Chapter 17
The Day That I Found Out
September 2004
Here y'all go. I was going to wait and post it on Monday but I decided to do it today. You guys have been so wonderful with the reviews that I can't help but keep posting chapters for you. Two in one day! I mean really! Can you imagine me posting another one if I get just as many for this chapter? I'd be on cloud nine with y'all.
Anyway, enjoy. And because I have forgotten, the main characters belong to Ms. Harris. The side characters and the story idea belong to little, ole me.
S/N: This is for the guest that thinks that Eric has made a mistake by not firing Victor or Freyda. He would have fired them long ago if it was that easy. It's not what you think. They don't work for Eric. There's more to it than you realize but as soon as we get deeper into the story, you'll see. I promise that it'll be much clearer.
After I left Eric and the man in the cafeteria, I went to the parent/teacher conference. And it went very well; just as I'd expected it would.
My daughter's grades are great as usual and her behavior is beyond outstanding. She's volunteered to play the piano solo at the Winter Carnival. And because she's decided to volunteer her services, she decided to volunteer mine. She signed me up for the Winter Carnival Committee and didn't tell me anything about it. That's something that she and I will have to discuss when she gets home. We've had this same discussion … three times already. My daughter is forever signing me up for things and not telling me. Last year, I had to bake two hundred fifty cupcakes for the October Fest two days before the event. I was up until two in the morning baking cupcakes. I warned her to not do that to me again but I can see that she didn't heed my warning.
"I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to participate this year, Mrs. Nola," I said as I shook my head no. "With Flynn's afterschool activities and my job, I'm not sure that I'm going to have the time to do it this year. I have more responsibilities at work. I can't contribute this time. I've been given such short notice and it's going to be …"
Cutting me off, she said, "You have a month, Ms. Stackhouse. I figured that Flynn didn't tell you. The children never tell their parents that they've signed them up for an activity. I didn't want you to be surprised at the last minute. That's why I brought it up today. Please, don't say no. Your cupcakes were such a hit last year. The chocolate cream ones were my favorite. My husband loved the strawberry and cream cheese cupcakes. Oh, and the lemon ones were absolutely divine. We raised more money from your cupcakes than we did with any of the others goods that we had. Don't leave us high and dry this year. We need your cupcakes. That's what we're all looking forward to eating this year. Just think about it? Please?"
I sighed and nodded. "I'll think about it but I'm not promising anything," I said. I knew right then that I was all in.
Smiling, she said, "I knew that we could count on you, Ms. Stackhouse."
I sighed because even the teacher knew that I was going to do it.
Mrs. Nola then expressed some interest in moving Flynn up a couple of grades. "She's far smarter than her years," she said. "She is finishing her school work ahead of her peers. She's doing 7th grade work in her downtime. Her math teacher has taken to given her algebra and she's aced it. She's doing geometry for fun. She's reading at an eleventh grade level. She's had not one issue with any of the advanced work that has been given to her. We, the teachers of the gifted and talented program, have discussed moving her up to the sixth grade as a start. We were thinking seventh but only if you consent to it," she added. "And we really hope that you consent to it. This will be a great opportunity for her."
I've always known that my daughter is very smart but I'm not sure that moving her up a couple of grades is what's best for her. "I appreciate that but let me talk this over with Flynn and I'll let you know what we've decided. My biggest concern is that she'll be so much younger than her classmates. We are going to have to think this over."
"I understand, Ms. Stackhouse. I do but if you're concerned about how she's going to be treated by the older the children, you needn't worry," Mrs. Nola said. "She has friends in every grade. She's the most outgoing, the happiest and the friendliest child I've ever encountered. She will be fine. Do you think that her father would object to this? I only ask because Flynn speaks of him often and maybe he can give some insight on what you all should do."
I must have had an unfathomable look on my face because Ms. Nola continued talking.
"I know that he's in Sweden but if he comes back before the new school year, will you consider it? Please? This is something that will better your daughter's future." She suddenly looked nervous. "He wouldn't object would he?
"I'm sure that he wouldn't," I answered. And knowing Eric the way that I do, he would be very proud of her. "He'd been extremely proud of her. I can guarantee you that everyone in the world would know about it."
That comment eased the nervousness off of Ms. Nola's face.
