"The New Girl"
Rated T for Teen.
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I join her on the blankets she so carefully laid out for us. I face the flames while she sneaks close to me from behind, covering us with another blanket.
"Just sleep Em, I'll take care of whatever you need," she kisses my cheek, snuggling into me like the cuddle monster she is.
I love you…
Chapter 18: Natalie Kahn
Emily POV
I wake up feeling so much better than I did just a few hours ago. But I feel even better when I realize she's against me, her warmth healing me from my drinking and my feelings about my mother. There has to be an explanation for what we saw. I'm just afraid it's an explanation I'm not ready to hear…
I can feel her stir so I scoot over onto my back. I want to look at her. I need to look at her.
She stretches and yawns and opens her beautiful brown eyes looking directly into mine, "Good morning. It is a good morning isn't it?" she questions.
"Yeah. It's a good morning. I'm feeling much better. I'm actually feeling like I need to go home and find out the truth."
"Do you want me to come with?" she caresses my face with the back of her hand. I love you.
I wonder if the look in my eyes gives me away. Does she know that I love her?
"You would do that for me?" I ask shyly.
"Em, I know what seeing the two of them together did to you. If you need me there, I'll be your strength. You can count on me," she gives me a peck on my lips. With every second that goes by I love you more.
Maya gets up first jumping in the shower while I lie cuddled in the blankets not wanting to get up just yet. I start to think about what I might say. And no matter what I come up with it all comes out wrong. I don't want to be accusatory but I'm not sure if I know how not to be. I saw them. I know my dad is away a lot but Natalie Kahn, Noel's mom? Does this mean being gay is in my genes? Does this mean I was predetermined at birth to liking girls? I know they say you're born that way, but, was my blueprint created even before I was? I'm filled with worry and fear as to how my parents will react to my news that their daughter is gay yet my mom could already know? Am I torturing myself for nothing? Here I am hiding, hiding behind this idea that I will disappoint my parents when all the while it's my mom who's disappointing me. I'm gay. But did she make me that way? I don't know why I'm so concerned about what others think of me. I'm actually glad I'm gay. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be with Maya. I wouldn't know what it should feel like to love another person. I wouldn't be me…
I let out a huge sigh and decide to get up and drink some water. I'm feeling better physically but emotionally, that's up for debate. And as I walk out of the kitchen, there's Maya all showered and beautiful. She has a skip in her step and a killer smile, a smile that says she knows who she is and she knows what she wants and I know she wants me. I just wish I could give me to her unconditionally. But for now, I can only give me to her in secret…
"Your turn," she says. "I'll get something together for us to eat. You need to eat before you go home, okay?" She tilts her head and pushes my hair behind my ear and I just want to fall into her arms and let her show me how to love another girl.
But instead, I just smile and head upstairs. Will I ever get this right? Will I ever be comfortable with who I am out in the open? I guess only time will tell and my time right now will be spent interrogating my mother…
I eat some toast with a little bit of butter and drink some orange juice. She has coffee with her breakfast but I don't think my stomach is ready for that. And then, before you know it, it's time. I ask her to come with me and she gladly complies. Soon we'll be pulling in my driveway and soon I will know the truth. The truth…something I'm running away from yet at the same time I'm running to…
We step out of car and head to my front door and when we step onto the porch I say, "Thank you for this. I don't think I could do it alone."
She hugs me and says into my ear, "I'm here for you baby." I love it when she calls me that! I just melt!
But when I open the front door I hear giggling. I hear my mom giggling. But who is she giggling with?
We step into the house and low and behold sitting on the couch with my mom is freaking Natalie Kahn!
Maya closes the door behind us while I clear my throat with my arms crossed in front of my chest. My eyes narrow and steam streams out my ears, my nose and my mouth. I can feel my teeth gritting and my chest heaving when Maya puts her hand on my back trying to soothe me.
"Hi, Mrs. Fields," Maya attempts to break the ice. "I hope we're not intruding."
I stare daggers at her like it's my house so how the fuck are we intruding!
"Hi girls! Maya, this is Noel Kahn's mom, Natalie Kahn."
Maya waves a hello, "We've met. I've been out with Noel a few times."
"He really likes you Maya but something tells me you're not as interested as he is," she gets right to the point.
"I like Noel and I hope we can be friends, it's just that he's not my type." Yeah, she likes a little ethnic flava! I'm her flava!
"Don't worry Maya, I'm not that mom," she air quotes.
Mrs. Fields redirects the conversation, "So did you have fun at the bonfire last night?" Yeah, I got drunk and your lover's son tried to make out with me!
Maya feels my thoughts and quickly jumps in, "It was nice. We had a good time hanging out just enjoying each other's company." Kind of like what you're doing with Mrs. Kahn!
