24

Big Ol' Box of Memories

Yay! I'm so glad to be back home in hot as hell VA. It's over 100 degrees here but it's still cooler than Florida. The state is gorgeous but it's too hot for me!

Kleannhouse, I was in Doral, FL. It was freaking beautiful. I was telling my girlfriends about it and I want to plan a trip this winter. You live in an amazingly beautiful state. I wasn't too happy about the mugginess but I got past that. The beauty was just outstanding.

Hummingbirdgrrl, I didn't get to anything fun but shop. And shop. And shop. And I did a little shopping. I don't think I'll do the Everglades because I'm absolutely terrified of amphibians. I was afraid to go out after dark because I was terrified of seeing one. As soon as it looked as if the sun was about to hide away, I hid away.

Bttrflybelle, I'm from VA. Born and raised. I live in central VA. I'm just outside of Roanoke.

the caveman comment was not aimed at you. Not at all but you hit the nail right on the head. That's exactly how Eric was acting when he learned that Sookie was seeing Alcide. He could be losing his lover to another man. The caveman in him was bound emerge sooner or later.

And thank y'all so much for the well wishes on my business trip. I didn't get to have much fun but as I've said previously. It was great. I wish that I had been on vacation.

I'd also like to thank all of you for your reviews, favorites, and alerts. Each of you have made my day. I'll have the next chapter ready by tomorrow.

He smiled at it and said, "Beautiful box. Thank you." He leaned forward and placed the key on the table and stared at it; almost as if he expected it to open itself. I could see that he was just as anxious as I was. So I did my best to ease his tension.

"It really is, isn't it?" I said, "I got it from The Painted Horse when I first moved here to New York. As soon as I saw it, it reminded me of you. It looked like the box that you used to put your treasures in when we were kids so I got it." I began to laugh. "Do you remember your gum collection? It was awful. You used to keep the strangest things in that box. Your chewed bubble gum collection was the worst. It was the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen."

Eric started to laugh. "If I still had that box, I'd bet money that I could get a fortune for the piece of gum that looked like George Washington." With a raised eyebrow, he added, "And the unicorn? The one that looked like the unicorn would be almost priceless. No one's ever seen a real live bubble gum unicorn. We would've been bathing in dough."

"Not one thin dime," I said as I disagreed and laughed with him. "Now, go on. Open it. It's a big ol' box of memories. I hope that you enjoy them."

Just as he removed the lid, everything in the room changed. The atmosphere was still and quiet. The first thing that he saw was a picture of me and Pam wearing NYU sweatshirts. We were standing in front of her apartment building … our apartment building. We were moving into her parents' penthouse. The moving men were carrying Pam's new furniture in and her parents' old furniture out as we posed for Amelia's picture. Because I had the sweatshirt on, you couldn't really see my baby belly. Plus, I wasn't really showing yet. I didn't start blowing up until later … and I loved it.

"In this picture, she'd just moved here with me," I said when he took the picture from the box and looked at it. "She transferred from Texas A&M to come to NYU with me just after I'd learned that I was pregnant. We moved into her parents' penthouse. As you can see, she couldn't bear to be without me. If truth be known, I couldn't have made it without her. Can't you tell by the look on her face?" We made ugly faces at each other and put bunny ears behind the other's head. It was great that we were together again.

He started laughing at the faces that we were making but he didn't say anything as he studied the picture. He traced his finger over the outline of my face and smiled before moving on to the next one.

It was picture of me bent over and sweating. I had just run fifteen laps around the track. I was wearing my NYU sweatshirt and running shorts. Just as before, my baby belly was covered but it was obvious that my face was filling out. This picture was taken by Desiree Lattesta. She took pictures for the college yearbooks. Since I was on the track team, she had to take my picture; sweaty face, flat hair and all. This same picture that I'd saved for Eric, was in the NYU freshmen yearbook. And I was as embarrassed as I've ever been.

"I used to run fifteen laps every morning. It was the most exhilarating feeling to have the wind blow across my face as I ran. I still jog some mornings when I have the time."

"You haven't changed at all," he whispered. "You look the exact same."

I laughed. I patted my bottom and said, "You just don't know how much I've changed."