"We'll talk it over and I'll let you know." When I said that we'll talk it over, I meant it. I will ask Eric his opinion on the matter. After all, he is her father.
"That's wonderful, Ms. Stackhouse and once you and your husband have made a decision, you can call me and I'll set up an appointment with both of you," Mrs. Nola said. "It's just that Flynn is so smart and she has so much potential. I'd hate see her being held back for any reason. She has a great future ahead of her. She's going to do wonderful things."
I smiled as Mrs. Nola's words filled my heart. I've always loved to hear the compliments that the teachers give my daughter. "Thank you, Mrs. Nola and I give you my word, we will discuss it," I said as I stood from my seat and took her hand. "And once we do, I'll let you know what we decide. Tell me," I said. "When would the transition take place?"
Mrs. Nola smiled. "Next school term," she said. "We would never take her out of her environment without preparing her."
I nodded. "Thanks, Mrs. Nola. As soon as we make a decision, I will make you aware. Have a good night," I said as I stood from my seat and offered her my hand.
"Good evening, Ms. Stackhouse," she said as mimicked my movements.
After that, I went home instead of going to Pam's. She wasn't at home when I called and she didn't answer her cell. I figured that she and Flynn were still at the museum. She never answers when they're at the museum. That's their private time. It's considered Flynn's educational outing.
So, I went home and I ran a tub full of scalding hot water and squirted half of a bottle of 'P.S. I Love You' bath gel under the running water. I lit candles all around the tub and turned on the radio to the easy listening station. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of red wine and a wine glass.
Within seconds, I was in the tub and working on my second glass of wine. I had planned on thinking of nothing but relaxing and enjoying my time at home alone. I wanted to think of nothing but it didn't exactly go as planned. My mind was on Eric and Flynn just as it always is. What was he going to say when he found out about her? I can't wait for him to be able to feel as happy as I do when I'm with her. That tickles me because I wasn't always this happy. I was more afraid than anything. Maybe he'll feel the same way that I did when I first found out. Scared shitless.
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The day that I found out that I was pregnant was on a Tuesday. I was in psychology class when it all came to a head. When I woke up that morning, I knew that something was wrong.
Back then, I didn't know the reason why but I was as nauseous as anyone could possibly be. I'd been feeling under the weather for a while but I chalked it all up to stress. Losing Eric. Moving away from home. Living in a big city all by my lonesome. Some women can't handle stress. I'm one of those women. Well, I used to be one of those women. There was a time when stress would have knocked me for a loop.
Anyway, I had the feeling that I had to throw up but it would never happen. I'd never been as nauseous as I was that morning. I decided that it was the Chinese food from last night. I love egg foo young and General Tso's chicken but it had never made me sick before that night. I went into the kitchen to make myself an Alka-Seltzer. The fizzing noise was like music to my ears.
When Bailey came into the living room, I could tell that she was as sick as I was so it had to have been the food. She was the ugliest shade of green I'd ever seen and sweat was pouring over her face.
"Make me one," she said.
"Sure," I said as I proceeded to do as she requested. "I see that you're just as sick as I am."
"It was the food," she answered. Bailey, my roommate, said that it had to have been the way that it was prepared. "It had to be the food. It was so ... greasy … and … and spicy … and so greasy. After I ate it, it just sat on my stomach." She patted her stomach and said, "And it's still sitting there."
"That has to be it," I said as I handed her the glass of Alka-Seltzer. "It had to have been the food."
"Thanks," she said.
Counting to five together, we both chugged it down and waited. Since nothing happened, we went our separate ways to our rooms. We still had to get ready for our classes.
"Food poisoning!" she yelled out as she slammed her bedroom door.
Because I couldn't yell, I didn't have the energy, I fanned her off and went into my room.
A simple bout of food poisoning would have been great but for me, it had to be more than that. This wasn't your everyday bad cooking and food poisoning stomach-ache. It had to be more. My stomach was so sensitive I couldn't even wear jeans that day. The tightness made things worse. I had to wear my yoga pants and NYU tee to class. I threw my hair in a sloppy ponytail and prepared for my morning class. I looked in the mirror and shrugged my shoulders. It was the best that I could do.
"Yeah, that has to be it. It's food poisoning," Bailey said when she came out of her room. When she saw me grab my books and saw that I was wearing my yoga pants and tee to class, she was surprised. "You never go to class dressed like that. You must feel worse than I do."
