AN: This is my favorite chapter. For reasons that will become glaringly obvious. I hope you like it, too.
Though he should have expected it, Jane is completely taken aback when the representative of the first apartment complex that he and Lisbon visit mistakes them for a couple.
He stutters for a millisecond before he feels Lisbon's hand twine around his.
It becomes easier to play along with the charade with every complex they see. By the fourth apartment, he's almost used to the feeling of her fingers against his skin.
"Right," says Lisbon easily, pulling Jane along after her to follow the agent. "Patrick and I are looking for a secure building in a quiet location. Other than that, we're not too picky."
Jane nods as the agent glances at him.
"We have a few units that are ready for move-in," says the agent, walking them across the lobby toward the elevator. "How about I show you the two bedroom, two bath? I know you didn't necessarily say you wanted the extra bedroom, but it's really handy as a guest room—or maybe even, someday down the line, a nursery."
Jane feels a bead of sweat roll down his back at these words, and Lisbon discretely shoots him a grin, clearly having noticed the way his hands have become clammy.
The elevator dings, and they step out, moving down the hall to apartment 420. The agent is smiling and chatting away, and Lisbon nods enthusiastically, still pulling Jane along.
The apartment is gorgeous, Jane admits upon first sight. All the walls and ceilings are a pristine cream color, and the floors are hardwood. They walk down a hallway with several doors leading off of it to make their way to the central living area, which opens up in front of them. Jane immediately notices that the living room is flooded by natural light streaming in from the windows which make up a considerable portion of the south wall.
He doesn't even need to see the rest of the apartment. He's sold already.
But he goes through the motions, asking the right questions at the right times. In about twenty minutes, the agent returns them to the living room.
"So," he says, clasping his hands in front of him eagerly. "What did you think?"
"I really like it," says Jane, looking over at Lisbon. "What about you, love?"
He doesn't realize he's used the endearment until he sees the blush color Lisbon's cheeks. But she holds his gaze, playing her role perfectly. "I like it as well," she says.
"We'll take it," says Jane firmly.
"Wonderful!" says the agent warmly. "If you want, feel free to look around for a few minutes longer. We'll need to fill out some paperwork, so I'll head downstairs to start getting all that in order. Join me when you're ready."
They thank him, and he walks away, closing the door behind him.
Lisbon chooses to ignore Jane's slip-up. "What do you really think?" she asks.
Jane walks over to the windows, which afford him a rather spectacular view of downtown Sacramento.
"Honestly?" he says. "I love it. I'm…"
He pauses, wondering how much he should reveal.
Then one glance back at Lisbon sends his defenses crumbling.
"It's just difficult to think about moving into a place without Angela and Charlotte," he admits. "I think that was one of the reasons I stayed in that hotel for so long."
Lisbon moves toward him but doesn't touch him. "They'll always be with you, Jane. Wherever you go. You'll never be without them."
He's scared to ask his next question, so he does so while still looking out over the city. "Is that how you feel about your mother? About Stan?"
He sees her nod out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah," she says. "I can feel them looking out for me. And when you were missing the past few days, I…for some reason, I felt like they'd started looking out for you, too."
"Your mother never knew me," he points out with a wry grin. "Neither did Stan."
Lisbon smiles at his tone. "You would have managed to charm both of them, I think. My mother especially. She always wanted me to find someone like you."
"A con artist?" he says, and his grin this time is self-deprecating.
Lisbon shakes her head. "No," she argues. She takes a deep breath. "Someone who loves me."
Jane pivots sharply to look at her, and he can't help his jaw from dropping a fraction of an inch.
They'd been putting off discussing the mastodon in the room, instead choosing to revert to the way they'd been before Jane had met Red John in the mall that day. Jane had been perfectly happy to follow Lisbon's lead—he'd meant what he'd said about being content with only being her friend as long as he could have her in his life. It was certainly an improvement over the last couple weeks of their relationship, when they'd essentially been estranged.
But now, Jane feels hope flame up inside him, beginning to thaw his veins from the inside out.
Lisbon closes the distance between them, grabbing his hand for real this time, and they are no longer playing roles in some act.
"I'm sorry," she says quietly. "Jane, I'm so sorry. I let Erica play on my fears when I should have trusted you to know your own heart. I was so stupid."
She's whispering now, and Jane has to incline his head toward her to catch what she's saying.
"I don't think I knew what love could be like until I met you and saw the love you had—the love you still have—for your family. And I should never have doubted your ability to recognize love and to act on it. God, I'm so sorry."
She lifts his hand up and places her other palm on top of it, so that his fingers are sandwiched between hers. Jane feels like the floor of the apartment has disappeared beneath him—he wonders vaguely if he will ever stop free falling.