He looked at me and said, "You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever known."

I blushed. "Okay, let's look at the other pictures. You're embarrassing me."

He laughed and pulled the next picture from the box. It was a picture of me, Pam, Amelia, and Bill Compton. We were dressed to the nines in that picture. It was the first annual Pamela Ravenscroft Christmas Ball. Since we've been here, Pam has had an annual party for every major holiday. Everyone in New York is always clamoring for an invitation. Some get one. Most don't. With Eric here now, maybe he can come this year … if he's not too busy. Maybe he could be my date.

"This was taken at the Christmas Ball. Did you know that Bill went to NYU? He said that he told me at our graduation but I'd completely forgotten." I was grinning as I looked at Bill's face. "He was not as bad as I thought he was. He was a great study partner and he was really pleasant. It's a shame that we never gave him a chance in school. I regret that."

I could tell that Eric was not happy with what I'd said or about learning that I had become friends with Bill. He used to have a thing for me and Eric never took too kindly to that. He's never liked Bill and it was obvious that he was never going to like him. This picture wasn't going to make things any better. Bill's arm was around me. He was smiling at me and he looked as happy as I'd ever seen him. He'd just sold a computer programming idea that he'd developed for a nice chunk of change and we were all happy for him. It was a good day.

Before I could give Eric a chance to question me, I continued talking about Bill. "Do you see that girl's shoulder right there?" I asked as I pointed at the girl in the corner. "That's his fiancée; well his wife, now. Her name is Halleigh Prince. We tried to cut her entirely out of the picture because none of us liked her. She was the snob though Bill was the one with all of the money. They now live in Tribeca and have two kids; two boys. They got married about six years ago. As you can see, she was determined to be in this picture. Pam was even more determined to keep her out of it."

Eric's posture changed. He almost smiled. "They look good together."

I laughed. "You can't even see her."

"They still look good together." He looked closer at the picture and said, "You picked up a little weight." He puffed his cheeks out and started laughing. "You really picked up weight. I guess what they say is true."

"What's that?" I asked as I frowned.

"When you go off to college, you gain the freshman ten but in your case," he said as he laughed. "You gained the freshman twenty."

I dropped my mouth open and punched his arm. "I can't believe you said that! I wasn't fat!"

He started laughing liking a hyena. "Fat, fat water rat …"

"You're an asshole," I laughed.

His laughter abruptly stopped. I didn't realize that he'd gone on to the next picture. It was a picture of me with one of Pam's Texas A&M sweatshirts pulled up over my pregnant belly. The bottom of the picture read, 'Look, Eric … 5 months'. From that point on, the pictures were of me when I was really pregnant. Each picture had a message written at the bottom of it for him. There were also pictures of the sonograms and discs with the dates and times of the doctor's appointments for that particular day. As I said, I wanted to make sure that he was a part of everything whether he was there or not.

"You're gorgeous," he whispered as he looked at me. "I've never seen a more beautiful woman in my life." He kissed me as he'd never kissed me. He gripped the back of my head and deepened the kiss. It ended just as quickly as it began.

"Thank you," I replied. I had to regain my composure before I could explain the picture to him. "I had a huge baby belly. Gran thought that I was going to have twins. I don't know how Pam, Amelia, and I would have handled that."

Later pictures showed me with Gran and Gran'pa. Gran'pa was smiling and rubbing my belly. I couldn't enjoy it because I was sleeping. In another picture, Jason had drawn a clown face on my stomach and they had taken pictures of it. Gran had written on the bottom of the picture, 'Baby's first Halloween costume'. I was holding the trick 'r treat ghost bucket.

In the Thanksgiving picture, I was wearing a pilgrim hat and my belly was painted as a turkey. "Wish that you were here, daddy!" the bottom of the picture read. Jason had a turkey leg in his mouth and his thumbs in his ears as he posed next to my baby belly. Gran'pa was on the other side kissing my baby belly.

On Christmas, my belly was decorated with a Santa Claus beard and had painted on eyes. I wore the Santa hat. "Merry Christmas, Eric, I love you! I wish that you were here!" That's what the bottom of that picture read.

He looked at me and said, "You still loved me."

Muttering, I said, "I've always loved you, Eric."

