"The New Girl"
I guess you're all waiting for Maya's reaction. Well wait no more…
Rated T for Teen.
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She, too, is a bit out of breath but is able to speak, "Em, it's okay. There's no one here but you and me and the birds in the trees. I'm not going to say anything and neither are they."
She takes my face in her hands gently urging me to look at her. I feel so stupid crying like this as she wipes away my tears. And with that time seems to stand still…
I look into her eyes seeing what I need to see looking back at me, and just for a moment, she gives me the confidence I need to finally say out loud, "I'm gay. Maya, I'm gay."
Uncertain Face…
Chapter 11: Running Away From Me
I crumble. She wraps her arms around me. She holds me so tenderly while I sob and sob into her shoulder. She runs her hands up and down my back trying to calm me.
"I know Em. You needed to say it out loud. You needed someone to hear you. I hear you Em. I hear you."
"How did you know?" I ask after my belly stops shaking and my voice stops trembling.
"I just did."
"The whole time?"
"Pretty much but I wasn't sure if you knew," she lifts my chin to look me in the eye then gently draws her hand away.
I stay focused on those kind eyes, "I think I always knew but I hid myself from that knowledge. I thought being with Ben would change how I felt but it didn't. And when I finally came to terms with who I am, I met you. I'm just not ready for my terms to be shared with anyone else."
With just a look from her I feel as though everything is going to be okay. I feel like I could conquer the world with her by my side!
"I told you, I can keep a secret," she winks. I sigh.
"Maya, you were the first girl I ever kissed. And only the second person I ever kissed." But your kiss was the one that counted.
"Ben was the first?"
"Yeah. Ben. He was a sloppy kisser." We both laugh. "He's all I had to practice with. I'm sorry I was so bad at it," I look down at the ground pushing the dirt with my sneakers.
"Bad? Oh Em…" she walks over to a giant flat rock and sits down.
"Come on Maya. It wasn't good," I say joining her.
"It was sweet. Exactly how a first kiss should be."
My head pops up, "What? You, you liked it?"
"I would've kissed you longer but we kinda got interrupted," she bites the end of her fingernail, tilting her head, eye sexing me.
I cock an eyebrow trying to process what's happening. What is happening?
"This place right here Em, is the perfect place to practice. That is if you want to," she scoots closer to me. Is this real?
"Right now?"
"Why not? Do you have anywhere else to be?"
"No."
"Then kiss me." Oh that purr!
My mouth feels so dry. I lick my lips. I wasn't expecting any of this! I'm an emotional wreck! I don't know what to do until…
Her lips begin to instruct me. She's so gentle with me. I want so badly to be really good. I need to show her I can do this! So I grab the back of her neck and smash my lips against hers with an inner carnality I never knew existed!
She pushes me back, "Whoa, Em!"
"What? I thought you wanted to." I feel so stupid.
"I do it's just…"
I have to get out of here! I can't even look at her I'm so embarrassed! Just get up and runaway! Run as fast as you can and don't look back!
"Emily what's wrong?"
And so I do. I bolt up the path leaving Maya in the dust! She must think I'm a total spaz! I messed this whole thing up because I wanted to prove to her that I know how to kiss! But all I succeeded in doing is freaking her out and me too!
I run to the backdoor swinging it open, leaping two steps at a time into my room! I throw myself on my bed with tears pooling in my eyes, shedding onto my pillowcase, as my body heaves from the humiliation I just subjected myself to!
But I'm not alone for long; I hear footsteps getting closer and closer to my room. I don't dare look up as I can't bear to see her face. The footsteps grow nearer and nearer until the space next me in my bed sinks in. She followed me back to my room! But why? To humiliate me even more?!
But then this figure on my mattress begins to speak, "Em, let's do this right. There's no rush. We'll get there one day but not today," she slips her fingers under my hair pulling it back off my face, "I think today we'll just order that pizza."
"Maya, go away."
"Em, you've accepted who you are. I accept who you are. I'm sure your parents and friends will accept who you are. And everyone else…fuck em!" I can't believe she just said that! I want to laugh but instead it just seems to make me more upset.
"I mean it! Go away!"
"But Em…"
I sit up pushing myself against my headboard staring her down, "I said I want you to leave! Just get out!" I scream clutching my body with one arm and pointing to the door with the other while tears scatter from my eyes!
She doesn't say anything. She looks away as she gets up from my bed. She turns as if to say something but instead closes her mouth and walks out of my room. I think I might have seen a tear in her eye but my vision is blurred from me weeping. I don't want her to leave but I don't want her to stay either. She doesn't stay. She walks with her head down out my bedroom door, the only person who knows my secret. Oh my god! The only one who knows my secret! My hands cover my face in horror! She wouldn't tell anyone would she!
