Arriving on the planet with Spock and Uhura, the post-negotiation report would summarize the fact that:

-o-

=Negotiations splintered when the сигма [Sigma] Iotians refused to continue while Uhura wore a uniform. No amount of explanation about her critical role as diplomatic staff resolved the impasse. Since the Enterprise's last visit, the gender-tolerant planet had adopted strict laws for females - including a dress code resembling the couture of Las Vegas show girls.

=Kirk lost his temper when he and Spock were forced into tuxedos preventing them from hiding weapons anywhere on their person and causing both of their necks to itch.

=The Romulans threatened to declare war on сигма Iotia II if their ship wasn't released immediately. The ship provided proof of Romulan incursions into Federation space as well as storing access to codes and data used by the T'al Shi'ar.

=The сигма [Sigma] Iotians laced the drinks with alcohol and chocolate to ensure a continued advantage, cognizant now of the other species and groups within the Federation - thanks to the PADD [Kirk had unlocked the PADD; the security software blocked his hack code allowing him to see other players' hold cards in the Texas Hold'em tournament]. Women, by law, weren't allowed to drink.

-o-

By the time terms for negotiating were settled, Kirk's best statistician was visibly drunk off his ass on chocolate and Kirk wasn't in much better shape due to an allergy to the spelt grain used to make the planet's liquor (if it could be called that). The hooch was loaded with both offending substances.

By mutual agreement it would all be decided with a poker game; Uhura would play for the Federation.

Uhura strutted into the bar, hips swaying, in that Vegas showgirl outfit they forced her to wear and fried the brains of half the patrons - male and female. Women on сигма [Sigma] Iotia II didn't play poker; they also weren't allowed to have money in their own names any more. The planetary government salivated at destroying the woman playing for the Federation.

It took days but the best poker player on the Enterprise (and the strongest telepath and empath in known space) won it all - the negotiations, all planetary property, the heads of government (as 100-year indentured servants under Federation control), the Romulan ship and freedom for all.

They just had to get off the planet alive.

Kirk swung at the first 12 muscle men who came at them, being the most experienced in winning a fight when drunk off your ass. Chocolate marred Spock's normal efficiency: for every four Vulcan nerve pinches he tried, 2.4385733961232967 thugs hit the carpet. Spock's ability to calculate that ratio indicated the exertion served as detox. Uhura, unencumbered by real clothing, laid waste with Dim Mak moves even Spock hadn't seen. Bodies flew away from her at a record pace for a bar fight - even by Uhura standards.

The сигма [Sigma] Iotian goons were pretty tolerant of getting their asses kicked by Kirk and Spock, but a woman who'd just won their planet and its government now dropped more bodies per minute than her compatriots. The сигма [Sigma] Iotians had enough; it was time, in their minds, to apply some serious "lumber" to the problem.

The projectile weapons caused a substantial number of injuries. Kirk left with the ambassadors and missed the worst of it. Uhura and Spock covered their beam-out with weapons hastily taken from сигма [Sigma] Iotian "security" - after nerve-pinches from Spock and Uhura.

Spock took a heart shot - except, because he wasn't completely human, it turned into a really painful muscle shot - and a few shots in the extremities trying to cover Uhura's return to the Enterprise.

The сигма [Sigma] Iotians saved their worst violence for Uhura, the woman who cleaned out their pirate spoils, their planetary treasury and their government. She took small caliber slugs to major parts of her scantily clad body before Scotty got her and Spock out.

The conversation Uhura had with Kirk after she left surgery and regained consciousness could be heard on the bridge without amplification, although Sulu piped her tirade to a few discrete comm consoles on closed caption once he knew she would recover.

She gave the Captain an ultimatum:

Either he get her family back to Earth for a three-month all-expenses-paid recuperation visit or she would resign Starfleet and take her husband and son with her - leaving Kirk without his First Officer, his Science Officer, his Chief Communications Officer, his Chief of Protocol and the little boy who mattered more to Jim Kirk than anyone else in the universe.

As the boy, Grayson, could not be replaced in Jim's heart, Kirk caved. All his tournament winnings would be signed over to Uhura to pay for the trip.

They left the ship within an hour of Uhura's release from Sick Bay weeks later for the Uhura compound.