There was nothing but panic as Castiel, followed by Dean, raced down the corridor and into Krissy's room. Monitors were beeping loudly and the blaring of a code blue siren could be heard even down the hall. Krissy was lying completely motionless is here bed as the crash team came running past Dean and Castiel. His breathing grew shallow as Dean watched the crash team whirl around the room.
"What happened?" Cas asked slipping into the cold but determined doctor mode he had perfected. Dean was grateful for Cas' composure, it helped ground him and remind him he was here because he was a surgeon. He was a surgeon and he needed to do his job. Charlie, who was on paediatric rotation for the week, looked away from the crash team towards Castiel with a fearful look on her face.
"She was fine but then she mentioned that her chest hurt. I thought that it could have been from the surgery but then she coded." She said looking almost desperate. "I swear I did everything right and have been checking her stats since she came out of surgery." Castiel looked away from Krissy for a moment to give Charlie a firm look.
"Charlie you did nothing wrong do you hear me?" Castiel said with the unwavering tone that he always used with the interns. "How long has she been down?" He asked as the crash team shocked Krissy. They waited, watching monitor for a beat but nothing came.
"A minute." Charlie replied though she still looked on the verge of tears.
"Charge to 250!" The doctor in charge of the crash team called. They shocked Krissy again and waited. After a few seconds there came faint a beeping from the monitor.
"We have a beat." Someone said. Dean breathed a loud sigh of relief.
"Her BP is far too low though." Cas said checking Krissy's stats. "Bradbury, go find Mosely and tell her that we're taking Krissy for a scan. We need to find out what's wrong with her. After that you need to talk to her parents." Charlie nodded and hurried out the room as the crash team cleared out. "There's a strong possibility that she'll need another surgery." Cas added running a hand across his face with a loud and exasperated sigh. Five minutes ago Dean had been staring at a shirtless Cas with less than wholesome thoughts and now they were going to have to fight to save a young girl's life.
Dean followed Cas out the room. "What do you think happened?" he asked.
"Any number of things, we can't know until the scan results come back though." Cas said looking as though he would rather be asleep than walking down a corridor.
"But...Is she gonna be ok? I mean she's just a kid, she shouldn't be spending half her life in a hospital bed." Dean said.
"You're good with kids I've noticed. I saw it on your first shift with my heart patient's son." Cas said.
"I just think that a kid should live their life outside a hospital. I spent a lot of time in hospitals with Sammy, it was no way to grow up." He had grown up watching Sam go from a toddler to a child to teenager in a hospital. The kid's life had been ruled by tests, surgeries and medication and Sam had hated it, he still hated it and Dean didn't want the same thing for Krissy. According to her parents she was a kickass athlete with scouts offering her college scholarships even though she was only sixteen. "She deserves so much more than this."
"Sometimes Dean Winchester I think you are far greater than you even realise." Cas said shaking his head.
"See that there?" Castiel said pointing towards a dark mass on Krissy's scan. "What do you think that is?" he asked looking over towards Dean with an expectant look. Dean looked closer, initially feeling completely out of his depth until he noticed that Krissy's scan was almost identical to one he had seen during his time at college. He remembered it so clearly because it was one of the first cardio cases he had read up on, it was one of the reasons why he'd become interested in cardio procedures actually.
"Shit…" he muttered when he figured out what the scan telling them. "The heart muscle is weakened. She has cardiomyopathy and by the looks of it her heart is severely weakened to the point of complete failure." Dean said as he looked over the scan with a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"Smart intern you've got there Novak." Dr Mosely, the Head of Paediatrics, said with an impressed sounding tone of voice. Dr Mosely had been at the hospital for years according to Cas and Charlie, she was practically an institution within the walls of the hospital. She was tough but still caring with a sixth sense when it came to children's illnesses. Basically she was the best paediatric surgeon in Chicago and she was impressed with Dean. If he wasn't so freaked out by the thought of a sixteen year old girl's heart failing he would have been pretty proud of himself.
"Thank you but how did I not see this during her first surgery? How?" Cas asked between gritted teeth. The defeated look in eyes Cas took Dean back to the night Bela's father died and it reminded him that even though everyone around Cas thought he was a genius the man himself was full of doubt.
"It wasn't in her history, it's likely she's the first in her family to develop the condition." Dean said remembering from college how cardiomyopathy was generally an inherited condition. Most people could live with it for years and not realise it and with some it could be completely cured with medicine but sadly that didn't look possible in Krissy's case.
"Don't you beat yourself up over this Novak, if you weren't looking it you wouldn't have seen it." Mosely said. "Don't go over what you didn't do or didn't see, just think about what you're going to do know to help Krissy get better." She added with a firmer tone swiftly becoming all business.
"I could insert a pacemaker but she'd be back here within months for more surgery…" Cas said, his eyes fixing intently on Krissy's scan.
"So…she needs a heart transplant?" Dean asked. "That's what you're getting at right? The pacemaker would only help so much and she's an athlete so that puts more stress on her heart…she'd wear out something like a pacemaker so a transplant would make the most sense…right?" Dean asked hoping he was right and hadn't just made himself look like an idiot in front of both his resident and the best paediatric surgeon in Chicago.
"Are you asking me or telling me?" Cas asked arching his eyebrows. This was a teaching method, it had to be a teaching method, but Dean wasn't sure if what he was saying was best for Krissy. Was replacing a sixteen year old girl's heart really the best option for her? He clenched his jaw as he looked over the scan again and really thought about a treatment plan for the teenager.
