Chapter 22
He's Going to Hear Me One Night
This is mother/daughter time. It's after dinner and they're now at home talking about their day and their hopes and dreams. It's a typical night in the home of Sookie and Flynn … almost a typical night.
S/N: I tried getting chapter 23 ready but I had to get things ready for my business trip and didn't get things going as planned. I'm sure that y'all can wait until my return for chapter 23. And thank you for the well wishes and the safe trips. I wish that it was a vacation but I'm won't get that lucky until October. Anyway, happy reading everyone and have a great week.
I hope that y'all enjoy.
Flynn always loves our fancy dinner dates. Tonight we dined at Asiate. She loves that restaurant because of the grand view of Central Park. It's a beautiful place. It's never too crowded. There may be a few paparazzi out front but not too often. Every once in a while you may see a celebrity or two but it's usually your everyday people that go there to enjoy a nice quiet meal. The service is wonderful. The food is fantastic and the company is grandtabulous. Whenever I'm having dinner with my most favorite person in the world, it usually is. And now we're at home. Bathed and talking about our day.
"I had fun tonight, mom," Flynn said after I finished reading her favorite bedtime story, 'Where the Wild Things Are'. "You know what?"
"What's that, my little lady?"
She cocked her little head to the side as she looked up at me. "I'm kinda glad that we didn't invite Pam and Amelia. I like being with you. Our private time is my favorite time. We had fun by ourselves, didn't we?"
"Yes, we did. I can't think of a time when we didn't have fun when it was just us." My heart swelled with love and because of the sound of those sweet, sweet words. "I always have fun when I'm with you. You're my best friend in the entire world. You make me smile and you make me so very happy. And I'm always so very proud of you."
"You're my best friend too, mom. You can't tell Emma or Cori. They will be jealous and they won't invite me to the sleepovers anymore. But you're pretty cool. I always have fun with you … and Pam and Amelia. Old people are fun to be with sometimes. You tell the best stories ever, just like tonight. It was the best night."
I leaned forward and kissed her button nose. "It's only going to get better and I'm not old. Pam and Amelia are but not me. I don't know why I have to keep telling you that."
"You're older than I am," she stated in a very matter of fact tone. "If you're older than I am, you're old. That is the most logical and truthful way to put it, mom."
"Smart Alec," I said. I began to stretch out my arms and wiggle my fingers back and forth. "I guess since you did use logic, I'm going to have to use the tickle momster to get my point across."
She began to giggle before I had a chance to attack. I tickled her and made her promise to never call me old again. After she made her promise, I decided that she had suffered enough and I let her go. When our giggling fit died down, we talked about our meal choices and the cheesecake with the fresh berries that we had for dessert. That, by the way, was my favorite.
"I adored the cheesecake," I said. "It was absolutely delicious."
"It was," she agreed. "Your lobster ravioli looked really good. I should've gotten that. I don't think I'll try the veggie burger again. It tasted like really bad sawdust. Next time, I'm getting a real burger." Flynn tucked her little hands underneath her head.
"You don't have to eat veggie burgers if you don't like them," I told her. "I've told you that dozens of times. Just because Pam and Amelia eats them, doesn't mean that you have to."
"I know but it's cool to try new things," she said. As she turned to face her bulletin board, she yawned before she had a chance to speak again. "Mom, I have lots of pictures of daddy. My favorites are the ones of him in Sweden. I like the one with the stocking cap. He looks like me. You know what?"
"What?" I asked.
"My favorite picture is of you and him at the prom," she said. "You look really happy in that picture. Do you love him? Do you love my daddy?"
I nodded my head yes as I answered her. "I've always loved your daddy. I think that I will forever love your dad. He used to always make me so happy. He is my love story." I almost choked on the words.
She sat up in bed and folded her little legs underneath her. "Then what happened? Why aren't you together? He didn't love you the way that you love him?"
Doing my best to keep the tremble out of my voice, I said, "I don't doubt that he loves me. I used to but not anymore but things have happened that have kept us apart. I didn't know it until recently but I believe that others have had a hand in keeping us apart. They had other plans for us from what I can tell. It all started when during graduation weekend. He had to move away and because of it, we lost contact with each other. I think that people thought that the distance would make us not love each other." I smiled because they were wrong.