I'm left alone in my room sobbing because of the fool I made of myself and because Maya knew! She knew the whole time! And she still kissed me! And I let her go! I just let her walk away! I'm so confused because I'm so humiliated!
I cry and cry and cry until there are no more tears left to cry and finally I fall asleep. I can feel myself floating. I'm dreaming. We're sitting on the rock by the pond and she puts her arm around me kissing the side of my face before walking back to the house. I follow, slightly behind, wondering why she would ever want to make time for me. I'm wondering if I'm too innocent for her. I'm wondering if I'll ever be confidant enough to hold her hand in public. I'm wondering if she'll even wait for me…
I stir awake as I hear my mother slam the car door in the driveway. And then I just lie there thinking about what I just dreamed wondering if she can ever forgive me…
I've been avoiding Maya all week and from the looks of it she's been avoiding me as well. I go to swim practice and put up with that awful Paige McCullers while she goes to orchestra. But on this day, Friday, I almost run into her but since I see her first, I slip into an adjacent hallway and watch as she leaves the music room. I'm thinking I'll get up the nerve to approach her but then I realize she's not alone. There's a girl with her. She has dark hair and light brown skin. I guess Maya does have a type. I keep watching, they're laughing and smiling. I can feel myself tensing up. I don't like it. But I have no right to share that with her. As they walk down the hallway together a couple of guys join them and to my surprise one of them is Noel! Maybe I don't know her type. They hug and she mwahs them. She mwahed them? She mwahed them all! Sad face…
I watch how happy she looks with them. I watch them laughing and talking as they leave the school together. I watch them hop in Maya's car and then drive away together. And all I can do is slump against the brick wall wishing I could be me but knowing that I can't. But of course someone needs to put their two cents in, Paige McCullers. What the fuck does she want? I'm so not in the mood!
"Hey Fields, where's your girlfriend? Oh right she's not your girlfriend she's Noel's. I guess she was just being a friend to you. Too bad cuz she's ripe for the fucking! Better luck next time Fields!" she yells as she trots off to who cares where!
I wanna scream at her that Maya's not like that! She's not! I know she's not! But before I can work up the nerve to do anything, my cell phone rings…
"Hello?"
"Hey Em, I'm just calling to remind you about the sleepover tomorrow!"
"Oh right." Fuck!
"Sound a little excited why don't cha."
"Sorry Spence, I just got out of practice, it was a long week."
"Well snap out of it! I invited fun Emily not Debbie Downer Emily."
"Ha ha. Don't worry I'll be fine."
"Well I'm calling cuz I'm asking everyone to bring something."
"Oh okay, like what?"
"I'm ordering the pizzas and we've got soda here already. Hanna's bringing chips and dips. Maya's…" She fades out! I don't hear a word she says cuz all I can think about is that I have to see Maya? Shit! This is going to be so awkward! What do I say? What do I do? I don't even talk to her at school anymore! How am I going to talk to her at Spencer's! "Emily, are you there?"
"What, yeah, sorry I'm at school and the reception isn't the greatest," I say trying not to use my panicky voice.
"So, Maya's bringing the beer. Can you bring something sweet?"
"Sure. Anything in particular?"
"You know what we like."
"What about Maya? What does she like?" I thought I knew.
"Pretty much the same. She's pretty easy going." Yeah I saw that.
"Well okay then. I'll see ya tomorrow night."
"Actually I was wondering if you're doing anything tonight."
"Not really. Why?"
"Because Maya told me she wants to introduce her special friend to me tonight!"
"Oh…"
"Em! Aren't you the least bit curious about Maya's special friend?" No!
"I guess but you've known her longer than me."
"Well, anyway just come over later okay?"
"Sure. I'll see ya. Bye."
"Bye."
Oh fuck nuts! How am I supposed to face Maya to meet her stupid special friend when I've been avoiding her all week! And from the looks of it she's moved on. And really fast too! I screwed up! She was nothing but sweet and nice to me! But I had to let my embarrassment ruin everything! Sad face…
"Hey Spencer!" I call to her as I let myself in.
"I'll be down in a sec!" she shouts back.
I help myself to some juice in her fridge and as I'm putting it away she's skipping down the stairs.
"Let me guess, Alex."
"How'd you know? Did my prancing give me away?" We laugh.
"So what's the plan?" I ask then take a sip from my glass.
"I thought you could help me set up the barn for tomorrow night?"
I must've given her a look cuz she's giving me pouty face.
"Please Em?"
"Fine. What do we need to do?"
As we walk over, she fills me in, "Well, we just need to do a little tidying up," she unlocks and opens the door.
"Tidying up?" I laugh.
"Oh shutup!" she laughs too, realizing she just sounded like her mom!