"I'm telling you?" Dean said cautiously. "Am…am I right?"
"Yes, yes Dean you're right." Cas said giving him a brilliant smile that sent shivers all the way down to Dean's toes. "We need to call UNOS right away and get Krissy on the transplant list."
"How long could it be before she gets a new heart?" Dean questioned.
"It be days, weeks or even months. It depends on UNOS." Cas replied. "But we're going to hope that it is days and that she doesn't deteriorate." He added seeing Dean's worried face. "We're going to help her Dean, I promise."
They were heading back to Krissy's room when Dean noticed a forlorn Charlie sat with her head in her hands, red hair spilling out of its ponytail making her look even more tired than Dean guessed she was. He stopped and when Castiel gave him a confused look he nodded over towards Charlie.
"If it's alright I want to make sure she's ok." He said hoping that Cas would be more 'Cas' and less 'Scary Resident Castiel'.
Castiel's face softened as he looked from Dean to the red head and he nodded his head in agreement. "Go ahead, I'll talk to Krissy's parents about the surgery and transplant." Dean felt instantly lightened by Castiel's words. "Make sure Bradbury is alright." His friend added and Dean gave him an appreciative smile. "I've heard hot chocolate normally helps."
Charlie barely looked up as Dean sat down and he was worried for a moment that he'd need to find Sarah or Jo to cheer her up. "Charlie?" he said gently placing a hand on her arm. "Charlie are you ok?"
"One moment I was asking how she was and joking about how long until she could play volleyball again and then the next moment she was coding right there in front of me. She could have died Dean." Charlie said as fresh tears fell down her cheeks.
"Yeah but she didn't. She didn't die Charlie and Cas has figured out what's wrong." Dean said.
"I was terrified, absolutely terrified." Charlie said pulling her hands away from her face. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her nose was bright red from crying. Dean pulled her into a hug and let Charlie rest her head on his shoulder. "That kid has her whole life in front of her and it sucks that this is happening to her." Dean could see why Charlie liked it in paediatrics now, she was like him when it came to kids spending their lives in hospitals. "You said that Novak has figured out what's wrong with her right?"
"Yeah… it looks like its cardiomyopathy and it has progressed enough for her to need a transplant. We're going to call UNOS and see if she can be bumped to the top of the list."
"She needs a heart transplant? Shit…"
"She's going to be ok though…Cas is a genius."
"Since when has he been 'Cas'?" Charlie asked smiling through her tears. "Sorry, I won't mock your friendship." She added quickly.
"If I tell you something will you promise not to tell Jo or Sarah or Adam?"
"I swear on my signed first edition of The Hobbit that I will not tell Jo or Sarah or Adam whatever it is that you're going to tell me." Charlie said even marking a cross over her heart.
"And will you remember that I'm only telling you this because you were crying and were upset over Krissy?" Dean asked knowing full well that he'd regret telling Charlie this but at least he'd feel better having it out in the open…sort of.
"Yes I will remember that now just tell me what it is."
"You, Sarah and Jo might have been right about me and Cas."
"About you and Cas…wait…really? We were right? Holy crap…when did you figure this out?"
"At the party last night." Dean said though if he was honest it had been there for weeks but he just hadn't accepted it. "There was a moment on the roof." He winced waiting for Charlie scoff loudly but she just sighed dreamily. Telling Charlie was a much better idea than telling Jo.
"Did you kiss him?"
"No…no but I guess I thought about it."
"That's so romantically clichéd that I'm jealous. I want starry night moments on a roof and near kisses!" Charlie said. "What are you going to do?" she asked moving her head from Dean's shoulder to look at him intently.
"Ignore it and hope it goes away." Dean said with a shrug.
"Yeah…I hate to break it to you but that never happens."
"Well then I'm fucked and not in the good way." Dean said. "He's my boss…he's my friend and I just got out of a pretty serious relationship. It really sucks."
"Yeah but at least you've cheered me up." Charlie said with a grin as she wiped away the last faint traces of tears from her face. "Are you going to tell Krissy and her parents about the transplant?"
"Cas is doing it now. He's better at this sort of stuff than use. Mosely didn't yell at you did she?"
"No…no I think she was more annoyed at how upset I got. I just don't want to fuck this up. Adam's doing well in trauma and the chief loves Sarah, she just seems to get neuro so well. Then you're rocking cardio with Novak…I just don't want to flail about."
"Charlie you're not going to flail about, you're a freaking genius." Dean said.
"I know, it's sometimes a problem." Charlie said smiling weakly. "Thanks for cheering me up…I know Jo, Sarah and I have given you grief over the past few weeks but you're a good guy and I won't tell them what you told me."
"Thanks Charlie…for that and for your 'wonderful' rendition of Spice Up Your Life last night."
"Yeah…I'm never drinking one of Jo's cocktails ever again, I had to scrub my tongue with my toothbrush for twenty minutes this morning and it's still faintly blue." Charlie said with a groan.
While Cas got on the phone to UNOS about a viable heart for Krissy Dean was asked to stay and keep watch over the teenager. She looked pale and weak, Dean's heart really went out to her because from the way her parents had talked about her Krissy probably wanted to be anywhere but in the hospital.
"You gave us a real scare there kid." Dean said grinning over at Krissy who rolled her eyes despite her pain which was being kept mostly at bay with medication.
"It wasn't like I did it on purpose. My team is in the finals of this huge state competition in two weeks. I love them, they're my family in a way but without me they're not going to be up to scratch. They need me there, not stuck here with crappy TV signal." Krissy groaned out as she shifted in her bed.