"Yeah the whole day was fun except when…"
"Emily," Maya warns.
"Why? Did something happen?" her mom asks concerned.
Uh oh, I can feel myself ready to blurt out everything and this time Maya isn't going to be able to stop me…
"I saw you."
Maya gives me an 'oh no' look and puts her hand to her forehead.
"Saw me? Where?"
"At the town green."
"Well, you knew I'd be there. Why didn't you say hi?"
"You were otherwise occupied," I press.
"Emily," she tries again but I won't back down.
"Occupied? Doing what?"
And it just comes out…
"Making out with her!" I point to Mrs. Kahn who has this look of 'not me' on her face. Yeah you!
"Mrs. Fields, Mrs. Kahn, what she meant was…"
"No Maya. We saw what we saw and I want to know why you were kissing my mother at the town green yesterday!" Shit.
"Emily! Watch your tone! What are you even talking about? The only person I kiss is your father! Though I don't see as I need to give any explanation! You are way out of line Emily Fields!" My mom stands with an intimidating presence for someone of her stature.
Mrs. Kahn stands up too and says, "I should go."
"Yeah you should and don't come back!" I scream running up the stairs to my bedroom slamming the door leaving Maya downstairs alone with them.
Maya POV
"Maya! What's going on!" Pam demands with Mrs. Kahn still there.
"I'm so sorry to both of you. Emily was upset today because she doesn't have someone out in the open like Hanna and Spencer. She wants so badly to have someone to share with but she's afraid of being hurt."
"Maya, I'm not following. What does this have to do with her accusations?"
"She saw you and Mrs. Kahn kiss. I saw it too."
"I don't even know what you're talking about," Pam throws her arms up in the air completely taken aback by what's being said about her.
"Well, seeing you two like that made her feel worse because you're married and now it appears that you also have someone on the side."
"Someone on the side! What does that even mean?"
"Emily has no one she can bring home to you and you have two people you're bringing home."
"Why does she think I was kissing Natalie?"
"Because you were."
"Pam, I think I know what happened," Natalie comes forward.
"Well, by all means, tell us."
"Remember when we went for that walk and I was talking to you about how much I miss Ned. Maya, Ned is my husband and he, too, is in the military. He was home for a long time and just got sent out to Afghanistan to reorganize our troops stationed there. I came to Pam because she knows what I'm going through. She's probably the only one in this town who does. So, we talked at great length yesterday and I felt so much better and that's when we…"
"Oh my god!" Mrs. Fields interrupts. She looks at Natalie and says, "That's right. You went to thank me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and we got our signals crossed and kissed each other on the lips!"
"And then we started laughing and we hooked arms walking back to the green with your head on my shoulder!"
"And that's what you and Emily must have seen!"
"I'm so glad you told me that. I knew there was an explanation. I kept telling Emily we don't know what we saw but she was convinced she knew exactly what she saw."
"I need to go talk to her. Thank you Maya for explaining and Natalie, I'm so sorry about this."
"Please, don't be. It's understandable. Like Maya said, she was feeling quite alone and then she saw us. Once she hears what really happened I'm sure things will get back to normal," she says as she hugs Pam and nods to me leaving us to make sure Emily is okay.
And I'm thinking 'normal'? That's the problem. Emily thinks she's not normal.
"Maya, do you mind if I talk to Emily alone?"
"No, not at all. Just, if you could, ask her to call me later so I know she's okay."
Mrs. Fields pulls me in for a hug, "I'm so glad she has a friend like you." I hope that's true cuz we're really good friends.
Emily POV
There's a knock at my door and then it opens. Ugh! I don't want to talk to her right now!
"Go away!"
"Emily, Maya told us everything."
My head resurfaces from under my pillow, "Everything?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, she told us where you saw us and we remembered." That you were shoving your tongues down each other's throats?!
"What do you remember?"
She sits on the bed next to me with my back to her, "You saw what looked like Natalie and I kissing but you completely misinterpreted that." Really.
"How could I misinterpret that?"
"Emily, Natalie's husband was just sent to Afghanistan." My heart sinks.
I turn around to face her, choosing to listen to what she has to say.
"I'm the only person who knows what she's going through so she confided in me. What you saw was two people comforting each other and the kiss was accidental."
"Accidental?"
"Our signals got crossed and we kissed each other on the lips. We were so surprised that we started laughing and it felt really good to laugh for a change. And then we walked arm in arm back to the green holding each other up cuz our sides hurt so much from laughing," she pushes my hair off my face. "So you see, Emily, everything isn't always as it seems."