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"It means that just because someone moves away, you stop loving them. Sometimes you can love someone for the rest of your life," I explained.
"Did you and daddy ever write each other after he moved away?"
That was a good one. He swears that he'd written me. He swears that he's always tried to find me but he couldn't find me anywhere. After what happened today, who am I to say that he's lying? Appius could've hidden the letters from him. He could've intercepted the letters that Eric had sent to me. So, my answer has to be yes.
"Yes," I said to Flynn. "In the beginning, Eric and I wrote and called each other every day. Not one day went by that I didn't speak to him. You know, for a long time, I was so lost without him. I never thought that I'd ever fall in love again. Then came you." I tapped the tip of her nose as I smiled at her. "You are the best thing to have ever happened to me."
She giggled again. "Do you think he misses you?"
I nodded my head as I answered her. "I do."
"He needs to hurry up and come back because you love him and I love him and we want him here with us." She once again cocked her head to the side. "I'll bet that when he sees you, he's going to fall in love with you all over again."
That caught me by surprise. "Why do you say that?"
"Because you're my mom," Flynn answered as she reached out and hugged me. "I think that you're great and you make the best cupcakes in the world. You read the best bedtime stories ever; even though the pretend voices don't sound that good. At least you try, right? You let me and my friends play with your makeup. You make sure that I have whatever I need and what I want sometimes … if I behave myself. And the best part of all is that you love me."
I chuckled through tears. "You are really sucking up, little lady."
She returned her little head back to her pillow and pulled the covers up over her. "No," she said. "I'm not sucking up because it's all true." She looked up at the ceiling and then at me. "Mom, have you asked him if he still loves you?"
"Yes," I whispered.
"What did he say?"
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "He said that he loves me."
She nodded her head. "That's good. That's really good. Wait!" she suddenly yelled; scaring the begeezus out of me.
"What?!" I yelled as scooted closer to her.
Whispering, Flynn asked, "Does he have a girlfriend?" Her little eyes widened as if she'd just asked the forbidden question of all ages. "Copley always says that he's in love and he has a wife and a girlfriend. And from what I've eavesdropped on Pam and Amelia, that's not a good thing."
Not exactly lying, I shook my head no. "He doesn't have a girlfriend and you shouldn't eavesdrop on their conversations. I've told you that hundreds of times, Flynn. That is an awful habit that you need to break."
She threw her little arms out at her side and said, "I'll try but that's not what's important. If he doesn't have a girlfriend, that means he still loves you."
He has a wife and still loves me. He told me so right in front of her. I didn't tell her that but the images of today replayed in my mind.
"I know."
"When I see him, I'll ask him," she offered. "I need to question him to make sure he's still the same man that you love. If he says no, I'm going to tell him that he doesn't know what he's missing." She nodded her little blonde head with finality before she started speaking again. "You know what I like?"
"What?" I asked.
"I like seeing him before I go to sleep," she said. "It makes me feel closer to him, you know?"
"Yeah," I said as I nodded. "I know."
She has a bulletin board filled with pictures of Eric; from the day that he started preschool to the present. He and Pam have remained in touch over the years. She'd go to visit him and she always came back with pictures and souvenirs for her favorite little girl. Flynn has them all.
"I know how important he is to you and I know how much you want to see him. You know what I think?" I asked I ruffled her hair.
"What?" she asked as she yawned again.
"You always talk about how your daddy likes to ski. Maybe one day he can teach you how. I'll bet dollars to donuts that you'll love that. I'll bet that he'll be willing to teach you a lot of things. And I think that it's going to happen." My smile tightened as guilt took up residence on my face. I don't know why I said that since I wasn't sure of how things were going to go after I speak with him tonight. He's almost two hours late. I'm beginning to wonder if he's going to come at all.
Her baby blue eyes lit up. "Do you really think so? That would be so great. Emma and Cori would be so jealous. Their dads have never taken them skiing. Cori is always bragging that her dad takes her camping. Who wants to sleep in the woods anyway? Too many bugs and it's rainy outside sometimes; I'd rather go skiing! It could really happen, mom? Really?"
"Yeah, baby," I said as I propped my elbow upon my knee. "You could really meet him one day. You'll never know. He might surprise you and just show up one day. What do you think about that?"