"Try not to move too much, you might mess up your wires." Dean said moving Krissy's pillows for her. "Did Dr Novak come and talk to you about the surgery you need?"
"Yeah…you're going to take out my old crappy heart and give me a brand new shiny one." Krissy said. "He said a load of fancy words but I think was to impress my parents because I didn't have a clue what he was on about half the time. He's hot though…not as hot as you but still hot. All my teammates are going to be so jealous that I got the hot doctors." Krissy said smugly.
"I'm gonna assume that it's the drugs we're pumping you full of that are making you say this stuff."
"Even if they weren't I can get away with it because I'm a dying kid."
"You're not a dying kid, you're just pretty sick at the moment until we fix you up."
"You're going to fix me up? You're just a baby doctor." Krissy said giving Dean yet another smug look. Dean had to give the girl some props, even with a failing heart she was feisty as hell. "Is Dr Hot Stuff going to be operating on me?"
"Yes, Dr Novak will be operating on you. Don't tell him I agreed with you on calling him Dr Hot Stuff though. It would probably just inflate his ego."
"Hunter's promise." Krissy said giving Dean what looked like some sort of salute. "You normally have to be the team for that to apply but you're hot enough for me to make an exception. I mean, I am the captain so I can do that." Krissy added with a wide grin.
"Well I'm flattered to be an honorary member of your team. I've got charts and stuff to do but if you need anything don't be afraid to press the buzzer on the side of your bed."
"Does that count if I want lime Jell-O?" Krissy asked as if it was the most important question in the world.
"Yeah…you really don't want to try the lime Jell-O, it tastes like washer detergent. I'd stay clear of the fruit cups as well." Dean said with a chuckle. "Try and get some sleep. We're gonna operate on you as soon as a compatible heart become available. You're a pretty high priority so you've been bumped to the top of the list." Dean said rising from his chair and giving Krissy one last smile.
"Dean…I can call you Dean right? I mean you're going to see me all cut open, gross and pretty much naked…again."
"Yeah Krissy, you can call me Dean."
"Dean…I'm kind of scared." Krissy said and the confident show she'd been putting on stopped instantly. "What if the heart doesn't work and I die? What if I can never play sport again? Scouts are already looking at me and I've still got two years to go until college. "
"There are risks with every single operation Krissy, there will always be risks but Dr Novak is damn good at what he does and we're going to do everything we can to make sure that your surgery goes without a single hitch. I promise you." Dean said. "Hey, it's ok to be scared…I spent a lot of time in the hospital when I was a kid, my baby brother was really ill for a few years, so I got used to feeling scared before surgeries but I understood that the doctors knew what they were doing. Dr Novak knows what he's doing so it's ok to be scared but don't think that we're not gonna do everything we can you get you better."
"Thanks Dean…that helps." Krissy said. "You know what else will help?"
"What?"
"Having a TV with better reception." Krissy said with a grin. Damn this kid was gonna be the end of Dean if he wasn't careful.
Over the next three days Dean and Charlie fundamentally lived at the hospital whi;e they waited for a viable heart for Krissy to become available. While it meant that they were never late for rounds Dean became sick of it pretty quickly. The hospital's food was shit and the beds were almost as bad as his crappy couch. Between rounds and checking on other patients Dean and Charlie took it in turns to keep an eye on Krissy. She wasn't a bad kid at all so neither of them minded this at all. In fact she could be downright hilarious at times, mainly when doing mean but accurate impressions of the nurses on the paediatric floor. On the third day Krissy's whole volleyball team descended on her floor with flowers, balloons and enough 'Get Well Soon' cards to rival Hallmark. One mildly feisty sixteen year old was enough for Dean so he left Charlie in charge of the gaggle of teenagers. He couldn't handle anymore incredibly obvious flirting from a bunch of sixteen year olds, it was starting to make him feel less like a doctor and more like some brainless model.
"They're completely harmless." Charlie had said later on that day when they sat in the cafeteria with Jo, Sarah and Adam.
"Oh yeah? The girls I knew when I was sixteen weren't 'harmless'."
"Gonna have to agree with Dean on this one, I spent most of my time grounded when I was sixteen." Jo said as she dug into her pudding cup.
"Yeah well excuse me for not being 'hip' as a teenager. Unlike you two pieces of jailbait I was taking college level coding classes and playing Dungeons and Dragons."
"You're so rock and roll it's painful." Jo said smirking from ear to ear. Charlie rolled her eyes as she threw a French fry at Jo's face. "So how's Chambers doing? She in a good mood? 'Cause I was reading this article about how transplant patients are more likely to have good outcomes if they go into their procedures in a positive mood."
"You actually read an article?" Adam asked.
"Dean's taken away my TV privileges until I stop deleting all his episodes of Dr Sexy MD."
"You missed the last episode?" Sarah asked looking horrified. "But Doctor Piccalo met her long lost half-brother but then a bus crashed into the side of the hospital and she had to operate on him with just a basic trauma kit and limited light!"
"I swear that show gets worse every week…" Adam muttered shaking his head. "If they're not all shaking up with one another then they're performing ridiculous procedure in unrealistic situations."
"Yeah because a realistic show about a hospital would be so entertaining." Sarah said sarcastically. "This morning I did charts for four hours, ate a banana then I did even more charting. Riveting." She added.
"I had to listen to twelve volleyball players witter on about whatever inane crap teenage girls talk about." Dean grumbled.