"I know that I have a lot of stuff to work through," Lisbon says. "I know you do as well. And we have a lot of stuff to work through together. But every single hour you were missing, all I could think was that if I'd never get to see you again, my greatest regret would be not giving us a shot. Because I feel the same way you do. And Jane—I don't want to live with a regret like that. Life is so short. Look at Angela and Charlotte. Look at Stan and my mom."
The way she speaks the last sentences is so gentle that it reminds Jane of a caress, and he has to smile.
Lisbon looks up at him with determined eyes. "Jane, we'd be fools to let happiness pass us by."
The line is a deliberate reference to the film they'd seen together at the old theater, all those weeks ago, and Jane wonders if it's possible to love Lisbon any more than he does at this moment.
"I'm done playing the fool," he says.
"As am I."
He smiles tentatively at her, and she flings himself at him, burying her face in his chest and wrapping her arms around his torso. His arms curve around her shoulders, and he rests his chin on the top of her head.
"Welcome home," he hears her whisper.
He's not sure if she's talking about his new apartment or their new status as a couple or their newly mended friendship.
He has a feeling she means all three.
Jane's application for the apartment is approved, and he officially signs the lease a few minutes later. When he walks out of the office, Lisbon is already on her phone, and Jane grins as he realizes she's ordering delivery.
"What?" she asks him as she hangs up. "I want to be with you for your first dinner in your new apartment. It's a big deal."
"It is a big deal," agrees Jane. He pauses for a second. "What did you order?"
"Moo shu pork," she says. "And extra egg rolls."
"Have I told you lately that I love you?"
"All I did was order dinner, Jane."
"Not true," he says. "You ordered my favorite delivery meal, you helped me pick out an apartment, and you're going to help me break in my new apartment. So I repeat: I love you."
The elevator doors close on them as they head back to the apartment to wait for their food to be delivered to the lobby. Lisbon looks away, and Jane reads her in an instant.
"I'm not expecting you to say it back," he says, bending over a little so that their eyes are almost level. "Take your time. In fact, take your time with everything. We'll move exactly how quickly or slowly you want."
Lisbon reaches up to place a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "That's sweet," she says. "But I don't want this relationship to be one-sided. We'll work things out based on the right timing for both of us, okay?"
Jane nods, and the elevator doors open. They turn to the left and walk down the hall to his door.
While he's raising the key to the lock, Lisbon tilts her head to the side as though something has just occurred to her.
"What did you say about breaking in your new apartment?" she asks, with clearly feigned confusion.
Instead of answering, Jane opens the door and pulls Lisbon over the threshold, eliminating any and all space between their bodies as he kicks the door closed behind them.
About twenty-five minutes into a fairly heavy make-out session, the apartment's com system buzzes to let them know their food has arrived in the lobby.
Jane grasps what's left of his self-control and forces himself to string together words into a coherent sentence as he answers. "Thanks," he says as Lisbon kisses her way down his upper arm. "I'll be right down." He hangs up and grabs Lisbon's shoulders, putting an arm's length of distance between them. "Behave."
She smirks at him. "Turnabout is only fair," she says. "How many times have I had to say that to you over the years?"
A few hours later, they end up at her place, huddled together on her couch and shopping for furniture on her laptop.
"What do you think about this?" Jane asks, pointing to a kitchen table set with six chairs.
"Would you stop asking me that?" she says, rolling her eyes. "It doesn't matter what I think of any of this—it's your home."
Jane shrugs. "My assumption was that you'd be spending a significant amount of time there as well."
He leaves as much unsaid as said in this statement—yes, it's his home, but he also wants it to be hers—but she seems to understand the loaded words anyway.
"Oh."
He feels himself blush, a rare occasion. "Yeah," he murmurs.
There's an awkward silence for a second or two before Lisbon reaches over to place her hand on his jaw, turning his face toward her. She kisses him shyly, still feeling out this new phase of whatever it is they are, and then pulls away without a word.
Then, a couple minutes later, she seems to finally regain the ability to speak. "Thank you," she says.
He reaches over to brush her bangs out of her eyes. "You've opened your home to me on many an occasion," he says. "I want to do the same for you." He turns back to the computer. "So truly," he says, refocusing on their previous task. "What do you think of the table?"
Lisbon frowns. "It's lovely, but it's too expensive. Buying it for that price would almost be a crime."
"How do people purchase anything?" Jane wonders. "This was the cheapest set they have!"
Lisbon shrugs. "Well, normal people buy things at Walmart or flea markets…and they don't live off of a consultant's salary."
Jane shakes his head. "Money's not an issue," he says, though he's fairly certain Lisbon knows about his offshore bank accounts.
Her lack of a reaction tells him he's right. "Well, if you really like it, then, you should buy it. You deserve to splurge on yourself after years of minimal spending."
Jane nods. "Splurging is definitely acceptable—I'm building a home."
She kisses his shoulder and settles against him.
"Yes," she says. "You are."