Gokudera could hardly believe that he was standing out in the open – vulnerable – amongst so many people; he swore the resort was flooded by hordes of people, and all he wished for in that moment was to get back to his motel room and lock himself away until it was time for them to go home. However, due to unfortunate circumstances, he was instead waiting in a queue for some shitty amusement park ride he didn't even want to go on in the first place – but having declined when Tsuna suggested they ride it, he had been ridiculed relentlessly by that blond brat, and his pride had gotten in the way.

Maybe the ride wouldn't be so bad. Yamamoto was going to go on it with him after all, so that was a plus. …Right…? Nope. Not when he was still feeling ill and was probably going to vomit in front of all these people. Why hadn't he just said he still wasn't feeling well and wanted to rest? He could be so fucking stupid sometimes!

"Gokudera?"

Gokudera almost flinched at Yamamoto's voice. He looked up into his boyfriend's face, and he couldn't help but frown; why did the other have to be so damn happy all the time? "Tch…"

The older male's usual smile was plastered onto his face as he said, "Gokudera is thinking too much again. Just try and enjoy yourself, okay?"

"I know… I just…" The silver-haired male sighed. He looked ahead once more to find Tsuna entering the ride with another kid that looked to be their age. He thought nothing of it; there was only room for two people, after all, as much as he would prefer for them to stick together. "I've never done something like this before."

Yamamoto's smile brightened. He pointed to Bel and Mukuro to show his boyfriend how the blond was talking animatedly to the ride operator while the blue-haired male politely nodded when required as they waited for their turn. "If they can be having this much fun to be so outgoing, I'm sure Gokudera can do the same; Mukuro doesn't talk around strangers and Bel is very withdrawn, too."

Gokudera nodded. He knew it was true; he didn't know much about Belphegor as he tried to avoid the older male whenever possible, but he knew Mukuro well enough to know that the blue-haired teenager had a tendency of freezing up when strangers tried to speak with him. "…Well… I guess I…"

"It's okay if Gokudera is still stressed; I know you won't be comfortable overnight."

With that said, the two fell into a comfortable silence. Gokudera watched as Mukuro and Bel finally boarded the ride, which left him and Yamamoto next in line. It felt like an eternity had passed before they, too, finally got on, and it was then Gokudera realised he didn't even know what the ride was supposed to be; he had made a hasty decision because of the blond's taunting, and he was a fucking idiot for it.

But then, warm arms wrapped around the silver-haired student's shoulders and soft lips planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. And in that moment, Gokudera couldn't help but think that maybe… just maybe… it wasn't so bad because he had that strong chest he could be held tight against and be protected from the world that had only ever seemed to make him feel miserable.

~~XX~~

"Hayato-kun…"

Gokudera looked up from the book he was reading on Mukuro's bed. The day had ended, and he had been tasked with babysitting that little brat while everyone else went to fetch dinner. Why they couldn't have just left Bel on his own was beyond Gokudera, but at least it gave him a nice rest from the hours of torture he had been put through earlier. "What?"

Bel was propped up on his own bed by his pillows. He was holding his stomach as he gave a pitiful expression, one that reminded Gokudera of a kicked dog. "Can you get my painkillers for me…? It… It hurts again…"

Gokudera had never learnt what 'it' actually was; all he knew was that the injuries Bel had received in the attack still bothered him, and that Mukuro had told them all not to question the blond about it because Bel would tell them all when he was ready for them to know.

The silver-haired male grunted in response as he threw his book down and stood up to find where the little shit had left his medication. He found a few boxes on the counter, and instead of questioning which one the blond wanted, he instead grabbed them all and carried them back to Bel in order to throw them at the older male. "There."

Bel's sad expression grew as he sorted through the packaging to find the one he wanted. He spoke in a quiet tone, one that Gokudera wasn't used to hearing from him because of how little time he spent with the blond. "I only wanted these ones, Hayato-kun… I already had the others this morning…"

Gokudera shrugged. He looked over at the boxes, taking in the brand names before he asked, "What are they all for, anyway?"

Bel pointed to one of the boxes before he replied. "That's for my ADHD…"

"And the others?"