"It's mostly cats and overthrowing the patriarchy." Charlie said much to Sarah and Jo's amusement. Dean was contemplating trying to distract Jo in order to steal her pudding when his pager went off. He glanced at the screen and quickly abandoned all pudding related plans. "Krissy alert?" Charlie asked.
"Yeah, I gotta go." Dean said grabbing his coffee cup and hurried off to the paediatric department. "Everything ok? What happened?" Dean asked Krissy's nurse. The nurses' reply was a very exaggerated roll of her eyes.
"She has a Jell-O related question for you." Nurse said snippily. Dean snorted as he went into Krissy's room, a very smug grin on her face.
"A Jell-O related question? Really?" he asked. "You know I could have been somewhere like surgery or with another patient and you pulled me away for a Jell-O emergenc?"
"Yeah but you weren't, you were probably in the cafeteria." Krissy countered.
"Ok I was but you weren't to know that." Dean said. "So what's this Jell-O related question?"
"You said that the Lime Jell-O tastes like washer detergent but what's the pudding like?" Krissy asked as if it was the most serious question anyone could ever ask.
"The chocolate is questionable but the caramel rocks." Dean said. He'd seen Jo eat enough of those damn pudding cups since he started working at the hospital to know more about pudding than he wanted to. "You do realise that you could go into surgery anytime soon and so you're not allowed solid food?"
"Pudding isn't solid food smartass." Krissy countered.
"If I go and get you pudding will you stop annoying the nurses?" Dean asked. Krissy nodded her head, clearly happy she'd gotten her own way. "Fine then, I'll get you pudding." Dean said with a sigh. "You're a menace."
"Oh please, I'm the most fun patient you've probably had." Krissy said, her mood visibly brighter since she had the prospect of pudding. "You're lucky to have me." She added just as brightly.
"I'm going to go and fetch you pudding, you're lucky to have me." Dean corrected.
"If only you weren't middle age." Krissy said almost wistfully.
"Hey I'm twenty five." Dean retorted.
"Yeah exactly." Krissy grinned wickedly. "You're middle aged. What about that brother of yours?"
"He might be in law school but you're way too good for him, you'd chew him and spit him out in a matter of seconds. It would be total carnage."
"Even with the crappy heart?" Krissy said disbelievingly.
"Especially with the crappy heart, it makes you even more badass." Dean said comfortingly. "I'm gonna get you that damn pudding and you're gonna stop annoying the nurses or they'll be really vicious when taking blood. They won't stick any of that numbing cream or anything. Think you can do that?"
"Sure thing Dr Model." Krissy said. Dean was going to let that one slide just once, like with Bela's father dying Krissy having her heart fail gave her slight perks on being vaguely bitchy. Dean gave her a farewell salute before he embarked on his mission to find pudding. As he walked down the corridor back to the cafeteria he pulled out his phone to send a message to Sam.
Four years at Yale and I'm currently getting a freaking pudding cup for a volleyball player who refers to me as Dr Model.
Sam's reply was almost instant.
Mom and Dad would be so proud of their beautiful baby boy.
Bite me and get some clippers on that mop of yours.
You're just jealous. I asked Jess to that party by the way…she said yes.
Dean shot back a congratulatory text message before shoving his phone back into his pocket as he walked into the cafeteria. He grabbed a pudding cup, stole a handful of Charlie's fries and was about to take his ass back to Krissy's room when he heard someone yell his name. Dean whirled around and spotted Cas almost barrelling through the door.
"Winchester!" Cas called hurrying across the cafeteria. "UNOS just called, there's a compatible heart for Krissy. The helicopter will be here in ten minutes. Are you up to date with the organ retrieval process?" he asked rapidly and it was lucky Dean knew Cas well enough to decipher Cas' rapid talk or he wouldn't have understood a word of it.
"Yeah, I just went over it just this morning." Dean said abandoning the pudding cup even though Krissy would be pissed as hell. "Should we tell Krissy and her parents?"
"Mosely is going to do that, Bradbury you should be there as well." Cas said. "You ready to go?" he asked Dean. Shit, this was it. They were going to go a retrieve an organ. Shit…they were going to replace Krissy' old heart and hope to God that she didn't reject the organ.
"Uh…yeah…yeah." Dean said as panic began to surge through his whole body. Shit, this was actually happening. Now probably wasn't the best time to freak out though.
"Ok. Meet me up on the roof by the helicopter in ten minutes." Cas said.
"Are you going to throw up?" Jo asked peering at Dean expectantly.
"No…maybe…yeah probably." Dean groaned. "Shit…I've got to go…tell Krissy…just reassure her will you?" he asked Charlie. "She's probably gonna be pretty freaked out by all this plus she's not gonna get her pudding."
"Yeah sure." Charlie said before shoving the rest of her fries into her mouth. "Good…good luck." She said almost fearfully. Both Dean and Charlie had grown fond of Krissy over the past few days and a positive outcome from the surgery was a desperate need for both of them.
The wind was fierce up on the roof and the blades of the helicopter didn't help matters. It caused Cas' normally unruly to fly around almost excitedly. A coat identical to Dean's, which had the hospital's name and logo written on it, partially protected him from the wind and all the necessary organ retrieval equipment was ready to hand.
"Ready to go?" Cas called over the sound of the helicopter. Dean nodded, honestly he felt too nervous to even say anything so all he could do was nod. "Nervous?" Cas asked. Once again Dean nodded. He expected Cas to roll his eyes or say something like 'it will be ok' but instead he placed a reassuring hand onto Dean's arm and squeezed tightly. Just like in the on call room Cas' eyes dropped to Dean's lips and Dean could feel his chest tightening. For the strangest moment Dean was reminded of how before every exam he had taken at Yale Michael would kiss him. He would never say it was for luck, always for encouragement, but Dean always saw it as his lucky talisman. Now all he wanted to do was pull Cas towards his lips in a quest for good luck but he couldn't, he didn't have that right.