"I do."
"Your Alka-Seltzer didn't work either I see," she said.
I shook my head no.
"Sorry," she said.
"Me too."
She grabbed her backpack and sighed "Good luck. I hope that you last the day," she said.
"You as well, my friend," I replied. "You as well."
Before we left for class, we vowed to never eat Chinese food again. We then thought that wasn't possible. Then we said we'd never go cheap and eat Chinese food from Keisha and Jose's Korean and Chinese Restaurant.
"Another one for the road?" I asked.
"Why not?"
We made our vow over two more tall glasses of Alka-Seltzer. The second glass of Alka-Seltzer worked wonders for Bailey but hardly did anything for me. I still couldn't shake the feeling of nausea. It had subsided some but it was still there.
When I went to class and took my seat, the feeling of nausea returned and it returned with a vengeance. The queasiness was stronger and it was slowly taking over my stomach. As a matter of fact, I could feel it all over. Every inch of my body was in pain.
While I was suffering, an obnoxious voice interrupted my wave of sickness. "Good morning, gorgeous."
I looked up and there was Alec Greenberg. He was Bailey's insignificant other. He was pretty cool … in very, very, very small doses and if you were drunk and about to pass out. He was usually sarcastic, insufferable, and rude. Other times he could be a real sweetheart; when no one else was watching and if your name is Bailey Jones.
"Good morning," I said. I tried smiling but couldn't muster up the strength.
"You look like shit. Did you pull a drunk last night?" he asked as he stood over me.
I made a face at him. "You should win the award for Prince Charming of the year, a-hole."
"Thanks," he said. He nodded and smiled at the sarcastic compliment I'd given to him as if I'd meant it.
When he sat down beside me, I knew why the nausea was getting stronger. It was the smell of bacon and sausage grease and it was all over him. It was coming from the grease soaked bag that he was carrying. Alec smelled as if he'd bathed in bacon and sausage grease. I could feel my stomach begin to rumble. The grease cloud was floating just above his head and nobody could see it but me. The closer he stood to me, the more the cloud would grow. The cloud got bigger and the smell got stronger. I wanted to tell him to put the food away but I was afraid to open my mouth. If I had, I would've lost it right then. But there was no avoiding what happened next.
Alec opened his bag and pulled out the breakfast sandwich and that's when I saw it. The grease cloud was getting bigger and bigger. He never should've opened that bag. When I opened my mouth to tell him to please put it away, the cloud saw its chance and went into my mouth and settled in nice and tight; right in my stomach. It was happening. I could feel my stomach lurching and I knew that it was not possible for me to make it to the bathroom but I had to give it the old college try. I just had to but alas; it wasn't meant to be.
When I jumped up, I tripped over Alec's book bag and my feet. I fell to my knees and threw up all over his shoes and the surrounding areas. There were several 'ewwws' and 'yucks'. I heaved twice more before I could get to my feet. When I was able to stand, I was shaky, sweaty, and embarrassed.
Ms. Brady called the janitor to have him come to her class to clean up the accident.
I looked up at Ms. Brady and apologized. "I'm so sorry," I said. "I really didn't mean to throw up. I tried to make it to bathroom."
"Don't worry, Sookie. We'll have class outside today," she said. "It's a beautiful September day. Go on, class. I'll meet you all out there at the south quad just as soon as I can."
My classmates gathered their things and ran out.
"You're going to be alright?" she asked as she placed her hand on my back.
"Yes, ma'am," I said.
She went to her desk and came back with a bottle of water. "Here, drink this."
"Thank you," I said. After taking a swallow, I said, "I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's food poisoning."
She smiled and patted me on the back. "You'll be fine. I'll walk you to the infirmary if you'd like."
"Don't worry, Ms. B. I'll walk her. There's no point in her throwing up on both of us." Alec looked at me and winked.
She excused me from class for the rest of the week.
When I looked at Alec's shoes, I felt awful. "I've ruined your shoes. I'm sorry. I'll replace them."
Alec looked at me as he bit into his sandwich and said, "It's okay. They're only shoes and hey, I've had worse done to me." He took another bite out of his sandwich. He was so gross.