"Maybe we should open the windows and let in some air," I suggest.
After we do that, Spencer walks in with some sheets and blankets.
"I think I'll just put them over here for now," she sets them down on an end table away from the couches, "cuz we're gonna be eating in here."
"Well you better not make a huge mess cuz two people have to sleep there."
"Are you volunteering Em?"
"Why don't we decide tomorrow night? Okay?" I have to smile cuz I know she's gonna fight whoever for that mattress! Oh god what if Maya and I share the bed or the couches! I don't feel so good.
"Fine. Next on the list is making the bed." That you're gonna end up sleeping in!
Once we do that and make sure there's towels if anyone wants to shower and plates, napkins, glasses, the usual stuff you need, we move the coffee table out of the way so it's more open. Then we take the decorative pillows from the bedroom resting them against the couches in case anyone would rather sit on the floor. And just as we're admiring our handy work, the door forces open scaring the crap out of us!
"What's up bitches! I'm back!"
"Hanna! Oh my god! I thought you weren't back til tomorrow!" Spencer runs over to give her a hug.
"What, no love Em?" she winks. But it's not the same when she does it.
"Welcome back Hanna. You were missed," I hug her.
"Bullshit Emily, you two were busy with your swimming and your Alex!" she laughs!
But before we can even ask her about her week we hear a car pull into the driveway. But not Spencer's driveway…
"That must be Maya. Wanna spy?" Spencer gets all silly and I kinda want to. I think.
"Why do we wanna do that?" Hanna asks excitedly.
"Cuz Maya went out with some friends and one of them is a special friend she wants to introduce."
"I thought you two hung out all summer. How come you don't know who this special friend is already?" Hanna crosses her arms. That's a really good question!
"I don't know everything Maya." That's a really good answer!
Hanna walks to the window, "Hey they're getting out of the car."
"Let me see," Spencer pushes.
"Hey!"
"Sorry, but I wanna see too! Just move over so Em has room."
I reluctantly walk over cuz part of me is uber curious.
We peak through one of the barn windows to see if we can see anything. And there she is…Sad face.
I look away.
"Oh my god! It's Noel! And they're hugging! And it looks like he's kissing her neck!" I don't need a play by play! "Emily look!" I have to.
There she is with her arms around his neck. They're looking into each other's eyes.
"Oh my god you guys! They're gonna kiss!" Hanna points out what doesn't need pointing out. No! I can't look!
"Well?" I need to know I just can't see for myself!
"Ha Ha!" They laugh.
"What ha ha?"
"He went to kiss her full on the lips and she mwahed him! She did her mwah thing that she does! Hahaha! And Noel looks none too happy!"
"Really? She mwahed him?" I'm feeling a little better.
"Yep! I'm so gonna give it to her! Hold on, Noel's leaving and I think that's Derek with him. They must be going to his house since he doesn't live too far from here," Spencer gives a play by play anyway.
"I can't believe she didn't invite him in," Hanna says.
"Well, you know Maya, she likes who she likes and I don't think she likes Noel enough to invite him into her house! Haha! Come on!" Spencer insists.
I don't want to go but I follow along anyway. Maybe I can feel her out. But just before we clear the bushes at the side of her yard, we hear laughter. She's not alone!
We freeze behind the bushes.
"That must be her special friend she wants us to meet."
"I wanna see what she looks like," Hanna whispers. I think I already know.
We peek through the shrubs and there she is the girl from orchestra.
"She's cute! I'd do her!" Hanna announces.
"Hanna!" Spencer reprimands.
"What? I'd do Maya too but I have a boyfriend."
"Hanna shutup!" I scold her.
"Oh my god you guys! I'm not gonna do anything with either of them but I would if I were gay. But since none of us are, you should know I'm kidding." But one of us is.
"Well, I'm not hiding. Maya said to come over so let's just go over." But I don't want to!
But we do anyway rounding the bushes to walk up her driveway.
"Hey Maya!" Spencer gives her a heads up that we're there.
"Hey Spence!" she says excitedly then she sees me and Hanna, "Hey you guys." She actually sounds fine with me being there.
"You don't mind that they came along too do you?" I feel sick.
"Of course not. I told you there was someone special I wanted you to meet and I'm glad she gets the chance to meet all of you." Wait! Did she just eye sex me? Does she forgive me? Are we good again? Emerging happy face!
But seriously, what the hell is going on? Who is she already?
She takes this girl's hand which makes me cringe inside and says, "Spencer, Hanna, Emily, I'd like you to meet…"
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To Be Continued…
I know! That was so mean of me!
Guess you'll have to come back to find out who this special friend is!
Just a little suspense before the actual sleepover!
It'll be worth it I promise!