"I'm fine Cas." Dean said instead and motioned towards the helicopter. "We better get going, Krissy will kick my ass for keeping her waiting." He added with what he hoped was an easy looking grin. Cas gave him a confused look but nodded his head either way. They set off towards the helicopter and within a matter of minutes they were in the air, the hospital growing smaller until it blended in with the rest of the Chicago skyline. Fuck…they were actually in the air. The best for Dean to do was to sit back and not look out the window, looking out the window meant seeing how high up they were and that was not a good thing.
"Are you humming?" Cas questioned after about five minutes of being in the air. He leant over in his seat to rest a hand on Dean's arm yet again. He really needed to stop doing that because it really wasn't doing Dean's heart any good.
"Yeah...yeah I'm just...I really hate flying. It makes no sense to me at all." Dean muttered between hums. "I mean I know how it works but it just...I really hate flying man. Planes, helicopters…I just hate it."
"We won't be in the air for long, the flight is only forty five minutes long but I can distract you if you want." Cas said. Dean looked over with a cocked eyebrow. He wondered if Cas really meant for that to sound half as flirtatious as it did sound. "This is going to be the first time you get to see a transplant surgery, is it not?"
"Yeah…yeah it is." Dean said trying to not think about how far up in the air they were.
"Are you nervous?" Castiel asked. Clearly Cas' distraction method was to ask Dean as many questions as he could. It would probably work but Dean would have preferred Cas flirting with him even if that would never happen.
"Is it bad that I'm excited?" Dean responded. Cas shook his head. "Good…'cause I know I should be nervous but damn this is going to be huge for Krissy. She's hopefully not gonna be sick any longer and she can go on to kick ass on the volleyball court."
"If you weren't so keen on cardio I would recommend you go into paediatrics. You're good with young people." Cas said fondly. Dean fought the blush that was creeping across his cheeks and neck as Cas stared at him. The night at Cas' came back to his mind, the night that he should have just kissed Cas and told how he felt. There was something there, Dean couldn't deny it, but as he heard Cas praise him he remembered why Cas was praising him, Cas was his resident and he really wasn't sure how many more times he would have to remind himself of that fact before he completely cracked. Yeah…this really did suck.
The retrieval of the transplant heart was straight forward and they were back at the hospital and scrubbed into the OR within a few hours. While Dean and Cas had been retrieving the heart Charlie had been reading up on the procedure and Mosely was letting her scrub in. The smile on Charlie's face as she was scrubbing in was so wide Dean couldn't help but smile back.
They were midway through the surgery when Castiel stopped what he doing. "Winchester, hand the suction over to Bradbury." Cas said not even looking up from the patient.
"Did I do something wrong?" Dean asked suddenly panicking.
"No far from it." Cas said rolling his eyes. "I'm about the remove Krissy's old heart. If I hand it over to you would you please place it in the correct tray?"
"Uh...yeah. I mean yes sir. Thank you." Dean heard himself say as he passed Charlie the heart clamp. Moments later Cas was handing him Krissy's old heart. There no words Dean could think of to describe how it felt to be holding a human heart in his hands.
He had watched with awe as Cas had done it during previous surgeries and now here Dean was, he was holding a human heart. With the steadiest hands he could manage he placed the heart onto its designated tray. When he made his way back to the operating table Charlie handed the clamp back to him, her eyes light up with a smile that told Dean is joy was completely infectious.
Cas carried on performing the surgery flawlessly and when it came to the new heart being connected and taken off bypass everyone waited with baited breath. It started beating. They had a beating heart. Everyone in the OR was thrilled as Krissy was closed up and taken to the ICU to be monitored until she was ready to be weaned off her suppressers. Dean was in the scrub room when Cas walked into the room.
"That was freaking amazing." Dean said pulling off his surgical mask. "That was...you're amazing Cas." He said with awe as he turned to look at his resident. "I mean you've given her a whole new life. Krissy's gonna live and it's all because of you. I…I mean I got to hold a human heart, an actual human heart in my hands and it was all because of you…you're amazing." He said grinning from ear to ear. Cas looked back at him as he pulled off his own mask with the faintest frown. "Cas? What's wrong?" Dean asked frowning himself.
He was barely given a moment to think before Cas closed the space between them with the desperation of a deserted man in need of salvation. All the air in Dean's lungs was ripped away as Cas' lips crashed into his. Deft hands, the hands Dean spent so long admiring as they held hearts or repaired ventricles, cradled his jaw as velvet lips left bruising kisses against Dean's own. As quickly as they crashed into Dean's lips Cas' lips were pulled away as Cas himself breathed out heavily.
"Fuck…I'm sorry Dean...I just needed you to know." Cas gasped with eyes wide and full of something Dean couldn't completely comprehend. "I'm sorry-"
Surging forward Dean caught Cas' lips and put everything into the kiss. He put in the weeks of laughing at Cas' dry humour and all the times his stomach had flipped when Cas smiled at him. He put in how in awe he was of Cas when they were in surgery together and how his chest tightened whenever Cas let down his guard and stop being 'Castiel Novak MD' and just became 'Cas'. Smiles, words of encouragement, hands on shoulders or arms and a rooftop. A rooftop where Dean should have told Cas how he felt, a rooftop that was the scene for Dean realising he wanted more than just Cas' friendship. He wanted Cas. Dean put of these things into his kiss hoping that Cas understood because needed to understand. Cas needed to realise what this meant to Dean because he didn't have the words to describe it. Everything he had was in this moment, this moment of lips and pure need.