And I start crying and I can't stop. She holds me in her arms and I just want the words to come out, "I'm gay." Only nothing but silence leaves my mouth. I just sob and she has no idea why. She just holds me telling me everything is going to be alright. But I know in my heart it's not. And she holds me until I fall asleep…
I wake up the next morning, shower and get dressed for the first day of school. And I know I have to apologize. I feel so stupid for assuming she was having an affair with Natalie Kahn and now I know I also need to apologize to Mrs. Kahn and to Noel. I put a thought in his head that I had no right to and who knows what he might do with it.
"Mom?" I say as I enter the kitchen.
"Good morning. How are you feeling?"
"I feel stupid. Mom, I'm so sorry," she rushes over to me embracing me with a mother's love for her daughter.
"You have nothing to feel stupid about. I completely understand why you thought you saw what you saw. But I hope you now realize how much I love your father and that I would never jeopardize that love."
"I do mom. And I really am sorry."
"I know sweetie but can I ask why you would leap to such a conclusion?"
"I guess everyone I know has a boyfriend and you have a husband and then I thought you had a girlfriend too; a relationship out in the open and a relationship you keep hidden."
"Emily, when you're in love, you want everyone to know who you're in love with. You shouldn't want to or need to hide that."
"I wish I could believe that."
"Why wouldn't you? Is there someone you're secretly dating? Is that what this is about?"
"Mom, I'm just glad you and Mrs. Kahn are just friends and that you can be there for each other," I say trying desperately to redirect the conversation.
"Something tells me there's more to it than that. But I'll let it go for now." Please, let it go. Your perfect girl is gone and I'm afraid you'll miss her very much!
"Thanks mom."
"Emily, your person is out there. Maybe you've found that person already. You're very tight lipped about your dating life so I won't push but if there is someone I'd like to meet him." Her.
"As soon as there's someone you'll be the fourth to know." Mom, there is someone. Her name is Maya and I love her with all of my heart.
"Fourth?"
"Well, I have to tell my girlfriends first," I smile.
"Then fourth it is," she hugs and kisses me and off to school I go…
When I get to Rosewood High I can't help searching through the sea of students looking for Maya. But she's nowhere to be found so I retreat to my locker that was assigned to me before school started. I start decorating it with swim stuff and music stuff, specifically a Tenor Clef which looks like the number thirteen but if you turn it sideways it looks like a heart or…boobs! I laugh to myself. And then I do something quite bold, I put a picture of me and a picture of Maya on opposite sides of the note. I'm hoping only Maya and I will get its meaning. I put pictures of me with Hanna and Spencer too so it won't look so conspicuous if I just had a picture of me and Maya in my locker.
I'm so involved with what I'm doing I don't sense this presence behind me until I hear, "Hey beautiful."
I blush so hard. I smile so wide. I'm tingling from head to toe. She's here. My Maya!
I take a deep breath and turn my body sideways as she leans her shoulder against the locker next to me.
"Whatcha doin'?" She asks all flirty.
"Decorating my locker," I smile endlessly.
"I can see that. Hmm, swim pics, Hanna and Spencer pics, you pic, me pic," she tilts her head, "Boobs?"
We laugh cuz it is funny and it does look like boobs!
"No, silly, it's a heart."
"Ahh, I see. And you put a picture of you and me next to it. You're too cute."
"It's a Tenor Clef."
"I see that it is. Does this mean you don't care who knows about us?" she raises an eyebrow.
"It means, you and I know what it means and that's all that matters."
She slips my hair behind my ear like she likes to do and says, "I'd like more than just you and me to know what it means. Wouldn't you?"
I smile shyly.
She rises up onto her toes whispering into my ear, "Having a secret girlfriend has its perks but holding hands and kissing in the hall before class has its perks too."
"Maya…"
"Emily, I'm glad everything worked out with your mom. And I know she'll love you no matter who you like." Who I love.
"I'm trying. I'm really trying but I need more time."
"Well, then, I want you to think about something," she eye sexes me and I know I'm in trouble.
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story," she slips her hand that's closer to the locker under my shirt caressing my skin just above my waist. I'm trembling. "I've read part of your story and I really, really liked what I saw. But I'm also anxious to read the rest and really take my time with it," she slides her hand over my ass giving it a light tap.
Buzz Buzz.
"Well, saved by the bell. I guess I'll catch ya later," she winks. I melt! Happy happy face!
"Yeah, later," I smile trying so hard not to look in love but I so am!
I close my locker door leaning against it thinking about what she just said to me. She's anxious to read the rest of my story! And I'm anxious for her to write me a new one!
Oh Maya, you are my person…
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To Be Continued…
Don't forget to read "Lying Wolf"! Many of you were unsure about this story but now you're in love with Emrin too!
More updates to follow…