"…Pain control medication… Antidepressants… And sleeping pills…"

The younger male felt a twinge of sympathy. He was silent for a few moments before he spoke in a much kinder manner. "…It really messed you up…"

The blond nodded. He looked down at his lap as he licked his lips. "…I… I saw Mammy… After she… There was blood everywhere… They dragged me past her so they could… My doctor said I… that I have trauma…"

"…"

"…I don't like sleeping anymore… When I sleep, I… I dream of it… Squ says I keep crying and screaming in my sleep…"

Gokudera closed his eyes. He had no idea how to respond without coming off like an asshole, so he instead turned around to go back to Mukuro's bed. "…"

"Ne, Hayato-kun…?"

Gokudera hummed. "…"

"…Do you… love Takeshi-kun…?"

Gokudera felt sick at the question; he had been put on the spot so suddenly, and he didn't know how to react – hell, he didn't even know what he was supposed to say in response. "…"

"Do you…?" Bel swung his legs over the edge of his bed so he could instead climb up onto Mukuro's to lay next to his friend. "I… I don't… How do I know if I… if I love someone…?"

"Why are you asking me that shit? Do I look like a love guru to you?" Gokudera pushed the older male in an attempt to roll him off the bed, but the blond only reached out and wrapped his arms around the younger's waist to keep his place. "For fuck's sake… I've got to be the last person someone would come to me for love advice!"

"It's just…" Bel shook his head. "Squ-Squ and Xanxus… They don't… Squ loves Xanxus, but… Xanxus doesn't love him… And when I had a girlfriend in Italy, I… I don't think I loved her; I just… I think I only lusted for her… I don't know anyone else who's in love, but… when I look at you and Takeshi-kun, I… I get jealous… I want someone to love me like how Takeshi-kun loves Gokudera-kun… But I… I'm stuck because I… I don't… know… love…"

"But aren't you and Mukuro together?" Gokudera couldn't help but feel pity for the other; was Bel feeling so desperate to come to him for help?

"Mukuro says he's gonna dump me because I don't show him enough love and only want sex…" Bel wiped at his eyes. "I don't want him to dump me…"

"Do you love him or do you just want… that…?" Gokudera didn't even know why he was asking this question; all he knew was that he wasn't so much of an ass to ignore the older male like this.

"I don't know…!" Bel couldn't stop a few tears from trailing down his cheeks. "I mean… I-I love Squ… And I loved Mammon… B-but I… I don't… I don't know how to love anyone else…"

"What about your parents? Don't you love – o-oh…" Gokudera stopped himself; if Bel had been adopted, the blond probably didn't have a very nice childhood in the first place.

And just like that, Bel's depression morphed into rage that was almost frightening. "I hate them! I'm happy I got taken away!"

"Shit, I… I didn't mean to –"

"- Shut up! Just because you probably had good parents doesn't mean everyone does! Fuck you!" The vulnerability and depression Bel had displayed just moments ago had vanished, replaced instead by an anger Gokudera had never known the other to show. He stayed silent and watched as the other went back to his own bed, and it was then he realised; Bel had never known love until he had been adopted, but by then, it had been too late for him to learn how to reciprocate it and whatever had been done to him had impaired his social skills. He wasn't a brat just for the sake of it; the poor thing probably didn't know anything but the way he acted.

"Bel, I –"

"- Just because you have Takeshi-kun doesn't mean you can rub it in my face! Go away! I hate you!"

Gokudera felt terrible, and he hadn't even done anything wrong; Bel was just upset that he couldn't work through his own inner turmoil in order to express his emotions, but even so, it made the silver-haired male feel guilty. But why did he feel guilty? Because he had such a loving boyfriend willing to do anything for him while Bel was all alone without even a clue as to how he felt towards other people?

Wait a minute. Did Gokudera really just admit that his boyfriend adored him? It was often hard for him to come to terms with these kinds of things, and he wasn't sure he had ever actually realised just how lucky he was to have someone like Yamamoto until he had seen how desperate someone else was to have what he did.

"…You're not going to off yourself if I go back to my room, are you…?" Gokudera had no idea if the other had become suicidal or not; all he knew was that he was supposed to be watching the older male. Would his friends be finding a dead body if he left?

"Fuck off!" Bel pulled his blankets over him to hide beneath them. He didn't move when the other got up to leave the room; he just cried to himself like he always seemed to do these days.

Gokudera swallowed a thick lump in his throat as he closed the door behind him. He didn't hesitate to go back to his own room. As much as he had been looking forward to dinner earlier, he no longer felt hungry; instead, he felt sicker than he had been since getting on that damn boat.