"Don't fucking apologise" Dean said. "Don't...just don't apologise." He rasped out clinging onto Castiel's scrub top for his life. Resting his forehead against Castiel's he breathed in, his lungs filling with air, and he felt lighter than he had in weeks. "You have nothing to apologise for Cas, nothing at all." He pressed staring into Cas' wide, panic filled, eyes.
"I…I need…I need to tell Krissy's parents her transplant went well." Cas said.
"Cas-"
"They need to know that her procedure went well." Cas said backing away from Dean and running his fingers through his permanently messy hair. Dean's whole body sank with every inch of space Cas put between them. Cas backed out the room as Dean gripped onto the nearest surface to steady himself. As soon as Cas was out the room Dean grabbed hold of whatever was closest, which turned out to be a metal tray, and threw it across the room, swearing loudly as he did so.
What the actual fuck just happened?
He didn't see Cas again for almost a whole day. The transplant surgery, among other things, had taken their toll on him and so Dean spent most of the way catching up on charting or asleep in the intern's locker room. Jo must have sensed something had happened so she didn't push him to talk to her. After spending the best part of a week primarily in the hospital Dean was desperate to go home or move to Alaska, whichever would get him the furthest away from Cas as possible. Dean was walking across the hospital parking lot towards his him, zipping up his leather jacket as he did so, when he heard someone call out his name.
"Dean-" Shit, this was all he needed right now.
"Fuck off." He snapped before Cas could say anything else.
"Dean please."
"No. Just fuck off Cas." It was probably a million different kinds of stupid to tell his resident to fuck off but he was past giving a shit, Cas had hurt him and now he was in his right to lash out.
"Dean don't do this please. Can we please just talk?" Cas asked with the same tone someone would use on a small child who was having an undeserved temper tantrum. The tone alone would have set Dean over the edge but Cas' irritated expression really took the fucking biscuit.
"What the fuck do you even want me to say?" Dean asked rounding upon Cas. "What do you even want me to do? You kissed me. You were the one who kissed me in the middle of a fucking scrub room. Yes I kissed you back but you were the one that changed everything!" Dean yelled not even caring that he was stood in the middle the hospital parking lot screaming at his resident at the top of his lungs. "You can't fuck with people's feelings like this Cas! You can't just kiss me, apologise then walk away because you're having some sort of internal crisis. If you knew you were going to up and run then you shouldn't have done anything in the first fucking place because it fucks everyone up! You might be a robot but not everyone is like you! People have these things called 'feelings' and you can't just fuck around with them!"
"Dean Winchester stop screaming at me and listen to me for once in your goddamn life!" Cas yelled in the same commanding voice he used in the OR. Dean stopped, his breathing heavy from yelling, and stared at Cas. "Just stop yelling." Cas said, his voice becoming pleading as he walked over to Dean and stopped barely an inch in front of him. Dean's stomach flipped at the intimacy and despite his conflicted feelings for Cas all he wanted to do was kiss him. "Stop yelling and take me back to your apartment." Cas said seriously. Dean was convinced his brain short circuited in that moment.
"What?" Dean asked. Cas sighed, he was close enough for his breath to cause Dean's skin to erupt with goose bumps along his neck. He wanted to hate Cas in the moment because he'd walked away, he'd changed things between them just walked away but from the way Dean's hearts was stopping and starting he knew it was no good. There was no possible way his body wanted to hate Cas, it wanted to react to every little touch or look with hypersensitivity.
"Dean…" Cas closed the space between even more so, his lips mere millimetres away from Dean's own. "Stop yelling at me and take me back to you apartment. You want me to stop fucking with your feelings, well here I am making a decision to not fuck with them. Stop yelling at me, stop telling me to fuck off and just drive me back to your apartment." He said in a low tone, the bass of it reverberating through Dean's whole body. "I'm saying fuck the consequences because I'm none pretending I don't feel anything." Cas all but growled out before pulling Dean into a kiss right there in the middle of the parking lot. Dean didn't even think before kissing Cas back, if Cas was saying 'fuck' to the consequences then so was Dean.
Dean prayed to God, or whoever was up there, that Jo had gone out for the evening as he practically dragged Cas into the apartment and pushed him against the nearest wall. His lips hungrily found Cas' moments later and the moan that escaped Cas' mouth should have probably been illegal because fuck was it hot. The cardio surgeon's hands snaked under the hem of Dean's shirt, fingers splaying across his stomach sending jolts of electricity through Dean's whole body as fingernails raked over his skin. Those hands, the hands Dean had admired for their incredible skill during surgery, roamed upwards until they ghosted over his rib cage. A breath caught sharply in Dean's throat and Cas' dexterous hands gripped onto his ribs, fingers digging into his skin as the kiss grew more heated and deeper.
Cas pulled away for a moment and Dean couldn't help but try to chase the cardio surgeon's lips. Cas chuckled loudly and pulled Dean's plaid shirt off his shoulders. This was probably going a hundred and fifty thousand miles too quickly but Cas had said 'fuck the consequences' so Dean was fucking the consequences. He didn't give himself time to think because if he'd had learnt anything over the past few years it was that if given the chance to overthink something he would royally fuck it up. He had done that enough already when it came to Cas whether it be yelling at him in the OR (and again in a parking lot), falling asleep on a couch with him or failing to kiss him on that damn rooftop (and again at Cas' apartment. He didn't want to think anymore, he just wanted to do what he had wanted to do since getting to know Cas.
