Lucas had killed himself, Harry had narrowly avoided getting the sack and now Tariq was dead on the street.
Dimitri was in shock more than anything when Lucas went off the rails. The side of him that he had experienced was brave and brilliant and it seemed so unfair that he couldn't cope anymore. There was no doubt that Lucas had experienced some horrific events in his life and that death would have seemed like an attractive option, but the team would have helped him: he would have helped his friend. But maybe he didn't act quickly enough. That was a piece of guilt that Dimitri would never be able to push away.
It was different with Harry: the team was lost without him. Harry in his office with his frown was the one piece of glorious consistency that Dimitri had experienced on the Grid and the very notion of him being kicked out was impossible to fathom. Fortunately he had been allowed to stay, but next time he might not be so lucky. Dimitri quite liked his boss; obviously on a professional level but also on a personal one as Harry was clearly a decent guy who looked out for his team.
Then Tariq. Young, clever, honest. Picked, poisoned, perished.
One loss would lead to sleepless nights. Several in rapid succession robbed Dimitri of sleep almost completely, leaving him with the only option of drinking far too much coffee and slapping a smile on his face.
Dimitri knew it was a roll of the dice for who survived another day in this profession and he also knew that he was trained and ready to face whatever he might - but everyone around him kept getting chosen.
It wasn't fair.
He wasn't craving pain or death but would prefer to put himself at risk to ensure the safety of Erin, Calum, Ruth, Harry. He'd give his life in a second to protect any one of his colleagues, but the clock was ticking for all of them and Dimitri wondered which death would be next, and if it wasn't his own how badly it would affect him this time.
He was professional and approachable and an accepted member of the team, but he still felt that horrible wave of grief and guilt when an officer didn't make it home.
Despite experience, that feeling would never go away.