I knew that he wanted to be a surgeon but really? How can he eat his sandwich while he stared down at his now destroyed, vomit covered shoes? As he chewed, I thought to myself that I'd hate to know what the worse was if my throwing up on him was nothing.
"Come on. You don't need to see that hack nurse. She'll give you some Pepto and send you back to your room. You just need to rest. That's all. I'll walk you to your dorm."
I grabbed my books and laptop and waited for Alec as he took off his shoes. What grossed me out completely was that he continued to eat on his breakfast sandwich while he took off his shoes. He left them in the classroom under his desk. "I'll come back and get them later. We might be able to use them in class. We're testing specimen today." He waggled his eyebrows at me as we left the classroom.
When we reached my room, Alec helped me to the bed and he then went to get a cold rag for my head. "Here ya go." He placed the rag on my forehead and over my eyes.
Cold water was dripping down my face and into my ears. "You couldn't squeeze it out, Alec?"
He shook his head no. "Figured you'd need the water; just in case you get thirsty," he said as he smiled and winked at me. "You have my number if you need me." He looked around the room for something and when he found it, he took it. "I'm taking this bag. Have to put my shoes in here. Tell Bailey I'll be by later," he said.
"Thanks, Alec."
"Yep," he said as he slammed the door behind him.
As I lay in bed, I began to think that my sickness was because I missed being at home. Maybe I should've gone to the local community college instead of leaving home, I thought. Appius would have never expected me to stay at home. Then my afterthought appeared. It was telling me that Appius would think that he was right about me. I was some low rent girl that couldn't go off to college after all. I was going to be no more than what he'd expected me to be.
What did it matter what he thought anyway? Bon Temps was my home, right? I started to think that if I was at home, Gran would make me feel better. She and Gran'pa would take care of me. And then Eric's face popped into my mind. I started to cry when I thought about Eric. I knew for sure that Eric would take care of me. If he was at home, I'd have no need to worry. Everything would be as it should be.
I missed him so much. There would be …
Jesus Christ, Sheppard of Judea … I ran to the bathroom and said no over and over again. I shook my head because I knew that it couldn't be true. I thought back to the date of my last period. "End of May," I mumbled as I prattled to the bathroom. "Or was it June?" I couldn't remember to save my life. It doesn't matter. It's stress.
When women are stressed, I read that they can miss their periods and that's what happened to me. When I was in the bathroom, I kneeled down and looked under the bathroom sink and there were 5 boxes of unopened tampons. I then ran and looked at my calendar. My last period was in June; June 8th to be exact. It was just after graduation. I was stressed. That's all it was. I was right. I had to be right.
I knew that I was lying.
"This can't be happening," I said as I ran around the room looking for my cell phone. "This can't be happening. Fuck! This can't be happening!" I yelled.
When I found my phone, I called Pam.
Ring.
"Come on, Pam."
Ring. Ring.
"Pam. I know you hear your phone."
RING. RING. RING.
"Will you fucking answer?" I yelled into the phone.
She must have heard me because she answered just before the fourth ring. "What?"
"Oh, Pam," I cried. "I'm in so much trouble."
"Are you okay?" she asked. The nastiness was gone from her voice when she heard the word trouble. It was replaced with worry.
What was I going to say to her?
"Will you fucking answer me? What is wrong?" Her voice was firmer and louder now.
"Come here, please," I begged her. "I need you."
Pam hung up on me and she was in New York that night.
She came to the dorms to pick me up. She offered to take me to dinner but with the way that I was feeling, it wouldn't have stayed down. Instead she took me to where she was staying; Ritz Carlton. When we went into the living room, she sat down with me and waited for me to tell her what was going on. She was the most patient person I've ever known. She was what I needed.
When I looked into the eyes of my very best friend, I knew that she would stand by me. I knew that as long as she was with me, we would go through this together. When I looked at her, I was no longer terrified. I was only afraid. But deep down, I knew that everything would be alright. Pam can always make everything alright.
"I think I'm pregnant," I said.
She looked as calm as she usually does. She thought about what I'd said for a minute and nodded her head, "Okay." She got up and went to the phone that sat on the end table. She then called the front desk. "I need a pregnancy test, please." She waited for the other person to finish speaking. "I need it in about ten minutes, if that's at all possible. Thank you."