The sound of Cas' belt unbuckling felt deafening in the empty apartment. As Dean pulled it out the loops and threw it to the floor Cas had been busy himself by pulling the thin t-shirt Dean had been wearing off and it soon joined Cas' belt on the floor. Cas' sweater and his own shirt soon followed. The feel of their chests flushed together sent chills down Dean's spine as pure want swelled up inside his body. Yeah this was really going a hundred and fifty thousand miles too quickly and Dean really couldn't give a shit.
"Dean bedroom." Cas gasped out while Dean kissed a firm line up the other man's jaw. "I'm not having sex with you on the couch like some horny teenager." He added making it clear there was no other way this night could continue and that they'd been building up to this for a long time.
Maybe we have Dean thought with a rush of realisation.
Maybe the months they'd spent becoming friends, becoming colleagues had really been spent just building up to the moment when they could be themselves and be with each other. Dean wasn't one for believing in shit like that but maybe that was because he had never had a friendship that had so quickly changed into something full of need instead of amity.
The two men practically fell into Dean's bedroom when he finally managed to get the door open. Hands gripped onto skin, lips ghosted over jaws and heavy breaths filled the room. Dean kicked crumpled and dirty shirts out the way, thinking randomly of how much he needed to do some damn laundry sometime soon which wasn't the best thing to think about when he was about to have sex. Jeans were lost as Dean lead Cas towards the bed until they both in nothing but their boxers, Cas' hand palming Dean as he peppered Dean's jaw with hot kisses. A coil of heat was quickly forming in Dean's gut and with a surge of longing he pushed Cas down onto the bed so he was able to straddle Cas' strong, muscular thighs effortlessly. If it weren't for Cas using his elbows to prop himself up they he would have been laid out on the bed. Dean couldn't help but smirk as he shifted so his legs were enclosing Cas' hips.
He sucked a deep bruise onto Cas' collar bone, gently biting at the skin until it was red, before making his way down to the other man's stomach, peppering kisses down his chest and then his well-defined abdomen. The breathless gasps for air Cas let out nearly sent him over the edge so Dean had no idea what actual sex with Cas was going to do to him. Thank God Cas was a cardio surgeon because Dean was convinced his heart was going to give out at some point during the evening. His hands moved along the length of Cas' strong thighs, the dude had to be a runner because there was no way he got a body like that from just being a surgeon, and he dug deep into the muscle hoping to hear another breathless gasp. The moan Cas let out was loud and went straight to Dean's stomach as well as a region slightly more south. Oh yeah, he was doing that again. He dug his fingers into the muscle again and shuddered with lust at the second moan Cas let out.
Cas gripped onto Dean's shoulder and pulled him up the other man's chest so Castiel could capture Dean's lips with his own. The kiss was deep, hot and wet and sent Dean's body temperature skywards. Sweat prickled his skin and he could taste the salt of Cas' own sweat as he dipped his head to kiss the other man's neck. It shouldn't have been as hot as it was but fuck it because everything about Cas shouldn't have been as hot as it was. The man made breathing sexy for fuck sake.
Cas' hand reached for Dean's underwear but stopped just as a single finger curled around the waistband. Jesus fuck Dean was actually going to go in heart failure.
"Cas you're killing me here." He managed to get out with a moan.
"Is this ok though?" Cas asked suddenly looking at Dean with a scared look and the determined man was instantly replaced with someone who was nothing but afraid. "I don't find people I care about very often and I don't want to mess this up by moving too fast."
"Cas believe me, I've been thinking about this at really inappropriate times like when you're hands are in a patient's chest. You're not gonna mess this up."
"Good because I want this Dean...I want you." Cas said firmly. The pool of heat in Dean's gut was threatening to engulf his whole body and make him admit something akin to feelings so instead of saying anything he pulled Cas into a wet kiss that left both of them gasping for air. Cas' hand slipped under the waistband of Dean underwear and with a swift pull his underwear was pushed down to his knees. He kicked the fabric away until he was completely naked and actually gasping for Cas to touch him or taste him. His hips rolled as Cas' hand grazed his hips and dug into the flesh. A frantic gasp escaped his lips and he might have even let a moan. Cas caught his lips in a frantic and hungry kiss, biting down on the bottom lip but not hard enough to break the skin. Cas kissed a long line from Dean's lips to his jaw then up to the small space under his ear. "I want you Dean. I've wanted you ever since that first day. Every time you called me out for being an ass made me want you even more." Cas whispered hungrily and that was enough to nearly send Dean over the edge but he wasn't some horny teenager, he wasn't going to come purely from hot kisses and words whispered in his ear.
"Cas-"
"No you need to let me say this. You have a horrible habit of not letting people say the things they want to say." Cas said. "I wasn't walking away…after we kissed I wasn't walking away. I had to clear my head and really think about what I was feeling for you. On the rooftop and at my apartment…I had to stop myself from kissing you because I didn't know if you felt what I felt…what I feel. I needed you to know and I couldn't stop myself…but I need to know as well." Cas said as his hands moved to backs of Dean's thighs, fingers digging into the hard muscle and further upwards until both hands were firmly on Dean's ass. There was no going back now, not that Dean even wanted to think about going back, and as Dean looked into Cas' hungry blue eyes he knew that this was what he wanted. He wanted every one of Cas' touches and kisses. He wanted Cas. "I need to know what you want Dean."