Before things could get any more awkward, I told him that he needed to keep going. "Don't stop there. There's more."

"Okay," he said as he looked away from me.

The next pictures were of when I'd gone into labor and gave birth. That too, was on a disc. He picked up the wristband that had the baby's name on it … Baby Ravenscroft. Her binky and her baby gown were also in the box. The receiving blanket that Flynn was wrapped in was now pressed to his face.

He picked up her birth certificate next. "Northman," he whispered. He then looked at the wristband once more before he looked at me.

I swallowed deeply as I explained the differences. "She's truly a Northman but Pam's dad made some calls and we were able to keep that part quiet. I figured that just because you weren't there didn't mean that she couldn't have your name. Flynn knows that she's a Northman. We used Ravenscroft for obvious reasons … school enrollment, hospital admissions, doctor's visits … to keep things private. I didn't want to cause any problems for you. Pam didn't want to do it but your dad was such an issue with me, so I, uh …" I trailed off because there was no need for any more explanations.

He continued to look at the birth certificate. "Erica Flynn Northman," he read aloud. "You named her after my mother."

Looking at him, I said, "No. I named her after you. I know that naming her after you doesn't mean that you're automatically the dad. She just looks so much like you that I couldn't think of a better name. I know that you'll probably want to go on Maury or something to see if you're the father. It'll piss me off to no end but if that's what you want to do, then we can. I think the show is in Connecticut now. We won't have far to drive. Or we can get attorneys and make our decisions that way. I'm sure that we both know where we can find a good attorney. Either way, I'll do the paternity tests if …"

"Shhh," he said. "You're rambling."

"Sorry," I whispered.

He then looked at the picture of the sweaty and crying mommy that was now holding baby Flynn. "I was high as a kite. I wanted them to send me home with some of those mind numbing drugs but they wouldn't do it. The doctor said that it was against the law." The bottom of the picture read, 'She looks just like you, Eric.'

"I sent you one of these pictures," I whispered. "I'd also sent you a copy of the birth of our daughter but you never got it. And for that I'm sorry." I picked up the disc and said, "At least I saved you this one."

He smiled as he continued to go through the box. There were pictures of Flynn from the time she was born up until now; her first preschool picture and a picture of when she lost her first tooth. Her kindergarten graduation picture; the caption read; Daddy's little graduate.

"I sent you pictures of all of these too; invitations to all of her birthday parties. When I'd sent the graduation invitation, I'd hoped that maybe you'd changed your mind and decided to come back but I heard nothing."

He looked at me with the most dumbstruck look I've ever seen on anyone's face. "I can't believe that you did all of this for me," he said. "This is almost nine years of your lives … her life. Thank you."

"No thanks are necessary," I answered. "I wanted to do this. You don't know how many times I wanted to come to Sweden but I was afraid. Pam told me to come with her when she'd visit you but I was afraid to. I didn't want to be turned away. I couldn't bear it. The rejection would have been too much," I whispered.

Eric gripped my hand before returning to the treasures in his box. He then smiled as he removed the little tooth from the box. "Her tooth," he whispered. "You saved this for me?"

"I did. I was going to mail it to you but I thought better against it. After you didn't reply to any of my letters, I just figured that I'd save it. I didn't want you to regret missing so much of it so I saved these things for you," I said with a shrug. "I had to. You have a right to know her."

He looked at me and smiled as he continued to rifle through the box. There was a picture of the first day of school; a picture of Pam crying. I was excited and crying. There are pictures of Flynn wrapped in Amelia's arms and Amelia kissing her over and over again. The next picture was of Pam threatening the dean and telling her that she'd better keep our girl safe or she'd be back. I'll never forget that day. It was one of the best and the saddest days of my life. Our daughter was growing up and Eric wasn't there.

He picked up the pregnancy test that was in a sandwich bag. The date was also on it … September 2004. "That's the day I found out that I was pregnant."

He looked at me and said, "That's the night that you called me before you came to visit me."

My eyes widened. "I can't believe that you remembered that."

"I'll never forget that day because I'd just returned my grandfather's home. My every thought had been of you. Just as I'd pulled out my phone to call you, my phone rang. It was you." He gazed tenderly into my eyes.

