Hide awakes heavy. How strange.
He hasn't opened his eyes yet, and a weight on his chest is making it somewhat hard to breath properly. Something of an alikeness to weightless threads tickles his nose, and he wrinkles it with one of the many sounds people make when waking up. Annoyed.
It takes some effort to pry his tired eyes open, but his lids finally rise slowly, like rusted garage doors. The sudden assault of white in his face gives him everything he needs to piece together what is going on, and it's very unexpected.
Kaneki is lying on top of him. On the couch.
Hide closes his eyes again, and smiles.
"Just can't decide between the couch and the bed, can you...?" He mumbles.
Surprisingly, Kaneki 'humms' in a sort of response, Hide guesses, and, for lack of a better word, snuggles closer to Hide. Quite a feat for someone who is already a human blanket. However, Kaneki is breathing smoothly, rhythmically, as a sign he is still very much asleep.
Hide supposes, unless he is missing something, that Kaneki can take the couch back the coming night.
"Good morning." Hide tries again, but wants very much to go to sleep like this. With a quilt still on him, and on top of that Kaneki, he is very very warm.
Oh. Warm, Hide remembers. He wants the heat. I am just a heat bag. He barks a laugh.
"You flatter me." He says, and rubs Kaneki's back after prying his good hand from under the quilt.
With Kaneki asleep, and Hide as comfortable as he ever thought possible, he could have laid there all day long. There is but one problem with this plan.
Today is Monday. Hide's moment of peace gives way to anxious thoughts the instant he realises.
He has to leave Kaneki again. He has to go to work. He strokes Kaneki's back more, taking his own small comfort in the soothing motion and the reminder Kaneki is really there, but also needing him to wake up and move. But his touch is only light. Because waking Kaneki up, in reality, is the last thing he wants to do.
"Kaneki, hey, I need you to move now man." Hide whispers to the hair in his face. "I need to go out for a bit…"
He considers calling in sick. He had told Amon on the phone he wasn't feeling well, so it might be believable. There are a few, ever so small risks to this plan, however. One is he gets his ass fired. He knows he hasn't done his work up to standard, if at all, and being let-go after being absent entirely isn't an out-there assumption to make. Another risk is his colleges get worried about his declining health and ultimately come to visit him. At his home. That is something he can't see going well in any sense.
So he looks at Kaneki again (well, his hair) and rubs his back harder. He stops talking in whispers.
"Come on, sleepy head. I need to make money."
Kaneki makes one of the most amusing sounds Hide has ever heard coming out of that mouth, and Hide holds back his chuckle for Kaneki's dignity. The head rises, and Hide can finally see those tired eyes, though they face away from his.
"Sorry, man." Hide says with little sympathy. "Next time don't lie in top of me, ok."
With manoeuvring skills of the first degree, Hide sits the both of them up on the couch. Kaneki still looks so tired and his white hair is everywhere. But Hide guesses he himself doesn't look too much better.
Shaking the last of the persistent quilt off of his legs, Hide goes into the kitchen as per routine. He gets one green mug and that one lone, blue plastic cup. Hide feels exited to try it out, but as he holds the light weight thing in his hand and puts it on the counter reminders of what had transpired to get it bring a small frown to his face. He doesn't spend much time making the coffee.
He tries his best to cool Kaneki's coffee down quickly to an easily drinkable temperature, and his stomach is knotting in anticipation.
Putting the lid on the cooled cup peaks his excitement and expectations. Today is the day Kaneki will have a nice (hopefully) cup of coffee for the first time in God knows how long, and he hopes he likes it.
He has to carry the coffees out one at a time. His hand hurts too much to hold anything as heavy as a drink.
"Here it is," Hide shows a nervous smile to the man facing the ground, and holds the sippy-cup up. Hide plops next to Kaneki, not worried about the lack of attention towards his announcement. But ultimately, he does need his attention for this to go smoothly, so he does the one thing he knows Kaneki seems to like.
Hide rubs the man's back, over the T-shirt Hide now realises he needs to change, and holds the sippy-cup closer.
Kaneki raises his head, ever so slightly.
"Here you go, 'Neki. When's the last time you've had a nice hot cup of something?" Hide really wishes he knew just how long. He wishes he knew anything about Kaneki's disappearance, even a small detail like that.
He has to raise Kaneki's head for him with a hand gently caressing his pointed chin. He does this slowly as to not spook him. Hide is still very unsure what pushes Kaneki to hysterics and what doesn't.