Pam came back to the couch and looked at me. She said nothing. I said nothing. We sat in silence for the longest ten minutes in history. Her eyes searched my face but she never said a word. She never once judged me. She patted my leg and that was that. We waited a little longer.
When the knock finally came, I jumped. Pam looked at me and shook her head as she went to answer it. She thanked the boy, tipped him, and slammed the door in his face.
"How do you feel?" she asked as she sat on the couch.
"Nervous," I answered.
She patted my leg once more before she opened the box and began reading the instructions. She nodded and made little faces. She pulled the stick out of the box and turned it over several times. "Hmm," she finally said. "Are you ready?"
When she was done, she looked at me; waiting for an answer. There was only one answer that I could give. "No," I whispered.
She patted my leg and sighed. "That's just too bad. You don't have much of a choice so you'd better get ready. Here ya go," she said.
I looked at the fifty-pound box and started crying. I looked at Pam and said, "What am I going to do?"
"First you're going to go to the bathroom and you're going to piss on that stick. We'll wait three minutes and then we'll go from there." She kissed my forehead and said, "It'll be okay. We'll get through this. When you come out, I'll be here waiting for you."
After I'd done the deed, I placed the stick on the back of the toilet and stared at it. In three minutes, my entire life could possibly change. I washed my hands and went to the living room with Pam. She set the timer on her iPhone. We lied back on the carpeted living room floor and looked up at the ceiling. I know that I was hearing things but the timer sounded like the Big Ben bell tower. I cried silently as tears fell from my eyes. Pam reached over and held my hand. I looked over and she was crying too.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too, Sookie," she said. "And no matter what happens, we'll get through this together. Okay?"
"Okay."
For the next two minutes we waited in silence. When the timer went off, we both jumped. We both wiped our eyes and looked at each other. I could smell my fear in the air and the sound of my heartbeat was getting louder and louder.
"It's not going to announce the results to us," she finally said. "Go see." She nudged my leg and pointed in the direction of the bathroom.
"I can't."
She stood up and went to the bathroom. When she came out and stood over me with the stick in her hand. I looked at her but couldn't tell what the results were by her face. It told me nothing.
I sat up and looked at her. "What is it?"
"I guess we're going to be parents." She soon had the biggest smile on her face. She started jumping up and down. "We're going to have baby! I'm going to be a mummy. Can you believe it?" she asked with wide eyes. "I'm going to be a mum!"
I looked at her as if she was crazy. "What about college? I'll have to drop out. I'll have to go back home and live with Gran. I'll have to take a job at the local Sup'r-Sav-A-Bunch. Everyone will laugh at me; especially after the graduation speech that I gave. I can't go back to Gran pregnant! I can't return to Bon Temps like this! What am I going to do, Pam?"
Pam waved her hand at me. "You are so overly dramatic. I'll move here with you and I'll help you with everything. My parents have two penthouses here. We have our pick of whichever we want. I can always transfer to NYU to be with you. Everything's going to be fine." She hugged me and said, "We'll make it, Sookie. We are going to be parents. We will raise him or her to be the best and most spoiled child in the world. He or she will be extremely smart, which he or she will get from both of us and if the child is lucky, he or she will more than likely inherit my incendiary wit. This child is going to be fucking fantastic." She stared into my eyes and said, "We can do this."
I couldn't believe what I'd heard. "You'd uproot your entire life for me? What about Amelia?"
"Yeah, I'd uproot my life for you. You'd do it for me," she answered in a whispered voice. "It's always been you and me. Now it will be you, me and the baby. I'd do anything for you. Amelia will understand. You're my bestest friend in the entire world, Sookie. We go together like peas and carrots, remember?" she asked as she nodded her confirmation. "We can do this."
I needed to be sure that she meant that. "Do you mean it?"
"I do."
"And you'll do anything for me … for the baby?" I asked.
"Anything," she said.
"Come with me to Sweden so that I can tell Eric about it … about the pregnancy. I want him to be a part of this. I just know that he's going to be as excited as we are."
This time was the only time ever that I've known for Pam to be speechless.
"Please," I begged.
