cook and who orders out. It's also a great opportunity for us to mingle with each other."

"I've missed you," he said.

You couldn't have missed me too much because you didn't come for me when I left before we'd even had the chance to have our very important talk. But that's okay. I'm not angry.

I ignored him. "Oh, I haven't shown you the parking garage. Let's go to the parking garage."

When I tried to walk around him, he stood in front of me. "I've missed you," he repeated.

Really? I can't tell. You let me leave Sweden without as much as a good-bye or even a phone call. But hey, I'm not angry.

I continued to ignore him. "The garage is huge. You probably won't have to use it since you're the owner. There's a very nice parking garage for you that's on the roof. There's a great eating area up there too. In the summer time, the trees and flowers bloom beautifully. Some of the employees were thinking of planting a garden; which seems like a really good idea. We just have to come up with a plan. Come on. I'll show you where …"

"Why did you change your number?" he asked.

Fuck it. I am angry.

"Why'd you stop writing me?" I asked. "I waited for you, Eric. Every single day, I wanted for you and you never came. You left me."

He frowned as he shook his head no. "I wrote you every day and I never left you. I'd never leave you."

I shook my head no. "Not me, you didn't," I replied. "I didn't get any letters from you past September."

That's when I needed you the most.

"I don't know why you didn't get them but I wrote to you every day, Sookie. I swear to you. I never got any of the letters returned to me. It had to have been another reason. Tell me, why did you have your grandparents keep your whereabouts a secret?"

I looked at him with wide eyes.

He then smiled. "I know. Jason told me."

My heart stopped. I wondered what else Jason had told him.

"I tried to get him to tell me everything that he knew but he wouldn't," Eric said. "He said that you wanted things this way. Is that true?"

I shook my head no and said, "I didn't but that's just how things turned out to be. I figured that's what you wanted since you let me leave Sweden without as much as a good-bye. But don't get me wrong. I'm not angry."

Until today, I didn't realize how pissed I am.

This time he was wide eyed and angry. "You can't blame that on me. I didn't know that you were gone until you were gone. You didn't tell me. You left a note with my secretary and you told her to not say anything until your plane had taken off. Why did you do that, Sookie?"

He still didn't get it and I didn't have time to explain it to him.

"I had to," I said. "Things were different."

"No," he said. "They weren't. Do you want things to be?"

I shook my head no. "I've never wanted that."

"Good," he said as he stepped in closer to me.

This couldn't happen. I needed to take things back to where they were.

"The parking garage is really nice," I said.

"I dream of you every night," he said as he stood in front of me.

"I can only assume that you don't want to see the cafeteria or the garage." I looked around frantically for something to show him. "There's an ice machine at the other end of the cafeteria. There are also water coolers in each of the offices."

He turned my face to his and said, "Do you dream of me?"

Even though I was lightheaded, I continued on as if nothing was wrong. "There was talk of getting an ice cream machine in here and a new copier for the copy room but Einin said that the one we have now is just fine. She said that it didn't need to be replaced … not yet."

"I've wanted to kiss you since I've seen you."

"I hope that when they put the ice cream machine in, they load it down with Strawberry Scooter Crunches. I've always loved Scooter Crunches," I said as I looked up at him. "Strawberry is my favorite. I like chocolate too but I love strawberry."

"May I kiss you?" he asked.

This time, I didn't ignore him. I put my arms around his neck and brushed my lips over his. I knew that I'd made a mistake when his mouth held mine. I knew that one kiss from Eric was not possible. I was not going to want to stop and then what? There was no 'and then what'. That one kiss and I was gone once again. I was that girl in the gym after the basketball game. With that one kiss, I knew that time could not diminish what we have. We were made for each other.

When I broke the kiss, I started blubbering like an idiot. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I never should've done that, Eric. I'm so sorry."

"Why did you cut me off? Why did you hide from me … change your name? Why did you leave …?"

I stopped his talking with the shaking of my head. "Why did you come here?"

"I came here for you," he said. "I came here because I have never stopped loving you and I want you. You are mine, Sookie. You will always be mine. You have always been mine. That's just the way it is."

I stepped away from him and shook my head. "Why? It's been ten years," I asked. "You weren't supposed to find me."

"Because I was looking for you," he answered. He then began shaking his head. "I've always been looking for you. You didn't make it easy for me."

"It's not going to work with us, Eric," I said. "We are too different. We lost contact ten years ago and that's how we should keep it. You'll soon see that …"

He kissed me again and I melted into him. It was everything good; Scooter Crunches and Bon Temps. It was like a long, hot bath after a long hard day and I never wanted it to end. As I wrapped my arms around him, I realized that with him is where I belong. It's where I've always belonged.

I broke the kiss and looked up at him. With his eyes closed, he rested his forehead against mine and said, "I love you, Sookie. I've always loved you." He sounded as if the words had been ripped from his heart and soul.

Those words are what I've waited to hear from him for ten years. The tears flowed as my heart filled with joy. I reached up and kissed him again but only for a flutter. "We need to talk," I said. "There's something that you …"

Before I could finish speaking, one of Eric's men from the meeting was standing at the cafeteria door. I quickly turned my back to him and wiped the tears from my eyes. He gave me a smile before speaking to Eric. "Mr. Northman, Ms. Madden is downstairs waiting for you. She said that your lunch reservations are at 2:00. Her father is with her."

I looked at Eric and asked, "Is Ms. Madden's Victor's wife?"

He reached for me and I stepped away from him. He wasn't going to touch me until he answered my question.

He said nothing and that's how I knew.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before opening them again. I asked, "Is Ms. Madden your girlfriend?"

When I asked the million-dollar question, the man turned around and walked out of the room.

Eric still didn't answer me.

"What's her name?" I whispered.

"Freyda."

"Is she your girlfriend?"

Eric had a murderous look in his eyes before he answered my question. I could only guess that the look was for the man. "Sookie, let me explain. It's not what you think. She's not …"

I shook my head as I chuckled. "It's okay. I should've known," I interrupted. "This is not your fault. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good evening," I said as I walked away.

"Sookie, wait." He reached for me but I sidestepped him so that he couldn't touch me.

I didn't wait. I left him where he was.

As I left the cafeteria, the man looked at me but dropped his eyes to the floor. He almost looked as if he pitied me.

Fuck you, I wanted to say. I don't need your fucking pity.

So, I walked out with my head held high and my heart broken. Fate wouldn't have it any other way.