"That would be great! It's what I've always wanted."
And regardless of what happens tonight, I'm going to make sure that she has a relationship with her dad. Even if he hates me, it won't matter. Just so long as he remains a part of her life, I'll be happy. Flynn's happiness is all that matters.
What she said next, I expected … sort of. "When can I see him not in the pictures?"
I expected to hear her ask me if I would tell her the story about him climbing the big oak tree in Gran's yard and falling out of it and breaking his arm. Or about the time he filled Pam's brand new shoes with mud or put worms on Jason's burger at the 4th of July cookout when we were in elementary school.
I looked down at my hands and asked, "When would you like to see him not in the pictures?"
She yawned and settled into her pillow. She closed her eyes and sleepily said, "Tonight would be perfect but I know that won't happen. It's past my bedtime. Tomorrow would be good though. I wish that I could see him tomorrow. That would be great. That's what I prayed for mom … to meet my daddy." She yawned again and said, "I pray for that every night. I know that God is going to hear me one night and he's going to bring my daddy to me. And when he does, daddy's going to love me. I think that he's going to love me so much that he's never gonna want to let me go. What do you think? Do you think that He'll hear my prayers and answer them for me? I'd really like it if He would."
"I know that he will, sweetie." I leaned down and kissed her little nose.
"I know that he's going to love both of us and he'll always be with us. That'll be so great." She then looked at me and asked, "What do you think I should do about the 6th grade? Should I go? Am I ready for that type of responsibility? I don't doubt that I can do the work. What I've done so far has been pretty easy. My biggest thing is that I'll be the youngest girl in the class. I have some friends that are older than I am but what about the rest of the older kids? What if they don't like me?"
"Don't worry about that. You're going to do great. You're going to have more friends than you can count because you have the best personality. You have no worries, my girl. And the other stuff … pshaw." I shrugged my shoulders and said, "You're a very smart girl. Mrs. Nola said that you're very mature for your age. The teachers absolutely adore you but in the end, it's your choice. Are your concerns going to keep you from doing your best or are you ready for this? Do you want to do it?"
She shook her head and said, "I'm not really sure. I don't want to hold myself back because of fear. Fear is not for me. Pam told me to always say that when I get afraid of something. She said that it will make me feel better."
"And she was right," I concurred. "Every time you say it, you feel better."
"Every time," she repeated. "But you know what, mom? I'm going to miss being with Cori and Emma but I really like doing the big kid schoolwork. And just because I will be doing the harder work, that doesn't mean that I will have to lose Cori and Emma as friends. I don't have to decide now. I guess I'll have to sleep on it. I am tired." She yawned again as she rolled over on her pillow. "Goodnight, mom. I love you." For the next hour I watched my daughter as she slept and thought of what I've done.
I always thought that I was protecting her from Appius' elitist ways by not trying harder to tell Eric about her. I thought that I was protecting Eric by not telling him about Flynn. I was protecting no one but myself. I can't play these games with their lives anymore. I had no right to do what I've done. Before I left her room, I tucked her in and kissed her good night one last time.
"I love you, Flynn."
She reached up and placed her little hand on my face as she settled deeper into her covers. "I love you too, mommy," she repeated groggily.
Earlier when she was questioning me about Eric, I wanted to tell her that sometimes mommies have to do things that their children may not like but it's for the best … or so they believe. I wanted to tell her that I'd tried to reach her daddy but I failed her. I wanted to tell her that I'll do everything in my power to make things right with her and her daddy. I wanted to tell her that I'll make it up to her. I wanted to tell her that I'm so sorry that I've made her miss out on nine years of love from her daddy. I wanted to tell her all of those things but I didn't because it wasn't me that kept Eric away from her. Evil doers were afoot and I'm going to find out for sure who it was. But I couldn't do it tonight. I had to prepare for Eric's visit; if he ever shows up.
"9:00," I said as I stood up from the reading chair. "Where are you?"
The soft sounds of her sleeping filled the room as I walked away.
When the sound of the lock clicked into place as I closed her door, my nerves began getting the better of me. Where was he? I rested my back against the door and let my imagination run wild. What if he was with her and decided that he didn't want to come? What if she was right?
I chuckled at the very thought. There's no way that she's won. He's mine but where is he?
"Eric," I whispered. "Please come."