"You're really going to tell him?" she asked. "I thought that you were going to ask me to keep it a secret." She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. "Sure I'll go with you. We can tell him together." She said, "I'll call my daddy and have him send his jet for us this weekend. We'll make it a week."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Definitely," she said. "I want to see Eric anyway. It'll be fun. It'll be great to have all of us together again. Dirty Dan, Pinhead Larry, and Charlie Brown in the same room again? That's an opportunity that I can't pass up. So, yeah, I'm sure."
I smiled at her and said, "I love you."
"I love you too," she said.
When Pam went to bed later that night, I sat up alone in the living room holding onto that damned stick. My heart was pounding and my vision was blurred over. I never imagined myself as a single mother; a teenage, single mother. My life was never going to be the same. What was I going to do about finishing college? What was I going to tell Gran and Gran'pa? The even bigger question was whether or not I'm doing the right thing by telling Eric. Should I tell him? Should I risk shaming him just so that he'll be with me so that we can raise our baby together? Right when that question popped in my head, I knew what my answer was going to be.
It's not going to be shameful if we love each other. When two people are in love and they make a baby, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I won't be shaming Eric. I will be allowing him to be in his child's life. That's the way it's supposed to be and that's the way it has to be. But my goodness, how life changes.
Isn't it ironic? It's like packing to go on your honeymoon and you learn that the island's been washed away. It's like me getting pregnant when I thought that I would be with the love of my life but he's no longer here. I'm supposed to be marrying Eric after we graduate and working the careers of our dreams. We're not married and I'm working part-time at Barnes and Nobles. That's not exactly the career that I had in mind. He's in Sweden and I'm here in New York. And here I am. Pregnant.
I looked at the picture of him that I always carried with me. It was from our special weekend. When I saw those eyes I knew that if I could just talk to him that everything would be fine. I took Pam's cell from her purse and called him. When he answered, I was suddenly stricken with a bad case of laryngitis.
"Hello?"
He sounded the same.
"Pam?"
Gathering up my nerve to speak, I finally answered him. "No, it's me, Sookie" I said. "How are you?"
I could almost see him smiling. "My lover," he whispered. "I miss you so much. I'm miserable without you. Do you miss me?"
"So much that I'm coming to see you," I answered.
I heard something fall and crash onto the floor. "Do not play with me," he warned. "It has been far too long to play such games with my heart. When will I get to see you?"
"By the weekend," I answered. "I'll be there for a week … if that's okay with you."
"Yes!" he yelled. "It's more than okay! If you want, you can stay longer. We can make it a month … or a year … or forever. It doesn't matter to me. I will be at the airport waiting for you."
I couldn't stop myself from giggling. "Pam's coming with me and we'll be on her dad's private jet. Oh, Eric, I can't wait to see you. I have so much to tell you."
"I love you, Sookie," he said right out of the blue. "I love you so much."
We talked for the next hour or so about how things were going and his internship and his schooling. We talked about everything that's been going on in our lives … well, almost everything and it was wonderful. I wanted to tell him about the baby but I couldn't tell him something that important over the phone.
I yawned and said, "I have to go because I have class early in the morning but I'll see you Saturday. I love you, Eric. Yours," I said.
"I love you so much, Sookie. Yours," he repeated.
After I'd hung up the phone, I laughed from sheer happiness. "We're going to make it," I said to my still flat belly. "We'll be fine and we are going to be family and no one's going to destroy us."
When I went to bed, I kissed Pam. "Thank you for all that you've done. I wouldn't make it without you."
She sleepily smiled. "You're my best friend."
"Thank you for coming with me to Sweden. I really appreciate it."
"I know," she said. She opened her eyes and looked at me. "I'm glad that you're going to tell him. It makes me proud and it makes me love you even more because I know how hard this has to be for you."
"I'm going to get through it because you're with me," I said. "How do you think he's going to handle it? Do you think that he'll be happy about it?"
She gripped my hand and said, "I think that he's going to be fine with it. He loves you. You two will be fine. I just know it."
"I love you," I said.
She snuggled down into her pillow and closed her eyes. "I love you too. Now do me a favor and shut the fuck up and go to sleep."
I kissed her face once more and said, "Okay."
The next day, I went to all of my professors and told them that I was going to Sweden for a week for a family emergency. I wasn't really lying because my being pregnant was an emergency and it did make me and Eric family. And I was so excited about going. I'd never been to Sweden for one and I couldn't wait to see the love of my life.
After the first day, I wished that I'd never gone.