Biting his lip to keep the exited smile at bay until he is sure the cup will work, Hide brings it to Kaneki's lips.
Kaneki looks at the ceiling now.
When the opening of the lid is safely between Kaneki's lips, Hide holds his breath and pours a small mouthful out.
The coffee doesn't spill, doesn't seem to be too hot, and Kaneki's stays peeking at the ceiling through tired eyes when Hide brings the cup away. Kaneki needs to swallow it himself. Hide can't help with that, as much as he would.
And Kaneki does.
He swallows the drink easily and Hide barely holds back the squeak of joy when he sees Kaneki's throat move.
Before he continues pouring the drink, he asks if it tastes alright. When Kaneki doesn't move he brings the cup back to his mouth. He supposes it must taste ok. Kaneki isn't spitting it out at least.
Hide does this for a long while, all the way to the last sip of (tasty) brown liquid, and he doesn't care to take a peek at the time. He had a feeling he was going to be late to work today, may as well be fashionably so. He will think of an excuse on the way.
All the while Hide stares at the cup he is securing so carefully, and his bruised hand starts burning with a reminder.
He shouldn't go. His stomach tugs at the thought of leaving Kaneki alone again, and his mind races with outcomes that could never be described as pretty.
Hide puts Kaneki's empty cup on the coffee table slowly, and he stares at the floor to avoid it's look. He puts a hand on Kaneki's knee to gain his attention.
"Listen, man. I'm…" He inhales deeply and he squeezes his bad hand. The pain intensifies. "I am going to be gone for a little while. I need to go. I really don't have a choice," he explains to Kaneki, but voicing it out loud solidifies the reasons for himself. Not going will have consequences, some maybe unforeseeable, and Hide pictures a row of dominoes collapsing. Or perhaps a tower of shaking cards is a better description. The situation he is in is a fragile one, he knows. One wrong move could send them both falling. Though both would suffer, only Hide could ever be responsible.
His shoulders tense and the weight pushes on them more. He looks back to Kaneki, who is staring the opposite direction.
Hide wishes Kaneki would look at him, just once. And a smile. That would be nice to see again.
"Ok," Hide nods, agreeing with his terms, "Off I go then." It is strangely hard to stand from the couch, and he walks noticeably slowly to the front door. He is even slow getting his jacket on, like an awkward sloth that wears clothes. He turns back to Kaneki on the couch with a tense smile he doesn't feel. "I will try to get off early, believe me. It usually works, if Akira is in a sympathetic mood."
Then Kaneki does something strange, something he has never done since Hide bundled him up that night. Nor ever before that. He licks his lips, and clutches at his stomach. He groans softly, as if shy to let it out.
Hide slightly chuckles at the new, strange action despite himself, and says the first thing that comes to mind. "What, hungry are we?"
And the Hide shuts his stupid mouth, because Kaneki might be just that. No, most likely. Or a stomach ache, but Hide doubts it as soon as the thought crosses his path.
"I…see." Hide awkwardly says. The air in the room has changed to something uncomfortable. "Kaneki, I will be back soon. I promise." And he leaves the apartment.
Hide goes to work by bike, a special birthday present he has had for years. He gets on it with a pain in his chest as well as in his black and blue hand. It throbs badly. The hurt intensifies the further he peddles, and he doesn't know if it's real or in his head. It feels like a sweater's thread is stuck in his front door, and the further he moves away the more he stretches; the more he becomes unravelled.
Having been reminded of food, he gets something quick to eat on the way. He hasn't eaten for a long while, he realises, but forgetting this simple everyday task isn't new in the slightest.
However, he didn't just forget that Kaneki needs to eat. This fact has been a small, constant worry in the back of his head. He thought he had more time to think it over. He always thinks he has more time.
He arrives at work fifteen minutes later and locks his ride to a shiny bike-rack out the front of the aw-striking building. It had taken Hide a while to get over the CCG building's amazing exterior. When he first started, he looked more at the dazzling skyscraper's height then to where he was walking. He had found the bike-rack by almost flipping over it to say the least. He had been very excited to get to work, although he had a very different goal than any of his fellow colleagues.
Now, however, Hide walks into the building with only a glance to get through the right door, and instead of a will to work he plans to get out as quickly as possible.
The lobby is the only place in the building reflecting the inspiration of the exterior, Hide had quickly found out. It is vast and shining, and despite the overall purpose for this organisation, it felt rather friendly. To appeal to the public, Hide supposes.
