The Reveal
The Chippendale substitutes were already assembled when Carol and Uhura entered Kirk's quarters.
"Ladies. Can I get you something to -"
Carol cut the Captain off, raising a sea of red from Scotty's shirt to his receding ginger hairline.
"You can answer a few questions first, Jim -" Carol started.
"- like what you know and when you knew it." Uhura finished.
"Spock, seeing as one of these two belongs to you - "
"Belongs?" Uhura shot across Kirk's bow out of her attitude cannon.
"Yeah," Kirk grinned back unselfconsciously, "isn't that what all that bonding language is about?"
"Jim Kirk, I will ki-"
"Nyota," Spock interceded, "if you will allow me, I will answer your questions."
"This better be good or you'll 'belong' on the captain's couch for the next week."
"Your communications console has been modified -"
"I knew it! Which one of you -"
"- to ensure the smooth functioning of the ship. There have been some unexpected outcomes from the calendar project."
"Unexpected?" Carol prompted, still staring at Scotty like she would a malfunctioning plutonium detonator.
"Aye, lass. You have to understand - we only got the calendar proofs 36 standard hours ago. By the time we saw them and got together to discuss - "
"You mean fight about -" McCoy corrected with a most disturbing smile and a huge sip of bourbon.
"Shut yer gob, man! Alright - to fight about the options we missed the editor's deadline..."
In the intervening silence, the professional diplomat in Uhura analyzed the outcome of that mistake:
= Kirk seemed pleased which meant he liked his own results and those of his officers. Jim cared too much about his crew to agree to a product that showcased his own image at the expense of his colleagues and friends. That told Uhura Jim believed they had a winner.
= Scotty hated the results so badly he'd resorted to Gaelic profanity to express his distaste. The looks passing between Carol and Scotty coalesced into a hypothesis that Scotty deathly feared Carol's response to the calendar. The photos scared the stiff out of Scotty last night with Carol wearing lingerie beside him. And Scotty wasn't drinking... anything.
= Sulu could be as hard to read as Spock. Right now, Sulu checked out his brothers-in-calendar with an inscrutable look. Having worked with Hikaru and her mother during the numerous calls to get the legal language worked out, Uhura took his almost smug look for confidence that the calendar would generate revenue to the levels they'd projected.
= Spock's inscrutable look had all the earmarks of a man trying to maintain control before walking the plank. Anyone who believed Vulcans didn't panic didn't know any living Vulcans. If Spock shielded any tighter, he'd create a singularity in his own brain case and both working brain cells would get sucked into the black hole. Testing the nature of his concern, Uhura slowly squeezed their bond link closed and got her answer: Spock feared she'd divorce him when she saw the calendar.
= McCoy sat back comfortably, with one leg crossed over the other and three bottles of Jim's best bourbon on the table. No calendar concerns could unhinge him in the next four hours.
"Let's show it to the ladies. Come over here -" Jim offered, always the gentleman.
The captain vacated one of the two chairs facing his comm terminal display and stepped behind to await the ladies' assessment of the product.