"It was me," I whispered.

"I hate my father."

"Me too," I agreed.

Placing the test back in the box, he caught his breath when he saw the next picture. She was holding a picture of him and had on t-shirt that read 'Daddy's Little Girl' and his face was on it. It was three sizes too big and she wears it to this day. She was five years old then and Pam had just gotten back from Sweden. She was holding a picture of him and Pam. In the picture, he, Pam and Amelia had gone skiing and he was laughing because Amelia had thrown a snowball at Pam and hit her in the face. At the bottom of the picture, it read, 'My daddy' in her scribblely hand writing.

He looked at me and smiled. "I can't believe that she knows about me."

"Every day," I answered. "She knows every story. Eric, regardless of what Freyda has told you or what your father appears to have done, I would never keep her away from you. I want her to know you. You are her father."

"Can I see her?" he whispered. He hurriedly added, "I know that she's sleeping but I just want to look in on her. Just for a minute."

"If you're going to use bad grammar, I'm not so sure that I can. Your bad habits may …," I began.

He cut me off before I could finish. "Sookie, stop it."

"I don't know," I teased.

He rolled his eyes and asked, "May I see her?"

Smiling at him, I answered, "Of course you may."

He slowly lifted the box from his lap and placed it on the table. He didn't know what he was supposed to do next. He rubbed his hands up and down his pants legs as to wipe the sweat from them. I almost laughed at his nervousness.

"Come on," I said. "It's okay. Your sweaty palms won't wake her. I think that she's down for the night … for real this time. It's my fault that she'd gotten out of bed earlier. I normally keep a bottle of water on her bedside table but tonight, I'd forgotten to do it." I then chuckled at myself. Rambling once again.

He finally stood up and followed me down the hall to her room. The white bedroom door was decorated with pink and white letters that read, 'Erica Flynn'. In the middle of the door was a big Hello Kitty plaque. I opened the door and went in. Eric didn't move. He stood at the door; looking at the mop of blonde hair that was sprawled out on her pillow. She was lying on her back with her arms flailed out at her sides. Her mouth was wide open. Perfect t-shirt picture but I held off on running to get my camera.

When I reached for Eric, he wasn't with me. He was still standing at the door. I went back to the door and grabbed his hand. He held on tightly to mine. My heart skipped a beat with that small gesture.

The nightlight was shining on her beautiful, sleeping face. When I pushed him in front of me so that he could get a better look at his daughter, I heard Eric catch his breath once more. I began to slowly make my move to leave the room. I wanted him to have some private time with her. He picked up the 'Where the Wild Things Are' from the chair that I was sitting in earlier and he sat down. Tears fell from his eyes. He leaned forward and lightly touched her hair. He brushed the bangs from her face and kissed her forehead.

"She's the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen. She looks just like you."

I shook my head no as I smiled down at her. "I don't see it. I think she looks exactly like you. She acts like you. She thinks like you. Everything about her is you. If I hadn't been the one to give birth, I wouldn't know that she was a part of me at all." I chuckled as I stood next to him. "She talks about you all of the time."

He looked at the bulletin board on her wall and from what I could see, he was mesmerized by what was before him. Dozens and dozens of pictures of him ranging from his childhood to last year. "I can't believe that you told her about me."

"Well, you should. I wanted her to know about you. You're her daddy." I placed my hand on his shoulder and said, "Look Eric, I'll be in the living room. I'll give you some time alone with her. If you need me …"

He kept my hand firmly placed to his shoulder and said, "Don't go."

"Okay," I whispered. Trying not to show how anxious I was, I stood by his side.

He lifted her small hand to his mouth and kissed it. He whispered and said to the sleeping girl, "Hi Flynn. I'm your daddy." His smile widened. "I'm your daddy," he repeated.

Flynn shifted in her sleep and moaned. He looked at me and smiled before he gently placed her hand underneath the covers. He kissed her before he stood up. He loved her already. He didn't want to leave the room but he didn't want to wake her either. So we left the room together and he was still holding my hand. Eric gently closed the door and placed his hand on the Hello Kitty plaque.

He then turned around and looked at me and deep down inside, I knew that he was about to say something but I was sure that I didn't want to hear it.