Past the scanners that have always unnerved him and up the elevator a few stories, and you could suddenly confuse this building for any other office. Well, the position he was given was office work. At first he was the delivery boy, and he was surprised at how much he enjoyed it. He talked with many people and it was easy to worm information out of most of them. But two months ago, for whatever reason, he was assigned to work with (for) a number of investigators. Hide thought it was a pretty strange sort of promotion, but he also didn't care where or with whom he was pushed to. It got him more pay for less hours, so no use complaining.
He walks past rows of computers on little walled-off desks. He sees a lot of faces, but doesn't care to put names to them. He seeks out his desk and collapses in the chair once found. A sigh escapes him as he lands, heavy.
A number of flies are staked on the parts of his desk not occupied by his computer, and he can't bring himself to count for fear of crying in public. He stars at them, and wonders if it's even possible to bring it all home in his backpack.
His job consist mostly on pieces of paper making it home, as Hide once put it himself. He types up and/or checks investigators field reports and puts them in the right places. Somewhere in that maze of a filing-cabinet is a home for everything, or grave. He also finds files when asked to, usually profiles of ghouls or people for investigations. When he learnt what was expected of him, he was quite excited to get started. It sounded like an immensely easier way to get information about his missing friend. And it was; new information about all sorts of cases passed over him every day. But no one spoke of 'Eye-Patch' or later, briefly, 'Centipede' at all. Sitting at this chair had been slowly killing his hope more than reviving it.
He now worries for Kaneki just as much as then. Things have changed so much for Hide in the last two days, but no one here would know. No one here knows Kaneki even exists, knows his struggle. Only Hide. He should be with him.
He finds he can't read a word of the paper he has been staring at, and decides to at least turn on the computer. It buzzes before lighting up. The computer takes about three minutes to bring up the log-in screen, in which time Hide shifts in the usually comfortable chair. It's now strikingly irritating to sit in.
He doesn't think of anything as he logs on, not even what he is typing, and brings up a blank document page to cover the big and bold CCG logo background, like countless times before. It is now a reflex.
Again, annoyingly so, he finds himself staring at a page. His fingers hover over the keys, but he has nothing to type. Frustrated, he looks at his wounded hand instead. It is very ugly, to put it lightly. Purple, blue, black and even a bit of green is growing to make a hideous kindergartener's finger-painting on the back of his left hand. He looks at it, and considers getting it checked out.
"Wow, you should get that checked out…"
Hide jumps in his chair and spins it at the same time. A man with short brown hair stands at his side, hands up in defence. Hide must have just about hit him in fright.
"Seidou…" Hide sighs in relief, but for the life of him can't remember who he thought to be scared of. "You scared me."
"Yeah, um, sorry." He carefully replies, lowering his hands. "Are you ok? What happened to your hand?"
"Um," Hide stalls, caught so suddenly. "I just bumped it while cleaning. I don't think it is serious." He lies sweetly. Seidou looks unconvinced.
"It looks like you took a sledge hammer to your hand, Hide." He says. It feels like it went that way too, but Hide thinks he would have much rather taken a sledge hammer instead.
Hide turns back to his desk with a small laugh, "Really, it's fine." Seidou's eyes widen slightly. "What?"
"Oh, ah, nothing," He acts like he is caught. "Just, I haven't heard that in a while."
Now Hide's confused. "Heard what?"
"Nothing, it's nothing." Seidou insists, "It's just been a while since I have heard you laugh." He chuckles himself, as if it was silly to point out. "So, um, you feeling better? You said you couldn't come to the lunch because you were sick."
"Yeah I am feeling a lot better." Hide says, feeling to opposite. "I needed the rest, that's all." He doesn't take notice of which hand he uses to pick up one of the files, and hisses in pain before dropping it on the floor. The papers spread out at Seidou's toes.
Seidou looks from the paper back to Hide, "You 'don't think it is serious', huh?" Hide doesn't answer, instead he bends to pick the sheets up. Seidou gets to it quicker. "You should get your hand checked out, Hideyoshi." He says, and hands the file back. "I will tell your supervisor your injured."
"Really?" Hide beams, taking the file back with is good hand. "Thanks!"
"In return," Seidou continues, "You make it the next time we go out for lunch. When's the last time you went out or some fun?"
