It had been frightening watching Yamamoto become so numb to life; the loss of his father had impacted far worse than any of his friends had first anticipated and they were scared; Yamamoto was no stranger to depression and attempted suicide, so what if it were only a matter of time before something happened?

Gokudera tried not to think about that and instead did his best to focus on being patient with his boyfriend, but it wasn't easy; it was actually incredibly stressful, and more times than he cared to count, he had found himself starting to lose his temper. He had always removed himself from Yamamoto when he knew he was ready to snap; the last thing he wanted was to upset the older male more than he already was.

Yamamoto hadn't been crying in the days that had passed; he was empty, unable to so much as shed a tear, let alone crack a smile. It seemed that all he did lately was sit at Gokudera's living room window and stare off to the distance. It was worrying to the silver-haired male, but what could he do? Nothing. He could only watch in turn as his boyfriend seemed to contemplate something, and part of Gokudera didn't want to know what it was; did he really want to know if the older male was planning on throwing himself off the nearest building like all that time ago…?

It was thoughts like that going through his mind that made Gokudera glad Yamamoto was staying with Squalo while the silver-haired male attended school; Gokudera didn't think he would be able to cope with the anxiety of not knowing what the taller male was doing if left unattended in their apartment; who knows if that's when the other would do something to himself when no one was there to stop him…

The walk to Squalo's new home wasn't long, but even so, it felt like it was taking forever since there was so much on Gokudera's mind. He wished Tsuna had come along with him to get Yamamoto, but the brunet had been forced to stay behind at school for detention, leaving him to his thoughts. He was relieved when he was finally able to turn the corner and find himself facing the three-storey building the others had recently moved into; as stressful as it was, it meant he was only so far from seeing for himself that Yamamoto was as okay as he could be after what had happened.

Gokudera took a deep breath as he turned and walked up the path leading to the front door. His hand shook as he rang the doorbell, and he couldn't help but shift anxiously on his feet as he waited for it to be opened. He greeted Lussuria politely when the man invited him inside, but he didn't stick around for a chat; he went straight to the living room where he knew Yamamoto would be as Squalo had already told him that the dark-haired teenager had hardly moved from the couch whenever he had stayed there.

As expected, Gokudera found his boyfriend on the couch, staring out of the glass doors leading to the backyard. He sat next to Yamamoto and put his hand on the taller male's knee. "Hey…"

Yamamoto took a few moments to drag his gaze away and focus on Gokudera instead. "…Hey…"

"Where's Squalo?"

Yamamoto's voice was too soft, and Gokudera hated hearing the emptiness in it. "He went out… Bel's playing outside with Jiro…"

The younger male frowned. "Why don't you go and play with them?"

Yamamoto closed his eyes as he whispered, "…I really don't want to get up…"

"…" Gokudera looked away. He wished he knew what to do, but the truth was, he felt as stuck as Yamamoto must be feeling. He had no idea what the right words to say were, and all he could do was say what was on his mind. "…So… The funeral's in an hour…"

"…"

"Are you… going to be okay for it…?"

Yamamoto shrugged. "…"

"Tenth… said he'll be there… He just got stuck at school."

The taller male didn't have a chance to reply; the doors to the backyard opened and both Bel and Jiro stepped back in. While Jiro went straight to his owner, Bel stopped directly in front of Gokudera and frowned. "That's my spot…"

"Shut up, Bel!" Gokudera couldn't stop himself from snapping at the blond; he was under too much stress and the other wasn't helping.

Bel's pout grew further, and he stomped his foot on the ground. "Why do you even care so much? Dads are horrible; better off not having them – you don't get hurt that way."

"You don't –" Though Gokudera was prepared to verbally rip Bel to shreds, he quickly shut his mouth when Yamamoto spoke with the most emotion he had used since his father's death.

"Just because you had bad parents doesn't mean everyone's are like that…" Yamamoto was quiet, and the bitterness was clear in his voice. "You mightn't have, but I loved my pop…"

Bel shrugged. "I don't believe that; all they do is hurt you."

"Not mine…" Something akin to anger boiled deep in Yamamoto's emotions. He clenched his hands as he muttered out, "My parents loved me…"

"You only think they did," Bel hissed. "You can tell me I'm wrong when you've been abused and neglected and raped like I have…"

Yamamoto lifted his head in order to tell Bel he couldn't have been more wrong, but he didn't have the chance to do so; there was a loud thud, and the sound of Bel falling to the hardwood floor came next. He couldn't feel too much for the blond; he felt far too empty for that. Instead he looked over the back of the couch when he heard the front door opening again, and part of him almost felt relieved that Squalo was back to keep Bel in line; he didn't want to deal with the older male anymore; he just wanted to be left alone to go attend his father's funeral and continue mourning.

"What the fuck are you brats doing?" Squalo put the brown paper bag he was carrying onto one of the decorative stands so he could hurry to his kid's side. He sighed when Bel immediately jumped up into his arms and nuzzled in close, knowing the younger was upset. He ghosted his fingers over the boy's swelling cheek before he said, "You brats fighting again?"

"He was being an asshole to Yamamoto!" Gokudera snapped. "He kept saying Yamamoto's dad didn't love him!"

"I'll deal with him…" Squalo muttered. He picked the blond up and held him close as he left the room, leaving Gokudera to look helplessly at his boyfriend.

"Hey…" Gokudera frowned. He reached out and put his hand on the older male's knee. He waited until Yamamoto was looking at him before he said, "He was wrong… There was nothing wrong with your dad…"

"I know." Yamamoto's voice was emotionless. He closed his eyes. "My dad wasn't like his…"

The silver-haired male nodded. "I know…"

And with that said, silence fell between the two as they made their way to Namimori's graveyard.