"I felt it on the rooftop. I feel it as well Cas, ok? I feel it." Dean said. "I want you too." He said and he meant it. He hadn't felt this much need for someone in a long time and it was probably going to be the death of him. "I want you Cas." Dean said as he surged forward and captured Cas' lips in his own. Like the kiss in the scrub room he let this kiss tell Cas everything he needed to know. He let it tell Cas just how much he wanted him. How much he needed him.
Cas pulled away, his eyes all but black with lust blown pupils, and "Do you have any-"
"Top drawer." Dean said as Cas gave him a quick smile. The heat of Cas' body disappeared as he crawled over to the bedside table and pulled open the drawer. When a chuckle escaped Cas' lips Dean shot him a questioning look.
"You keep medical journals in the same drawer as condoms and lube?" Cas asked crawling back to Dean with said items. The condoms and lube that was, not the medical journals.
"I...I was reading up on the best way to treat ventricular septal defect from your surgery two weeks ago and just threw them in there." Dean said knowing full well that his chest was flushed red from the blush that had crept down from his cheeks. Cas chuckled yet again and surged forward, capturing Dean's lips in a firm kiss.
"Thank you for that Winchester, now I'm forever going to picture you naked whenever anyone says ventricular septal defect. You're going to be the death of me one day."
"Funny, I've said the same thing about you. Though most of the time I'm really convinced you might actually kill me." Dean said smirking. Cas rolled his eyes before smirking wickedly and pulling Dean closer to him. "You're probably one of those guys who gets weirdly turned on by medical terminology, aren't you?" Dean said as Cas rolled his eyes yet again. "Instead of sweet nothings I could whisper the proceedings of a coronary artery bypass graft."
"Winchester I'm going to put you on scut for a week if you don't shut up and let me have sex with you." Cas warned as the smirk slowly returned to his face.
"Dr Novak I'm sure that is an abuse of power." Dean said smirking just as hard. Instead of a witty retort Cas did one better by bringing their lips together in a deep kiss while he slid off his underwear so now he was just as naked as Dean was. The touch of skin against so much skin was making Dean's brain short circuit in the best way possible.
With a gentleness Dean wasn't expecting Cas ran his fingers down Dean's side and gripped onto his hips, locking Dean in an intense gaze that set jolts of electricity through Dean's whole body. This was the last possible moment for Dean to pull away and tell Cas that this whole thing wasn't what he wanted but that would be the biggest lie he'd ever told. His whole body was on fire with the desperate burn of passionate he felt for Cas and despite the voices of doubt in his head he wanted nothing more than to feel every part of Cas, he wanted Cas in every possible way. Without saying another word Dean nodded his head to tell Cas that this was exactly what he wanted, where he wanted to be and who he wanted be with.
Cas' deft fingers moved from their place on Dean's hips and around until they were splayed out across the dip of Dean's spine. For a moment the intense touch disappeared as Dean heard the small bottle of lube being opened. He sighed deeply as Cas' touch returned as the first hint of burn flared through his body Dean closed his eyes and lent down to rest his head against Cas' shoulder.
"I've got you Dean." Cas whispered into his ear. Cas repeated this as one finger became two then three. He had Dean, he wasn't going to let anything happen to him.
As Cas scissored his fingers the painful burn gave way to slow but pleasurable heat deep in Dean's gut. Just as Dean thought he couldn't take anymore Cas crooked a finger, hitting Dean's prostate with what seemed like calculated determination and Dean had to bite down on the other man's shoulder to stop himself from yelling hoarsely. His dry spell, after all he hadn't had sex since the night before Michael left for England, had made him over sensitised and he was sure that he wasn't going to last much longer if Cas didn't just fuck him already.
"Cas" Dean groaned out. Cas' eyes locked on his and the question was there. Without even having to think, because he was already too far gone to even contemplate even saying no, Dean nodded and he was left feeling momentarily empty as Cas' fingers pulled out. Dean's heart hammered against his rib cage as he tried to regain his breath. Once again the question was in Cas' eyes, Dean understood that he wanted to make sure they were doing the right thing here, and once again Dean nodded. Cas' lips found his, tongue flicking over his teeth and fingers that had been so busy now holding onto Dean's hips like Cas' life depended on it. Dean's own hands scrambled for purchase over Cas' strong back, fingers digging into the muscle because he knew just what did to Cas. Sure enough a groan rumbled through Cas' chest as he bit down on Dean's lower lip. With a roll of those damn hip bones, the very ones Dean had been thinking about ever since he'd walked in on Cas in the on call room, slowly entered until he was in to the hilt. Shit…Dean could barely breathe as the momentum of Cas' hips sped up.
It was too much and at the same time not nearly enough. The coil of heat in his gut snapped and sent flaming hot heat through his entire body as he fell over the edge, thighs wrapped tightly around Cas to stop him from crashing and breaking into a million pieces. With a silent scream he rode it out, fingers digging onto the flesh of Cas' shoulders and lips tracing a hot open mouthed kiss along Cas' jaw. They stayed like that until the they came down from the high, Cas pulling out but wrapping his arms around Dean as his did so. He clung on as if his life depended on it.
Even though Dean wanted nothing more than to talk to Cas about what had happened the past few days at the hospital had really taken its toll. He could barely keep his eyes open as he came down from the high of being with Cas. He would have time in the morning to freak out, and quite possibly overthink the fuck out of what had happened, but now he was just going to sleep. Sleep, at the moment, was more important than freaking out. Plus Cas' arms were really comfortable.