Hide, again, doesn't answer, and gets up from his chair. The promise of an early day is enough for him to nod at the condition, even though he doubts he will honour the agreement when it comes. In honestly, he doesn't remember the last time he went out. But he can't remember the last time he actually felt the want to either. Now is no different.
"Sure, no problem," Hide smiles and grabs his bag off of the ground. He starts for the door and waves behind him, "See you later, then!" And leaves.
The infirmary is on the fifth floor. Hide gets into the elevator, happy to be in one so quickly after arriving. The doors close, and his finger hovers over button numbered '5'. Hide frowns, deciding.
He presses the ground floor and waits.
Hide is panting when he locks his bike into place. He biked as fast as he could back to the apartment, and he is sure if he timed it he could call up world records. His legs burn as he ascends the concrete stairs.
Even as his body struggles the get enough breath, he almost holds it in anticipation and dread for the worst.
Is Kaneki ok? The question has his head in a whirlpool of thoughts and worries, and it has been doing so since the door had closed this morning. It's a stress he doesn't think he can handle every day.
The key is pushed into the lock, and Hide opened the door.
"Kaneki? I'm home." He calls, stepping into the apartment. He is immediately met with a problem.
Kaneki isn't on the couch where he once left him. He isn't in the living room at all, but Hide suspects finding him will be fairly simple. He seems to have left a trail of chaos.
The quilt is on the floor; the coffee table is on its side; the couch has moved slightly; and already Hide can see an even bigger mess beginning at the archway to the kitchen. He feels a little disheartened at the state of the apartment he had only just gotten into order, but his first thought is the state of Kaneki.
Did he have another attack? Hide prays he didn't. He follows the chaos to the kitchen.
Hide can't find any draws that aren't on the floor. The cutlery and towels are all over the floor and most of the cupboards are open. One cupboard door is completely off its hinges. Hide walks past and over all this without much of a thought, because he spots Kaneki in the corner.
To Hide's relief, Kaneki doesn't look as bad as the apartment does. He is simply sitting in the corner, knees to his chest as he stares at his mess. No scars, Hide checks, but he supposes a scar wouldn't last long in his body.
"Hey man." Hide greets, walking slow. Kaneki doesn't look to him. "Did you have a party while I was gone?" He smiles.
Seeing Kaneki is fine, Hide's body is losing its last bits of energy. Between his fatigued legs and tense shoulders, he couldn't see a reason why he shouldn't join Kaneki on the ground. So he does. Hide plops next to his friend, and leans his back on the wall. He admires the destroyed kitchen with Kaneki, dreading the task of cleaning it, but also too tired to care.
"Did you not like my styling?" Hide jokes again. He gets no response, and the room is quiet.
He stays like this for a while, sitting silently with his best friend in his trashed apartment. He allows himself to close his eyes for a few seconds. He can only hear his and Kaneki's breathing. He finds he needs to calm down, the events of today still making his head spin.
'Kaneki is fine' Hide had thought upon finding him unharmed in the kitchen, but this couldn't be true. Kaneki isn't fine. I wasn't when he left this morning, nor when he went to sleep, nor when Kaneki was laying on the couch yesterday. How could Hide conclude Kaneki is fine, simply by his outer appearance? He can't talk. Hide wouldn't be surprised if Kaneki doesn't even know he is sitting right next to him, because Kaneki can't seem to respond.
He could be worse; the events yesterday remind him. But he is still for from fine.
Hide grits his teeth.
Idiot.
Kaneki doesn't move from his spot even an hour later, and although Hide is beyond drained, he forces himself to stand. Kaneki doesn't look close to tired and Hide won't go to bed till he is, so he musters up enough strength to start the picking up of kitchen wear until then. The draws are slowly put back into the counters, and the cutlery and towels are put away after that. Hide idly watches Kaneki get up and move to the living room as he sorts the knives and forks and spoons.
Once finished with the draws, he expects Kaneki to be sleeping on the couch. Then he could carry him to the bed and finally get some sleep himself, but, to Hide's dismay, he finds Kaneki as a wake as he was two hours ago. He sits on the couch, looking at the wall.
Hide, with the last of this physical energy, collapses next to Kaneki on the couch. He whines just a little bit.
"'Neki, man, aren't you sleepy?" Hide asks. Kaneki merely grip sand un-grips the couch pillow.
Not until 1 am does Kaneki's eyes close, and he slumps to his side on the couch. By then, Hide can only pick up the discarded quilt and put it over Kaneki.
Hide passes out shortly after.