~~XX~~

Tsuna arrived just as the funeral was starting. He pushed his way through the crowds of people so he could get to where Yamamoto and Gokudera were standing by the side of the grave. He was worried; he had thought his friend would have shed at least one tear by now, but as usual, Yamamoto's face was blank.

"Yamamoto?" Tsuna put his hand on his friend's arm. "How are you?"

Yamamoto shook his head. His eyes were fixed on the coffin hoisted above the grave, and in that moment, all he could feel was the overwhelming sense of emptiness that left him wondering if what was happening was even real. Was he real? He couldn't be sure anymore; the grey skies heavy with rain above him and the cold wind that lashed at everyone could be some sort of hallucination; he could really be dead, too – people always say that ghosts don't know they're dead…

However, no matter how much Yamamoto was disassociating, the one thing that brought his emotions back to the surface was watching his father's coffin being lowered into the ground. For the first time since the man's death, the black-haired male was hit by emotion so hard and so suddenly, all he could do was drop to his knees and burst into tears as the reality of what had happened became overwhelming.

"Dad! Dad, no!" Yamamoto was unaware of the looks of pity some of the other attendees gave him; all he could do was sit there and scream for his father as his body shook with emotion that had been withheld for too long. "Dad! Don't leave me!"

Tsuna knelt by his friend's side and tried to get Yamamoto to look at him while Gokudera hugged his boyfriend tight, but no matter what they did, all the tallest male could manage was to continue crying out for his dad, and neither of the younger two had ever witnessed such a frightening and heartbreaking scene.

~~XX~~

It felt like forever before Yamamoto was able to stop crying, and Gokudera was scared; ever since they had gotten back to his – no, their – apartment, Yamamoto had stayed curled up in bed, hiccupping to himself as he stared out of the window at the heavy rain that had started falling upon them at the funeral.

Gokudera knew he had to do something, and as clueless as he was as to how he could help, he still managed to find himself standing by the bed as he looked down at Yamamoto and decided what to say.

"So…" Gokudera rubbed the back of his neck in uncertainty. He could feel his boyfriend's eyes on him, and even though it was a relief that the older male could at least acknowledge him again, it didn't hurt any less to still see how devoid of life Yamamoto's eyes were. "…I… I'm not good at this kind of thing… But, uh… Well… You probably already know this, too, but… You can stay here with me… As long as you need… We can… Well, live together… If you want…"

It was true Yamamoto was acting more normal than he had been since his breakdown at the funeral, but that didn't mean he still wasn't seemingly depressed; when he spoke, it was barely in a whisper. "What about Jiro…? He's… all I have left of my dad…"

Gokudera frowned. It was true he had been able to keep his cat at the apartment, but he knew only small dogs were allowed to be kept there, and Jiro was too big. He would happily talk to the landlords and see if they would allow him to bend the rules just that once, but he didn't have high hopes of it going well; the landlords didn't particularly like him as his rent was hardly ever on time and the silver-haired male was standoffish about it. "I can ask the landlord if he can stay, Yamamoto. And if he can't, I'm sure Squalo wouldn't mind keeping him for you; Tenth said that blond brat wants a dog anyway. He'd be safe there, I'm sure; they'll look after him."

Though it took a few seconds, a faint smile appeared on Yamamoto's face, and when he spoke, it was in a tone a tad lighter than it had been in what felt like an eternity. "Bel wants to keep Jiro…?"

"I think so, yeah."

Yamamoto's smile widened slightly. "Everyone likes Jiro."

The smaller male opened his mouth to reply, but he stopped when he felt warm fingers wrap around his wrist and pull him onto the bed. He was surprised when strong arms wrapped around him and held him close, but at the same time, he was relieved; did this mean Yamamoto was finally getting better? He certainly hoped so.

"If Gokudera doesn't mind, I want to stay with him." Yamamoto planted a soft kiss on his boyfriend's lips. "If we can't keep Jiro here, Bel can look after him for me; I don't want Jiro going to a stranger in case they don't look after him properly."

Gokudera nodded. He gave a smile before he said, "I'd really like it if you stayed with me, y'know…? It'll be good; just the two of us. And if you ever need me, I'll be there."

"I'd like that, too… Hayato…"

The younger male blushed at the use of his name. "I-idiot…"

Yamamoto gave a small chuckle, but as quickly as he had seemed to cheer up, he frowned. He hugged Gokudera tighter before he said, "I miss my pop…"

"I know… It never stops hurting, but… you eventually learn to live with it… Cry if you want…"

The taller male nodded. He didn't hide the few tears that were rolling down his cheek; he instead whispered, "I'm glad I have Hayato… I wouldn't know what to do otherwise… I love you…"

"I love you, too… I'm here for you… Takeshi…"

Another faint smile crossed Yamamoto's face. He ghosted his lips over his boyfriend's before he whispered, "I'm going to try and get some sleep… See you in the morning…"

"Yeah… Night…"

"Goodnight…"

Yamamoto watched his boyfriend leave the bedroom, but he didn't mind; he knew the younger always stayed up late, unlike him. He curled up beneath the blankets once the light had been switched off, and he directed his gaze to the window once more. It was true he was still feeling horrible inside, but it wasn't as bad now; he didn't feel quite so empty, even if the urge to burst into tears was still strong as he struggled to change his train of thought from his father.

But even though Yamamoto was still so heartbroken over his loss, for the first time since his devastation had impacted on him, he slept through the night with only minor nightmares, and when he awoke the next morning, he knew he had Gokudera to thank for that.

In a way, Yamamoto knew Gokudera had saved his life, and he wondered if he would ever be able to repay his boyfriend for it.